Author's Note:
As I was writing Rebirth of Love, I enjoyed finding out what was going on in Shizuru's mind. After finishing, I started to wonder what Natsuki's side of the same story might sound like, so I began to write this. I found out that Natsuki had more to say than I originally expected, and I also found out a couple more things about Shizuru.

I hope those of you who have read Rebirth of Love find that Natsuki gives a different enough view on this tale to be interesting. If you haven't read Rebirth of Love, don't worry; this should stand on its own. Of course, as the author, I'm happy for you to read both.

So, here is Natsuki's account of what happened between her and Shizuru after the Carnival. My muse and I hope you enjoy it. And given the date I'm putting up the first chapter, Merry Christmas.

I want to extend a special thank you to MahouLVH, Avadan232 and net4read for support, encouragement, reading and suggestions. Every writer should have good helpers like you.

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Midwife of the Soul: Chapter 1

Beginnings

Shizuru has already told the story of how we came together after the Carnival. Yes, all right ...of how I finally got my head on straight and realized I truly love her. Her love for me has never wavered.

I'm happy to let her do a lot of the introspection and over-thinking in our relationship, but I still have my own mind—and she values that too. She's way better with words than I am, and I planned to let her words stand for most of our story, but I found that once I started, I had more to say than I expected and my story began to flow.

Thank you, Shizuru.

You may notice Shizuru was careful to never explicitly assume or declare what I thought or felt until after I confessed and we became a couple. I insist she has that right, especially now, but she wants me to tell you my half of the story, as she insists I know some pieces best.

So I will tell you our story: because she asked ...and because it will make her happy.

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Why the title? Well, we agree that "reborn" was a reasonable term to use for those of us who returned at the end of the HiME Carnival for the final battle with the Obsidian Lord. Shizuru says that rebirth was merely of her body. She says her soul was not reborn until we declared ourselves a loving couple. She insists that it was I who brought that about. I may have helped, but only helped (I sincerely hope that I had, and it feels really good to help her, especially with something this significant). Since Shizuru feels it important that I played that part in her rebirth, I will take the title of helper, of midwife, of... midwife of the soul.

ooo OOO ooo

The world changed with the defeat of the Obsidian Lord and the end of the HiME Carnival. At least nothing quite seemed the same afterwards. I certainly didn't know how I should deal with Shizuru. Not that I had a good idea before, but now it seemed even more complicated.

I wasn't seeing as much of her recently. She'd gotten her own apartment off campus, and seemed to be staying away. Did she not want my company? Did she only want me for "immoral purposes"? What did I want?

For that matter, what did I feel about her? Love? I didn't think that's what I felt, at least not like Shizuru means the word. Friendship? She's definitely a friend, but different from Mai or Mikoto. Somehow I felt some odd kind of tie with Shizuru that I didn't feel with them.

Something felt off in my life, but maybe that was merely my adjusting to "normal life" after the Carnival, life without the overriding quest of avenging mother. I certainly didn't have much experience with it.

I would have to learn to adapt.

ooo OOO ooo

One Friday, Yamada came by with my Ducati, repaired and ready to ride. He thanked me again for being a good customer in the past. I asked what I owed him, but he said he'd worked this in as part of school repairs. I think he was lying, but didn't call him on it. I decided I didn't want to dredge up that piece of my past then. Anyway, I figured that Sakomizu owed me, and was probably behind this. He probably was trying to do it on the QT, so I decided to cooperate (for once) and say nothing about it.

The next day dawned wonderfully clear. I stared out the classroom window, wondering how many more nice days would be left this fall. The road and my "new" Ducati called out to me. My resolution to attend classes lost to that call. Old habits die hard, and I was feeling withdrawal ...badly.

I skipped out on the last couple classes of the day. The Ducati was as much fun as ever to ride, possibly more. I rode out of town and up into mountains. It felt wonderful: the wind plucking at my clothing, the joy of pitting my skill and the power of the bike against the twisty mountain roads, the feeling of freedom this gave me.

Of course this was too good to last.

A nasty thunderstorm blew in. I hadn't been paying attention to the darkening sky, so my first indication of the storm was the wind. Stupid me hadn't brought any rain gear. I turned back toward Fuuka, hoping to make it there before this turned to a downpour. I had to fight the wind the whole way back, and it started spitting rain before I made it there. Could I make it back before getting drenched? I just made it to town when it began to rain in earnest. Wet, slick roads and only a pullover and jeans between me and the pavement should I slip: not the best situation in my tired state.

