Author's note: all usual disclaimers apply. It contains strong sexual reference and minor sexual activity but is not M, more T+.

"Thank you, Winston."

Tommy Lynley tried to open the door to his office. It was locked. "I'm sure I didn't lock it," he muttered as he reached in his pocket for his keys. He opened it and stepped inside.

"Orrrh."

"What the...?" Tommy stood with his hand still on the door and stared at his sergeant who was lying on his floor with her head on the cushion from his visitors' chair.

"Orrrh."

Tommy shut the door quietly and watched her. Barbara's face was softer in sleep. She looked at peace, something that she rarely did awake. He had not realised how much tension his prickly partner held inside. She had improved over the years, and they had even shared moments of great tenderness, but watching her now, he could see how much further there was to go. Not that he was an expert. Life had battered them both, but Tommy was less concerned about himself.

"Uh." Barbara rolled onto her back.

He knelt down and gently touched her cheek. "Time for sleepy sergeants to wake up."

"Huh?" Barbara opened her eyes slowly. Tommy watched them gradually focus. He smiled as they went wide with alarm. "Sir? What are you doing here?

He shook his head and chuckled softly. "It is my office, Barbara."

She blinked, looked around then sat up. "Err, yes. Sorry. I thought you'd taken Winston to lunch for that heart-to-heart about taking his sergeant's exams."

"I did. We're back."

"I can see that." Barbara scrambled to her feet and put the cushion back on his chair. "What did he say?"

"He said he would do it if you sit your Inspector's exam."

"Agh. I am not going through that palaver."

"That's what I said. I told him you were too scared to sit them."

Barbara put her hands on her hips. "You said what?"

Tommy smiled then sat behind his desk. "You heard me."

Barbara snorted. "What about your next exams?"

"I passed them years ago."

"So why are you still...?" She lowered her head and glared at him. "You're already one, aren't you?"

Tommy pretended to look in his drawer for a pen. "One what?"

"A DCI."

"Would it matter if I was?"

"Yeah, because you never told me."

Tommy looked up. "I'm sorry. It was just after the Thomson case, and..."

"That was nearly three months ago."

"Yes, I..." He did not want to say why. He was not sure he knew. It had just not felt right to tell her.

"You didn't want to rub my nose in my failings."

Tommy frowned. "No. You're human and you didn't fail. That's only in your head."

"Then why?"

"I... didn't want you to think of me any differently," he said slowly.

Now Barbara frowned. "I would have been happy for you. I am happy for you."

"Thanks, but it's not a big deal."

She crossed her arms and stared at him. "You still say Inspector Lynley when we interview people."

Tommy continued to hunt in his drawer for a non-existent pen. "Do I?" Tommy had been very careful the way he had managed official interviews and the tapes but it had been hard continually finding excuses for Barbara to join him late after he had started the tape and given his name and rank.

"Are they going to separate us?"

Tommy looked up. She had slumped against his wall. The fear in her voice surprised him. "No," he hastily reassured her. "I made sure of that."

Barbara nodded. "Okay." She did not look convinced.

Tommy stood and walked around his desk. He put his hand on her upper arm and rubbed it gently up and down. "They won't. I will not let that happen, I promise. But you need to sit those exams."

"If I do my exams then they will separate us." Barbara looked up at him then narrowed her eyes. "What aren't you telling me?"

Tommy took a deep breath. "They want me to head a new section focussing on criminal gangs. Of course, I will insist you come too, but... I will be a Superintendent, so..."

"You can't have a lowly sergeant as your partner." She stepped away from him but his hand closed around her arm.

"It's not that at all. There will be six of us and no one will have a specific partner, so we could easily manage it so nothing much changed. But the 2IC position is for an Inspector. You deserve it and... I nominated you to Hillier."

"Without asking me? How dare you?!" She struggled to pull free.

Tommy stepped in front of her and wrapped his arms around her. "Because I..." She stopped dead and looked up at him, her eyes soft but full of confusion. He smiled then released her. "I'm sorry. I should have told you."

Barbara shook her shoulder as if shaking off the feel of him. "When are the next exams?"

"Three weeks."

"Three weeks! I can't learn everything in three weeks."

"You know most of it. Inspector exams are easier than sergeant exams. You just need to polish up a bit. I can help you."

"I'll think about it." Barbara turned and walked towards the door.

