Title: Close your eyes
Written by: moose_freckles
Rating:PG
Author Notes: English isn't my first language and this is my first fic. In other words, be kind! :)
"Sammy, close your eyes...", 4 year-old Dean Winchester whispers to the baby in his small arms, standing in front of their burning house. His young, white, freckled face is lit by the warm, flickering shadows of the flames that dance and destroy. A bright, beautiful nightmare in the dark November night that is taking away their mom, their dad's sanity, their childhood and any chance of them having a normal life.
Dean Winchester feels so young, scared and sad, but he knows one thing: he's the one who is going to protect his little brother.
***
"Sammy, close your eyes...", 8 year-old Dean coos to his 4 year-old brother Sam. Their dad's gone again, God knows for how long, and as often, Sam's nightmares keep him from sleeping. His tears run down his cheeks and on his pillow but his hiccups gradually stop. Dean's stroking his hair and it feels good. When Dean finally lies down next to him and takes his hand, he knows he's going to be fine. His big brother solves everything.
***
"Sammy, close your eyes...", 18 year-old Dean hurriedly says to a 14 year-old Sam as he steps protectively in front of him. A few feet away, their dad violently beheads a vampire and gets soaked in blood. Dean's used to the gory mess of a hunt but he certainly doesn't feel comfortable knowing his little brother gets to be thrown into it, witnessing their dad's rage and violence. Dean hunts the monsters too, but he wishes Sam wouldn't have to.
***
"Sammy, close your eyes...", 28 year-old Dean begs his not-so-little brother. Sam hasn't slept for days and doesn't seem to be able to. Because Dean is going to Hell. Because it's all because of him. Because he must save him. Because every second he has left with him counts. It's 3 in the morning and Sam lies in his bed, wide awake despite the agonizing exhaustion that is eating him. Dean comes to Sam's bed, gets under the covers and nudges him to get some room. Sam seems surprised but doesn't say anything. Just like when they were children, Dean takes Sam's hand and puts his leg over his. Sam remains silent but he slowly leans against his big brother, resting his head on his shoulder. When Dean feels Sam's hand pressing his, he knows he's going to be alright. He uses his free hand to stroke Sam's hair, just like he used to do many, many years ago. Dean hears Sam whispering "I love you", but he convinces himself that he heard wrong. Because Dean doesn't deserve love. Dean is the one who loves. He isn't loved. Dean loves and Dean protects. It's always been like that. Dean protects his baby brother.
***
"Sammy, close your eyes...", 35 year-old Dean Winchester whispers to Sam Winchester who's on his knees, his face wet with his tears. With the scythe of Death himself held tightly in his hand, Dean watches Sam. His Sam. And Sam looks up at his big brother from the floor, tears running down his face, eyes pleading. Dean can't be moved by that, not this time. He has to do it. It's the only way. But as Sam refuses to close his eyes and chooses to keep watching Dean until the very end - like Dean is the only picture he wants his life and world to end with- all he does is scream silent " I understand"s, silent "I forgive you"s, silent "I'll always love you"s. The scythe is still held tight. Ready to fly.
Dean Winchester feels so old, scared and sad, but he knows one thing: he's the one who is going to kill his little brother.