Disclaimer: GrimGrave does not own the characters of the Monogatari series; all characters associated with the series belong to the light novelist Nisio Isin. GrimGrave does not earn money from writing fan fiction.

Monogatari: Blood, Donuts, and Scarlet Tears

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I apologize for the underdeveloped introduction, but it appears that I can't sleep.

02:41 PM.

I – Koyomi Araragi – haven't been able to sleep yet.

I find myself enjoying the night more and more, just lying in bed and gazing out the window at the moon. It gives me time to contemplate.

I suppose I owe it to the lingering "side-effects" of which I, in turn, owe to one person – the same person that lives in my shadow, and has been since a while back now. A woman who once was an enemy to not just me, but humanity.

This is the story of said woman, whom I, one day, will spend the rest of my life, and eventually die with.

The story of how Shinobu – formerly Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade –and I grew even closer.

This isn't a story with a moral or something you could possibly relate to – at least not fully – so it wouldn't be weird if you just decided to stop listening right about now.

But if you wish, I'll continue.

03:02. I'm still brooding, unable to rest.

I'm not able to keep all these thoughts in my head: my sisters' future, Hanekawa, Hachikuji, Senjougahara…

Hanekawa… The sooner she moves out of her stepparents' house, the better. The tense family-life (read: distant ties) with her step-parents won't make her life any easier; those two are the ones most responsible for her stress.

I fear that it's only a matter of time before Hanekawa's other self, the oddity "Black Hanekawa", will emerge again. I wish it'd just disappear completely.

And Hachikuji…the wandering spirit who is unable to find rest and as such, has become an oddity – for her desire to reach her mother's house but remaining lost – that haunts people who have a subconscious desire not to return home. She had wanted to visit her mother on her own and had been killed in a traffic accident.

For how long will she wander aimlessly? Even if I can see and interact with her, I'm not going to be around forever. What will she do then?

My younger sister, Karen Araragi, is an airhead and an idiot. My youngest sister, Tsukihi Araragi is dangerous when angry. They're both a nuisance as much as they are dangerous when aggravated.

I fear that they'll be burdens when they grow older. They always get into fights with others; although it's not worth it to worry about them.

And Senjougahara… Hitagi Senjougahara.

My girlfriend.

Though she can be quite passive-aggressive, she has a gentle heart –a gentle heart, but a sharp tongue as well. The kind of girl some people would refer to as a "tsundere", (at least, she refers to herself as such) a person who is a real softie on the inside but hides it behind a harsh and sometimes violent demeanour. Although in her case, it's a lot more passive aggression and blunt remarks.

Despite all of that, she is sincere. That's why I love her.

And that's also why I'm in a dilemma of sorts. I'm sure you and/or other people can relate to liking two women? That's roughly what this is.

I love Senjougahara—don't get me wrong now. But at the same time, this is about the vampire woman, someone whom I share a strong bond with and who literally remains at my side at all times.

Shinobu Oshino. That's her current name – the name she was given by Meme Oshino who took care of her for a while when she – i.e. Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade – had been defeated that time – the beginning of it all when she lost her powers and, many months ago. The kanji used in her name matches her original name, having "heart" under "blade" which also reflects her personality. Or should I say former personality? I'm not sure.

My heart still skips a beat when I think about her for too long.

Would it make me a horrible person if I told you that it'd be a lie if I said, "I don't have feelings for her"? … Possibly. We have quite the history, she and I – a lot more than I have with Senjougahara, I have to admit.

As I lie there restlessly, there's an eerie sound – a deep, warped noise – and I can practically feel the shadows stirring like water. Speak of the Devil.

A pair of yellow eyes stares at me from the side of my bed and I don't even need to look back at the oddity to know she's sporting a sly smile. "You're troubled, my Master," she remarks with that haughty tone of hers.

Of course she'd know; we're connected – she feels what I feel.

"I'm thinking about a lot of things, Shinobu. That's all."

"Ka ka!" she laughs (again haughtily) as she crawls into my bed. "You can't hide anything from me, my Master. Emotionally, I feel what you feel, and I sense that you're troubled… You're thinking about that girl of yours, no?"

It's both a blessing and a curse that I have someone as perceptive as Shinobu by my side.

I don't reply, and I can hear her snicker as she sits at the side of the bed, eyeing me. "Has she finally realized her error and left you?"

"Don't even joke about that!" I snap, but it's to no avail.

I know she's sneering at me at this point. "I suppose I should let you enjoy it while you can. Your time together is quite limited, all things considered."

There's a sinking feeling in my chest and I sigh, knowing that the blonde girl by my bed feels it too. She's right. My time with Senjougahara is limited.

