THE LONG LONG TRAIL BACK HOME
I never liked this episode and I really didn't like Sarah Drew. She was manipulative and scheming and a spoiled brat. Matt was portrayed as naïve and gullible. So this is my ATC to this episode. THANKS SingerMe for the suggestion that started this story.
It was a heavy hearted and soul weary Matt Dillon that rode into Dodge City very early in the morning, having pushed his horse to get home.
Home, maybe there was some respite there. A man who liked to control things had felt out of control on the trail. He was also angry with himself for allowing them to get in the position they had found themselves.
As he neared the Long Branch there was no welcoming light in the window of Kitty's room; their room. He doubted that she was still at the Kelker farm visiting Thad. He was also sure if she were back Chester had told her where he went. She would not be happy especially since she had tried to convince him to go with her for a few days away.
He could blame himself forever for having created the situation in which he found himself. All he really wanted was a shave, a bath and a good night's sleep. Where to get it was the problem. If he went to the office and woke up Chester there would be all kinds of questions he was not ready to answer. The Long Branch was out until he found out how much Kitty knew. He would just have to go to his private room.
The morning found him at Delmonico's having a late breakfast. He had shaved and knew his eyes were red from lack of sleep. The word he was back must have spread because Chester came hurrying through the door.
"Mister Dillon, Mr. Dillon, when did ya get back?" he wanted to know.
"Late last night or early this morning." The Marshal said wearily.
With a big grin on his face he said, "Ya shoulda waked me up."
"All I wanted was a good night's sleep." Matt admitted.
"What happened to your shoulder?" His assistant wanted to know."
Matt didn't want to talk about it but he knew Doc had to look at it. "I had an accident."
"Well you did get Miss Sarah to Fort Wallace didn't you?" He inquired.
There it was the question he had been dreading. Taking a deep breath the law man revealed. "No Chester she was killed during the accident."
"Well forever more. That is terrible. She was such a pretty little thing. I think she had a thing for you Mr. Dillon. I heard she was askin a whole lotta questions about ya."
This was more painful than he had imagined. "You know Chester it wasn't a very pleasant time. I really need Doc to look at this shoulder."
"Ya do that Mister Dillon, and I am sure sorry about Miss Sarah."
"I am too." The Marshal said sadly.
"When ya are rested a little and have seen Doc ya need ta see Miss Kitty. She was real worried about ya when she got back and ya was gone."
'What did you tell her Chester?" Matt asked impatiently.
"Well me an Doc tole her about Miss Sarah an how she wanted ta go ta Fort Wallace an you tole her no. Then you headed out of town an Miss Sarah got a wagon and she tole Mr. Jonas and Moss you was a takin her anyway."
Trying not to seem angry the Marshal said, "Did you tell her anything else?"
Chester thought for a moment. "Nothin but that she was a pretty little thing and real helpess like, oh an she was goin there ta get married."
Trying to not seem too interested he asked, "Did Miss Kitty say anything about that?"
"As I'm recalectin she was real busy and went back into her office." Chester remarked.
The Marshal knew this was not a good sign and he needed to go see Doc about his shoulder and see if he mentioned anything about Kitty. Leaving Chester eating again he headed to the medic's office.
Doc looked up as he came through the door. "What happened to you and when did you get back?"
He responded, "Early this morning and I got shot by an arrow."
"How in tarnation did that happen?" Doc inquired.
"We ran into some renegades and they shot me." Matt admitted.
Doc began opening his shirt to examine the wound. "What were you thinking going to Fort Wallace with that woman? Why didn't you turn around and bring her back to Dodge?"
Matt tried to explain. "She was going with or without me, Doc."
The doctor sighed, "She overpowered you? What was going on with you two? You do realize Mr. Marshal, this would not have happened if a pretty face hadn't made you lose your reason. Also you were taking her to marry another man."
"She never got there Doc she was killed saving my life."
"I'm sorry to hear that but don't you see she created this mess by manipulating you?"
The law man got angry. "She didn't manipulate me!"
"I think you doth protest too much. Of course she did and this may be the least of your problems. How are you going to explain this to Kitty?"
"This has nothing to do with Kitty."
"Oh really?" Doc remarked. "Then it doesn't matter that people all over town told her how enamored you were of Miss Drew."
Now Matt was really angry. "I was not enamored with her!"
"I hope you can convince Kitty of that she is very hurt and disappointed."
Doc told him.
"I told you this has nothing to do with Kitty!"
The doctor scrubbed his finger across his moustache and shook his head. "Oh it doesn't eh you big overgrown public servant are you telling me you have no feelings for her? That you don't have a relationship with her?"
