This is for the AMAZINGLY AWESOME SUPER FANTASTIC AMAZINGLY BRILLIANT CrushedCoppelia (I do believe that is still her name on FF... if it's not I'm a dunderhead)
I feel like I'm going to get a lot of hate for this fic. Woops.
Friends; you can't live with them and you can't live without them. They're the ones that have your back when you need a boost, and they're the ones that'll lift you up when you're broken down. They're the one's you'd kill for, you'd die for, and they're the ones you want in your life until death-do-you-part.
Unless your friends were, let's say, Danny Jones and Dougie Poynter.
"You guys seriously suck! I can't even describe the amount of suck that you guys are! YOU ARE SUCKAGE!" Tom yelled into his phone angrily, only to hear howls of laughter resembling that of a hyena reverberating back at him. "You guys can't just leave me here! Fuck – guys come back!" He continued to yell, no longer finding the joke funny.
"We can't! Harry started drinking! Looks like you're on your own, Fletcher!" Danny's deep accent giggled through his speaker.
"Yeah! Sorry mate!" Dougie's voice spoke from somewhere in the room on the other end of the line.
"But Harry said he'd be the designated driver!" Tom argued, thoroughly pissed off now.
"Yeah, well, that was before you said you'd be getting a ride home from Izzy," Danny sounded a little bit more sober, though he still laughed at the end of his sentence.
"I never said that, you moron!" Tom groaned.
"Yeah, Dan. That was part of the joke," Dougie's voice cut in.
"Oh, yeah, right!" Danny was in fits of laughter again.
"Seriously guys, send someone to come and get me right now!" Tom was beyond frustrated.
"Look, mate, it's no big deal. Just walk."
"WALK? Dude, it's ten fucking miles!" Tom screamed into his receiver. His friends could be such idiots.
"Oh, yeah, right!" Danny said again.
"I think you're actually going to have to call Izzy," Dougie reasoned, his voice sounding distant.
"You guys are freaking horrible. She's asleep. It's nearly two in the morning! I told her I was spending the night with you guys!" Tom wanted nothing more than to have the both of them in front of him so he could strangle them and watch them turn blue and die.
Okay, maybe that was a bit harsh. But he was drunk so he wasn't really in control of his thoughts.
"Oh…" Suddenly Danny didn't seem to think the situation was so funny. Tom was slightly relieved he was getting through to him.
"So will you guys send someone to come get me?" Tom asked, looking around nervously.
"Mate, there really is no one. We've all been drinking," Danny's reply sounded extremely apologetic.
"Are you serious? Fuck you guys," Tom growled before hanging up on the two of them.
He knew he was probably overreacting a little bit, but there wasn't a bone in his body that thought being dropped off at a McDonald's to get food and then being left there was funny.
Tom sighed loudly and his breath fogged up in front of his face and he tugged his winter coat tighter around his body. It was really cold, it was really dark, and his bag of food didn't even seem appetizing any more. Could his night get any worse? Seriously?
With extreme remorse, Tom punched a new number into his mobile. It would be a miracle if she actually picked up-
"'Ello?" Tom nearly hung up the phone when her strangled, tired voice reached his ears. He felt like such a loser.
"Hey Izzy…" he sighed.
"Tom? What… whatsgoingon?" Even tired and grumbled and dopey, she sounded beautiful.
"You're never going to believe what's happened…" He trailed off, not quite sure how to explain his predicament to her.
"What? What's happened? Are you okay? Is everyone okay?" She suddenly seemed ten times more awake and alert. Tom felt guilty.
"Everyone's fine! Everyone's really drunk, but everyone's fine. They just… well they pulled a really stupid prank on me and I kind of need your help…" Tom sighed, feeling defeated.
"What did they do?" She sounded tired again.
"They… well they kind of left me stranded at McDonald's…" Tom admitted in defeat. It sounded extremely foolish when he said it out loud.
He waited for her to say something, anything, but he was only met with silence.
"Izzy?"
"…What? Oh, sorry, I dozed off. What happened?"
"They left me at McDonald's," Tom sighed again, feeling even more ridiculous for having to repeat it.
"They left you there? How?"
"Harry was driving and I guess Dougie and Danny told him I didn't need a ride back… and then Harry started drinking when they got home… so now I really don't have a ride…" Tom knew the story sounded stupid. He wished he didn't have to wake her up.
"So… you need a ride?"
"Could you?" He asked desperately.
"Yeah, just hold on. I'll be there in… fifteen minutes," she yawned and he heard the sheets of their bed rustling as she detangled herself from them.
