A/N: Hello dear readers! I've finally got round to writing a new story, well, not really writing, just posting a new story. Me and my friend,Katie (eatingredvines-withjohnlock on Tumblr) do a Sherlock/John role play and decided to turn one of them into a story! Katie wrote all of Sherlock's parts and I did John and everyone else. So if the writing's a little choppy that's why. I didn't want to edit it too much but it need to make sense as a story. So enjoy!
-Aimee x
Disclaimer: We do not own Sherlock or anything other than our plot. Katie does not own the character Sherlock and I do not own the characters John, Mycroft or Angelo.
John, where are you? I'm bored! -SH
John is a little pre-occupied at the moment brother. -MH
Would you stop kidnapping John? And why have you got his phone? -SH
I have not kidnapped him, so to speak. I simply brought him with me, possibly against his will. I have his phone because I knew you would try to contact him, obviously. -MH
Stop being such an idiot, Mycroft. What do you want? -SH
I am not the idiot, brother. I simply required the assistance of John on a medical matter. Don't worry he will return to you shortly none the worse for it. -MH
Let him leave, Mycroft. You can't hold people against there will. -SH
I am not holding him dear brother, and thought he may have been brought against his will I assure you he has no quarrel with being here at present. Once he has finished his task he is free to leave. -MH
Give John his phone back. -SH
Not an option at the moment I am afraid. Wouldn't want it distracting him while he works. Don't worry yourself brother he can have it back when he's finished, which won't be long now. -MH
What are you even getting him to do? -SH
Oh nothing too serious, I have a... friend in need of some medical assistance. Anyway John is finished now I'm sure he'll be eager to leave now. -MH
By friend you mean colleague. And finally, took your time. -SH
Sherlock, you at home? I'm catching a taxi now. -JW
You've got your phone back then. Yes, I am and I'm also bored. Where's your gun? -SH
Yes I have, and I'm not telling you. If you shoot any more holes in Mrs Hudson's walls she'll have a fit. -JW
But I'm bored! -SH
Yeah well I'll be home in about two minutes. Wait until then and I'm sure we'll find something to do. -JW
Like what? Unless you've got a case for me then I doubt I can be entertained. -SH
Well maybe we can ask Greg? And if not we can go grab a bite to eat or something. -JW
I don't want to eat. -SH
A bite to eat? Am I kidding? John stepped out of the taxi and opened the door to 221B. Sherlock heard John open the door and footsteps walk up the stairs. He put his phone down on the arm of the chair and grabbed his violin.
"Are you going to fetch me your gun?" Sherlock shouted to him, starting to play a tune. "Or are we going to find a case?" John sighed.
"You know you could have found a case on your own, you don't need me to do that." He took off his coat as he walked into the flat and headed to the kitchen. "Tea?" Sherlock finished the piece he was playing and placed his violin down at his feet.
"I don't ask Lestrade for cases and you get them on your blog." Sherlock answered. "And no." John proceeded to make the tea while talking to Sherlock.
"Well fine then I'll have a look, but you could try to entertain yourself you know, you're not a child." He finished making his cup and tea and took it into the living room, depositing himself on the sofa.
"I would if you just told me where your gun is" Sherlock walked over to the sofa, his silk dressing robe billowing out behind him. He sunk it the sofa, curling his legs up onto it and turned his back to the room sulking.
"Oh for God's sake Sherlock stop sulking!" John really wasn't in the mood for babysitting Sherlock. Spending an entire day around Mycroft had worn away almost all of his patience. "Fine, I'll look on the blog for a case but if there isn't one I'm going upstairs and you can do as you please." He grabbed the laptop and started browsing. Sherlock lifted his head slightly so he could see John sat at the opposite end of the sofa.
"I'm not sulking." Sherlock said and then turned back around again, facing the back of the sofa and closed his eyes. He wasn't sulking, he was just bored and wanted something to do.
"Well I'm sorry Sherlock but all we've got is some guy who thinks that his mother's sleeping with the postman. We can check it out if you like but I don't think it sounds like something you'd want to take." He didn't want to be mean to Sherlock, he was just really tired and annoyed with Mycroft. Sherlock opened his eyes and turned around.
"Fine." He sat properly on the sofa and placed his hands together under his chin. Elbows resting on his knees and fingertips touching the underside of his chin. "What did Mycroft want you for?" Sherlock asked, deducing what was wrong with John which he flinched at in response to the mention of Mycroft.
