Prologue

5 hours ago.

The mirror...

Steve couldn't help but feel that his reflection was watching him.

He stepped closer, staring back into his own eyes and— There it was!

His mouth was moving on its own volition.

"Hail Hydra."

Chapter 1

When Bucky came out of the shower dressed in nothing but a fluffy white Stark towel with the Avengers logo on it, he hadn't expected Steve to be there. Or anywhere near the tower for that matter.

It was late and they had gotten into a pretty intense fight a few hours earlier that ended with Steve storming out of their shared apartment like the stuck up jackass he was. Bucky had expected him to spend the night at Sam's house sulking.

Objectively, he knew that he was in the wrong but that didn't help Bucky get over his own ego and admit it. No fucking way.

He entered the dimly lit kitchen where Steve was going through the drawers, frantically looking for something. Considering the urgency with which he was rattling the cabinets he'd probably lost his marbles, too. Good luck with that search.

"Oh, you're here. What a surprise." It came out just as malicious as he'd hoped.

Steve flinched and turned around. His eyes were wide, watching Bucky like a deer in the headlights. It was the same guilty expression he used to have back in the day when Mrs Rogers (may God rest her soul) caught him with his filthy hands in the cookie jar.

Seeing Steve panic at the sight of him like that shouldn't make Bucky feel mollified but it did. He was still mad, damn it.

"Is it? A surprise, I mean?" Steve laughed nervously, rubbing his neck. The unconscious gesture was one of his oldest tells.

"Kinda. Yeah. What are you looking for?"

"Nothing. Just... I had a surprise for you and I can't find it now."

All the anger drained out of Bucky at once. Steve had gotten him a present, trying to be nice and he'd ruined everything by being a complete asshole because of his petty jealousy.

Bucky's confused feelings for his best friend (ok, more like a well-nurtured life-long crush) were not Steve's problem and he had no right to put that on him.

At first, Bucky had been worried that it was a byproduct of his recovery or an echo of some kind of forgotten trauma. Feeling so safe here at Avengers tower and in Steve's apartment could have resulted in his stupid brain making shit up to fit the narrative.

Perhaps spending movie nights with his head rested on Steve's shoulder or in his lap had crossed a few wires, too. It was truly marvelous to be so close to his best friend in the dark while the screen flickered, to watch the soft light illuminate his features and feel the warmth of the body next to him…

Maybe he was just touch starved.

Steve liked to play with his hair, too, when they were alone and he had a girlfriend after all.

Well, until now at least.

He never touched Bucky like that with the rest of the Avengers present and used to spend his time with Sharon away from the tower but that was just because Steve was a privat person. He didn't like to show public affection towards anyone.

It didn't have to mean anything. Bucky was overthinking things.

Maybe he wasn't queer at all.

What he needed was a second opinion but it took him a long time to find the courage to actually do something about that. Confronting his sexuality after all this time with the risk of discovering some sort of hidden sexual trauma that he might have repressed during his time in Hydra captivity on top (because not remembering didn't prove shit yet and Bucky felt sick just considering the possibility) was a big step. He was too afraid to share the secret with anyone at first.

To look at men the same way he was looking at Steve, or even think about it, had been a dangerous gamble in the past. Bucky remembered that clearly, but a small irrational part of him still refused to accept that they had made it to a time where their love wouldn't be against the law anymore for nothing.

Technically, Bucky wasn't admitting to anything illegal by sharing his thoughts. Even gay marriage was widely accepted now but that didn't mean everyone was in favor of the whole thing. Fortunately for him, when he tentatively told his therapist about his feelings she turned out to be very supportive and they rediscovered the specific memories together.

There was no doubt about it. He was a total goner for Steve Rogers, always had been, and 70 years of brainwashing and torture hadn't changed a thing.

Only by sheer luck, Steve had no clue about any of it yet and Bucky was gonna make sure to keep it that way. Anything else would mean getting his stupid heart broken in a million little pieces and on top of that, it would make living together awkward as hell.

"Listen, I'm sorry about earlier. I had no idea you broke up with Sharon. I just— I didn't know you were seeing her today and we used to tell each other everything. I get that we're not the same people anymore but I don't like keeping secrets, ok?"

He gave Steve a pleading look."Please? Can we just pretend I didn't say anything?"