"Oh god, I love you. Thank you so much, Iz. You're a lifesaver," Tom exclaimed as he let out a deep sigh of relief.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. You're buying me coffee in the morning though," she laughed lightly in response before hanging up. Tom would happily buy her coffees until the day she died if it meant she'd come and get him.
Tom sat on the curb in front of McDonald's feeling much more relaxed than he had ten minutes before. He felt pretty guilty having to wake Izzy up to come and get him, but he knew she didn't really mind. If she had been the one who needed a ride, he'd be there in a heartbeat for her, too.
They'd been together for nearly three years now, and Tom had loved pretty much every second of it. They just understood each other so well. They rarely ever fought (and if they did it was usually over who had to go out and buy milk or something stupid like that).
She was his other, better, half. If he needed advice on life, she was always willing to give it. If he needed someone to critique his lyrics or a new song idea, she was always willing to listen. If he needed someone to rant to about the stupid hypocrisies in the music industry, she was always willing to let him go on for as long as he needed.
And he always did the same for her. He loved listening to her talk. She was an actress, a wonderful one at that, and was constantly going to auditions or rehearsals. She would practice her lines with him, worry over the part with him, and ask him to help her dye her hair if the role was calling for a blonde or something instead of a redhead.
And he would always do so.
She was probably one of the best things that ever happened to him. Tom didn't know where he'd be without her. She was his rock, his stability. She was the one normal and dependable thing he had in the world. She was, and would always be, there for him. And he would always be there for her.
Tom sighed gratefully when her small Audi pulled into the McDonald's parking lot. He clambered into the passenger's seat and leaned over to kiss her cheek. She responded by smiling, shaking her head, and putting the car in drive.
"You look exhausted," Tom commented as she pulled the car back onto the road.
"You look drunk," she retorted, eyeing him with her peripheral vision.
"I'm sorry you had to come and get me. It's really late…" Tom felt guilt rip through his stomach again as he sank back into his seat.
"Yeah, it's late… but you know it's never too late to call me," she answered with a small smile. "You just have a tendency to get in over your head sometimes."
"Not my fault…" Tom laughed, unable to totally justify his defense. "My friends suck."
"Shut up, you love them," Izzy laughed through a yawn. Her eyes had dark circles under them as she blinked slowly. She was still in her pajamas.
"I love you more," Tom replied, thinking she'd never looked more beautiful.
"Oh, you're very drunk, aren't you?" Izzy laughed again, turning to look at him. He just smiled lazily up at her, nodding. She shook her head and turned her tired eyes back to the road.
Tom turned his eyes back to the road, too, and watched the yellow dashes fly by. They were kind of hypnotizing. They helped him relax and almost lulled him to sleep, but he fought it off. He could wait another ten minutes until they got home.
"Do you have an audition tomorrow?" Tom asked, trying to distract himself from the sleep that wanted to take over his body.
"Hm? What?" Izzy shook hear head, looking like she was coming out of some kind of trance.
"Tomorrow: audition?" Tom repeated.
"Oh, yeah, I've got one for a new West End show at eight in the morning," she replied, putting her attention back on the road.
"That's early!" Tom's eyes were wide.
"It's fine-"
"Now I feel even worse. You should be sleeping right now…" Tom groaned as he cursed Harry, Danny, and Dougie to the pits of hell.
"It's fine. We're only a few minutes… away," she yawned, fighting to keep her eyes open. Tom frowned, looking at her carefully, before turning his attention back to the road.
He was noticing now how the yellow dashed lines in the road were alternating between zipping by, and crawling by. Tom watched, confused, as they blurred together, and then slowed down enough for him to clearly see them, just to speed up and blur together again.
"Are you all right?" Tom asked Izzy, realizing that it was because the car was going from high speeds to low speeds every now and then.
"What? Yeah, I'm fine. Why?" She shook her head again, shaking her out of the trance.
"Why are you doing that with the speed?" Tom asked, confused.
"Doing what?"
"Going fast and slow?"
"I'm not doing that," she turned away from him with a frown. He was being a jackass.
"Sorry…" he apologized, feeling stupid. He was drunk. He was probably imagining things.
They were silent for a few more moments, and Tom tried to focus his brain more. Why did he feel like he was on a roller coaster? Was he getting the spins? Or was Izzy really accelerating and decelerating like he felt like she was?
"Izzy!" Tom gasped, as he looked over at her.
Her eyes had been shut.