"Oh the bloody usual, some government idiot decided to get himself shot. Apparently he couldn't go to hospital for some reason or other. Of course I don't get to know the bloody reason. No, I just have to treat the guy and then 'thank you very much Dr Watson find your own way home from the middle of fucking nowhere!'" He hadn't realised that his voice was rising quite so much. "Sorry, can we just not talk about it please."
"Sure" Sherlock said and just sat their for a little while before moaning. "I'm bored! John, where's your gun?" He stood up and paced up and down the room, trying to do anything to entertain himself. John jumped up of the sofa.
"Right that's it we're going out. I don't care if you're hungry or not I'm taking you out for dinner. I could definitely eat something and you could use a distraction. And no I will not take no for an answer." He gave Sherlock his best 'do-as-you-are-told' look and grabbed his coat. Sherlock groaned but stood up and shrugged is dressing gown off. He knew John wouldn't take no for an answer right now. He buttoned up the rest of his shirt, picked his jacket up from the sofa arm and put it on. Grabbing his coat and scarf on the way out.
"I'm not eating." Sherlock said over his shoulder on his way down the stairs.
"You know full well that Angelo will make you eat something." John hailed a taxi and held the door open for Sherlock before getting in himself. "Besides you haven't eaten in at least a day so you might as well eat tonight. You really do need to take more care of yourself Sherlock." John couldn't help but give Sherlock a concerned glance. He hated that his friend didn't look after himself, he worried about him.
"He may give me food but it doesn't mean I'll eat it." Sherlock said, stepping into the taxi and sitting next to the opposite window. "And I take perfectly good care of myself." Sherlock looked out of the window, sulking. Why does John always make me do things like eat? I don't need to eat all the time and I take care of myself! He thought to himself.
"Ok fine, whatever." John couldn't be bothered to argue with Sherlock any more, it didn't seem to matter what he said anyway. The taxi came to a stop and John got out, once again holding the door open for Sherlock. He entered the restaurant and took a seat at their regular table. Sherlock climbed out after John and shut the door. He followed him into the restaurant and then took a seat across from him leaning back in his chair and his hands resting in one fist on the table as he waited for Angelo to come over which didn't take long.
"Hello Sherlock, John, what can I get for you today? Maybe a candle for the table? How about our pasta special today?" John smiled, he'd always liked Angelo, even if he did insist that he and Sherlock were on a date. Well, if he really thought about it they kind of were, weren't they?
"Hi Angelo how are you? I'll take the pasta special why not." He decided to not comment on the candle, Angelo would only ignore it anyway.
"I'm not having anything" Sherlock answered, not looking at Angelo. He just stared at the wall behind John and tried to occupy his mind. He started to list the periodic elements, hoping that'd take away his boredom, and lessen his annoyance at John.
H- Hydrogen, He- Helium, Li- Lithium, Be- Beryllium, B- Boron…
John looked at Sherlock and couldn't hide the sad look in his eyes. He turned to Angelo,
"Sorry, you know what he's like."
"Yes Dr Watson, I do, I'll bring him a special anyway." John smiled at him gratefully. Angelo left for the kitchen, they were alone.
"Come on Sherlock, at least try to be happy." John looked down at the table, he hated when Sherlock was like this.
Sherlock still stared at the wall until Angelo left. He heard John say something but he just ignored it and carried on staring. After a while he looked at John.
"I said I didn't want to eat."
"Yes, I know you did but you know as well as I do that no matter what we say he's going to bring you something anyway, you don't have to eat it if you don't want to." He was hurt that Sherlock was just sitting there staring at the wall, they were supposed to be having dinner together. Once more attempt at starting a conversation, maybe a joke.
"Well at least he didn't bring that candle this time, eh?" God that was pathetic. Sherlock noticed John's sadness straight away but he didn't say anything. He could tell that he was trying to hide it which meant he didn't want it mentioning. Plus, the consulting detective wasn't very good with emotions. Sherlock picked up his fork and pushed his pasta round the bowl. Trying to calm down, he continued listing the periodic elements again
…Na- Sodium, Mg- Magnesium, Al- Aluminium, Si- Silicon, P- Phosphorus…
John sat and ate in silence and then when Angelo came to take their plates away he asked for the bill.
"Please Dr Watson this is on me, you boys deserve it, I heard about that last case you solved." John smiled a little nervously, he didn't like not paying his way.
