Married life isn't that hard. I don't see what everyone in the world of pre-war was bitching about, honestly. Charon does his thing, and I do my thing, and then we come home and do one another's things. Really. It's almost like nothing has changed since we first gave up our life of adventure and wanderlust. I cook, walk around the town, hang out with Gob, come home, do stuff, hang out with Charon, do some more stuff, and then…that's it. My life is boring, mundane, and pretty much uneventful. And I can't fucking stand it anymore.
"I'm bored."
I tell Charon as we lay in bed together. You know what they don't tell you about married life? That after the kids have gone, after you've given up your adventuring and dangerous lifestyle, and after the pain of watching your children go has dissipated, everything just eventually…gets boring. It's been about a year since the kids left. We hear from them every few weeks, whenever a trader comes by. After the first letter we stopped worrying. It was about four months in, and Dizzy's handwriting, although hardly legible, seeped with excitement and eagerness and joy. It made me miss my own life. My old life. The life that allowed me to live the life I lead now. Back then, something new and different happened every few days. It's been eighteen years since I had real adventure. And the ones with Dizzy and Cain don't count. That was child's play. Charon and I have been together too long to just retire now. I miss the adventure. I committed eighteen years to raising Dizzy and Cain, and it was great fun. A good change. Maybe it's time for a new change.
"We should go to New Vegas. You know, start a new adventure."
Charon looks over and raises an eyebrow at me. Shirtless after a bout of sex, his blue eyes shine in the moonlight.
"Or you could just miss Dizzy and Cain running around."
Maybe it's that too. But I don't think so. Shrugging at Charon, I sigh and stub out my cigarette. Laying down next to him, I stare at the ceiling. Dizzy is fine. According to her, anyways. My maternal instinct that my daughter is in danger hasn't even kicked in, plus the letters Zack sends to Gob reinforce that belief. I'm more interested in renewing the lustful adventures that brought Charon and I together. Even if the sex is still great, and the love is still there, it never hurts to remind one another.
"I miss our lives, Charon. How much fun we had together, all the good memories."
"Yes. Remembering Desmond and Point Lookout is an awfully bright memory. I think of it every time we have sex."
I laugh as he smothers me in kisses.
"Abuse aside, Charon, we had fun."
"And we have fun now."
"Megaton is fine. It's going great. The town is flourishing and trade is good. Grass is greener and greener and even goes on for miles. Who says we can't have a vacation?"
"I thought not having to worry about being followed or controlled was our vacation?"
Sitting up, I reach to the small, Charon-made nightstand. Grabbing a pill bottle, I hold it in front of his face and shake it so he hears the lone pill rattle.
"Give me a vacation or I'll slip this in your food."
He takes it and looks at it in the moonlight, trying to analyze it.
"Did you get this from Barrows?"
I nod, pretty proud of my stealthy secret-keeping. I still have it. Somewhat.
"Yup! It's the final product to repopulate ghouls. I'll have you know Nurse Graves is pleasantly with child. And if she can have one, I want one."
"Graves is pregnant?"
"Yup."
"By whom?"
Snatching the pill back, I put it back in the drawer.
"Charon, really? Are you that dense?"
He gives me a look of confusion and I giggle.
"Graves and Barrows have been doing it for years. I can't believe you've never picked up on it. It's his baby. You should give them your support next time we run into them. Though I don't know when that'll be. Pregnant and travelling isn't in anyone's to do list out here."
"Since I've known you, you've had this uncanny ability of knowing far too much about other people's lives. How do you do it?"
"With sheer boredom of my own life. No but seriously. It was bound to happen. Just like us. So. Are you going to give me a vacation or will I force this pill down now so we can get another belly gnome growing?"
Belly gnome. I like that.
"Raising another child seems like the path of least resistance here."
I shake my head.
"Not if Dizzy ever wants to come back home. Then it's jealousy."
"What's she have to be jealous about?"
"Not being the apple of her father's eye."
"That's insane. You know she wouldn't feel that way."
I look at Charon. He looks at me.
"Alright, where do you want to go?"
See? Make an offer of two things you want, and you're bound to get one. Really though I knew Charon wouldn't want to deal with another child just now, so with enough pestering the vacation would have been given up. Running my fingers through my hair I give it some pretend thought.
"New Vegas."
He raises an eyebrow at me. I kind of miss the emotionless mercenary he once was. You know, when our lives together first started out. I was so sexually attracted to this mysterious man of mystery who said nothing in a monotone voice. I'm really happy and proud for his progress at becoming a functioning adult. But it's been eighteen years. I want that emotionless, overprotecting man back. If only for a day. Just remind me of our years together before children and taking down everyone in the Capital Wasteland. And oh fuck I'm old when I think of it that way. I may look and feel young, but I have years under my belt. You can't pretend you're not nearing sixty when you are. Though I'll probably have a long life like Charon. That's what Barrows says, anyways.
