He took his glasses off and gently placed them on the nightstand by his bed, laying down knowing he wasn't going to sleep a lot tonight. It's been almost a year since he moved to Tokyo, but he still misses that blond head bobbing through the crowded hallways after class each day, and still thinks about him every night. Sometimes he wishes he had never met Nagisa Hazuki. Back at graduation he had thought about telling him how he felt but he figured if it did work out it wouldn't be fair to Nagisa to say something like that just to leave for Tokyo a few days later.
He gave up on sleeping for a while, and instead resolved to go watch TV.
X-X-X
He had fallen asleep on the couch, when he awoke to a soft knock at the door. He hauled himself of the couch and checked the clock on the wall, four-thirty AM, he distantly wondered why someone was waking him up so early as he peered through the peep hole. He was surprized by the most tragically beautiful scene he had ever seen in front of him. He threw the door open.
"Hi, Rei."
It was Nagisa, but everything was wrong, his trademark bright pink eyes were sunken in and empty, his usually colourful apparel replaced with dark jeans and a plain black t shirt that hung off his figure, two sizes too big, even his greeting was missing the endearing suffix he always used to use.
"N-Nagisa? What are you doing here?" Rei said looking him up and down, concerned.
"I was lonely; everyone else left the country, so I came to visit you." He smiled, but it was completely void of any actual happiness.
"Come in, you must be tired from you're trip, you can have my bed, I'll sleep on the couch."
"Okay, I'm sorry I just kinda showed up."
"No, it's okay, I missed you," he caught himself, "I miss everyone."
"I missed you too." You thought you heard his breath hitch a little.
"It's nice to see you again, I'd like to talk but it's late and you look tired, we'll catch up in the morning."
Rei showed the blond his room and the bathroom and left him to get to bed.
X-X-X
The next morning, Rei had felt slightly better rested, he was glad to see Nagisa again, but the condition of the boy made his heartache. It was obvious something was wrong but he couldn't figure out what.
"Is it okay if I shower?"
"Yeah, go ahead, are you hungry? I could start breakfast while you do that."
"Actually on my way passed the bakery down the street last night I saw some muffins that looked really good on the sign, I was going to go see if I could get some, would you like me to bring you back some?"
"Oh, yeah okay. Thank you, Nagisa."
He nodded his response and headed for the bathroom.
X-X-X
After Nagisa left, Rei found he didn't have much to wear, he thought he had done laundry this week, but he must have forgotten. As he was taking the clothes out of the laundry hamper, he noticed Nagisa's clothes on the floor, he picked them up to add them to the load and noticed the tag on the shirt, it was a men's small, so why did it look so big on him? He passed it off as an error at processing and finished the laundry.
Nagisa returned almost an hour later, and handed Rei a tray of muffins, two were missing, Rei had one then placed the container on the counter, they spent what was left of the day catching up, Nagisa elaborated upon the trips their friends were on, Makoto and Haru went to America together and Rin took Nitori and Gou to Australia for the summer. It wasn't long before Rei offered to cook again and Nagisa insisted on getting them some take-out.
X-X-X
During the course of a few days Nagisa had become comfortable enough to move through the apartment on his own. Rei tried a few times to ask if he was okay, but Nagisa blew it off, saying he had just gotten over a cold before he left, or that he wasn't sleeping soundly in a strange bed. Rei knew they were lies and it was beginning to wear on his nerves that Nagisa felt he couldn't open up to him.
Without thinking he went to his room to get his glasses cleaner, and walked in on Nagisa changing. Being in a swim club together meant Nagisa probably wouldn't care even if he was naked, but Rei still felt the need to apologize.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I just needed my cleaner." Pointing towards his glasses, he noticed something he would have noticed even if he weren't wearing them.
"It's no big deal, Rei... Rei?" he noticed the taller boy inspecting his shirtless figure.
Instead of a response, he walked across the room and took the shirt from Nagisa's hands, different brand, still a small. He looked back at Nagisa then picked up another shirt off the floor, same results. The evidence hit him like a train, the change in attitude, the change in wardrobe, his eyes and his convenient absence during meal time… Nagisa was deeply depressed and starving himself, and desperately needed help before something went wrong.
"Rei? Is something wrong?"
"Nagisa."
"What?"
Rei held up the shirt. "This is too big on you."
"So? It's just something I picked up from the thrift store, it's probably the wrong size." Both boys knew that was a terrible lie.