Shizuru's new apartment was just up that street. Maybe she'd let me dry off. I headed there, parked, and climbed the stairs. I stood in front of what I thought was her door. I'd never been here before. Did I remember her address correctly? I'd only overheard one of the teachers mention it once when I happened to be in the faculty room. Why did it stick in my mind?

I let my tiredness and the rain now pounding down make my decision. I lifted my hand and knocked. That took more strength than I thought it would.

I was relieved that it was Shizuru who answered the door. That relief took the rest of my strength, so I just stood there until she led me inside.

I collapsed on her sofa.

I must have fallen asleep, as I woke up later, covered with a blanket. Shizuru was asleep at the other end of the sofa. She must have gotten the blanket and covered me before she also fell asleep.

It was completely dark outside, not to mention raining even more heavily now. I wonder if it was the rain, or possibly a thunderclap which woke me up. This was definitely not good riding weather. I took Shizuru's inviting me in and getting me this blanket as an indication that she didn't mind my using her sofa. I was sure she'd tease me in the morning, but figured I could endure that. She deserved that little enjoyment of hers in exchange for letting me use her sofa and blanket.

I looked over at Shizuru. Her neck was bent in a position that had to be uncomfortable. I figured she'd have a painful cramp in the morning and would regret sleeping in this position. If she was going to loan me her couch, I could at least help her avoid that pain.

"Hey, Shizuru. You'll get a stiff neck sleeping like that," I called, trying to wake her. "You need to get up and go to bed."

All I could get out of her were sleepy mumbles. She wasn't helping (or waking up). I finally took her hands and pulled her up from the sofa.

"Come on. Let's get you to your bedroom."

I remembered passing it on the way to the sofa. Thankfully it was close, as Shizuru wasn't steady on her feet. I had to guide and support her. I was glad her bedroom wasn't up a flight of stairs like mine was in my old apartment. That would have been a real pain.

I just managed to throw back the covers before Shizuru collapsed onto her bed. I knew knew how she disliked cold, so I pulled both sheet and comforter back up over her, then headed back to her sofa to finish my night's sleep.

As I left her room and turned off the light, I heard a plaintive cry.

"Natsuki... don't leave me."

What!?

I turned back to find Shizuru curled up in a ball and trembling. Now and then what sounded like a whimper of terror escaped her lips.

I'd never seen Shizuru like this. She's always calm and controlled, never upset by anything. Even when she wasn't in her right mind, anger moved her, not fear.

Wait. I had seen her like this once before. Towards the end of the Carnival, when all the souls who'd been sacrificed during that time were called back. I had woken up in that same ruined church to find Shizuru in tears, her face wracked with guilt, fear, and a self-loathing I had never thought possible from her. Then she had apologized to me in a voice filled with pain.

I had told her that everything was all right then. Did I mean that? I'd like to think I did. I couldn't stand to see the person who had been my friend through the worst parts of my life be so broken like this. I wanted her to return to the calm, serene young lady who gave me a place to rest in the Student council room, who provided an ear for my often careless words, and who teased me for her own amusement. So I comforted her the best I could then. I'd hoped at the time that was enough.

Seeing her on the bed before me told me that might not have been sufficient. Shizuru was having nightmares and I could guess their source. After all, I still had some nightmares from the days even before the Carnival began. Each of us who had been HiME carried some scars that would take time to heal, and I mentally kicked myself for thinking Shizuru was any different. Did Shizuru spend every night like this? Having to fight this alone?

So I did what I could. I took the straight chair from its place by the wall and sat down next to Shizuru's bed. She was still shaking. Hesitantly, I reached out and touched her back. Would this calm her or add to her distress? Shizuru sighed, and as I slowly rubbed her back, her trembling subsided.

This seemed to work, so I continued. Shizuru seemed to fall into a more relaxed, deeper sleep.

I guess I feel asleep there too.

Author's Note:
I hope I have captured Natsuki's inner voice and mind here, and that they seem to match the show in addition to my other works. She does take more effort for me to write than Shizuru (who can be a bit too similar to my mind at times), but I've found I like her as well. Please let me know how I did on this.

My muse and I want to hear your thoughts and reactions to this story. It really helps me to hear both what works well in addition to what might not have worked. We get added benefit if you can say why something worked or didn't, but just the what is an immense help.

We look forward to hearing from you in your reviews, both short and long. They both inspire me and help me to improve as a writer, and my muse uses them as fuel to feed her (and thus my) creativity.