"The Cloud & Tifa Cooking Hour"
(Music flares up as Tifa & Could enter the stage from opposite sides)
Tifa: Hello, I'm Tifa
Cloud: And, I'm Could
Tifa & Cloud: And, this is "The Cloud and Tifa Cooking Hour"!
(Audience claps wildly, Cid and Barret scream in from the audience)
Barret: Yeah! Tifa you go girl! You too Spikey!
Cid: Woohoo! Take it off!
Barret: #$&#@ Damn it Cid! This is a cooking show, not a strip joint!
Cid: Oh yeah, sorry forgot.
(Audience applause dies down)
Cloud: Thank you, thank you.
Tifa: No really you're too kind.
Cloud: You really don't need to clap so much.
Tifa: Thank you everybody, really the pleasure is all ours.
Barret: God Damnit! Start the show already you Spikey-headed foo!
(Cloud glares into the audience.)
Barret: Um, I mean any time you're ready… hehe
(Cloud's eyes flare up as he cast confusion on Barret, who promptly begins beating himself over the head with his boot)
Tifa: Yes, well moving on…
Cloud: Today we're preparing a succulent roast chocobo!
(Audience begins clapping again and then quickly dies down)
Cid: Take it off!
(Suddenly a loose stage light falls and lands on Cid, knocking him unconscious)
Tifa: Well that was sudden and unexpected.
(Familiar Voice): Not really, he was getting to be a pain in the ass. So I simply made him take a nap.
(Tifa and Cloud look up and notice a smiling Red XIII perched on the rafters)
Cloud: Yes… No if we could continue on without any more interruptions…
Tifa: Great! Now we like to start out with a blue chocobo since they usually have the most delicious juices.
(Cloud plops a squawking chocobo up onto the table)
Tifa: It's also important that he's dead Cloud!
Cloud: Oh yeah, sorry forgot.
(Cloud whips out his Buster Sword and lops off the chocobo's head)
Tifa: Perfect! Now I personally like to sprinkle my chocobo with a little lemon juice so that it's nice and sweat.
Cloud: But, remember this step is optional.
Tifa: (Tifa mumbles under her breath) Yeah, optional if you want it to taste like crap…
Cloud: What was that Tifa?
Tifa: Um, I said yes it is optional, now on to the next step!
Cloud: What is the next step?
Tifa: Actually I'm not quite sure…
Cloud: I though you said you've done this before?
Tifa: I did, just that well I was make the microwavable kind…
Cloud: Perfect Tifa… just perfect…So now what are we supposed to do?
Tifa: It's not important, on to cooking it!
Cloud: No this is where I know what I'm doing!
(Cloud smiles and pulls out various materia)
Tifa: Most people will set the chocobo to bake for a certain amount of time in a conventional oven.
Cloud: But, not us!
Tifa: We prefer to use a much faster method.
Cloud: MATERIA!
(Cloud casts fire on the chocobo and barely singes it)
Tifa: Um, Cloud I think it needs to be cooked a little bit more than that…
Cloud: Really, you think so…
Tifa: (mumbling under her breath) Well considering you couldn't burn a match with that crappy fire…
Cloud: What was that?
Tifa: Oh nothing, I just said we might want to try some material that's a little higher…
Cloud: Um, okay… You mean like Fire2?
Tifa: Sure why not?
(Cloud then engulfs the chocobo in a whirlwind of flames. The chocobo then emerges with a semi-golden tint to it)
Tifa: Um, Cloud I think we better turn it up a notch…
Cloud: Well, if you say so.
(Cloud uses Fire3, which engulfs the chocobo in flames)
Red XIII: Whoa! Seriously cool!
Tifa: Very nice Cloud I think we can move on.
Cloud: You sure, I think it needs just another roast…
Tifa: Right Cloud… If you burn it once more it will not only be burnt to a crisp, but surprisingly fat free…
Cloud: Really, I've been meaning to lose weight…
(Cloud pulls out a red Ifrit materia)
Tifa: Cloud I was joking don't actually-
(But, Tifa was to late as Cloud had already summoned Ifrit.)
Ifrit: Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawww!!!
Tifa: Oh dear not my beautiful chocobo!
(Ifrit pulls back his fist, and releases a ball of flames. But instead of burning the bird to a crisp, it simply cooks it nicely to a beautiful delicacy)
Tifa & Cloud: WOW!!!!!
Ifrit: Ah yes, the art of cooking. I've always enjoyed a good roast chocobo.
(Tifa and Cloud's mouth's both drop to the floor)
Cloud: You can talk!!!
Tifa: You can cook!!!
Ifrit: Why yes, I've always enjoyed the fine art of good cuisine.
Yuffie: (Whispers to Cloud from off stage) Okay wrap it up Spikey!
Cloud: Will you people get it right, my name isn't SPIKEY!
Tifa: Yes, well this is the Tifa
Cloud: And Cloud
Ifrit: And Ifrit!
(Cloud and Tifa look over at Ifrit with a confused gaze)
Ifrit: I fine I'll leave. You ungrateful little…..(And he vanishes before their eyes)
Cloud & Tifa: This is The Cloud & Tifa Cooking Hour, signing off!
(Music flares up again and audience begins clapping as the lights fade out)
So what'd ya think everyone, write a review I really want to know if I should write more stories or not.