A small note before we begin, as this is a fanfiction, there will be altercations to canon parts of the story, for example, barring Miyuki, Shizuku, and Honoka, the important first years, i.e. Tatsuya, Erika, Leo etc will have been born a year early, while the important third years such as Mayumi, Mari, Katsuto, etc will have been born a year later, therefore making the former first and third years the same age.

Another thing, this is just a trial chapter so I can get the feel of things in this fandom while also gauging reception to this fics premise. If enough people like it I will continue, however I cannot promise frequent updates, as if you have read any other of my stories (which will most likely be deleted in the near future) you'll know that I'm a shitty updater. Again this is subject to change in the next little while after school finishes up for me.

If anyone is interested in being this stories beta reader, please do send me a PM and if you have any constructive ideas for me, again please do PM me and I'll consider them. Reviews and constructive criticism are always appreciated. Flames will be either ignored or called out in the next chapter depending on their levels of stupidity, because let's face it, most flames are stupid…

Finally, this is my first crackfic, so try not to expect too much from me, I'd like to think I'm funny, but this is not always the case, so again, give me your wonderful ideas! If I don't get any feedback, I can't improve my writing.

-Review Response- (So far mostly positive)

Lolu123 - Your review is much appreciated and thank you for the constructive criticism, I hope you continue to enjoy this story. (and I hope I can continue to write it...)

EX-Asura Regalia Tensai - I'm glad you enjoyed that :D thanks for the positive reinforcement.

(The non-positives...)

Westill - Du grand n'importe quoi ! You don't understand the mahouka's characters !

1. Okay, so firstly, this is a bit of a note to everyone. This fic is written in English, so I respectfully ask everyone to review in English. Not Korean, not French, and not even German, JUST English please. I would appreciate being able to understand what you're saying and whether or not you're trying to insult me. Thank you.

2. You don't say… in fact, you're absolutely right, I don't understand the Mahouka characters, that's why I'm writing this fic, so I can understand what makes them characters and write them better. Like I said, this is something of a trial chapter and I was expecting to get some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism so that I could rewrite it. Seeing as your review is neither relevant nor constructive it will be completely ignored after this point.

Yes readers, your review can be totally negative and so long as you don't flame and you offer relevant constructive criticism, I won't call you out on it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Mahouka Koukou no Rettousei.

Tatsuya Shiba had always held a strong belief that most of the Earth's population were fucking morons which resulted in his complete lack of faith in the majority of the human race. This conclusion was probably caused from being essentially lobotomized by his own mother at a very young age. His sister was able to escape the lobotomization, however she possessed the unlocks for the Material Burst seal inside of him. Essentially, he was a living WMD and his sister was the person who pressed the shiny red button.

This in itself was a fail safe, because Tatsuya lacked every emotion, except his familial love for his sister, he would not be able to throw Material Bursts around willy nilly, and the only reason he would want to use the MB would be if his sister died, and since his sister was the only one with the keys, he would be unable to destroy the world, however if the need arose to use MB his sister would have to unlock it for him.

Unfortunately for the world, the fail safe only worked if one of the siblings gave a shit about the world which was not the case. Even if Miyuki did care about the world she valued her precious Onii-sama much more, so she would probably do whatever the hell he asked her to do as long as he gave her a pat on the head afterwards.

This fact had not escapen Yotsuba Maya, Tatsuya and Miyuki's aunt and the head of the Yotsuba clan. Similarly to her niece and nephew, Maya was not a very big fan of the world either, however seeing as she lived on the planet and was probably on their shit list anyway, she came to the conclusion that she had to separate them lest the world (which included her) be blown to hell before she could develop countermeasures for her and the rest of the Yotsuba's safety. Her solution to this? Arranged marriages.

This way, she could gain political allies, and separate the potential threat to the planet (and her). She may have been viewed as a sneaky bitch- scratch that, she totally WAS a sneaky, crafty, cold hard bitch. But with this, she thought, she was the unsung hero of the fucking planet. Ironic really. With that thought in mind, she rewarded herself by drinking herself to sleep after arranging a meeting with her former lover.

(LINE BREAK)

Saegusa Kouichi could barely contain his surprise, and suspicion, for at that very moment, Yotsuba Maya stood in front of him (anything involving a Yotsuba should be a warrant for suspicion, especially if it involved Maya) with a proposal, a marriage proposal to be exact, between his eldest daughter and her nephew.

Kouichi Blinked in confusion under his sunglasses, "...what?"

"Think of him as a peace offering,"

"So... you're not trying to kill us…?"

"Oh heavens no!" she said a little over dramatically "Why would I try to kill a potential powerful ally that I can easily obtain by political marriage? Plus I can get rid of this… thing," she said as she gestured to her nephew.

'This is the tricky part,' Maya thought, she'd have to make Kouichi think she didn't like her nephew. If she didn't he'd be even more suspicious of her then he undoubtedly already was.

Kouichi raised his eyebrow, "You speak of him as if he is worthless,"

Maya crossed her arms, "Well he's not completely worthless I suppose, he may be a terrible magician, but he'd make a decent guardian,"

Kouichi considered the proposal, on one hand, there was his daughter's happiness, and on the other, there was his daughter's safety as well as a political alliance with the Yotsuba's which would provide considerable influence among the magic community, not to mention it may potentially allow him to keep tabs on some of their movements.

He took a good look at the boy, messy dark hair, ice blue eyes, and an expressionless face. The boy would certainly be considered handsome, but the boys handsomeness would only get him so far, especially with Mayumi.

"And what are your terms to this engagements, Yotsuba-san?"

Maya smirked, "You have to take him in with you, seeing as he will also be working as your daughter's guardian,"

"Very well, I accept,"

"Wonderful, I'll send you a marriage contract within a few days, now then, go along Tatsuya," Maya said as she pushed her nephew towards Kouichi and his daughter.

"Please take care of my nephew," Said Maya as she turned to leave, "Oh and one last thing, he's an emotional retard so have fun with that!" she said cheerfully as she slipped out the door, leaving a sweat-dropping Kouichi while his daughter stared curiously at the boy in front of her.

Outside the door, she smirked in victory, 'Yes! Mission accomplished!"

(LINE BREAK)

Sighing in both relief and defeat, Kouichi turned his attention towards the young man silently observing his daughter, "So, Tatsuya was it? What is your opinion of the situation you find yourself in?"

"Do I have your permission to express my honest opinion Saegusa-san?"

"Yes,"

"Anyone with the last name Yotsuba, barring a select few, can burn in hell,"

Hmm, perhaps he would grow to like this boy.

Note that this will probably not remain the first chapter. Hopefully after constructive criticism I'll be able to re-write it better.

1'st draft published: May 30, 2016

Editted: May 30, 2016 (Note minor edit, not the re-hash that I'm expecting to need to do but even so, in just a day, I have garnered quite a fair bit of support, so thank you everyone and a good day/night to you.)