Feeling angry, frustrated, and guilty at Doc words he came back with, "She doesn't own me!"
"Well for your information Marshal she has never acted like she did. However if you hurt her by Golly you'll answer to me. Just what did you plan to do with Miss Drew once she got her claws into you? Were you going to marry her? You can be sure she wouldn't have put up with what Kitty has from you."
"It wasn't like that Doc." He reiterated.
Doc looked at him in amazement. "I think you better talk to Moss and Jonas because she sure gave them the impression she had you just where she wanted you. In fact a number of people who had speculated about you and Kitty were betting you would bring Miss Drew back here as your bride. They haven't made any bones about saying so in the Long Branch."
The lawman thought he couldn't feel any worse but his feelings were so mixed up now. He wouldn't admit it to Doc but his words hit home. "I have told you many times I am not getting involved in any permanent relationships."
"Then mister you better make that very clear to every woman that crosses your path. Then stay away from Kitty so she can find someone in her life that will treat her right." Doc groused.
"Well Doctor, I think that makes a lot of sense. I'll make that very clear to Kitty if…."
"Yeah if she will even talk to you."
Cutting off his nose to spite his face and trying to convince himself he really meant it he said, "You'll see I'll set everyone straight."
Doc knew that was as likely as him growing as tall as the Marshal but said, "Well good for you young fella. Now I've cleaned and re-bandaged that shoulder. Come back tomorrow and I'll make sure it is healing alright."
Trying to remain civil he said, "Thanks Doc."
Heading to the barbershop for a haircut and a bath he walked quickly past the Long Branch not ready to see Kitty yet. Maybe by this evening when everyone and everything will have cooled off.
Chester had pestered him all day and all through dinner about going to the Long Branch and he couldn't think of a logical reason not to go after being away so long. Looking through the batwing doors he was glad to see it was busy and he didn't see Kitty anywhere.
When he stepped through the doors with Chester right behind him quite a few came up to greet him. Doc was sitting at a table in the back and motioned for them to join him. There was quite a stir when Kitty came down the stairs wearing a new sea green silk, off the shoulder, low cut dress, edged in black lace.
Quite a few men whistled and several did their best to get her attention. She was friendly and polite and fended the advances off calmly. She took the law man's breath away and he wondered why any man would want any woman but her.
She walked to the bar not seeing the trio sitting in the back. The bartender whispered in her ear and she turned and stared at them. Chester oblivious to what was happening jumped up to escort her over.
Doc leaned over and said to the Marshal, "Prepare yourself for the cold shoulder."
"I didn't do anything wrong doctor." Matt protested.
They couldn't say anymore but the Marshal realized she made no effort to sit next to him. Doc started the conversation by saying, "You sure look pretty tonight young lady. Don't you think so Matt?"
Backed into a corner Dillon said, "I sure do." If looks could kill he would be dead right then.
The silence was becoming deafening when Matt finally asked, "How was Thad?"
"Fine" she said.
Doc wiped his finger across his moustache and hid his mouth so no one would see his grin. "He must be growing like a weed Kitty."
The redhead turned to the doctor and placed her hand on his arm. "Oh Doc you wouldn't recognize him he has gotten so tall. Maddie said he is taking to farm life like he has lived there all his life."
"I think them coming to get him was the best thing. When is the adoption legal? Doc wanted to know.
"It is done, Judge Brooker rushed it through. That is why I went out there they were celebrating him becoming their son."
Matt remarked, "Changing his last name will be a good thing too."
She glared at him, "I suppose."
Chester looked at both of them. He knew something seemed wrong but he couldn't put his finger on it. "Well we sure are glad when you get back Miss Kitty. It isn't the same when you are gone."
"Really," Kitty said skeptically. "I would say maybe SOME people missed me but others have so much on their minds they could care less."
The Marshal had all he could take at that time and got up saying he had to do rounds. He looked right at her and said, "I'll see you later Kitty."
Looking at him for the first time that evening she pronounced, Don't count on it!"
Chester started to say something but Doc poked him in the ribs. Instead the physician called for more drinks and said, "I'm buying."
Kitty started to get up but he caught her arm and told her, "Don't take this out on us."
Her voice was weary. "Sorry Doc, I'm just on edge tonight."
"Air ya feeling poorly Miss Kitty?" There was concern in Chester's voice.
Doc jumped in before she could answer, "She's sick of all your questions."
"Now Doc ah dint say nothin bad to her." He protested.
"If you open your mouth that bothers a lot of people." Doc retorted.
"Jus because ya have an education don't give you no right to judge others. Judge not lest ye be judged."