"What?" She yelled back as her eyes flew open and she jerked the wheel. They swerved into the oncoming traffic lane before moving back into theirs.
"You were falling asleep!" Tom was shocked. Izzy was one of the safest drivers he knew. He'd never been able to imagine her falling asleep at the wheel.
"No I wasn't!"
"Yes you were! Pull over. We'll switch-"
"Are you bloody insane? You're too drunk to drive!" Izzy shot back at him. She was probably right about that.
"But you're too tired to drive! That's basically the same thing!" Tom retorted.
"We're nearly home!"
"Izzy, you shouldn't have come! You should've told me you were too tired!"
"It's only because I had to take a sleeping pill for tomorrow. I was too nervous about my audition!" She seemed fully awake now, as she hysterically argued with him.
"Aren't those the things that say do not operate machinery? You should have told me!" Tom felt hurt. He would rather have slept in the McDonald's parking lot than have forced her to do something like this.
"We're literally two minutes from home. I'll be fine-" but Izzy's words were cut off.
They hit the ice just before the telephone pole. She hit the brakes, but there was no escape. They were out of control. They were yelling, screaming, crying, but there was no way out.
The collision wasn't what Tom thought it would be. It was almost like an out of body experience. He felt jolted in his seat and was held in place by his safety belt. His arms flew forward though and hit the dashboard. His neck twisted oddly, and he knew he'd get whiplash later, but none of it actually hurt. He didn't really feel any of it at all. It was like every nerve system in his body had shut down, protecting him from all the pain he would feel.
There was silence for what felt like years. Tom opened his eyes and stared in front of him through the broken windshield. Every shard of glass, every cracked piece of plastic, every dent in the car hood, stood out to him as he tried to absorb the scene. The front end was hugging a large streetlight and was smoking slightly in the orange glow. Tom groaned and let his head fall back against the seat.
And then he looked at Izzy, unable to believe what had just happened.
"…Iz?" He croaked out as he realized her awkward position. She was bent all the way forward with her head resting against the steering wheel. She wasn't moving.
Tom reacted immediately. He unbuckled himself and moved over to her as much as he could. He bent her back so she was lying against he seat. Her eyes were closed. Her head was bleeding. Badly.
"Izzy? No, fuck, no!" He was yelling as he got out of the car and ran to her side, ripping her door back. He wasn't sure what to do. Was he supposed to get her out of the car? Did he leave her there? He couldn't just do nothing.
He ripped his phone out of his pocket and dialed the emergency number.
"Hi, yes, we've been in an accident! My girlfriend, she isn't awake! I don't know what to do!" Tom was hysterical. He was having trouble processing what was happening and his body was reacting in ways he didn't understand. He wanted to cry and sleep and talk to Izzy but she wouldn't open her eyes and he had no idea what to do.
The woman he was speaking with on the phone told him to calm down a couple of times. He couldn't calm down. That wasn't one of the options. He needed an ambulance and a doctor to tell him that Izzy was fine and that she just needed some rest. She was fine…
He'd managed to communicate to the woman where he was and she informed him that help was on the way. She said she'd stay on the line with him but he didn't care. He hung up on her. She wasn't the one he wanted to talk to. He wanted to talk to Izzy. He needed to talk to Izzy. Why wouldn't she just wake up?
"Izzy? Love, you've got to open your eyes… please," Tom was nearly crying. He was stroking her hair out of her face and trying to wipe away some of the blood. It was flowing too fast to be normal.
"You need to listen to me, okay?" Tom was talking to her, but mostly for himself. "You're going to be fine. Tomorrow, we'll both be okay and I'll buy you coffee and we'll both go to your audition and you'll get the part and we'll have a night in together and talk about how lucky we are to have each other and you'll be fine, do you hear me? You'll be fine," Tom repeated his little mantra again and again to himself, as if that would make the statement come true.
You'll be fine… you'll be fine… you'll be fine… you'll be fine…
The ambulance showed up and one of the EMT's had to drag Tom away from the remains of the car. Tom fought him though. He put up a good fight. He didn't want to leave Izzy's side.
"Sir, you need to stay calm! Come with me to the ambulance and we'll check your vitals-"
"That's my girlfriend! I need to be with her!" Tom shouted back angrily.
"Have you been drinking tonight, sir?" The EMT asked as he forced Tom to stay where he was.
"What the bloody hell does it matter? Yes, I was drinking. Izzy was coming to pick me up – oh god what are they doing?" Tom was craning his neck to see over the tall man in front of him. The other EMT's were maneuvering Izzy's body out of the car and onto a gurney.