"That's very generous Angelo but we must pay you something." He looked at Sherlock in a 'help-me' kind of way.
Sherlock saw John shoot him a 'help me' look and sighed before turning to Angelo.
"Just let him pay you for at least his." Sherlock snapped, he couldn't be bothered with this. He was bored out of his mind, John was in a bad mood because of Mycroft and listing the periodic elements wasn't helping control his anger. He folded his arms and turned back around, waiting for John to pay so they could go back home. John paid the man and then as they were standing outside the door waiting for a taxi he turned to Sherlock.
"You know you didn't have to snap at him like that, really what's wrong with you tonight? And don't say you're bored because even boredom doesn't cause you to be like this. You barely said a word during dinner." Sherlock turned to John.
"Lets just say it involves you and my brother." He said, harshly before turning back around and flagging a taxi. Well, today was fun! Sherlock thought to himself, sarcastically, climbing into the taxi. John got into the taxi after Sherlock and looked at him, confused.
"What about me and Mycroft? Have I done something to upset you? If I have I'm sorry, I don't know what I've done." He really hoped he hadn't upset Sherlock, he would never do that on purpose. Sherlock sat on the seat next to the window opposite the door and looked at John as he climbed in.
"Mycroft's put you in a bad mood and now you're more snappy then usual. it's annoying." Sherlock said, simply before turning around and looking out of the window.
"Oh… well I am sorry, I don't mean to be snappy but you know how Mycroft gets to me. I'll try not to be so harsh, but you know you could have said something to me instead of being snappy back, it doesn't help matters." He hadn't realised he was being so blunt and he really did feel bad for upsetting his friend. He gave him an apologetic glance and then looked at his feet.
"I'm not good with…" Sherlock struggled to find the right word. "…Stuff like this." Sherlock looked at John and took a deep breath, trying to think of what to say to make John feel better.
"It's not just your fault" He said finally . "It's partially my fault as well, I shouldn't have ignored you." The cab stopped, they had reached Baker Street. John got out and paid the driver, he then went upstairs and took of his coat. Out of habit he went to the kitchen and started making two cups of tea. He saw Sherlock throw himself on the couch, then stand back up and grab his violin out of the corner of his eye. He finished making the tea but left it in the kitchen. He walked over to his friend and put his hand on his shoulder.
"I know that you're not great at this stuff Sherlock, and I really am sorry, I would never purposely do anything to upset you, you must know that." Sherlock gave John a small smile.
"Yeah, I do." He then placed his violin under his chin and started playing a soft slow piece. He walked to the window and looked out of this window. It was times like these cracks began to show on his carefully built wall. John left Sherlock and fetched the tea, he placed his on the table and took Sherlock's over to the window. He placed it on the sill and then looked up at his friend. He couldn't help realising how beautiful this man was, especially when he was playing the violin. He didn't know why but seeing and hearing Sherlock play his music always made his heart beat just a little faster. hah who am I kidding? He's perfect. He knew this was true but would never say it.
"That's a beautiful song Sherlock, what is it?"
"It's my own." Sherlock replied, bringing the piece to an end. It was only then he realised how close together they were stood. Sherlock stepped back, placing his violin back in it's usual place and sat in his chair, grabbing his tea and taking a sip. John went and sat in his own chair and took a sip of his own tea.
"Well it's really incredible Sherlock, you know, if you ever get bored of being the world's only Consulting Detective you could very easily be a violinist." He laughed at the end of his sentence, of course this was a joke, Sherlock would never give this up. And John would never want him too, suddenly he thought about what his life would be like if Sherlock did give it up and the smile faded from his face. It was replaced by a look of mixed fear and depression, he pushed the thought from his mind. Sherlock let out a low chuckle.
"Everyone would be dead without me." Sherlock joked back, smiling a little. He took another gulp of his tea and looked at John. He seemed scared and sad, Sherlock frowned as John's facial expression changed so soon after. "Are you okay, John?"
"Hmm? Yes, yes I'm fine." He forced a smile onto his face. What the hell is wrong with me tonight? He really didn't understand it, he was usually great at hiding his feelings from Sherlock. It's not like they were new or anything. He brought his hand up to his face and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to clear his mind. Sherlock knew the smile on John's face was fake and as soon as he brought his hand up to his face that something was wrong and he rushed over to John's side.
"You're not okay." Sherlock said, simply. "What's. Wrong?" John felt Sherlock close at his side and he flinched away. He couldn't trust himself to be this close to Sherlock, not tonight.