"Why were you asleep at lunchtime?"

"I haven't been sleeping well." She opened the door.

"Barbara shut that door and come back here."

She closed and turned but did not step forward. "I feel like I've been sent to the principal's office."

"Don't. I'm not angry, I'm worried. Is something bothering you?"

"No."

"That wasn't very convincing."

"I... do you ever look in the mirror and ask how you ever let yourself get to this point? Wonder about what your life could have been?"

Tommy frowned then nodded. "Yes, I do."

"And how do you cope?"

"Whisky."

"Yeah, that'd really help."

"Sometimes it does." Tommy stood and walked over to her. He wanted to comfort her in some way. "Barbara, that sort of thinking can be very self-destructive. I don't have answers, but I can listen if that will help."

She shook her head. "I... don't have the words. It's just since the Thomson case... I can't trust myself, and I don't sleep well. I don't sleep much at all."

"My office is always available, but I might have to start charging for the use of that cushion."

Barbara gave him a weak smile. "Rip off merchant. That's as hard as a bloody rock and your floor is worse."

"My bed is soft."

Barbara opened her mouth then snapped it shut. "Good for you," she said eventually.

Tommy had not meant to say that. It had slipped from his subconscious to his vocal cords without going via his brain for checking. It sounded like he had just propositioned her, which was not an abhorrent thought, but certainly an unexpected one, and one that was inappropriate in his office. "I meant my spare bed. If you are having trouble sleeping at home, a change of scenery might do you good. You could come over tomorrow night and stay for the weekend. I could help you study for those exams."

She looked up at him with a mix of gratefulness and defiance. "I haven't said that I will take them yet."

"Think about it. You can let me know tomorrow."

Sergeant Havers arrived at work and tucked her rucksack under her desk. As usual, Barbara had slept for no more than an hour. Her had mind churned the issues as she considered Tommy's offer. She wanted to be in his new squad, and she wanted to be his 2IC. After all this time, she needed whatever it was they shared. The thought of not being with him each day, not solving problems together, and him not needing her was unbearable. She had to pass that exam. She had taken the Tube fearing that if she drove, she might change her mind. She still had that option. It depended on how the day went. It was after all just about him helping her study, and hopefully sleeping more soundly.

When Tommy walked through the door he smiled but she sensed something was on his mind. "Morning, Sir."

"Good morning, Barbara. Did you think about my offer?"

She nodded, aware that her skin felt hot. "I have my bag."

"Excellent." His smile wiped away the hesitation he had worn when he walked in. Had he feared she would say no? And why would that matter to him? He stood looking at her as if expecting her to say something more.

Barbara finally spoke. "Right, well I had better get on with the background checks on Jenkins."

His brow briefly furrowed. "Yes, yes of course. The team briefing is at nine." He gave her another quick smile then went to his office.

All day Tommy fretted that Barbara might change her mind. He had tried to work out why this weekend mattered so much. Partly it was that he wanted her to do well in her exam. He also hoped she might sleep better. The issue that disturbed him was that he wanted her there because it would make him feel better. He had learned to live with the loneliness but being with Barbara soothed a deeper need. With her, he felt more alive and open to a world he preferred to shut out which was ironic given everyone thought they disappeared into their own private world.

Barbara knocked on his door just after five. "Ready?"

He looked up and smiled as he shut down his computer. "Of course. Why don't we go home and settle you in, then head to my local for a few pints and dinner?"

"I thought you would have me studying all night."

"Plenty of time for that. I think you should relax first. You look tired."

"Yeah, last night was a bad one. I didn't get to sleep until after three, and woke at four fifteen."

Tommy frowned. "Then I insist on a peaceful evening and getting you off to bed nice and early."

Barbara grinned at him. "Yes, Dad."

The evening was longer than Tommy had expected. They enjoyed steak and chips, albeit with a watercress salad that Barbara rolled her eyes at. Over a few pints, they talked about the exam. Back at his house, they stood by the fire and continued with a few fingers of his smoothest Scotch. The conversation turned more personal when Barbara confided that she had not slept well since being wrong about Tania.

"It's like she haunting me. I can't stop her, I can't even touch her. It's just a menacing presence that keeps me awake."

"Thinking about her?"

"Yeah, and life in general, us..."

"Us?" The hair on his neck prickled.