"Sir, I need you to focus and tell me exactly what happened," the man in front of him was trying to hold Tom's attention but it was impossible. There was nothing on earth more important to him right then and there than being with Izzy.
"I'm riding in the ambulance with her," Tom told the guy, looking him directly in the face. The EMT nodded his head, finally understanding that he wasn't getting anywhere by fighting Tom, and led him to the large truck.
Tom sat directly next to Izzy's head. He watched like a hawk as the EMT's worked on her. He nearly bit one of their heads off as they went to cut open her shirt. They explained it was to see if she had any obvious torso damage. Tom stroked her hair back as they revealed the start of a large bruise where he seatbelt had cut into her.
"Collar bone is broken," one of the EMT's said as he placed a neck brace around her. Tom's voice caught in his throat.
"Possible spine damage," another one noted.
Tom couldn't listen any more.
He tuned them out completely, and focused all of his attention on Izzy's vacant face. Even unconscious she still looked beautiful. Tom wished he could see her eyes though. They were his favorite part about her. He liked it when they shined in the light as she laughed at a joke, or even when they swelled up with tears as they watched a sad movie. He liked comforting her.
"You'll be fine…" Tom whispered in her ear as he grasped her hand. "You'll be fine…"
Tom didn't know how long it took them to get to the hospital, but by the time they got there Izzy had an IV pumping more blood into her and another brace lining up her spine. Tom started following behind her stretcher as the EMT's loaded her out of the ambulance but he was stopped by the same one who'd pulled him away from the car.
"You can't go that way, sir. You have to wait in the waiting room."
"I want to be with her!" Tom was getting fed up.
"She's going into surgery; you can't go in there."
"Surgery? Why does she need surgery?" Tom asked, terrified. He must've missed that when he was tuning the EMT's out.
"The doctor will explain everything to you. The waiting room is through those doors on the left," he pointed towards a pair of swinging doors. Tom felt like he couldn't move.
"My girlfriend… she's… just please tell me she'll be all right," Tom looked at the man desperately now. He needed some kind of confirmation. The EMT had to give him that much…
The EMT looked down at Tom with much more sympathy now. It didn't make him feel any better.
"Just stay positive, okay? We have a great team and we're all doing the best we can," he said reassuringly, though Tom had a feeling that he had to say it to everyone. The EMT's face was solemn as he turned on his heel and went through the double doors behind Izzy's stretcher.
Tom stood motionless for a while, staring at the doors as if expecting everyone to come marching out with big smiles on their faces shouting "April Fool's!" and laugh at the joke.
But no one came out. No one was smiling. There was no big joke.
It was all too real for him. It was all too much. He couldn't walk through to the waiting room doors by himself. It would be like confirming all of the horrible events had happened. It would make everything a reality.
Tom took his phone out of his pocket. His hands were shaking; he hadn't even notice. He dialed a number, a random one, from memory.
"Ehh, Tom! Are you still stuck at Mickey D's?" Danny's voice was loud and happy. Tom didn't know how to respond, so he didn't. He just sat there, listening to the sounds of a party going on in the background. He remembered only an hour ago being at the same party, not worrying about life.
"Tom?" Danny sounded a little more serious now.
"I…" Tom didn't know how to explain what had happened. He didn't want to.
"Are you okay?" Danny asked, actually sounding worried.
"No, I'm not," Tom replied honestly. "I'm not okay at all.'
"What happened?" Danny, despite his obvious drunkenness, was as fully alert as he could be.
"Izzy… I don't know… accident… hospital…" Tom said a few important key words but left it at that. He couldn't go into detail.
"We're calling a cab right now." Danny didn't ask for more information and Tom was glad. He hung up his phone and sat down, waiting for his friends.
It was a bad idea.
He had nothing to distract himself from his thoughts. His mind went over the night's events again and again and each time he thought about them he realized how stupid he was. He should never have called Izzy. He should have called a cab or called one of his other friends who wasn't at the party. He should have walked home. He shouldn't have called Izzy. It was all his fault. She was getting surgery because of him.
His phone was ringing again. He put it to his ear without saying hello.
"Where are you?" Danny's voice asked immediately.
"I don't know… outside the waiting room on the first floor I think," Tom responded unhelpfully.
"We'll find you," Danny answered before they both hung up.
Only a couple minutes passed before Danny, Dougie and Harry rounded the corner and appeared in Tom's line of vision. They each had their own look of sympathy and worry on their faces as they approached him.
