Allen was losing his mind.

The only thing stopping him from violently shutting the door behind him was his desire to remain unnoticed. He planned to hole himself up in his room for the rest of the day. He wasn't fucking going out there. Not until Kanda goes on a mission or something. He didn't want to― no, he couldn't see him now.

It was getting… unnerving. Just plain impossible to stand.

He leaned on his door, knees feeling weak as he breathed heavily.

Kanda was so explosive, so damn fierce. He thought those weren't things one should appreciate in a person. But he was starting to, recently. But maybe appreciating wasn't a good word. It was just driving him crazy, setting him on fire. It was always like that, from the moment they met. But it changed a bit. Not so long ago, he would just get pissed off at the man whenever he acted too much Kanda-like. Now he… Goddamn it, he just wanted Kanda to fuck him. Like, press him against the wall and just ravish him like a fucking animal. Until he couldn't think, until he couldn't walk afterwards.

He was so ashamed of himself for his thoughts. But more than that, he was fucking ashamed of his out-of-the-blue rushes of want that he couldn't control for the life of him. He didn't want Kanda to notice how horny he made him. It was ridiculous. They couldn't get into a fight without Allen getting an awkward boner lately.

What kind of sex-depraved idiot Allen has let himself become. Unbelievable. He hooked up with finders, sometimes. They were perfect for that, seeing as most of them were as good as strangers. And he needed that now more than ever, but couldn't bring himself to do that since that one time when he found himself mumbling Kanda's name in the heat. After that, he had troubles looking at himself in the mirror for a week.

He tried to calm down, but neither his breathing, nor his heartbeat were slowing down. He wasn't naïve enough to not know there was just one thing that could help.

Checking twice that the room was locked, he dazedly moved to his bed, unbuckling his belt as he walked. He wasn't even fooling himself, Kanda's angry face already flashing in his mind. Well, no. The image was there since he fled from the training room and it haven't disappeared even for a second. That's why he knew perfectly well he was soon going to have his head full of 'sorry's that he was never going to voice. Kanda wouldn't enjoy the fact he was being used as a jerk-off material after all. Not that Allen was stupid enough to tell him.

His pants and boxers landed on the floor and he laid down on his mattress in just the shirt, head heavily falling on the cushion. Fuck Kanda. Fuck how attractive he was. Eyebrows scrunching angrily, he reached to his cock with his Innocence hand. He has always enjoyed its rough texture.

He was pretty sure Kanda would like it, too.

He moaned quietly at the thought, his hand moving impatiently up and down his shaft. Oh how he wanted to touch him. He felt like he could do just anything to be able to do that. At least at this moment. He rubbed the head, heat pooling in his lower abdomen insistently.

He could come like that, but he wanted to try something for a while now. He was honestly bewildered he never did this before, in fact. Well, he was uncomfortable with the thought of some stranger topping him, so that was probably why. He just never bothered. But he couldn't deny that men he slept with seemed to enjoy having a dick up their asses, so...

He messily coated his fingers in saliva, figuring it was always better than nothing. Then he lifted his hips, but found himself pissed off at the weird angle when he tried to reach his ass with his hand. Fuck. He turned around, getting on all fours and brought a hand behind him to push one finger inside.

It was a weird feeling. Not as pleasurable as he expected, but also not that uncomfortable. He straightened up a bit to move his other hand back to his cock and started to move the finger. That― that actually felt good.

He added a second finger and found himself focused more on his ass than his dick now, moving his hand harshly to reach deeper. God, his body felt so hot. Blood rushed to his face. And then his nail scraped the spot he knew was there, making him gasp. He rubbed it furiously and let out a broken moan.

Not seeing the point in wasting energy holding his upper body up, he leaned his forehead on the pillow, breathing heavily.

Barely noticing it was kind of burning, he shoved a third finger inside of himself. That fucking spot right there. Yes. He should have done it ages before. All the while he was still jerking himself off, splitting his focus a bit of a difficulty. But damn did it feel good.

Now he was sure. He wanted Kanda to fuck him so hard. Oh God.

He abused the bundle of nerves with his fingers restlessly and in his mind Kanda was doing precisely that. He bit his pillow and before he even noticed, he was just pressing the spot forcefully, hand on his cock moving jerkily.

"Kanda." It slipped. He would have hated himself for that, but he didn't have it in himself to care. Not when his climax was almost there.

He tightened the grip of his moving hand and groaned into the pillow through his teeth, the fingers inside him just applying pressure chaotically. Barely seconds like that and he was coming with his eyes long since clenched shut.

It was so powerful that his body just lagged uselessly back down on the bed, completely spent.

Jesus, he was so sweaty. And filthy. But satisfied, none the less.

Despite himself, he stupidly apologized to Kanda in his mind. That was surely not what he wanted to achieve as he picked up a fight with Allen this morning.

But feeling as guilty as he was, it was really… far better than he expected. But shit, it was starting to sting; now that he was done.

He should probably buy some lube. He could use that.