A/n: Disclaimer: I don't own Chazz or any of the characters named in this but the OC. The song belongs to Wind up Records. Which if you didn't know the song is by Evanecense
Enjoy!
I've been friends with you for 8 years yet you never pay attention to anything I say or do. But I am always there when you want someone to talk to. I am always there when you want to vent. But I can't believe what comes out of your mouth went you vent. You keep telling me something I never wanted to hear out of your mouth. You love someone else.
How many times have you told me you love her
As many times as I've wanted to tell you the truth
How long have I stood here beside you
I live through you
You looked through me
Ooh, Solitude,
Still with me is only you
Ooh, Solitude,
I can't stay away from you
Yet I can't ever tell you how I feel, I'm always alone with no one to talk to when you try to get her attention. I can't help but feel jealous of that girl. She isn't ever going to see the real you. She only see's what she wants to see. But here I stand listening to you talk about her yet again.
"Linna I can't believe she hasn't noticed me yet…What does that Stupid Jaden has that I don't?" You said pissed
"Nothing that I've seen. But do you really think she is everything you really want in a girl?" I asked hoping that you will notice I'm trying to get your attention yet again.
"Yes, I love her Linna. She means everything to me. But maybe she doesn't come anywhere near me because of you!" He said facing me pointing a finger at me.
"If that's what you think then fine. We are no longer friends; I'll do whatever you want just to make you happy Chazz." I said getting up from my seat.
How many times have I done this to myself
How long will it take before I see
When will this hole in my heart be mended
Who now is left alone but me
Ooh, Solitude,
Forever me and forever you
Ooh, Solitude,
Only you, only true
I left you that day till Valentine's Day. Then you went off to get Alexis again, I watched you from afar and see you fail every time. When you weren't looking I placed a note on your apartment door. Then I left quickly not wanting you to catch me. Once I hid I saw you go towards your room. You picked up my note and you read it. You looked around for me or whoever you were looking for and you looked saddened.
I went on to the roof and over heard you in your apartment. I heard you crying, I wondered why but then again you deserved it. You pushed away the only girl who would ever love you for who you are.
Everyone leaves me stranded
Forgotten, abandoned, left behind
I can't stay here another night
your secret admirer
who could it be
Ooh, Can't you see
All along it was me
how can you be so blind
as to see right through me
Five weeks later it was my 18th birthday and you and I still never spoke a word. I wasn't really feeling well so I just stayed in my room away from everyone else. It was like you hadn't given up on that girl…Till she told you she never would like you. Then you knew how I felt but you still never did anything to patch things up with me. Till that day you knocked on my door walking right into my room. Seeing me in the bad state that I am in. I turned so my back was to you because of how you made me feel. I wasn't ever going to forgive you for ending the only friendship I had at the school.
You came towards me placing your softly hand on my bare shoulder as you sat on the edge of my bed.
"I'm sorry for how I treated you Linna….can you ever forgive me?" You said sadly
"Why should I? You were my only friend here Chazz." I said coldly before I coughed
"I….I didn't know that…But I'm really sorry. I never wanted you to leave my side…I was so blind. It wasn't till I talked with Jaden that I understood why I felt such regret when you agreed to not be friends anymore and stuck by that." you said sadly
"You understand? Understand what? That you are a complete idiot!" I said pissed
"Yes that…and the fact that you were the one who wrote that love note to me and placed it on my door. Plus always answering my questions when I talked about…her." You said as you made me look at you.
You finally saw me crying, being weak as you placed it. You were friends with me because you thought that I was a strong girl and I shared you hate for Jaden…But the truth is…I only did those thing to get close to you. But like you even cared.
I wanted to speak again but you wouldn't let me.
And Ooh, Solitude,
Still with me is only you
Ooh, Solitude,
I can't stay away from you
Ooh, Solitude,
Forever me and forever you
Ooh, Solitude,
Only you, only true
You kissed me passionately as you held my hands as you pinned me to the bed. I closed my eyes and deepened the kiss with a slight smile. Now you are more than forgiven Chazz. You've given me the one thing I've always wanted….To be with you. But it didn't last. Before you could ask me out the following day Alexis accepted being your girlfriend and that was the day I killed myself. I couldn't live with the pain of you being with someone else. So to kill the pain I did the one thing I knew would work the most.
Now I look over you crying over my grave as that girl plans to tear your heart apart by looking over to Zane. I hope sooner or later you will look beyond your damn eyes to see what you actually lost. You didn't just lose a friend, but you lost a Lover, and the only person you could ever talk to about anything. I guess I was meant to live in Solitude.