Anime All Out Blast- The Anime Movie
By: Terence Fitzgerald
Part 1- Giant Robots and Politics
Why the crap did I wake up today.
The reason, you're probably asking, is because my new anime DVD is coming in the mail and so I call my friends over. My friends are basically the entirety of my high school's anime club. All of us are complete losers. And all of us depend on me to buy us our weekly dosage of anime. This week's buy is going to be a big surprise. My friends start coming in around the normal time with assorted foods in hand. Matt's a total dweeb and I believe he's gay. Vicki (she calls herself Rei every now and then) thinks she is an otaku. Mike is really into yu-gi-oh cards and Gundam specialized model kits (the type that cost a lot and you have to paint them). Kelly is this girl I've got a crush on and she's probably the sanest of us all. And last but not least, Daniel, who I hate and I wish he wasn't here. He likes Kelly too and seems like a stalker to me. I can only guess what type of anime he likes to watch.
We all sit down after talking about whether or not Matt would turn gayer or a woman if we splashed him with water like in Ramna. I personally don't like the show but Kelly does so I don't diss it…. Much. After making some popcorn and grabbing the 12 pack of Sunkist Orange Soda I insert the DVD into the DVD player.
"So what do you have for us today," Daniel says.
"Something a little special…. I found it on E-bay," I say.
"Watch it just be a blank disk," Mike says.
"I thought you were going to buy the next disk in the Wolf's Rain series," Kelly says.
"I was but when I saw this I knew that it I had to buy this. It's called Anime Showdown and I think you will see why…."
I pull off the most sarcastic smile I can muster and turn the volume on the T.V up as the menu comes up with some strange Japanese song playing in the background. I think it was a T.M revolution one but one can never be too sure. I press play and…
WELCOME TO SUPER ANIME SHOWDOWN! One day in the strange, yet very dangerous, future universe collide and people of many worlds collide into one world. These people were characters from… Adolescent Cartoon Programs! Dramatic music
"Hello…" Goku screams out. He calls out into the forest of this new world and looks around hoping to see any sign of life. He starts to think that maybe he ate a bad mushroom but then realizes that Chi-Chi is allergic to mushrooms. He barely gets is head on as a giant metallic foot slams down in front of him.
"Zeon?" Amuro calls out of his Gundam's cockpit. "Hey dude in the strange orange shirt…. Are you a Feddy or part of Zeon-Daikoun's forces?"
"I'm Goku… from planet Earth. Am I dead?"
"I don't know…. I was fighting my nemesis, Char, and I was falling. O YEA, I was pushing back Axis with Nu Gundam when a bright light spread over me. How in the Hell did I end up here."
"Umm…"
They didn't get much time to talk though as a red motorcycle flew up through the air over Goku and Amuro. On the motorcycle a Japanese teen with a red jacket yelling, "TETSUO!" started firing his laser gun randomly. Landing just right next to Nu Gundam's foot.
"Fuck! I lost Tetsuo. When I find that son of a bitch I'll beat the shit out of him. And what the Hell is an Akira. Just kept running toward that dumb stadium like he was on a mission from God. Fricking idiot. Taking too many pills…"
His rambling went on and on as Amuro jumped down from Nu's cockpit. He went over to Goku and shook out his hand.
"Hi my name is Amuro."
"Goku, nice to meet ya."
"Hey, any of you seen Tetsuo… Wait a minute…. Where's Tokyo?"
"Tokyo, who wants to know?" Amuro says sarcastically.
"Picking a fight?" Kaneda says.
"You shouldn't pick fights with people with giant robots if you value your life."
"Huh?"
At that moment a bright light lit up the forest as Amuro jumped back into his cockpit. He raised his rifle as a young man with cat ears and a huge sword jumped through into the canopy where our three heroes were standing as he shouted "Wind Scar." Immediately the ground and air all around Goku became a violent tornado, hurling him into the air. As he powered up to become Super Sayian, a young woman with a very blue Rickenbacker bass guitar flies off a moped and whams Goku in the back of the head. His body hurls back to where he had been standing moments ago.
"You should watch out where your flying, orange shirt!" Haruhara Haruko yells. She lands back onto her yellow moped like it was no biggie.
"Why does everyone keep hitting me," Goku yells!
"Who are you people," Kaneda yells!
"WHERE'S KAGOME," Inuyasha yells back!
"I mustn't run away! I mustn't run away! HAAAAAA!" Evangelion unit 1 screams out as it lands on Nu Gundam's back. Almost immediately it takes a giant junk out of Nu's shoulder as Kaneda fires randomly at it (doing no damage to his dismay).
"Newtype?"
"ANGEL!"
"Red Ribbon Army!"
"TETSUO!"
"KAGOME!"
"Would anyone like Extra Spicy Little Prince Curry?"
All of them turn around at the strange woman on the moped. She's got a bowl of curry in one hand and a spoon in the other.
