They say, "Out of sight. Out of mind," but if that's true: why can I still remember it so vividly? I know it was an accident, but that doesn't make it any less scarring. I may not see anymore, but I can still picture the sparks flying towards my face. I can still feel the screaming pain as the white hot embers burned my retinas beyond repair. The smell of smoke still fills my lungs, even though it's been almost a year since the incident. New Years Eve and all of its glory still reflects over in my mind. Derek had set the fireworks off too close. I tried to get out of the way when the wind pushed the small card board cylinder over in my direction, but it was too late as the brightness blinded me for life. When I woke up in that hospital bed with the gauze over my face, I wanted to die. Somehow, I knew that I would never see again, and the thought of it made me retch. There was a churning in my stomach as sobs racked my body. All I wanted to see was his face again. There are so many things I miss staring at. The smirk that he used only for me, the sky before a coming storm, and the stars… If anything, I miss gazing up at the night's sky as those bright stars shown down on me.
Derek had always been my best friend, even if I wouldn't admit it. We fought over anything and everything. Whenever he won, he'd smirk at me; he was always the most arrogant person on the face of the earth. After years of fighting and pretending, I finally realized why I hated that smirk so much. It was because I didn't hate it at all. Telling him had to have been the worst idea on the planet, but I did. I never would have realized how much I missed that stupid smirk if it hadn't been for those stupid sparks. It was worth the anxiety of admitting my feelings when I felt that smirk pressed to my lips.
After weeks, they finally let me leave that awful smelling hospital room; I let Derek be my guide home. On the way, he said something about how it was such a 'nice day'. I smiled when I smelled the on coming rain. I knew it was coming before a single drop fell. It made me sad to know that I couldn't look up at the cloud covered skies as cold droplets soaked me to the bone. Yet, the sensation of rain pouring down on me and ruling all of my other senses gave me a strange feeling. If Derek had let me stand in the down pour longer, I'm sure I could have placed it.
The one thing I still can't get over not seeing anymore is the clear night sky. I can't smell anything but pure night air, and I can only feel the cool breeze. Still, there's no satisfaction in knowing that it is indeed nighttime because I can't see it. I'll never be able to look up at the pale moon as she shines down on me like spot light. That's what I miss most. The calming feeling it gave me when I stood under shining stars. Though with Derek there to remind me where the constellations are, it isn't all bad.
New Years Eve is right around the corner. I won't get to see those sparks explode in the air above me as they cover my stars. Work is surprisingly easy when being shrouded in darkness all of the time. All I have to do is following my fingers as they run across the keyboard. Usually I have Derek review what I've written before we send it in. I've become rather dependant on him, but he doesn't seem to mind. It's strange for me to say that I've never been happier.
Just because I can't see it anymore doesn't mean that it's not there. Derek's smirk still plays on his lips whenever he wins an argument. Trust me, I know. The rain still falls even if I can't see the clouds before it does. The night still comes even if I can't see the stars and the moon. So what does that say about "Out of sight. Out of mind,"? Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it's not there.