"I'm fine." He snapped. He wasn't angry at his friend, he was angry with himself. He stood up and stormed off to his room. He slammed the door closed and collapsed onto his bed. He had to fight back the tears, he hated that he had been so horrible to Sherlock but he had to protect himself, he couldn't risk losing his friend if he found out his true feelings. It would kill him.
Sherlock sat on the arm of the chair looking at the floor of the room. What is wrong with him? Sherlock thought, he ran a hand through his dark curls. He didn't know what to do, he wasn't good with emotions. He tried to think what John did when he was in a mood. He would talk to me. Sherlock stood up and walked to John's room. Tentatively knocked on John's room door before opening it slightly and looking in.
John quickly turned to face away from the door when he heard the knocking. He hadn't been able to hold back the tears and he didn't want Sherlock to see him like this. I was in Afghanistan for Christ's sake. Military men don't cry over this stuff! He heard Sherlock open the door but he didn't turn around. He didn't show any signs of even knowing the detective was there. Sherlock look at John and slowly walked round to the other side to face him. He was crying and Sherlock fidgeted, nervously. He didn't know what to do. Sherlock crouched at the edge of the bed and reached out a hand, placing it on John's upper right arm.
John was startled at the touch, he knew Sherlock was no good with emotions and this must be taking him a lot of effort. He didn't turn away, he wiped his eyes and took a deep breath. He look deep into Sherlock's eyes. God he has beautiful eyes.
"Look Sherlock I'm sorry for snapping at you back there, I'm just… I don't know I guess I'm just tired or something. Emotions catching up with me, I'll be fine, you don't have to be here with me." He hoped Sherlock would believe him but he doubted it. He tried to smile but failed miserably, he could feel the tears rising again. Oh no, you don't. He would not cry in front of Sherlock Holmes.
"John, I may not be good with emotions but you've shown me enough to know never to leave their friend when they're like this." Sherlock gave him a weak smile and then hesitantly wiped away John's tears with his thumbs.
Oh God.
John would have sworn he could actually feel his heart breaking. Sherlock had no idea what he was doing to him. John knew he was just trying to be a good friend but he didn't know if he could hold in his feelings for much longer. Not with Sherlock sitting there in front of him, wiping away his tears. He took hold of Sherlock's hand before he could pull it away.
"Thank you Sherlock, really. You're a good friend... An amazing friend actually." He smiled, and this time it was genuine. Sherlock smiled and gripped John's hand.
"I'm not a good friend, John." Sherlock said, his smile faltering a little. "I'm arrogant and selfish. Nothing a good friend should be." Sherlock's eyes filled with tears and he pushed them back. Sherlock Holmes doesn't cry.
"Yes you are both of those things Sherlock." There was nothing but kindness in john's voice. He could see the tears in Sherlock's eyes and he wanted nothing more than to hold him close and let him know how wonderful he really is. How loved he is. "But you are a good friend, you're my best friend." He smiled and squeezed Sherlock's hand.
"But how?" Sherlock whispered, a tear escaping from his eye and he brushed it away with his free hand, harshly. "How am I a good friend?" Sherlock squeezed John's hand back, as two more tears escaped.
Stop crying, Sherlock! He ordered himself. John saw the tears fall from Sherlock's gorgeous blue eyes and almost let out a whimper. He couldn't bare seeing him like this, and it was all his fault. Dammit John you fix this now. He scolded himself silently. Before he knew what he was doing his hand was on Sherlock's face, wiping away the tears. He looked deep into those glistening eyes.
"I was dead before I met you Sherlock, I owe you everything. Without you I…" He couldn't finish. He took a deep breath and looked down at the bed.
"Without you I, what, John?" Sherlock asked, his two hands grasping John's. He managed to stop his crying and he looked John in the eyes. "Tell me." He whispered, his grip on John's hands tightening.
John's heart was racing, he had no idea what had gotten into Sherlock, he never really had any sense of personal space but this was somehow… Different. His entire body ached for him to tell Sherlock all the things he had been holding in for so long. He wanted to shout them as loud as he could. But what if Sherlock didn't feel the same? Of course he doesn't, idiot. John couldn't live if he lost Sherlock. He decided that he should just be honest, but without telling him everything. He could get away with pretending that it was just because he was such a good friend. Right?
"Well, without you Sherlock I… I'm not sure I could survive." He paid close attention to see how his friend would react to this.