"You got it."

Bucky sighed relieved. Sometimes, things could be easy between them.

"Can I help you look for it at least?"

Steve laughed. "You could but if you found it first, I'd have to kill you."

"Haha. Very funny, pal."

Steve smiled back but it looked a little weary, not quite reaching his eyes.

Bucky walked over to him, leveling his gaze and squeezing his shoulders in support. "I know I'm a dick sometimes but I want to be there for you when you need me, alright?"

Steve nodded, then his face took on the strangest expression.

His gaze wandered slowly from Bucky's left hand to his upper arm and on to his face, lingering on his lips, then to his hair that was still a little wet and dripping from the shower. Bucky was stunned.

Steve went on to stare at his neck and chest intently, tracking the droplets of water run further down his body with laser focus. Bucky became acutely aware of his state of undress. He was butt-naked under the towel...

"Uhm... Stevie?"His face heat up with the question.

"Yes? Bucky?" Steve pronounced his name like he was mocking him.

"What are you doing?" Bucky's voice was faint and definitely a few octaves too high but Steve didn't seem to notice.

He was still busy ogling his chest and stomach like he was seeing Bucky topless for the first time.

"What does it look like?" Steve asked without looking up.

"You're staring."

"Yes. It would seem that way to you."

Bucky swallowed nervously. "So, you're not?"

"Oh, I'm definitely staring. I just haven't decided what I'm gonna do about it yet."

Steve's gaze dropped even lower. His eyes locked onto Bucky's intimate area. He felt the intensity of it like a physical caress.

Ok… Now Steve was absolutely checking him out. There was no other explanation for this. Bucky begged his blood to stop rushing South before this got really awkward.

"Uh huh..."

Before he had the chance to say anything else unintelligible to ruin the moment, Steve grabbed his head and crashed their lips together.

Tasting Steve was electric, like lightning in a bottle. Bucky was hard in a second.

Steve kissed him open mouthed and without reservation, like a drowning man welcoming the rush of air in his lungs. Bucky went a little weak at the knees. Steve walked him backwards thrustfully until his back bumped into the counter.

Bucky still held onto his best friend's shirt, trying not to stumble and fall when Steve stuck a hand under his towel and grabbed his dick with no preamble whatsoever.

"Fuck!" Bucky cursed and moaned loudly. He couldn't think. There was something he needed to say first but he couldn't get the words out. "Shit, Stevie, maybe we should slow down here..."

Steve just stroked him harder and bit his shoulder. Jesus!

"Oh God! Ok, I guess, we can just— talk later..."

Steve spun him around and pushed him against the counter roughly. A few supplies rattled in the kitchen drawers.

Bucky's towel fell to ground when he caught his own weight with the metal arm, leaving him completly exposed all of a sudden. The adrenaline in his blood spiked and made his pulse race, almost like his body was preparing for a fight but Steve only pressed himself closer to his naked back and hummed.

Bucky's dick twitched with interest.

"I want you," Steve whispered into his ear and bit his earlobe.

Bucky's brain tried to catch up with the images in his head but apparently, the blood was needed elsewhere. He'd only been dreaming about this since puberty, jerking off to the idea of dropping to his knees or spreading his legs for Steve silently while his best friend slept in the same room. He'd never said anything. People had called Steve a queer because of his height and his sickly body but it was Bucky lying in bed next to him who wanted…

"We don't have supplies. We need... Shit, I've never done this before."

Steve put a hand in his hair, manhandling him and wordlessly bending him over the counter. Bucky could feel Steve's hard dick poke through his jeans. He moaned again and spread his legs wider.

There was olive oil on the stove.Steve let go of his hair to pour the liquid over his other hand, coating his fingers with it and stuck two of them in Bucky's ass with no warning.

"Ugh..." It hurt a bit. He tried to breathe and relax against the intrusion.

Steve started to pump his fingers in and out in rapid succession with little time for adjustment. It was a bizarre mix of pain and pleasure.

"Oh fuck! Stevie… Slow down, would ya? I told you, I'm not used to this."

He grimaced. Steve's finger nails caught on the delicate skin when he pulled them out before slamming back in again but Bucky was too turned on to really protest the sting at this point. Heat pooled down low in his belly. When Steve hit his prostate with pointed jabs over and over, Bucky had to bite down hard on his lower lip to stay quiet. Precome was dripping onto the countertop. They were not stopping.