And it was that that finally set him off.
Tom started crying. He couldn't stop it even if he wanted to. It was all too much for him to take in. The fact that Danny, Dougie, and Harry had given up their night to come sit with him at the hospital where Izzy's life was on the line made it all to real. They looked so serious. They looked so sober, like they'd been snapped out of their drunken state.
He wished he could do the night over.
"Come here…" Harry extended a hand to Tom and pulled him off the floor and into a comforting hug. Tom didn't know what to do. He couldn't hug back. He couldn't move. So he just kept crying, probably getting Harry's shirt wet, as Dougie and Danny patted his back and tried to say comforting things that made no sense to him.
"Let's go sit in the waiting room," Dougie finally said to Harry and they steered Tom through the double swinging doors.
The room was depressing. It was all white and illuminated with florescent lighting, giving it a haunting glow. There were only two other people there, both sitting apart from each other with dead looks on their faces.
Tom knew his face probably looked exactly the same.
Dougie and Danny sat Tom down on one of the plastic seats. Harry went to the receptionist's desk and talked with her for a bit. Tom had no idea what they were saying.
"It's all my fault…" Tom eventually muttered long after his tears had stopped flowing and Harry had come back from the front desk.
"No, it's ours. If we hadn't left you at McDonald's and played that stupid prank-" Danny began but Harry interrupted him.
"We aren't going to place blame on anyone. She'll be fine…" He said.
"I'm going to have to call her parents…" Tom ignored Harry, thinking about the torturous phone call he would soon have to endure.
"Evan Thompson? Family of Evan Thompson?" A tall doctor in a white coat came through the door holding a clipboard and looking around at the people in the waiting room expectantly. A young woman stood up, pale as a ghost and made her way over to the doctor.
"I'm his mother," she whispered and the doctor nodded.
"Right, his surgery went well and he just got out of recovery. If you'll follow me I'll show you where his room is…" the doctor and the woman left the room.
It was silent for a few minutes as everyone held their breath for a new doctor with a new clipboard to walk through the doors calling out a new name.
"Tom…" Danny trailed off quietly.
"Yeah?"
"If… if it's not too much… what happened, exactly?" Danny asked, looking worried. "Why is she in surgery?"
Tom looked at his three friends to see them staring back at him anxiously. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He probably looked like a fish.
"We… she was driving… the car… I have to call her parents," Tom said, standing up and leaving his friends on the bench of plastic seats. They looked around in confusion as he exited the waiting room doors and took his phone out of his pocket again.
The phone rang three or four times before anyone picked up.
"Hello?" It was her mother. Tom's heart broke.
"Hi, Mrs. Gallagher…" Tom trailed off, trying to maintain composure.
"Tom? Is that you? Is everything all right, dear?" She asked already sounding worried. But that was probably how every parent reacted when they got a call at four in the morning.
"Mrs. Gallagher… there was… there was an accident…" Tom choked out, trying his hardest not to brake down again. He needed to stay strong only for a few more minutes... just until he finished the call.
"An accident? Oh no…"
"Izzy's… we're at the hospital. She's in surgery. It's best if you can come…" Tom spoke quietly.
"We're on our way now," she replied and then hung up without saying goodbye. Tom stood there with the phone next to his ear for a few more seconds, wishing he could reverse time.
"Did you call her parents?" Dougie appeared at the doorway looking worried. The young bassist had never been very good at dealing with difficult or depressing situations, and the fact that he was able to look at Tom with such sincerity and comfort in his eyes was a big deal.
"They're on their way," Tom responded, not able to look at his friend any more. If even Dougie was extending sympathy in a not-joking way, then the situation was serious. And Tom was still trying to avoid accepting that.
He walked passed Dougie back into the waiting room where Danny and Harry were whispering back and forth. When Tom took his seat again they stopped and looked at him.
"Her parents are coming," he informed them, looking down at his hands to avoid their gaze.
"Did you tell them what happened?" Harry asked curiously.
"Not over the phone…" Tom sighed, shaking his head.
"Mr. Fletcher?" Tom looked up immediately at the sound of his name as thousands of emotions flooded through him. Relief, terror, excitement, nervousness… he was shaking as he raised his hand and stood up to face the nurse who had addressed him.
"That's me," his voice broke.
"Could you come with me please?" She was holding a clipboard in her hand and looking at him with a serious look. He followed her without meeting any of his friend's gazes.
They walked silently through a maze of hallways and Tom tried to distract himself by memorizing their route. The first left, passed an intersection, then the next right. Through a set of swinging doors, the first right, passed three turns and then another left.