"You'll never have to try, I'm not going to leave you, John." Sherlock said, his heart pounding. "You make me feel human again, something I haven't felt in a long time" Sherlock had no idea why he was telling him all of this. His carefully built walls were crumbling, coming down piece by piece.
I'm doing this because it's only fair to, John. He's telling me some things he usually keeps hidden so I'm telling him some of mine. Sherlock tried to justify why he was saying this. John could see from the look on Sherlock's face that everything he was saying was true, it warmed his heart to know that he wouldn't lose his detective. Yet something was bothering him, Sherlock seemed to be confused, well of course he was, this was an emotional situation, but it seemed like more than that. It was as though there was something he wasn't saying… Something he didn't want to say? Or something he couldn't?
John suddenly realised that Sherlock was still crouching on the floor beside him. He moved over on the bed and patted the empty space next to him.
"Come sit down Sherlock you can't be comfortable like that."
Sherlock sat down beside John and bent his legs, placing his feet on the mattress. He clasped his hands and rested them on his lap and turned to John.
"You do believe me, don't you?" Sherlock asked, locking eyes with John again. "I'll never leave you. You'll never be on your own."
"Of course I believe you Sherlock, don't I always?" He grinned and then placed him hand on Sherlock's shoulder. "And I'll never leave you, not ever." He meant it of course, without Sherlock he would be nothing. Sherlock smiled and grasped John's hand on his shoulder.
THUNK!
The last piece of Sherlock's wall fell down and he felt so vulnerable, he'd never been like this for a long time. So exposed and he didn't know how to handle it so he did the only thing he could do. He cried. Sherlock Holmes, the world's only consulting detective, cried. Tears dripping down his cheeks one by one.
John couldn't believe what he was seeing. His heart now felt like it was in his throat. Had he done this to Sherlock? What the fuck have I done? He had to fix this, but how? He did the best he could, turning around and wrapping his arms around his friend, Sherlock's head buried in his shoulder. He held him tight and just let him cry. After a couple of minutes he loosened his grip just a little.
"Wh-What's wrong Sherlock? H-have I done something? I'm really sorry you know, I shouldn't have put you in this situation, I know you're not good with emotions." He was fighting hard to fight back his own tears, he had to be strong, for Sherlock.
"I-I feel so vul-vuln…" Sherlock choked out, not able to finish his sentence. Sherlock buried his head in the crook between John's shoulder and neck again and cried even more. He didn't know what to do. He was too scared to voice what was wrong. So he just cried, gripping onto John while he did. John held him even closer, his tight grip on Sherlock also helping him fight back his own tears.
"Vulnerable? Is that what you mean? Sherlock it's ok to feel like that, we all do at some point." He choked on those last words, thinking about how vulnerable he was feeling. No John not now, he needs you to be strong now. He took a deep breath, he still didn't let go of his friend. Sherlock nodded, not moving his head from it's position on John's shoulder. Sherlock was so confused, he didn't know what to do. He was glad John understood what he meant and how he felt.
John didn't know how long they sat like that, all he knew was that he didn't want to let go. He had wanted to hug Sherlock for so long and he knew he would never get the chance again. Having Sherlock so close was painful, he felt so happy but at the same time he was unbearably sad. He hated that Sherlock was so upset and he hated that it was his fault. He knew Sherlock well enough to know that it wasn't just because he felt vulnerable, there was something else, but John wouldn't ask. Not yet. Once Sherlock has composed himself enough to talk, he lift up his head and looked at John. Still not taking his arms away.
"Have you ever felt so exposed, so vulnerable, so afraid that you didn't know what to do?" Sherlock asked, his eyes filling with tears again but he pushed them back. He wasn't going to cry again! John looked up at Sherlock. When he heard those words he was almost certain that Sherlock would be able to see the pain in his eyes. All of his feelings for Sherlock were fighting to get to the surface, his heart screaming at him to confess.
"Well, yeah... I, umm… I guess so. But what is it Sherlock? What's made you feel like this?" He had to know, he had to know that it wasn't his fault. Or that it was. No that could never happen, he knew that.
Sherlock gulped. "Tonight my invisible protection from the outside world came down and I didn't know what to do." Sherlock started crying again, tears streaming his face. "Help me, John" Sherlock pleaded, he knew he looked weak, human and pathetic but he didn't care. For once the consulting detective was clueless and he needed his best friend. John quickly wrapped Sherlock back up in his arms, this time with one hand in those magnificent curls and his other hand slowly rubbing Sherlock's back.