"You want to check on the children, then? When Dizzy was left I knew she was worried about me following her. But you? Come on, they haven't invited us. Give them space. It gives us room for activities, too. We can be as loud as we want now."
Charon kisses my neck, and although it's tempting, I have to fight it.
"Charon, you know you want to check on them as much as I do."
He sees through my innocence. Sitting up beside me, he folds his arms and sighs this classic Charon sigh.
"Alright. Talk. What is it?"
He sounds so…normal now. And I love it, I do. But…
"I want you back. The old you. I miss that emotionless, heartless, mean yet adorable mercenary that I met."
He blankly stares at me, then starts to laugh. When I don't say anything and keep a straight face, he realizes it.
"You're serious? Dizzy come on. This is what you wanted. Normalcy. A happy life. And look around, we have it. Now you want to go back to…to being raped, beaten, shot at, abused, and…near death? Have you lost it?"
"No. Charon, I am happy. But this life is what you've wanted. And I did too. I still do, but what's the point of a marriage if we can't fulfill the other's needs? You got a family, and now that's done for the moment, so I want to be reminded of what we use to be like."
"Dez…"
"Charon this is pre-war living. This is what you've wanted. When I met you, you were a killing machine. You spoke properly, and would lay your life down for me because of a contract and slight admiration."
"So you're angry that I've become normal?"
"No. Not at all. I'm angry that…"
Getting up, I walk over to the filing cabinet. In the top drawer, collecting dust, is my Pip-Boy. Pulling it out, I hold it in my hands, as I stand naked in front of Charon. A man is always a man, no matter how normal or not they are. And when you want something, you use your assets. And I know exactly how to convince Charon.
"…You've forgotten everything."
"Forgotten what?"
I smile as I slip on my Pip-Boy.
"How it felt, to make love under the stars. To chase me. To feel the pain of thinking you've lost me. Remember Lily? Remember Tenpenny Tower? And how you begged me not to go off? And how on the way home from your rescue mission, we had sex by campfire? Remember when I came back for you? Charon you can't have forgotten…"
I crawl on the bed, and he watches. Watches like I'm the only woman in the whole Capital Wasteland. The whole world.
"Charon…remember how you kept me warm? And that anger? All that anger you had…this life is fun, and we played our part…but I want my old one back. I miss it. You can't say you don't either…"
I kiss him, and I feel something change. When you spend decades kissing one person, you can tell when things shift. Tell when it's different, when they're keeping secrets, and when they're being something they're not. He pushes me over and pins me to the bed with his legs.
"…If you think, I have forgotten anything of our lives before this, you are mistaken. I think of it every moment, of every waking day, and would give anything to do it again."
"Then why are we still playing house, husband? Haven't you fulfilled that desire to have a family, and a normal life? Isn't it time you were reminded of who you once were?"
"I need no reminding, Dez. I know who I am."
"Then show me. Where is that man who would burn down cities just to ensure my safety? Who killed with his bare hands, and watched over me with the eye to kill anyone who got too close?"
The sex was the best. Not that our sex life was lacking at all, I said before it was great. But this…the passion, the raw emotions, everything was exactly like it was before. Before we went silent. Before we retired and hung up our armor and guns. Before we played domestic. And it was just the reminder I needed. He needed. And after everything was said and done. After the town was woken and passion that I thought was just a memory was relit, we lie in bed, curled up just like we did on nights spent without a bed.
"I thought this was what you wanted."
Charon says, kissing the back of my neck.
"It was. It is. But every now and again, a reminder of what we went through to get here is needed. I'm starting to take this life for granted. Let's remind ourselves why we shouldn't."
"You know I cannot say 'no' to you, Dezbe."
I close my eyes and smile. I've missed the aftermath of the sex like this. Where flowers bloom, in the logic of all my dreams. Where he's the only thing I have to lose, and the only thing I refuse to lose.
"I ran into Cassidy the day Dizzy and Cain set out to New Vegas."
He tells me, and my eyes snap open. Rolling over to face him, I stare into those blue eyes.
"Cassidy Rose? Why didn't you tell me?"
"There was no need to."
"I didn't even know he was still alive. What if we run into him?"
"I will kill him."
Kissing him, I curl into his chest. It's not every day you get to meet your soul-mate in this world. Not every day you start a family with them, after spending five years apart, and still love them. Then go off and marry them just as your only child leaves home with a highly advanced android. I like this life, yes, yes I do.
"Are you sure you want to do this? Venture out there? Relive the adventure and remember who you used to be? Who you hated?"
Charon squeezes me, smirking.
"Being a sheriff of this town grows old, Dezbe. I want it, just as badly as you, only I decided the past was best left in the past."
"Why's that?"
"Because I had a family to raise."
I smile at him.
"You are a master of adaptation, you know that?"
