I do not claim Teen Titans.
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Summary: Perhaps a touch of insanity can make good people do bad things. Ah well, the good always die young so they can get to heaven first.
'Finally I am free.'
In Beast Boy's POV.
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A/N: I live! Well… I can explain for not updating my other stories before posting this… I had an idea for this for a while, and I just couldn't get it out of my head. It needed to go down immediately, and be posted up as soon as possible. So yeah… I promise I'll get to work on my other stories though!
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Finally I Am Free
Beast Boy's POV
I never could say why people go insane. I always used to look at those who went insane and question their insanity myself. I used to think myself lucky to not be like them. I praised myself for being perfectly sane, and being who I am.
Now, however, I can only praise myself for what I used to be. For now, I am no different from those people. I admit it: I have been driven to insanity.
And, I suppose, there is no one else to blame but myself. If only I had not been so foolish and careless that night. If only I had stopped and thought about what I had done. If only I hadn't listened to my instincts. Mere 'what ifs' cannot change the past; however, no we wish they could. But now… nothing matters now.
All that matters is that I have driven myself to insanity. I've gone to a place that I can never escape… at least, it seems as though there's no escape. So now, I sit here alone, confused and empty on this cold cot. The room is silent, so barren, blank, unforgiving. It stares at me, bitter at what has become of me. But there is no return for me. I have driven myself into a corner, with no past, and now no future.
The gentle, almost quiet movements of a door opening and closing flood my ears, and I can hear footsteps approaching slowly. It is as if the bearer of these footsteps is dragging out their movements to torture me more.
A pain erupts through my head, and it takes the entire small amount of will-power I have remaining to not wince. Instead I force myself to look up to see Robin walking towards me. His face is expressionless; his mask is at a natural size to show that he is watching me calmly, perhaps with resentment and hatred. I cannot blame him if he hates me, though. I hate myself for what I have done.
His cape moves behind him, swinging lightly from side to side, as if stressing his 'perfect movements', as some would call them. He stops before me, his infamous black hair spiked up to perfection with possibly too much hair gel.
I can smell it, and I have to admit it turns me off, almost making me want to run screaming out of the room. However, there is no escape from this room, especially since I am contained in a white suit.
"Do you know what you have done? What havoc you have brought upon this city, now?" he inquires, his tone slightly angry, though I can tell he is trying to conceal his emotions. "Do you understand the consequences?"
My head pounds the more he talks. I just want to erase what I've done. I just want to let this all go.
He's been at this for the past few hours since it's happened. Has it been hours? Maybe days, possibly weeks. All I know is that I haven't had freedom for a while now, and I suppose it's the best for me.
"There's even footage of what you've done!" he continues. "You have put everything that we have done to keep this city safe in jeopardy! And that I cannot allow."
Well, that's new.
What's new?
I am confused at what that voice is saying. It's been talking to me for a while now ever since I went insane. I'm used to it by now, I suppose, but its words confuse me deeply.
The evidence, of course.
I thought there was no evidence.
There is evidence, however.
How do you know this and I do not?
Ah, we are the same person, and yet you ignore what I always try to tell you. There's a soft chuckle coming from the voice in my head. Do you not see the evidence right before you?
I look up at the boy wonder, my eyes quickly spotting the video he holds in his gloved hand. I can feel the tension radiating off of him, and the pounding in my head grows worse.
"Do you know what is on this tape?" he questions, the rage no longer hidden beneath his mask. Instead it surfaces quickly, sharply. "Do you know what torture you have put Jump City into from this, Beast Boy?"
I wince slightly at his tone, but the voice in my head tells me to not be afraid.
It will all be over soon. I assure you, soon you will be free.
I nod slowly, and he takes it as me agreeing with him.
"Why would you ever do such a thing?" he snarls. The mask condenses as he – I presume – narrows his eyes at me. "You know the punishment for what you have done." There's almost a bit of regret in his voice now. "However, it seems out of our control, and your own. Therefore it must be taken to a higher level. Jail just wouldn't be able to hold you, Beast Boy, nor would it calm your instinct."
He's trying to mold you into something ugly.
I close my eyes, breathing in deeply.
"Put in the tape," I manage.
I am surprised with myself – naturally I would not want to see my exploits. But now – I think it's from the insanity – I seem to have a liking to what I did, and I just want to see it again. I know that as I did what I did, there were no regrets. It was only until later that I cried for those lost, when I actually seemed to realize what I had done.
He himself seems surprised as well, but merely turns around and pushes the tape into the machine carefully. I open my eyes and stare calmly at the small television.
It's blurry at first, but the camera focuses quickly. The street is comatose quiet, with only a couple of souls wandering about. That is, until I see myself walking along the streets quickly.