"Hey, it's okay. You know I'm always here for you Sherlock, anything you need." The 'I love you' at the end of that sentence almost made it through but John held it back. Sherlock did not need to hear that and John couldn't deal with his own emotions when his friend was so clearly distraught. "Talk to me Sherlock, tell me what's wrong, maybe I can help."
"Tonight, with you, I just felt…" Sherlock paused trying to work out what he meant. "…human. Then I kept feeling more and more relaxed and loved than I've ever felt in a long time and I snapped." Tears started coming down faster and he rested his head on John's shoulder, his arms tightening around the army doctor's waist. John couldn't hold in his own tears any more. They slid down his hot cheeks silently. He may be crying but he was not going to blubber, so long as Sherlock had his head in John's shoulder he wouldn't even notice. He stayed hugging his friend silently crying until he had the strength to compose himself. A couple of slow deep breaths and he succeeded… For the most part. He spoke to Sherlock but did not let him go, he did not want Sherlock to see his face.
"I don't understand Sherlock, why has this made you cry? Feeling human and loved and relaxed is a good thing, yet here you are looking utterly depressed. Why?" He needed to know. Even as he asked the questions a tiny part of him felt lighter, he thought that maybe, just maybe… But no, of course not, don't be stupid John.
"I don't know how to cope with this!" Sherlock said, tears freely falling down his face. "I've always blocked everyone out, blocked myself of all emotions and now that I'm feeling them, I can't deal with it." Sherlock froze.
Have I really just said all that? Shit. He relaxed again into pushed his head further into John's shoulder, trying to seek more comfort but just getting more confused. Why am I doing this? From what I've learnt, friends don't act like this towards each other. Especially male friends. Sherlock let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding. Could I… No! I can't be. I don't love! At least I think I don't…
John was relieved when Sherlock finally breathed again, he didn't understand though. He knew that Sherlock was feeling something, but what? Surely just feeling close to his friend wouldn't make him so upset? He had to find out, but he had to be careful. He knew that he couldn't push Sherlock, he did not want to lose him.
"Look Sherlock, I honestly don't understand, you say you're feeling emotions, but what emotions are you feeling?" He lifted Sherlock's head so he could look into his eyes. He wasn't hiding any more. He let every emotion he felt towards Sherlock show in his gaze. A small smile crept onto his face, all of his love for this wonderful man welling up in his eyes. It was time to come clean, but only like this. He could not tell Sherlock how he felt in words, not until he knew how Sherlock was feeling.
Sherlock looked John in the eyes and he knew exactly what emotion he felt. Love… He tried to speak but his voice kept catching in his throat and he kept stuttering.
"L-l-lo..." Not knowing what else to do Sherlock grabbed John's face shakily in his 2 hands and pulled John's lips to his own in a kiss. John couldn't breathe, his heart was racing and Sherlock had literally taken his breath away. This couldn't possibly be happening, Sherlock was not kissing him, he was dreaming. Only he wasn't, this was real, Sherlock Holmes was kissing him. He pulled Sherlock closer and kissed him back. Gently, slowly pouring his entire soul into that one kiss. Letting Sherlock feel John's love for him. He pulled away rather suddenly. He lifted both of his hands up to hold Sherlock's face much like Sherlock had done to him. He looked deep into Sherlock's eyes opened his mouth to say something… but nothing came out. One lone tear fell from his eyes and a smile lit up his entire face.
Sherlock wiped the tear from John's cheek with his thumb, confused.
"Why are you crying?" Sherlock gave him a small smile and kissed the Doctor's cheek, softly. John chuckled and took hold of Sherlock's hand before he could pull it away from his face.
"I…I dunno really… God I'm so happy Sherlock. But-but you're sure? I mean you're not the best with emotions. You're sure this is what you want?" He had to ask, he had to be sure, he couldn't possibly be any happier right now but he needed to know. Because if Sherlock was confused and he didn't really want this John would back off. He loved Sherlock and he wanted this more than anything, but he wouldn't risk losing Sherlock completely. Better to keep him as a best friend than have no Sherlock at all.
Sherlock kissed John again before pulling away and smiling.
"I'm sure, John." Sherlock held John's face in his hands again. "I-I love you. And you've shown me I shouldn't be afraid to admit that." Sherlock pressed his lips back to John's, this was it, it all became clear.