And, as if she's reading my exact thoughts, she inquires, "Master, when do you suppose you're going to die? You're mostly human, but at the same time, you're still part vampire. What does that mean for your lifespan? It's possible your lifespan remains that of a vampire. You retain some of your healing ability. It's possible you'll live, not four hundred, but five hundred years—like me."

Right… My time with Senjougahara is indeed limited, compared to my (most likely) lifespan. I'll outlive everyone —everyone except Shinobu.

The mattress sinks under Shinobu's weight as she crawls over, golden orbs fixated on me, and I throw her a puzzled glance to which she immediately replies, "I'm in the mood for a bite."

I stifle a chuckle as I get up into a sitting position and pull down the collar of my t-shirt, revealing medium pale complexion skin of my throat and shoulder. It doesn't even take her three seconds to straddle my lap and small protruding fangs cut through my skin and flesh, her arms wrapping around me for support.

And as Shinobu drinks my crimson life-force, I can't help but let my mind wander yet again, my thoughts returning to the vampire.

/ I don't remember when exactly – I believe it was during the incident with Karen-chan and the Wreath-Fire Bee–, but it was a very memorable day the day Shinobu spoke to me for the first time since losing her powers. I was having a bath when she stepped out of my shadow.

But what startled me more than hearing her speak was the fact that she was… well, unclothed —as naked as a new-born—without any hint of shame at all. She may have a body of an 8 year old, but she's actually over 500 years old.

"Since you've seen me naked now, I guess I'll have to marry you." She said it so coyly with that smirk of hers… I felt like reprimanding her.

But if I were truly, utterly and completely honest with myself, my heart was skipping a beat at that remark. I couldn't tell if she was playing with me or if she actually were serious. It's difficult to tell most of the time.

We ended up talking about a lot of things as we shared a bath together. I even helped her rinse her hair.

As we talked, we reconciled.

"I can't be sullen forever. I'm not so small a person. And it seems you'll never get this unless I tell you directly," she said as I gave her scalp a good scrub. "You won't forgive me and I'll never forgive you. And that's fine. Neither of us forgives the other. That's fine. We can't let the past be mere water under the bridge. Even so, there's no reason that we can't come together. That's the conclusion I've come to, after thinking for these past three or four months. What do you think, my Master?"

I was genuinely surprised to hear that she had been contemplating it…

"You've been thinking for yourself, haven't you? I've been in your shadow. So I know."

I couldn't help but to stare at the small blonde – had I been feeling something even then? – And I felt… calm. Comfortable. Maybe it's because I'm partly an oddity myself that I don't mind her. Or maybe it is because of our bond.

Either way, I found myself staring a bit too much—something she was very quick to notice.

"What are you looking at? If you're staring this closely at a young girl's naked body, does that make you a true pervert?" I almost had a heart-attack and she snickered. "Your passionate gaze is stimulating my imagination a little bit." Shinobu paused. "Nothing exciting… For example, what do you think would happen if I started to scream so loudly that the whole house could hear? Of course, if you were to offer me a giant pile of donuts to keep my mouth shut, I would be willing to negotiate."

I bristled. "You and I are one. Since you can't leave my shadow, it'll be bad for you, too. If anything, you'd never get any more Mister Donuts."

There was silence between us as we sat there, soaking in the hot water. I couldn't tell what she's thinking: she just sat there and stared blankly.

After a small eternity, our eyes met again. "That would be a shame."

Tch. This girl – or rather, woman – really likes donuts. A little too much.

"So you'll buy some after this, right?" Shinobu asked, scooting closer.

Yellow eyes stared right into me without blinking and, under the immense pressure, (not to mention that I can see her bare) I had to agree.

My face heated up and I tried to avoid looking at her directly. "Fine, let's go to Mister Donuts after this."

Those same orbs lit up with mirth as she flashed me a cocky grin. "Thank you, my Master." She looked down – curse the fact that we were not using any soap so the water was completely transparent – and then, with the slyest of smirks, looked back up at me. "Oh my. My Master, are you turned on by sharing a bath with me? You truly are a pervert."

"W-what?! Of course I'm n-not-" I sputtered, but she effectively silenced me by pressing her petite index-finger against my lips.

"L-i-a-r…" /

I gently pat the small blonde on the back and she stops sucking and wipes away what little blood has escaped her mouth. The bite-marks will heal within a few minutes.

She smiles coyly at me. "Thanks for the meal."

"You're welcome. And, Shinobu?" I hesitate for a moment as those golden orbs fixate on me, curious. "…Thank you."

Her puzzled look grows even more stumped. "Why, and for what, are you thanking me?"

My lips curl into a smile. "For everything. I haven't thanked you properly for helping me… for saving my life from Black Hanekawa for example."