I can remember the anger I felt, the hatred, all that rage I held bottled up inside. A person accidentally bumped me softly, murmuring a soft "Sorry" as they hustled on their way. I could see my body stiffen, and I turned around sharply.
Flashback
"Wait," I call, my body twitching lightly as I approached the person.
The woman stops slowly, turning around. She keeps her eyes to the ground, her silky black hair blowing in the wind. She clutches the front of her jacket tightly.
"I said I was sorry," she answers again. "So please, leave me alone."
"Ever think that sorry wasn't good enough?"
The malice dripping from my voice only lightly surprises me.
Kill, kill.
The voice is so seductive, so alluring. I cannot deny its wishes any longer, and I succumb to it. My body convulses violently. I can feel the woman's confusion turn to fear as she sees me.
My clothes tear, and my body grows at least twice – possibly thrice – the size I normally am. A mane of shaggy green fur grows along the nape of my neck, and I can feel the power of the Beast within. It is hard to think clearly apart from listening to my instincts now. I can see the woman shaking slightly now, backing away as quickly as she can before she turns on her heel and begins to run away.
Without a thought I lunge forward, pouncing upon her and bringing her heavily to the ground. I can hear her cry out from the pain as my claws dig into her back. A person screams somewhere nearby, but I am almost oblivious to them. I sink my teeth into her neck, tasting the rusty flavor of her blood running into my mouth.
She screams as I step off of her and lift her from the ground. I shake my head violently, feeling her frail body snap back and forth in my jaws. I bite down harder as I shake her, more blood squirting into my mouth.
When she grows limp, I toss her to the side before leaping upon her lifeless body again. I tear my claws through her body, ripping apart her clothes and her flesh.
Kill, kill.
I feel myself growl lowly before I lower my head, sinking it into her open wound. I can feel her intestines in my mouth before the scent of blood overpowers me. I turn my attention to her heart and scoop that out of her body with my hand.
I squeeze it, holding my mouth open below it as the remnants of blood drip out of it. I lick my maw before I drop the organ into my awaiting jaws.
It was then that my ears flicked to the sound of people screaming, wailing, and running around behind me. A malicious smirk crosses my muzzle before I turn sharply, grabbing the person closest to me – a teenage boy. His friends cry out in shock as they flee away. The brown-haired boy in my grasp struggles, trying to break free.
Pathetic humans.
I agree with the voice entirely, a low hiss emanating from my jaws. The boy immediately stops his struggles, his eyes wide with terror. In a quick movement my open mouth darts forward, closing around his vulnerable neck, snapping it in an instant. His head lolls to the side and I drop him to the ground before mangling him as well.
But before I can feast upon him, I feel something strike my hunching back. I turn around swiftly, my eyes focusing upon a man holding a large rock in his hands. He throws it at me, and I chuckle inwardly.
Stupid.
I nod slightly, side-stepping to dodge it easily. The rock clatters to the ground beside me, and only when I approach the man does he seem to be aware of any danger. I shoot my hand forward, letting it go right through his stomach. He looks down at my arm, pain filling his quiet blue eyes before he looks up at me.
"Why?" he mouths to me before I slit open his neck.
Blood drips from his mouth before his eyes lose their spark and he grows limp in my grasp. I retract my arm, licking his blood from it calmly before I sink my teeth into him, ripping off his flesh as I do so.
I chew thoughtfully on his bleeding organs, nothing calling out to me, telling me to stop. Instead the voice continues to urge me on.
A pain shoots up through my back abruptly and I turn around to see the SWAT team standing there. One of them appears to be holding a tranquilizer gun. I make a move to attack them, but everything is blurring. I stagger forward before I fall to the ground. Time seems to slow as my body transforms back to its original state. And before unconsciousness seizes me, I feel a sick feeling rise up within me before the regret. Then everything goes black.
End Flashback
I glance over at Robin, seeing the look of disgust cross his face. I feel that sick feeling rise up within me before I lean over the cot and vomit. It coats the floor and I look away to avoid being sick again. He grimaces slightly, and I can smell it now. It's revolting, but I do my best to avoid it.
He presses a button on the wall and a few seconds later a nurse scurries in, cleaning up the mess. There's fear in her, and I can see it in her eyes when she looks up at me before she rushes out of the room.
Though we're in the Tower, there are a few nurses here. I think that someone sent them just in case it was necessary for them to be here. The boy wonder turns to me, approaching me slowly.
"Do you know how we found you, Beast Boy? What you looked like?" he inquires.
My head pounds as I try to remember. There's nothing.
"No," I manage after a short while, shaking my head lightly.
You were unconscious.
"We found you with the SWAT team hovering over you. There were intestines in your mouth, and there was so much blood coating you." His voice is thick and heavy as he talks, as if he himself is sick. "I was revolted by what you had done. Just looking around told me what happened. I didn't even have to ask."