"Not having an education is no excuse for being impolite." The doctor said pulling his ear.
"Well I never." Chester snapped. "Ah always try ta be polite compared ta some people ah know."
Kitty stood up and told them, "gentlemen I am going upstairs I have a headache."
"See what you did now you made Kitty sick." Doc countered.
"Ah did no sucha thing," Chester was adamant.
As she made her way to her room they were still arguing. She had to smile to herself knowing part of the reason Doc started the argument was to get the attention off her and Matt. Matt, how was she going to handle that?
She had been furious when she got home and realized he had gone off with some great looking female even after he said he wouldn't or couldn't go with her. Then so many of the gracious townspeople didn't hesitate to tell her they thought the Marshal had really fallen for this woman.
Even Doc and Chester said how attractive she was. So many citizens told her how he had taken her to dinner in his courting jacket. How he helped her to learn to shoot. That she was seen leaving his office all the time. Moss and Jonas couldn't say enough about her and how she intimated she had him wrapped right around her little finger.
Doc had informed her this Sarah Drew had died saving Matt's life and this could make him feel even closer to her. The questions were: how should she handle this and how would this impact their relationship if there even was one anymore?
She lay down and put a cold cloth over her eyes and fell asleep. She was awakened by the Marshal standing over her his hat in his hand. "I thought about throwing my hat in first but there was no answer to my knock."
She sat up and asked, "what do you want Matt?"
He tried to take her hand but she pulled it away. "I don't know that we have anything to say to each other."
Getting frustrated he begged, "Will you just hear me out?"
Sighing Kitty explained. "I'm not sure there is anything you can say right now because I'm not sure how I feel about what I'm being told."
"Don't you think you should hear my version?" He tried to be reasonable.
"As I recall Mr. Dillon I asked you to go with me for a few days and oh no you had to stay in town. However when a little piece of Boston fluff came calling you tripped all over yourself to help her."
Rubbing his hand through his hair he said, "It wasn't like that."
Looking at him skeptically she inquired, "Isn't it true you helped her learn to shoot? Didn't you go to dinner with her and wear your courting jacket? Weren't you adamant that you wouldn't take her to Fort Wallace but she schemed her way into your affections so you couldn't bear to let her go alone?
"It wasn't all like that." He protested.
"Well suppose you tell me just how it was Marshal." Kitty moved across the room from him.
Standing there looking awkward he began. "She came to the office trying to find a way to get to Fort Wallace because her fiancé was there. Chester and I told her it was too dangerous. She tried to get one of us to take her but we said no."
"Go on," Kitty said between clenched teeth."
Well Chester saw her outside trying to shoot a gun and having a terrible time. She was determined to learn. So I wanted her to learn the right way."
"Of course you did! Kitty exclaimed.
"Now wait a minute Kitty, she was helpless."
"Like a cobra," she asserted. "I suppose that's why you had to take her to dinner all dressed up and very cozy from what I hear."
"She invited me to dinner and she was all dressed up so I dressed up too. It didn't mean anything."
"Of course not," Kitty said sarcastically. "Just as you always dress up for me when we go for a meal."
He ducked his head. "All I can hope is you believe I wore the jacket for no particular reason. As far as going with her I found her sitting in a wagon on the road on her way to Fort Wallace. What could I do it was too dangerous for her to be alone."
Trying to keep her temper she said firmly, "You could have turned her around and brought her back to Dodge. You could have let her go on her own if she was so determined."
"You are right I could have done all those things and she would be alive today. I have to live with the thought she saved my life by losing hers." He admitted.
"Matthew Dillon, I don't think you have a lick of sense. You wouldn't have gotten an arrow in your shoulder and she would not have had to save your life if you had brought her back to Dodge."
Looking like whipped dog he confessed, "You are right, you are right."
"Now to the real crux of the matter were you or are you in love with her?"
Kitty asked with trepidation in her voice.
He dropped down on the settee next to her and this time she let him take her hand as he confessed. ,
"Do you want the truth?" He inquired.
"No, lie to me," Kitty said sarcastically.
Trying to put off an answer as long as possible he commented, "This doesn't sound like you at all Kit."
"Really," her tone was mocking. "Just how am I supposed to sound after arriving back in town to pitying glances, whispers, and the malicious gossip about you and the lovely Miss Sarah Drew?"
Matt licked his lips before remarking. "You know Kitty we never needed explanations for things we have done. We know how things are between us."
She pulled her hand away from his, stood up, put her hand on her hips and told him in no uncertain terms. "Not this time buster. Do you really think she would have been agreeable to the type of arrangement we have. From what I hear there was little chance of that. No man will be in my bed while he is thinking of another woman! I don't deserve that.