"If you don't mind, in here please," she opened a door to what looked like a conference room. Tom walked in and sat in the very last chair. She sat across from him with the same serious look on her face.
"Is there something wrong?" Tom asked right of the back, looking for some information. "Do you know how Izzy's doing? No one's told me anything-"
"She's still in surgery. I can't disclose anything else because you're not a blood relative."
"I called her parents and they're on their way right now," Tom informed her, hoping that it counted for something. She nodded her head and set the clipboard down, showing a chart with many blank lines.
"I need to ask you what happened tonight. It all goes in her medical file and may benefit her during her recovery," the nurse explained as she clicked open a pen.
"I… I have to tell you what happened?" Tom didn't like the sound of that. She didn't seem like a very understanding person. It still hadn't really sunk in and he didn't want to relive any of it.
"Yes, now if you please…" she trailed off, waiting for him to begin.
"Well… um…" Tom coughed, trying his hardest not to picture the scene in his head. "We were driving down the road and there was a patch of ice. We hit a telephone pole. Izzy was driving."
"Was she on any medications at the time of the crash?" The nurse asked as she scribbled the words. Tom was thankful they didn't have to talk about the actual incident in any more detail.
"No, not that I'm – well, she had taken a sleeping pill tonight… I don't know if that counts," Tom remembered, watching as the woman scribbled it all down.
"Was it a prescribed sleeping pill?"
"No, I think it was over the counter. She, uh, she has an audition for a play in the morning and her nerves were keeping her awake…" Tom explained, thinking sadly that there would be no way she could make it to her audition in three and a half hours. Not if she was still in surgery… "Why is her surgery taking so long? What's wrong?"
"I'm sorry, but I can't disclose that information-"
"She's my girlfriend – I'll marry her if that'll make you happy! Please just tell me something… anything," Tom begged, nearing the brink of tears again. The nurse stared at him for a couple seconds, her serious composure slipping a little bit. She looked pitying.
"I'm sorry, but I really can't tell you anything. When her parents get here we'll tell them everything we have, and then they can choose whether to tell you or not."
"Whether to tell me or not? Are you mad?" Tom was getting angry now. Why did there have to be a huge procedure? He was the one in the car with her! He was the one who'd called her out! He was her boyfriend! Didn't he have a right to know?
"I'm sorry, Mr. Fletcher. Thank you for helping me with the report but I'm going to have ask you to go back to the waiting room now-"
"Just tell me how much longer till she's out of surgery! That's not revealing anything medical. Just a time frame!" Tom bargained as the nurse stood up from her seat. She shot him and glare and shook her head.
"I can't. I'm sorry." And then she left the room.
Tom wanted to scream. He felt tired and sick and slightly hung over and all he wanted to do was see Izzy. She was the only one who could make him feel better. And she was in the hospital because of him and he had no idea what exactly was wrong with her. He just wanted some bloody answers…
His phone vibrated in his pocket. He took it out and read the text from Harry. Izzy's parents were there.
Tom slowly walked through the halls, trying to remember his way back. He felt like a zombie, walking only because he could and not knowing anything else to do.
"Tom…" As he reentered the waiting room, Izzy's mother looked up at him with teary eyes. Guilt hit him so hard in the gut it nearly knocked the wind out of him. "You're okay…" She sobbed and ran over and hugged him.
He felt like a liar. He didn't deserve her hug or her love. He was the reason her daughter was in the hospital. She should hate him. She should wish death upon him for letting her daughter get hurt.
"How are you?" Izzy's father was next to him now, checking him over for bumps and bruises.
"I'm…" he couldn't even finish the sentence.
"They haven't told us how she's doing yet. They say they can't confirm anything until she's out of surgery…" Izzy's mum had let go of her death grip on Tom but still had one arm wrapped around his waist. He felt like she was holding him to the ground, making sure he didn't float away.
"They haven't told me anything," Tom replied, shaking his head.
"We already told them that you're coming into the room with us when she's out of recovery. You might as well be a blood relative," her father spoke authoritatively, patting Tom on the back.
Tom's breath seemed to leave him. They were too good. They trusted him so much and he wasn't even able to protect their daughter. He was nothing. He was worse than nothing. He'd caused pain.
"Let's sit down," Izzy's father said, directing them all back to the seats with Danny, Harry, and Dougie. He seemed to notice Tom's instability.