The small vampire's eyes widen and she looks away, her expression quickly becoming sombre. "No need to thank me—I just do what I feel like doing. Always have, always will…"

I would be lying if I said that seeing her like this made my heart hurt a bit.

"Say, Shinobu," I mention and she meets my gaze. "How about we go visit Mr. Donuts tomorrow? You can pick anything as long as it's not too pricy."

Seeing the once-fearsome vampire smile like she is now really makes her look like a child. But I dare not tell her.

After a night of decent sleep, I find myself in the lone store, browsing the glass-display of various pastries – donuts in particular – and Shinobu, comically enough, is pressed up against the smooth surface like a kid.

She's wearing a large sun-hat, a loose dress, and a pair of sandals.

After having browsed for a little while, she taps the glass and points at one donut in particular. "That one."

I notice the price tag and frown. "That one is expensive. Choose another-"

"Golden Chocolate is my favourite," she interrupts me. "And it would be in your best interest to keep your word, my Master. Or would you rather live with the guilt of how you denied me, your saviour, a meal of my choosing which you promised. Does that make you a liar? The lowest of the low?"

Tch.

Just a minute later, we're sitting at our own table, both enjoying a Golden Chocolate donut. I have to give it to her, she has good taste.

But it's my wallet that suffers…

As I take a bite out of my meal, I let my eyes wander over to the vampire in front of me: Shinobu really is beaming like a child, happily nibbling on her donut with a content smile. My chest grows warm and I find myself thinking, "Isn't she cute?"

The answer is "yes." She really is.

A pang of guilt pierces through me at that moment and I nearly choke on the bready piece in my mouth. Senjougahara comes to mind.

I wonder what she's doing right now. What's on her mind?

I must've looked troubled because Shinobu asks, "My Master, are you thinking about her again?"

"So what if I am?"

"Nothing," she replies. "It does not concern me whether or not you're thinking about that girl. But unfortunately I feel what you feel and it's bothersome to have you worry about someone you'll eventually lose anyway… You should cut your ties with her."

"At least Senjougahara isn't constantly demanding donuts. And don't refer to her as "that girl"."

"Ka ka! My Master, haven't I told you before?" The blonde waves what's left of her donut in front of her, grinning. "See this as an investment to get on my good side." Shinobu takes a bite out of her pastry, clearly savouring the taste like.

Even though I'm enjoying myself as well, I can't help but think that I'm somehow… betraying my girlfriend. But it's not like this is a date or anything, right? We're just sitting here in this donut-shop, by ourselves, in a very friendly, friendly, and again friendly manner. Nothing is going on.

So what's with this pang of guilt that I can't shake off?

Senjougahara… I wonder what she would say if she saw me now. Probably publically label me as a lolicon-pervert, the lowest scum of them all, before she brings out the stapler…

It takes me a moment to realize that my blonde companion is missing and I, in a momentary panic, look around to see her stepping over my shadow, cast on the floor by the red sun on the horizon. Granted, I got up late but is it evening already?

"Shinobu…"

"I'm done," she says sharply. Those golden eyes shoot me a cold, spiteful glare and she slowly sinks into the shadow. "Finish your meal so we can leave at once."

Thankfully, there isn't anyone else around to see that, but I probably wouldn't have noticed either way. I'm left sitting there, absolutely clueless, with a half-eaten donut.

As soon as I enter my room I throw myself to the bed, face first. The whole way back here has been mentally straining as not only my thoughts, but Shinobu's influence race around in my head.

I feel anxious, stressed, and… angry? I don't have a reason to be, so that leaves her… But why?

Before a possible answer comes to mind, my phone rings. I hit accept as I identify the number.

"Hey, Senjougahara-"

"Araragi-kun," my girlfriends interrupts. "To whom do I owe the pleasure of having you call me at this hour?"

…What? "What are you on about, Senjougahara? You called me!"

"Did I?" She says so nonchalantly and I groan inwardly as she pauses. "That's strange, a woman shouldn't call her man, but rather the other way around. Since I've got you on the line, when will you be coming over?"

As blunt and straightforward as ever. "Don't decide things on your own!"

"So you don't want to?"

My breath gets caught in my throat as I realize my error. "That's not what I meant! I would love to—"

Our conversation ends and the cell phone is gone from my hand, smashed against the wall before hitting the floor. Before I can process what happened, Shinobu is darting past me towards the device and stomping on it with her bare foot, sending pieces flying across the room.

I blanch in that fraction of a second. "S-Shinobu…"

Golden eyes glower at me with an icy hate, sending a chill down my spine. "I believe I've already told you this, my Master; I feel what you feel. And I believe I've also told you that it's vexatious to have you think about someone whom you won't be able to spend much time with."

"What are you talking about? We're barely twenty; we have plenty of years left! What's gotten into you, Shinobu?"