Kill, kill.
Ignoring the voice, I nod guiltily, not bothering to try and say anything.
His mouth twitches, and he seems to consider something before deciding against it. He looks at the wall for a bit before looking back to me.
Hunt, hunt.
"I thought that the antidote Cyborg gave you would be enough. You were supposed to take it once every month. It was just a small pill to keep your animal instinct under control. When did you stop taking it?" he growls.
Accusations aren't always the best, however, he is right. I shrug slightly, no longer feeling guilty.
"After Raven defeated Trigon…" I finally answer reluctantly.
His body grows tense suddenly, and I can feel his anger. It doesn't affect me, though. But the pounding in my head grows worse, and there is a ring in my ears.
"Why would you do such a foolish thing? You knew your animal instinct was unpredictable!" he snaps.
Hurt, hurt.
"Or is that when you started to go insane?" His voice grows mysterious and I refuse to look at him. "Is that why you stopped taking it?"
A shiver races through me, and I force myself to look at his feet before the wall. That's when I notice a small window that I have never seen before, letting in just a small shaft of moonlight.
"You could've asked for help instead of doing this!" he continues, growing angrier – I suppose since I haven't answered him yet. "You should've told us you were unstable! We would've helped you! That's what a team does!"
No more family.
Though I want to disagree, the voice is right. He's not considering us a family anymore. Why are we no longer a family? I ask the voice.
I know as much as you do.
"And another thing–"
He stops abruptly as the door swishes open before closing. The sound of heavy metal feet approaching seems to fill the room before the ringing in my ears seems to drown it out.
"What is it?" Robin inquires, curious.
There's a soft sigh and I glance up slowly, seeing a downcast look upon Cyborg's face. A small pang of regret floods me and I know that I must have failed. But in an instant I am silent, calm once more.
"It's not good, man," the cybernetic teen comments slowly. "There's nothing else we can do for him… It's gone too far now for us to go back."
I see Robin twitch lightly at his comment before he glares at me for a split second before turning back to Cyborg.
"Now look at what he's done," he growls. "No matter what we do now, there's nothing left for him."
Kill, kill.
"It'll kill him soon, too. It's not good for him to overuse his animal instinct – it takes over the body, wearing it down too quickly. Soon he'll burn out if we can't do anything."
The walking traffic light nods, almost regretfully.
"So no matter what happens… he'll die, whether he passes his trials or not."
There's a sadness hanging in the air now. My body twitches at his words, and I force myself to look away. Instead I look at the window again.
They turn to me, their eyes heavy with sorrow. I know that no matter how bitter they are at me, family is still family, whether it has broken apart. When I don't say anything, they turn away again.
"What do you suggest we do, Robin?"
Kill, kill.
"I… I don't know, Cyborg. I've never had to deal with this before."
KILL, KILL.
The pounding in my head increases and the ringing in my ears amplify in pitch. I can feel the animal inside me raging to get out. I can't do something like that, not again. Never again.
KILL, KILL.
"There must be something that we can do to help him. I just can't stand by and watch him suffer."
Robin sighs softly at this, nodding his head in agreement.
"No matter what he did, he still is a Titan."
Die, die.
"The good always die young, don't they?"
They turn around in surprise, gawking at me like I've said the oddest thing ever.
"The good always die young so that they can get to heaven first," I add.
Die, die. Kill, kill.
They exchange glances with each other before looking back at me.
"I… suppose so… Beast Boy," Robin manages through his shock and possibly grief – I can't tell.
DIE, DIE. KILL, KILL.
I can feel my body struggling as I fight the animal within. I can't let it loose, not here, not now. Not ever – never again. I'm done killing the innocent.
They turn away from me slowly. There's a thickness in the air that I can tell is from them. Their sorrows, perhaps. Apparently they've never dealt with anything as such before, and I can't blame them. Why should they suffer from their friend who's like a family member's insanity? A good family member would never do that. Never.
DIE, DIE. KILL, KILL.
I scream out mentally in my mind. In a quick movement, I lunge off of the bed, stumbling as I do so; I am clumsy due to the white suit that holds me. The two of them swing around sharply in surprise, their mouths open as they watch me. Time seems to slow as I hurl myself at the window as hard as I can.
I feel the glass shatter and the cool night air surround me. I see them rush to the window, looking out at me. I close my eyes, a wicked smile upon my face.
I never thought you'd do such a thing. You wicked thing.
Yeah, well, sanity is overrated, I tell the voice.
There is a sense of panic that washes over me as I seem to realize what I'm doing before I calm down. I close my eyes.
I don't change into a bird, nor do I change into an insect. I just let myself fall.
Finally I am free.