"Oh, God…"

"That's right," Steve chuckled lowly. "You can take it."

He seemed to decide Bucky was prepped enough when a third finger went in smoothly. The, he pulled them out at once, wiped them on Bucky's quivering thigh, and unzipped his pants.

Bucky swallowed hard. Funny enough, he'd pegged Steve for a gentle lover. He briefly wondered if this was some sort of payback for their fight earlier, chuckling to himself a little hysterically until Steve put more olive oil on his dick, coating his entire length with a squelching sound, and lined himself up.

It didn't hurt any more than the fingers had at first but it was a stretch and Bucky grabbed the countertop with his hands for support.

Steve grunted in his ear when he was fully seated inside. "God, you're so tight."

Bucky shuddered. He also hadn't expected Steve to talk dirty but apparently, the man was full of surprises.

The sudden shame he felt about what Steve had said registered as a sinking feeling low in his gut, adding to his arousal. A welcome little thrill.

Steve started fucking him in earnest. The pace he set was brutal. His balls were slapping against Bucky with every thrust but it felt so good that he went a little out of his mind with it.

Bucky was so sensitive and eager that it didn't take long before he was all wound up.

"Fuck, I'm gonna come."

Steve put a hand in his hair again and pulled roughly, keeping his spine bent backwards a little, thrusting even deeper inside. "No you're not. Not before I say so."

The new angle made Bucky feel every thrust of his powerful body.

"I can't tell if you're serious right now or—"

"That's an order."

Steve slapped his ass cheek once, like he wanted to affirm his authority. That was way hotter than it should be. Bucky felt himself blush bright red from top to bottom. His dick throbbed at the thought of submitting himself like that.

As Steve held him down and made him spread his legs wider, Bucky imagined what he must look like in this moment, watching his body from above as he got down and dirty, willingly giving up all control to this man...

Steve kept right on fucking him while he tried to stall his orgasm. He was getting close now but if there was one thing Bucky Barnes could succeed at, it was following orders. When he was right on the edge and started pleading for permission in earnest, Steve jerked him again.

"Now."

Steve pulled on his dick with an iron grip a few times and Bucky came all over the counter.

The blinding sensation of pure white-hot bliss was so intense that Bucky actually blacked out for a few seconds. When he came to, Steve had pulled out already and there was a steady trickle of warm jizz running down his thighs. A strange feeling.

Bucky stayed braced on the counter for several minutes, trying to catch his breath. His legs felt unsteady and he was still shivering from the adrenaline like he was going into a mild shock.

He heard Steve tug himself back in his pants behind him, pulling the zipper up.

When he spoke, his voice was a little shaky. "What in the seven hells has gotten into you? I mean— I'm not complaining but..."

"You wanted this, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but—"

"So, we're good?"

Bucky raised his eyebrows and turned around to face him. Steve wore on odd, closed-off expression.

"Steve, you just screwed the bejesus out of me. We're more than good. I'm just... Worried."

Bucky winched when he tried to take a step towards him. His ass hurt more than he cared to admit and the cooling wetness running down his legs with every movement humiliated him further. Definitely not how he wanted to carry himself in a serious conversation.

He picked up the towel from the floor and secured it around his waist again to regain some dignity.

"I just wanna know if this is a one time thing for you, or a rebound, or whatever. I mean, you and Sharon just broke up, right?"

"Look, can we talk about this tomorrow?" Steve crossed his arms over his chest and sighed. "It was a long day, longer than you could possibly imagine and I just wanna lay down for a bit."

He really did look exhausted now that they were done. Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to ignore the lingering awkwardness.

"Alright. So, do you— do we both sleep in my room or..?"

Steve smiled that weird fake smile at him again. "Whatever you decide. I'll follow your lead on this one."

"Fine. Ok so, my bedroom, I guess?"

Steve nodded his assent.

He followed Bucky to the second master bedroom of their cozy Stark-sponsored super soldier flat with dragging feet. The minute his head touched the pillow, he was out like a light.

Bucky was not so lucky. He lay awake for hours trying to get comfortable, wondering what this crazy hook up meant for their relationship and hoping for the best.

When he woke up the next morning, Steve was nowhere to be found.