They sat in complete silence. No one talked because no one had anything to say. They only sound was the ticking from the clock as ten minutes went by… then twenty… then thirty… then an hour… then an hour and a half… Harry and Dougie were asleep in the corner, using each other's shoulders as pillows while Danny listened to his ipod.
Tom thought he was going to crack.
"Mr. and Mrs. Gallagher? And… Mr. Fletcher? Would you please come with me?" The doctor appeared in the doorway with a clipboard in his hands. Dougie and Harry jerked awake and Danny took his headphones out.
"We'll be here when you get back," he said, looking at Tom carefully as he departed the room with the Gallagher's. He felt like he was going to be sick.
They walked through the hallways and no one talked. The doctor lead them down one hallway and then stopped in front of a closed door. He wasn't smiling.
"Give it to us quick, Doctor," Mr. Gallagher said quietly. He seemed to be sensing the somber attitude from the doctor as well.
"When the car collided with the pole," the doctor began, looking at Tom briefly, "Izzy's head hit the steering wheel at an extreme velocity. Her skull was fracture and the blood flow to her brain was kinked, almost like a hose," he explained slowly.
Tom winced at the imagery. He didn't want to imagine it.
"Also, when her seatbelt locked it caused some internal bleeding. We had to remove her spleen," he looked at all three of them as they gasped. "But many people live without their spleens. That isn't the problem."
"What is the problem?" Tom choked, terrified.
"It's the skull fracture. The blood flow was restricted long enough to send her into a coma…" he trailed off slowly.
Tom stared at the doctor, waiting for him to go on and say something. Anything. She'd woken up. She was fine. She'd be able to leave by the end of the day.
Nothing.
"When… when will she wake up?" Mrs. Gallagher asked, clutching onto her husband and Tom's hands.
"There's no saying for sure. She's on a crash alert and we're doing periodic fifteen minute checks on her for any change in her stability-"
"Crash alert?" Tom asked in a voice much higher than his normal one.
"While she was on the operating table she crashed due to swelling of her brain. We used CPR and she recovered, but she's under surveillance just in case," the doctor explained.
"Can we see her?" Mr. Gallagher asked desperately.
"Yes, you may," the doctor finally opened the door and they all walked in.
Tom felt like he was dreaming. It was all too strange to be real. Izzy, his beautiful, enthusiastic, alive Izzy, was lying in the hospital bed with her eyes closed hooked up to a wall full of different monitors. Tom heard Mrs. Gallagher let out a pitiful sob.
"I'll leave you all alone. If you have any problems, you can hit the Nurse Call button," he pointed to the large red button beside Izzy's bed before leaving to go give more bad news to some other family.
Tom hadn't been able to take his eyes off of her. The front part of her hair had been shaved off and a large white bandaged had been wrapped around her forehead. He could already hear her ranting on about having to wear hats to cover up the bald spot until her hair grew back. She would hate it, especially if there was a scar left.
"Oh Izzy…" Mrs. Gallagher went forward and clasped her daughter's hand. Mr. Gallagher stood directly behind her and they both stared down at Izzy as if she was still their little baby. Tom felt like he was intruding.
"Tom, where are you going?" Mrs. Gallagher turned to him in confusion.
"I was… I was going to give you all some alone time…" Tom responded in a robotic voice.
"No, stay, please. She'd want to know that you were here," Mrs. Gallagher sniffed as she let her daughter's hand fall. "I'm going to sit down…" she added and moved to the recliner seat next to the window. Mr. Gallagher went to sit next to hear, leaving Tom alone with Izzy.
He awkwardly pulled up a chair and sat on her right side. She didn't look like she normally did when she was sleeping. Usually she'd have an expression on her face, depending on what she was dreaming of. She'd be smiling or frowning or spewing words (she had a tendency to talk in her sleep…) and Tom loved to joke with her in the morning about it, asking what she'd been dreaming about.
But now she looked vacant and expressionless. She looked sick and hurt and broken and it was all his fault.
But she still looked beautiful.
Tom grabbed her hand and let out a sigh of relief when he noticed it was warm. He'd been expecting it to be freezing cold based off of her expression. But she was still warm, and that meant something. That gave him a little bit of hope. She'd be all right.
"Can you do me a small favor?" Tom whispered in her ear her, making sure not to disturb her parents. They looked like they were asleep. "Can you keep hanging on for me? You're strong and powerful. You're going to stay with me and we're going to grow old together and have like a billion babies even though you always say you hate kids. We're going to laugh at this when we turn fifty. We're going to die in our sleep when we're too old to even remember how old we actually are. You're going to wake up, all right? And everything will be just like it should… just do me that for me, okay?" Tom let his forehead rest on the pillow beside her ear. He could practically picture their life together as he said it. She would look beautiful as she aged (while he would probably look quite frightening with wrinkles) and they would live happily and healthily. They would be the luckiest people on the planet, just because they had each other.
