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Here he was , lying on bed in the middle of the night , recalling it all .
The question is 'How would you react when your same-sex friend - who you eventually realized you like - is about to consider dating a girl ?'
Simple .. try to find flaws in that girl and convince your friend not to date her .
He went through that ..
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Flashback :
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." I don't know .. but I guess she is not nice .. I would not date her If I were in your shoes . "
I remember stuttering and fumbling with my fingers as I spoke my mind ..
Back then I was still his room-mate .
He had noticed me acting strange and started chuckling , questioning my opposition shortly after he was done sending me some suspicious stares .
" Zero ? Why is it that you don't like her ? Get straight to the point. "
And that's when I knew I was doomed . My friend and also the person I just recently discovered I have developed feelings for is so smart and persistent.
" I.. I think I'm in trouble.. " Again , I stuttered , almost sighing along as I covered my face and inwardly cursed .
Fuck my life !I didn't need to see his reaction , I knew him more than anyone .
He was probably wandering his eyes all about the room , wondering what kind of trouble I got myself into this time around .
And when he couldn't guess , he resorted to ask " What do you mean ? "
" I fell in love .. " As soon as I said that , his expression gradually changed , morphing into a teasing smile , making me internally whine . Normally , when you try to imagine such scene of two guys with one of them admitting he has a crush on someone , the said would be casually leaning on the headboard as he daydreams about a hot or cute girl .. However , in my case , I ended up being a massive nervous wreck even though I planned to be confident and firm about it .
" Why is that trouble , my friend ? " he asked in that teasing tone of his , shifting towards the edge of his bed , approaching mine , ready to tease me all the more . God ! I seriously wanna bury myself alive ." The thing is .. I fell for the person in front of me .. " I didn't dare meet his eyes until he started speaking , confirming he did hear me .
" .. It is not April's fool yet , is it ? "
And 'being delusional' or 'thinking I was joking' phase had officially started..
" I'm seriou- " I tried to talk , but he interrupted me almost immediately .
" No . You can't be . I won't allow you . "
He said it almost like an order.. A tone I have never heard him use with me before .. Akatsuki was almost glaring at me but I blinked back my emotions and focused on that line in particular.. Then anger started boiling in my blood .
" You won't allow it ? but .. you don't have the authority to tell my heart what to do.. " My desperate and pathetic confession mood has turned into barely concealed anger out of hurt , giving me courage to snap at him . As though a trigger , his words made me regain my normalcy and without realizing it , I could finally talk without stuttering , without fearing to meet his gaze . But what I saw there in his eyes didn't please me . I couldn't even begin to describe how devastating it made me feel .
" Maybe I don't.. but I do have authority to accept it or not ! "
And then he abandoned the room after sending me a quick look that I couldn't quite decipher .
The door clicked shut and at first , nothing happened . But then and as time passed by , about three things took place respectively .. I could feel something deep inside me shatter to million pieces . Then it sank in the ocean of rejection .. I Bitterly smiled as the thought hit me .. It kept sinking .. and sinking and sinking..
Because it was heavy .
My heart ..
I could hear it .. I could hear the crash of it shattering and the drop of it into water , sinking .
After spending few minutes just staring blankly at the door , I finally deemed it reasonable to pack my belongings and ask someone to switch rooms with me . Perhaps Senri or Takuma . Almost mechanically , I started packing my belongings . I knew he wouldn't exactly take it well but , saying I did not hope for a better response would be a lie . Akatsuki and I have many homosexual friends so the issue of liking the same gender should not be repulsive to him .. Did that mean I was problem ? or .. perhaps not being against homosexuals differs from actually turning into one .. Any ways , it matters not . He rejected me and that's the headline .
The question that imposes itself now is .. would he reject me even as friend after knowing about my feelings ?
sighing in a mixture of disappointment , sorrow , and rage , I dragged my trolley bag and switched the lights off , sparing one last fleeting glance at the room before leaving right away . I needed to hurry up before anyone decided to stroll down the hallway and gave me judgmental looks for carrying my bag this late ( switching rooms obviously ) and that would instantly mean something happened between me and Akatsuki which people would find even more entertaining than Kim kardashian's new instagram update .
Alone with my restless and raging thoughts , I nearly staggered my way to the room I had in mind .. How was I going to explain my sudden desire to switch rooms ? Did I make a bad decision by leaving my room ? Should I have stayed ? Would Akatsuki even care ? Where was he ? What was going on in his mind ?
My steps came to a halt as I belatedly noticed a very strong jasmine scent and the fact my fingers were prickled and bleeding from a thorn of a red rose . Wait .. what ? Snapping out of my thoughts , I looked around me , only to realize I was way past Senri and Takuma's room . I did not resist the urge to facepalm .. Just how the hell did I get so caught up thinking about him ? Now I stand at the end of the corridor where a collection of different plant and flower pots fill the area , our academy had tons of those scattered around to help us relax and find inspiration for our career .