Part 2- Picnic Invaders
As our heroes of many different adolescent Japanese cartoons sit around eating Extra Spicy Little Prince Curry (Goes to New York Special to be exact). Hordes of other lingering heroes are transported here and there from all different sorts of live. While eating at their picnic, this first group of heroes may be in more danger than expected.
"So what do you do for a living?"
"I go around collecting pieces of this shikon jewel," Inuyasha replies.
"OH! I kinda do the same thing but I collect Dragon Balls."
"I didn't know dragons had visible reproductive organs," Kaneda remarks.
"No, they are these 7 orange balls and they grant wishes."
"Wow, you wouldn't happen to know if I would be able to wish a significantly large but powerful galatic life form out of a prison with those balls of yours, would you?" suggests Haru Haru Haruka.
"Probably, but we just wish to resurrect dead people."
"So let me get this straight," Shinji interrupts. "We are all from different worlds and all have really important jobs back home. And we all just magically appeared in this forest."
"… Yea."
"Cool."
Without any notice, a large boom goes off in the distance. Nu Gundam's right arm had been blown off. The group runs over to Nu Gundam, only to find that a strange flamboiant man in audaciously tight spandex (that are really colorful)is standing on top of the Gundam.
"I will fight for peace and justice, and for the beautiful Miss Minako!"
"Not so fast!" Evangelion jumps up to meet Gekigangar flying towards Nu. Right before they collide, Gekigangar Arm pops off as Guy DaiDoji Yells Gekigangar Punch thus starting a very long and crueling fight... mostly filled the sounds of Gekigangar this... gekigangar that in the background.
"That's really annoying."
"Yea."
A young man appears in the canopy with the rest of the group. They don't seem to notice him as they watch the robot battle. He almost blends in with the nature. He grabs an arrow and aims it with his bow.
"Arrow?" Kaneda states as he watches in disbelief as the young man's arm flexes almost uncontrollably and let's go of the arrow. The arrow swerves like a curve ball but goes straight intoGekigangar'shead. A few seconds later the young boy jumps up into the air onto the back of Gekigangar and pulls out his sword. Using the gravity and his own muscles he pulls back as he basically cuts Gekignagar in half.
"Who the hell is that?" The young boy walks back to the group and they get to see him clearly for the first time. He's wearing a blue shirt and a strange red hat. As he walks up to him he says that he's from the east and his name is Ashitaka. Mesmerized by his calm fury they don't notice as a tiny yellow animal jumps onto Goku's head. Before anyone even notices, the entire group is paralyzed by electricity.
"Way to go Pikachu!"
"HHHHHAAAAAAAA," the group calls back as a young man with an Ivy League hat approaches. He grabs at something at his belt and throws it yelling:
"I choose you, Charmander!" An adorable red pokemon appears and scorches the group as Pikachu continues to release a constant stream of electricity. The electricity powers up Haruko's bass guitar though and she pulls the cord to crank it. She flings it in the air and smashes the yellow-blob-like-animal off Goku's head. Pikachu slams into a tree as a strange boy-like-ninja wearing a very annoyingly orange shirt flies out of the tree striking Kaneda in the chest with his shurikens as Kaneda tries to make a run for his red motorcycle. Kaneda slumps down and falls over.
"Ninjitsu rocks!"
"What the fuck!" Shinji yells as he deflects all the other shurikens being thrown from Uzamaki Naruto with his AT field.
"Goddamn kids!" Inuyasha yells as he pulls out his sword from his sheath with a glow of light. The sword grows big as he jumps toward the boy Ninja, Naruto.
"Howdy…."
A man in a red jet flies low shooting his rail gun at the two colliding swordsman/Ninja. As he does Shinji and Evagelion Unit 1 flip through the air and scathe Spike's Swordfish Jet. Spike ejects himself out of there as he pulls out his magnums and starts firing at Evangelion's head. Gundam finally gets back up and shoots at Evangelion Unit 1. The shot hits Eva in the back as Shinji issuddenly takenby bewilderment.
"WTF MAN! Why you shooting at your friend."
"It's a good thing that us Gekignagar Pilots can pilot anything in the world!" Screams Guy.
Suspense, intrigue, and steroids glow within our fighters as they begin their all out attack. Who will die, who should die, and who else can possibly show up!
NEXT TIME ON THE 2ND EPISODE OF ANIME SHOWDOWN!
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"Wow, Dude, I'm impressed," Matt says at me as he grabs for another handful of popcorn.
"Who would ever think thatGekigangar could be defeated by a Miyazaki character," Mike replies.
"I think you're the only one who even knows what a Gekigangar is Mike." I say back.
"Come on, you know I'm a total nerd withrobot cartoons."
"That yell really loud," Daniel adds in.
"So let's watch the 2nd episode," Kelly says.
"Sure, but first I need to go to the restroom. All that orange soda is making my bladder full to bursting and I really like this couch.