He felt like an absolute heel. "No you don't deserve that Kitty."
Then he said the words she had feared. "Maybe we shouldn't see each other for a while until we can sort our feelings out."
"So in other words it's over." Kitty said trying not to cry.
The law man got up and came and put his hands on her shoulders, "That is not what I meant at all. I just need some time to sort things out in my mind."
"Well I would say if you don't know how you feel about us that says it all Mr. Dillon."
"Kitty listen to me I am having trouble processing all the things that happened, and it was a lot. You know I am not the most eloquent man."
She turned her back to him as she said. "Is that fact?"
"Please just give me a little time," he pleaded.
Reluctantly, she agreed. The Marshal took a deep breath and looked at her looking so small and vulnerable. "I promise we will talk this over again."
Half-heartedly she whispered. "Alright."
He started to leave and looked back at her and noticed her shoulders were shaking. Moving back to her he asked with trepidation, "Are you okay Kitty?"
She lifted her face to his so he sawthe tears shimmering in her eyes and said with conviction, "Hell no, I'm not alright!"
In all the time he had known her he never expected that answer and he wasn't sure how to reply so she helped him on his way. "Just get out of here Marshal Dillon. When you can talk openly and honestly you come and see me."
It was a greatly chastened and sad Marshal of Dodge City Kansas who left that room. In her room the proprietor of the Long Branch Saloon gave into her tears and the misery that was tearing her apart.
Doc tried to intervene as the week wore on and there was no reconciliation between the two parties. Besides calling that big public servant a DANG fool he also reminded him to consider what it would be like if he no longer had Kitty in his life. He reminded him how he was so closed off until she had wormed her way into his heart.
"You two have a history and have built a solid relationship. You are human Matt and can feel an attraction to other women but think how a relationship with Miss Drew would have been the way she manipulated you."
Matt had to admit Doc had a point but he wasn't going to acknowledge it. However it was a conversation with Chester while they were sitting on the boardwalk in front of the office that changed everything. They noticed Kitty going into the dressmaker's with one of her new girls.
Chester began by saying, "Ya know Mr. Dillon, Miss Kitty sure is a carin person. Wah when she gits a new girl she takes her a shoppin fer the right clothes. She even asted me about Sarah Drew and what kinda person she was."
Very interested now Matt asked, "What did you say?"
"Ah had ta be as truthful as ah could ya know. Ah tol her Miss Sarah was a little woman, very very pretty, an had beautiful clothes like Miss Kitty. That she came from Boston, a big city, like where Miss Kitty was born. I explained ah think folks from back East think they knows what it's like here but don understand atoll."
"That's all true Chester," he observed. "Did you say anything else?"
"Whal ah told ya ah had ta be truthful. So ah said we all liked her in the beginning. Yet she could be snippy iffin she dint git her own way. Ah dint like how she yelled at ya Mr. Dillon. Anyways ah tol Miss Kitty, ya wouldn't let anyone go into danger iffin ya could help it."
Being curious the Marshal inquired, "Did Miss Kitty ask anything else?"
"Ya know Mr. Dillon she is sad when anyone dies. She said she had to admit iffin ya was goin ta make that trip you were the best person ta go with. Also she hoped ya weren't too hurt by everythin that happened. There is no one like Miss Kitty she takes care of everone. Ah wonder who takes care a her?"
'Who indeed?' The big man wondered? She was one of a kind and amazingly she had chosen him for her special care and to love. Why would he trade that for any one? Also he had never found anyone he could open his heart and soul to without fear of it being trampled.
He squeezed Chester's shoulder and told his assistant, ""You deserve a raise."
Looking confused but with a big grin on his face Chester said, "Well ah swan."
Matt hurried to the Long Branch. Kitty was at a back table working on the books. He walked up to her made a little bow and asked, "Miss Kitty could I have the honor of escorting you to dinner tonight? It will be formal."
She looked up at him with startled eyes and stammered, "Well…ah…I….wou…would..baaee…delighted."
"Good I'll see you at seven." Then he walked away leaving Kitty with her mouth hanging open.
They each took particular care getting ready that night. Kitty wore a cooper colored silk dress with a champagne colored lace overskirt that had v-neckline edged in the same lace. There were pearls at her throat and in her ears. Matt wore black pants, a crisp new white shirt to go with his new black string tie and of course his courting jacket. People turned to watch them as they walked to Delmonico's.