I was suddenly tempted to stay alone , drop to the ground and let go of everything , just close my eyes and take a lungful of the sweet scent of roses . But realistically , I couldn't .. At some point , I would need to sleep , no matter how much nonchalant I pretend to be . Plus , the idea of drowning in self-pity right now did not appeal to me .. I'm stronger than that and .. a part of my heart refused to give in and cry , that part told me to hold my chin up high and mask my sorrow from everyone , including or perhaps , especially Akatsuki . Nodding to myself , I exhaled deeply and turned around , heading towards my friends' room , this time determined to reach my destination and not let anything occupy my mind .
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" What happened ? He couldn't have kicked you out . And you would never give up your room unless something really bad happened between you two . " Takuma asked first thing as he let Zero in . There had been a few silent seconds of him staring at the other's luggage of course . the cheerful expression he wore to welcome the shorter male instantly changed into confusion and disbelief as soon as he noticed and realized the situation altogether .
" He didn't . But well .. I could tell my existence was no longer welcomed . " Zero rubbed his neck , feeling nervous and awkward as the blonde elder helped him move his bags whilst Senri watched , as if waiting for the newcomer to break down . He had been lying on his bed , playing with phone and when Zero came in with his belongings , he kind of stiffened , as if afraid the moment he would acknowledge the younger's presence , he would also end up hurting his feelings . Which made Zero wonder if they already knew .. Or at least had the faintest idea of what was going on .
In any case , he was not in the mood to talk about Akatsuki .
Avoiding the topic for now , the silverette explained " We kind of had an argument and the atmosphere is kind of tense between us . so I was wondering if I could switch rooms with any of you until we settle things out ."
Settle things out ? yea right ..
" Of course . Actually , I'd love to have a different room-mate , for a change . " Takuman joked , probably trying to lighten the atmosphere in his own way . Though it still did earn him a ' what the fuck ' look from Senri . Zero chuckled half heartedly at that . He wasn't exactly guilty for asking them to switch rooms . They were , after all , Akatsuki's friends before they were Zero's . Which meant they would have no problem staying with him in one room for some time .
Eventually , Takuma agreed to switch rooms with Zero . He packed some of his necessities and left , intending to resume packing in the morning . It was already late and sleeping seemed the best choice for all of them .
After all , they knew Zero would not disclose anything any soon and really , they didn't want to force him , which he appreciated -immensely- . And since any other conversation would have been awkward , Senri made sure Zero did not need the lights before switching it off . After that , he went back to his bed and bid the other good night , conveying how much it would be better if Zero did just that instead of staying up , thinking about whatever had transpired earlier between him and Akatsuki . Easier said than done .
After few minutes , the silverette knew the elder was already asleep judging by his relaxed state and steady breathing . As his gaze traveled to the purple bed sheets , Zero chuckled weakly . Almost everything in the Senri's corner was purple .
In Zero's opinion , the mahogany haired male had a very unhealthy purple obsession .
How unhealthy ?
Well , if he had to choose between a black smooth safe path and a dangerous purple one full of turns and obstacles , he would blindly choose the dangerous path just because it was purple !
Well , ignoring how ridiculous of an example that was ( because really , where the hell does a purple path exist ? Nowhere ) , Zero decided he needed and deserved some rest .
His brain must be starving for a break after all of his inner turmoil . He was certain of that . otherwise , he would have never entertained such an example to show how unhealthy Senri's obsession was .
What kind of topic is that any ways ?
Had he really sank so low in despair that he needed trivial issues to distract him from his lovesick dilemma ?
A voice in the back of his mind whispered wickedly ' because Akatsuki has an equally unhealthy obsession with black .'
Can't I have a goddamn break ?
All of a sudden , his eyes moistened and cheeks warmed . Instinctively , he moved his eyes to see if Senri somehow miraculously chose that moment to wake up . Fortunately , he didn't .
Now back to the ceiling , his gaze faltered and eyebrows furrowed , lips quivered and freely ran a torrent of tears down his cheeks . He had always felt that silent crying signified a more heartbreaking sorrow than loud sobbing . He couldn't explain why though . but he knew for sure that his feelings for Akatsuki ran deeper than a simple attraction .
on one hand , he wanted to stop and calm down . yet on the other , he knew he had to let it all out . Because if he doesn't , he had a feeling it would strike back when he least expected , maybe even in public . and he couldn't afford making a scene .
Then again and thinking back , he only had himself to blame . A sad smile adorned his face at that . If only he hadn't confessed , none of that would have happened . But he couldn't keep it a secret anymore . He was worried it would start showing on his face and actions . And he certainly didn't want his feelings to be forced out of him like that ..
Of course , he didn't expect the flame haired male to fly into his arms and confess he felt the same . However , nothing could have prepared him for the pain the instant rejection brought about .
Well , the damage was done . Neither of them could pretend that nothing had happened and go back to being friends . He was going to have to stop acting like a drama queen and move on , right ?
How hard can it be ?
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2428 words
updated 12 nov , 2017