"Hm. You learn, with three-hundred years' experience of it."
"I saw the look on your face when we met John. I knew you missed it. You're a killer, Charon. A mercenary. Without a purpose, you grow bored. It's nothing bad, you're just so use to the constant action."
"You as well."
"I think we've been bored long enough."
"We have. And you are right. You are good at detecting secrets. But I have enjoyed this. I have enjoyed raising a family, and all the good and bad things that come with it. However, you are right. It has been difficult. Not my natural setting. Adaptability can only bring one so far."
"As long as you're happy."
"Happier than I ever have been in my entire lifetime. It is good to change, if only for a time. But one never forgets who they are, or used to be. Despite the protests of spoiled little girls."
Sitting up, I smile as the green light of my Pip-Boy replaced on my arm makes everything seem…more romantic.
"I can't sleep."
Charon's eyes meet mine. He knows. I know. We get out of bed, and suit up. I decide to trade in my dresses for my vault suit.
"No armor?"
Charon asks as he puts on his black tee-shirt.
"Good point."
Digging deeper within the filing cabinet, I pull out a set I've never worn. That's collected dust since Dizzy was in the womb. A trader from The Pitt brought it to me. Charon watches closely as I slip it on. Slip into it. I wriggle and move and feel that old lustful and bitchy, witty me coming right back.
"It's called 'Leather Rebel'. From The Pitt. How's it look?"
Charon turns on a generated light in the corner. He stares at me, his shirt partially tucked into his pants, boots laced tight, and dog tags hanging around his neck, shimmering. The generator hums softly, as he looks me up and down. I do a little spin around, the leather feeling wonderful against my skin. I've missed me, and by the looks of it, Charon has too.
"Good. I mean, great. I mean it definitely…"
He clears his throat and holds his hands out to motion to my body. I smile at him, and grab Cain's old shaving razor from the top of the filing cabinet.
"Add the finishing touches? If I recall, I had shorter hair."
Charon takes the straight edge in his hands, and I turn around. Pretty soon, I feel the blade slicing off chunk after chunk of hair. When he's done, I look in a broken mirror shard. It's wonderful. Just like it was when I first left the vault. Shoulder-length, messy, and out of my eyes. I look back to see Charon putting on the top half of his armor, and I smile at it.
"What do you think Dizzy is going to say to this?"
"I highly doubt she or Cain will argue against it."
"Why's that?"
He finishes strapping everything up, and puts his gun on his back. I grab my sawed-off, and clip it to my hip.
"Because they both know better."
We kiss, and on our way out scribble a note to Gob. We say to watch the town, have free roam of the house, that we'll be back soon. I'm confident that after eighteen, nineteen, twenty to save face, years Gob will understand and know. He may like the quiet life, and may enjoy it forever. But Charon, and myself, both have a wanderlust that cannot ever be stifled. And we have a lot of sex to have under the stars, a lot of enemies to make, and even more to kill. It's been a fun time playing house, and we're going to venture back wanting nothing more than to play house again. But right now, we need a break. A nice, long, break.
The night air is cool, and welcoming. Each step we take away from home makes me feel more and more alive. The night beckons, and I'm going to it like a cheap one night stand.
"Leaving the town unprotected makes me concerned…"
Charon says, and as the wind hits my neck in a way it hasn't in years, I look at him.
"Gob, and the townsfolk. They're loyal. He'll explain, they'll understand. Everything will be okay, Charon. We needed this."
Another cool breeze hits my face, and I can't help but feel just a bit more alive than I have in a long time. After all the adventures, and all the changes between Charon and I, there's nothing to be afraid of. Super Mutant population has more than dwindled with their inability to reproduce, and the feral ghouls have almost all starved out. Of course when there's humans, there'll be ghouls, and eventually feral ones for those who can't stand the change. But right now, there's nothing. Nothing to be afraid of.
"Charon?"
"Hm?"
"Remember Fawkes?"
Charon looks at me, as I put my hands behind my head. Something I haven't done in a while.
"Yes. Why?"
"I was thinking about Super Mutants, and how they're dying out fast. I mean there's some popping up, but not as much as there was when I first came out here. I was worried about him. I…would like to see him."
Charon sighs heavily, and I know he's remembering Fawkes. I don't know how the two came to get me, I really don't. I just know that they did, and Fawkes was so kind to me. He wasn't like the other Super Mutants, and not only that, but when Charon and Greta happened he was there. And he gave me advice.
"Underworld was destroyed, Dez."
"Underworld. Not the museum."
"Be that as it may…I don't know if finding him is a possibility. But I promise before we return to Megaton, we will try."
"Thank you."
And I mean that. Because it'd be nice to see an old friend. I probably should have informed Dizzy and Cain about him, in case they had ran into him. But Fawkes isn't the violent type. He wouldn't look to pick a fight. He would run, and they would realize…he isn't like the rest of them.