He pulled out her chair and gently stroked her arm as he moved over to his seat. "I took the liberty of asking the cook to make us a special meal. He began. "I hope you would like some soup first, then their best steak and potatoes with gravy. For dessert they are serving us peach cobbler.
I also warned Chester he better not interrupt us unless war breaks out.
Kitty had to smile at this last remark because Chester's timing was off to say the very least. She leaned forward and asked. "What has brought all this fancy evening on Matt?
He looked at her and smiled and his eyes crinkled at the edges the way she loved. "I thought you deserved something special."
"Trying to soften me up Marshal?" She inquired.
"Not in the way you may think although I really need to talk to you tonight. I thought maybe after dinner we could take a buggy down to river in the moonlight. Something has happened I would like to share with you." He looked hopeful.
"Alright Matt," She agreed.
During their meal Kitty realized some of the tension she had felt around him had abated somewhat. He held her hand, a big departure for him, as they walked down to Moss' for the buggy.
He put his arm around her as they rode along and she let him. When they came to a clearing by the river he pulled in the buggy. He helped her down, grabbed a blanket from the back, and laid it near the sparkling water. All he wanted to do was pull her into his arms but it was too soon.
Leaning back Kitty sighed, "I love the sounds of the river,"
"It is soothing," he acknowledged. "That's why I brought you here. I want you to know what I have been thinking about."
She looked into those blue eyes and said, "I'm listening Matt."
Well at least she is not yelling at me he thought as he began. He spoke softly. "I am not perfect Kit, and my mind has been going around in circles. I have tried to be as honest as I can with myself and you."
She began to speak but he held up his hands. "Please just listen."
"You know I fought my feelings for you for a long time. I ask a lot of you saying we couldn't have a permanent relationship. You took me as I am. When I came back I was confused and angry. I thought you had no right to seem mad at me and jealous but I was wrong."
There were tears burning at the back of her eyes. Here was her big strong Cowboy opening his heart to her. She put a hand on his arm, "Matt I was angry and confused too."
"I know honey. You know I have a hard time expressing myself but I know this time I have to say this. We started as friends and that feeling has become so much more. I'm not going to fight it anymore. You listen to me, you comfort me, you have made me feel things I have never felt before and I share things I thought I could speak about. When I come back into town the first thing I look for is your light in the window. It is my beacon in the night."
Now tears were running down her face and her voice was choked with emotion. "That was beautiful but can I ask what brought about this epiphany?"
He stroked her cheek and wiped away her tears, "It was something you and Chester said."
She wrinkled her forehead. "Chester and I?"
"Yes, Chester saw her taking a new girl shopping and mentioned how good you are to everyone and he wondered who took care of you." Matt explained. "I suddenly saw how well you have taken care of me no matter what mood I'm in. Despite my shortcomings or even when we fight you still love me. It isn't a convenient kind of love it is forever."
"Alright, but what did I say that helped you decide what you want?"
"You asked me if Sarah would have put up with what you have all these years. I had to say honestly no. She wanted what she wanted at the moment and would have hated any independence I showed. I have everything I could want or ever need in one beautiful redhead. So I said to myself Dillon don't be a danged fool."
Kitty laughed, "That sounds more like Doc."
Matt ducked his head and admitted, "I guess I have heard those words from Doc."
"He is a wise old man who loves us both very much."
Matt agreed. He took hold of her shoulders, pulled her toward him, kissed her tenderly and asked, "So have I lost you Kathleen? Can we find our way back? Are you ready to let this imperfect man try to love you perfectly?
Sliding her arms around his neck, "Only if you are prepared to have me in your life for the rest of our lives."
He smiled at her, "It will never be dull. It can be dangerous, and you will still get angry at me sometimes."
Kitty sighed, "Well I guess I'll have to adjust to women throwing themselves at you. I'll have to realize you will continue to be taken in by a pretty face. Yet you are the most decent, honest, caring man I've ever known. I love you Matthew Dillon and I'm not getting over that any time soon. So for better or worse I would say we are stuck with each other.
Laying her back on the blanket he said solemnly, "It has been in sickness and health too, for richer and poorer, and I promise forsaking all others it is you and me until the end of our lives."
Pulling him down to her she whispered in his ear. "I DO."
I want to thank everyone for the wonderful reviews of my stories on FF. I appreciate the reviewer who pointed out I spelled Louie's last name incorrectly. I further want to state I have an extensive journalism background and therefore always try to use correct grammatical form. The problem occurs when I submit my stories and when they are posted. The quotation marks, commas etc. are missing. I have tried correcting this in several ways. The only other alternative is not to submit the stories I work very hard to prepare. I welcome any and all suggestions to correct this problem. Thanks so much.