"It's a small."
"Rei—"
"Have you been eating?"
"What?"
"Have you been eating?" Rei reiterated, sternly
"Yeah, I've been eating, what kind of question is that?"
Rei ignored the question, "Really? What have you eaten since you got here?"
"I had muffins, pizza, and a lot of other food!" he was starting to get defensive.
"Nagisa, I offer to make food every day, but you conveniently leave to go and get take-out, or pastries, or something… but I haven't seen you eat anything-"
"This is stupid!" He cut Rei off, "Why are you arguing with me? I am eating, Rei, you don't have to worry so much! I can look after myself."
"Then why did you come to me?" Nagisa cringed, then crossed his arms defensively, "You came to me for help didn't you?" Rei lead him to the mirror, "Look, you are too thin, you look sickly, you're eyes are sunken and tired looking and this—"He held up the black t shirt, "What happened to you, that made you change your behavior so extremely?"
Nagisa stared at the mirror and Rei saw something flicker in his eyes, was that anger?
"I'm sorry I'm so much trouble." The words felt like ice gripping his heart.
It was anger. "Nagisa, that's not what I me—"
He cut Rei off again, "No, it's fine, I'll show myself out."
He started gathering his things, "Nagisa! You know I didn't mean that, please stay!"
Nagisa flung his backpack onto his shoulder, "No, I'm not going to stay where I'm unwanted."
Rei was shocked; he followed the rampaging blond through the apartment, "What do you mean?"
Instead of a response, Nagisa slammed the door shut between them, immediately Rei felt the distance, but thought he'd give him some time to cool down before trying to text him.
X-X-X
The next morning, he awoke to his text tone. He sat up, put glasses on and brought it up; it was from Makoto.
Hey Rei its Makoto.
What happened last night?
Nagisa texted me and said he
was coming back.
Rei thought the context over for a minute, and then replied.
Coming back? He told
me everyone left the
country and that's why
he came to see me.
Few moments later and a call came through, he picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Rei what happened? Nagisa told us you rejected him, and he's coming home."
"Rejected him? I was trying to help him, he's ungodly thin and acting strangely."
"He's thin?! How long has he been staying with you?" Rei cringed at the sudden change in volume.
"A few days, Why?"
"What?! But we—Hey!" he was cut off mid-sentence.
"Rei." It was Haru, "He left over a month ago, he started acting out, and wasn't sleeping right for months," Rei cringed, he thought back to Nagisa's tired empty eyes, and disposition. "We finally got him to admit he was depressed, he told us it was because he missed you too much, so we convinced him to get some money and go see you."
Rei felt terrible, "He told me he was lonely because everyone else left. I didn't know he was here that long, he just showed up early morning a few days ago. He left because we had an argument about his health, he's too thin, and he's not eating, he avoided being here when it was time to eat… he was wearing dark clothing. I should've tried harder to help him. It's my fault he feels like one of his best friends abandoned him."
A harsh sigh came over the line, "Are you really that dense?" Rei could hear Makoto telling Haru not to get involved in the background, but he was ignored, "No one gets this upset over a friend, he was talking about needing to talk to you at graduation, but he never did, and after you left he got depressed."
"What are you trying to say?"
"He's in love with you, and when you guys got into an argument he got scared and ran. He said he was coming home now so if you don't get to the train station and tell him you feel the same, you're never going to see him again."
Rei didn't even question how Haru knew how he felt; he just hung up and ran out the door.
X-X-X
"Did you really have to be so blunt?" Makoto asked as Haru handed him back the phone.
"If I wasn't nothing would have changed, just like every time before."
"I hope you're right."
X-X-X
Rei had run four blocks to get to the train station, when he got there, there was only one person there, Nagisa. In a fit of adrenaline and blatant courage, he ran up behind him, grabbed his arm, and before the smaller boy could react, spun him around and kissed him hard and feverishly. Almost immediately Nagisa's hands moved to Rei's hair, deepening the kiss, but it wasn't long before Rei reluctantly broke the kiss.
He looked down at Nagisa to ask him to stay but he lost his words when he saw those tired, empty eyes fill with tears. But Nagisa was smiling, "What took you so long?"
Rei brought his hand up and wiped away the tears and lifted his chin, "I honestly don't know." He said, tears making his voice crack.
Nagisa looked at him, "Let's go home." He said, Rei smiled, remembering a popular phrase, Home is where the heart is.