"How it's affecting how we work together."

Tommy took a sip of whisky to calm his nerves. A nagging feeling she was about to leave him knotted his stomach. "It hasn't. Not from my perspective."

"I... I've lost my confidence. I check and recheck everything. I am afraid to say anything in case I'm wrong."

Tommy put his tumbler on the mantle then put his arm around her shoulder. When she leant into him slightly, he took her glass and put it down, then guided her around to face him. "You are the best police officer I have met, Barbara. Your instincts are good, and you have been right about people much more frequently than I have. You can learn from Tania, but you have to move on."

Barbara nodded. "I know, but I can't seem to do it."

Tommy stroked her arm."You can talk to me about it. Tell me what you're feeling. Sharing will help."

"Like talking to me about your grief helped you?" Barbara shoved her hand against his chest and pushed him away. She grabbed her glass with both hands and took a gulp. It rattled against her teeth.

She may as well have slapped him. Tommy recoiled at the underlying viciousness of her accusation. He knew he had shut her out, but he had not understood how much that had hurt her. "I was trying to protect you."

"From what?"

"My dark side. My inner demons. My... weaknesses."

"Yeah, well they came back to haunt you."

Tommy winced. He picked up his drink and downed it in one gulp. "Yes. I was wrong and I acted foolishly, but you were still there to pick up the pieces. Don't make my mistake, Barbara. Don't shut out the people who care about you. All I was saying is that I am here for you. You don't always have to be the strong one. Just talk to me."

Barbara put her glass onto the table. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I'm just mentally exhausted. I... don't know what's up with me." She sat on the chair and rested her head in her hands.

"Nothing. Well, nothing bad. You just need some rest and support."

"Says the man who piled on a heap of stress by making me sit these exams."

"I'm truly sorry. I should have asked, but no time will ever be a good time. Sometimes you have to just muck in and face it."

Barbara straightened and looked at him. "Muck in? That sounds so... public school."

Tommy groaned. "I can't change my education. Would you prefer me to adopt an East End accent?"

Barbara grinned at him. "It would be fun, but no, I like your voice as it is."

"Then we should go upstairs. I have something I would like to give you." He ignored her quizzical look. He had heard how it sounded, and if he was honest, he would like that too, but for her sake, he hurriedly explained. "Some tapes I recorded while I was studying for my Inspectors exam."

"Oh," Barbara said. Did he detect a trace of disappointment? "Yes, that might help."

"Finish your drink then we should get some rest. I thought we would start Procedure, Rules of Evidence and Leadership in the morning."

"Slave driver."

Barbara looked at the dictaphone and pile of tapes he had given her. It was typical of him to be so organised and to have kept them. She left them on the table beside her battered Police Manual and changed into her pyjamas. She was exhausted, and he had not been lying about his spare bed. It was soft and yet supportive. Pulling up the sheets in one place she felt underneath. It was memory foam topped with gel. She climbed in, switched off her bedside light, and snuggled down.

After twenty minutes, Barbara groaned. Sleep was as elusive here as it was at home. She turned on the light and put a tape labelled 'Evidence' into the machine. She found the earphone jack and plugged in the earbuds then adjusted them for comfort before hitting play.

"Evidence. Relevant and admissible evidence. One. Evidence may be proved by calling witnesses (witness evidence); producing documents (documentary evidence); or producing things (real evidence). Two. In considering the evidence needed to ensure a conviction, you should be concerned with: relevance; admissibility; and weight. Evidence must be..."

His voice was soothing. Deep, rich, slightly hesitant in parts yet sounding confident and in control - his reading mimicked his speech patterns. Sometimes in the car, she would drift away on his voice, not listening to his words but only to the sounds. This time she needed to listen and learn, but his voice made her sleepy. Well, not sleepy as such, but relaxed. She closed her eyes.

Barbara woke with a start. All she could hear was static. She pulled out her earbuds and threw the dictaphone onto the bed. She scrambled up into a sitting position and hugged her knees. Nothing worked. She wanted to scream. Every muscle ached and all she wanted was sleep. She had heard of sleep deprivation leading to suicide, and she understood why. She was being driven insane. The need for peace and release was overwhelming.

"Sleep, I just want to sleep."

Sleep did not come, but tears did. Long, wracking sobs shook her. Her frustration, loneliness, and failure liquified.