"Considering your lifespan, it's but a blink of an eye. A fleeting moment in your long, long life," she counters and I'm taken aback. "So why would you waste your time with that girl when you'll have to leave her anyway? Foolish Master…"

"That's enough, Shinobu!" I nearly shout. "I don't know what's gotten into you, but this has to stop. You've been behaving oddly since last night—"

Her eyes widen with spite and her dark scowl has her flashing pointed teeth. "You chitchat with all sorts of girls on a regular basis, yet you always want to dispense with the small talk with me when you have something you want to talk about. Such a convenience for you may be forgiven by the heavens, but not by me! Why is it that you're pushing me, your destined partner, aside to frolic with some mortal girl?!" She pauses. "I grow tired of your blatant ignorance!"

I'm at a loss for words. This blonde oddity, a demon that freezes blood, has poured out so much just now and I'm unable to utter even a single letter. She calms down, but her gaze remains icy as she gives me one last glance before settling down at the foot of my bed, hugging her knees.

I remain motionless on the spot. I managed to swallow the lump in my throat, and as my brain processes what has just happened, I start to piece it all together: the inquiry about my possible lifespan, the constant remarks about Senjougahara, and the anger…

It can't possibly be…

As I – with some hesitation – take a seat next to the blonde vampire, my heart racing. My mind is occupied by all kinds of thoughts, but right now I can only focus on the possible meaning behind Shinobu's behaviour.

"I…" Where do I even begin? "Shinobu… I'm…"

She quickly turns to me. "Oh, an apology? An apology? I'm looking forward to this. How is this man going to apologize? For how he shoved me, his lifelong partner, aside… Just so he could be together with a temporary flame."

"Shinobu, I didn't—"

"Or for how he expects me to help him out at every turn, yet treats me like I'm a burden when I ask for a little compensation."

"Shinobu—"

"Or maybe for how he, in addition to these horrendous deeds, keeps asking for favours—"

"Shinobu!"

I grab her pale, slender shoulders and turn her to face me completely; there's a slightly bewildered glint in her yellow orbs and the pulsating muscle beneath my breast won't stop racing. "We share a special bond, you and I. I never meant to take it, or you, for granted. I care about you."

She just stares at me with a blank expression, but I can feel her muscles tense. "Do you... you know-"

"Don't make me say it."

Heart under Blade indeed: sharp and cold on the surface, but underneath it all there's a soft side – a heart. "That's fine," I say.

I don't know why, but I somehow feel relieved. I even chuckle a little as she relaxes in my grip, her features softening as our eyes remain locked at each other.

"…You owe me a lot of Golden Chocolate for making me wait, boy."

"I'm sorry."

"Those words won't cut it."

Small hands clutch at my grey parka and yellow orbs shine unusually affectionately as she pulls me in closer and I link my arms around a narrow waist. It feels as if my heart will burst out of my chest and I my body is trembling with… I can't describe it, but an "anticipation" of sorts. "Then… will this do?"

Our lips meet in a chaste kiss and I discover just how soft hers really are. It's brief, so we kiss again, this time more passionately. Shinobu tugs at my parka, pulling me closer, and I tighten my embrace as our tongues dance sensually, coiling around in an erotic tango.

Her heart is beating against my chest and I want to pull her even closer – want to feel all of her and more…

Alas, the need for oxygen becomes unavoidable and we part, panting slightly with eyes filled with lust – at least in Shinobu's case. I can't see my own expression, but I'm guessing I'm not fairing any better.

"Thank you…"

"What are you thanking me for, my Master?"

"For forgiving me, I guess."

"Hmph. Don't. This time, purely by chance—and I assure you it was just chance—your wishes and mine coincided, my Master."

"Don't give me that," I say with a slightly reprimanding tone. "I mean it. I'm honestly happy that you've forgiven me before anything escalated… That time with Black Hanekawa, when you were gone, I looked for you everywhere… I was afraid you were gone forever." She doesn't say anything so I continue. "And a part of me realized then just how much you actually mean to me, even if I wasn't fully aware of it until now."

The blonde avoids my eyes and lowers her head with a sombre expression and I reach up to cup a pale cheek. "I don't know what the future holds, but know that, whenever the time comes, we'll die… together."

Shinobu finally meets my gaze and – in that fraction of a second when my eyes meet hers – I feel my heart almost break as streaks of scarlet tears run down pale cheeks.

"Koyomi…"

I'm not going to tell you what her reply was. That's our secret.

I end the story here, but I will let you in on this: I don't know what will happen between Senjougahara and I, nor do I know how long I'll live. But no matter what happens, I will have cast away whatever made me human and, in Shinobu's arms, left this world in a brilliant blaze underneath the sun.

Koyomi, out.