"If I sing to you, will you do me that favor? Will you wake up?" Tom asked, not even bothering to lift his head or open his eyes. She loved it when he sang, but he always felt foolish if it was just the two of them. But he would do anything for her at this point. He'd sing for her whenever she wanted him to if she would just wake up.
"It's all about you… it's all about you baby… it's all about you… it's all about you…" he sang quietly, knowing that if she was somewhere in her body she could hear him even though he was only whispering. "Dancing on the kitchen tiles, yeah you make my life worth while, so I told you with a smile, it's all about you…" Tom hummed the last few lines in her ear as his hand gripped hers tighter. She loved that song.
"I love you so much… please wake up…" Tom pleaded. He needed her.
Then something happened. He wasn't sure if he'd imagined it or if maybe he was growing over tired, but he could have sworn he felt her hand twitch in his. Maybe a lot of people did that in situations like this? It wasn't like she couldn't move right?
"Tom?" His head whipped up faster than he'd moved all night. He kept his face close to hers, positive he'd heard her talk.
"Izzy?" He asked nervously.
Slowly, with much effort, her eyes peeled back. She blinked a coupled times before her lovely honey orbs locked onto his.
He started crying.
"Tom…" she stared at him for a few seconds and blinked every now and then.
But something was wrong.
"Izzy?" He said louder, waking up Mr. and Mrs. Gallagher. They rushed over, sighing with relief.
Tom wasn't quite so convinced.
"Tom… love… you… too…" her eyes held his for a solid second before she let out a breath and they slid closed. Her heart monitor crashed and flat lined.
"No…no, no, NO!" Tom screamed as he jumped up and pushed the Nurse Call button repeatedly. Alarms were going off and her parents were sobbing. Tom didn't know what else to do so he ran to the door and screamed down the hallway. "SOMEONE HELP!"
Nurses were running towards the room and doctors were following not far behind. Tom moved out of the way. He stood next to the window and watched as they tried CPR but nothing happened. They rolled in a crash cart and pushed Mr. and Mrs. Gallagher from the room. They shocked Izzy's chest through her hospital gown. Nothing happened. Tom sobbed. They shocked her again. Nothing happened.
"Izzy… please… not now…" he cried. A nurse noticed him in the back and tried to force him out of the room. Tom fought him by holding on to the window frame. Tom wasn't going anywhere. Not while Izzy suffered.
"1… 2… 3… CLEAR!" The doctor shouted, shocking her heart again.
And the flat line continued to beep.
There was a sense of defeat in the air and the rushed atmosphere seemed to evaporate. One of the doctors turned off the heart rate machine and the high pitched beep finally stopped.
But not how Tom wanted it to.
"Call it..." One of the doctor's said.
"NO! Don't give up! DO IT AGAIN!" Tom was shouting. It was too soon. They'd barely done anything! She'd woken up! She was still in there! He loved her!
"There's nothing more we can do-"
"YES THERE IS! YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN! AND AGAIN! DO IT UNTIL SHE WAKES UP!" Tom was sobbing hysterically. This couldn't be happening to him. Izzy was alive. Izzy had woken up. "She was awake! She woke up! DO IT AGAIN!" He shouted, unable to breathe. He'd fallen to his knees and pounded his fists into the hard marble floor.
"Come on, son. Let's get you out of here…" the doctor was at his side and tried to lift him up, but Tom shoved him away.
"I can't leave her… she's not… she can't be…" Tom couldn't think. He refused to say the words.
"I'm sorry, son. There's nothing more we can do…" The doctor's voice met Tom's ears but he couldn't see him any more. All Tom could see were memories of him and Izzy, laughing at Danny's stupid jokes or telling Dougie why something he'd said had been inappropriate. He saw Izzy on their first date in all her natural beauty as she ate her ice cream. He saw her beautiful glow after the first time they'd made love. He saw her eyes, her beautiful eyes, shining as he sang to her.
He couldn't accept she was gone. She was his other half. She was his life. She was the one stable thing he'd ever had in the world. Without her he had nothing. Without her he was incomplete. Without her he felt like the world was moving underneath him and there was no way he could balance himself.
Without her… he had no life.
"I'm sorry, son… she's gone."