Hey! I'm back with a new story! Have two more chapters written and an idea of where I am going...but nothing in stone...so your reviews might sway me! And I need to let you know about a collaboration that XOC and I have going. Look for DELUGE by BenslerXOC. It is so good! And so much fun to write cause we have NO idea what each other plans to write until we see the next chapter and then take it from there. So, make sure you check it out and let us know what you think by pressing that little button and sending a review or two our way!

Matters of the Heart

by Bensler

Chapter 1 - Close

SVU Squad Room རTuesday Afternoon, August 12th

"Get a bus! Hurry!" Her panic driven screams echoed throughout the squad room, sending fear through the others, at first paralyzed, then scurrying to get help.

One minute he was talking with her, the next he was gripping his chest and falling to the floor. In seconds, she was kneeling beside him, making certain his airway was clear before she began the new method of resuscitation they had learned just a couple of weeks ago in the required NYPD CPR re-certification class. The irony that she was using it for the first time on the man responsible for her taking the class was not lost on her.

She knew cardiac arrest occurs when the heart stops circulating blood and the heart rhythm is disturbed. This is known as ventricular fibrillation, in which the heart quivers but does not pump blood. If no shock is delivered in the first four minutes of this deadly rhythm, the heart stops altogether and it becomes much harder, if not impossible, to restart.

The new resuscitation method, increases blood flow to the heart and brain when the heart stops pumping blood. During this phase, old-fashioned chest compressions can help push blood back into the heart, making it more likely to restart. The approach is focused on continuously pumping blood to the heart and brain.

After the first 200 compressions, the victim gets a shock, then another worker jumps in and gives another set of 200 chest compressions. At that point, they may be given a defibrillator shock or a shot of epinephrine to stimulate the heart, and then a tube is inserted into the trachea to ventilate the lungs. The only problem was, they did not have any of these things in the squad room. So, the chest compressions were going to have to suffice for now. God, please let them suffice. She deeply loved and respected the man lying here. He fought for her, for them, countless times over the years and now, now it was time for them to fight for him. And fight they would! To the very end.

Pumping furiously to make the 200 compressions, her arms ached and perspiration broke out on her forehead, upper lip and face. The moisture tickled as it rolled down her back and between her breasts, dampening her blouse with telltale patches of darker material.

She grunted with each compression, as tears streamed down her face. "Come on! You are not going to die on me! You are not! You hear me, Don? You are not going to die!"

A crowd of ten to twelve people were gathered around his office, Munch was trying to get the crowd to disperse while Fin knelt across from Olivia.

"I'll take over when you hit 200." Fin told her, his voice gruff, his face grim.

"187...188..." She counted, never taking her glistening eyes off of her captain. His pallor was ashen...he was so still...so quiet. Silently, she begged him to wake up and bark at her for pounding his chest. She saw a tear drop onto his pale blue shirt, making the material darker as it spread out.

He was the father she never knew. This was the man who chided her when she had dark circles under eyes, insisting she get more sleep. When she dropped weight because she was so caught up in a case she forgot to eat, he was the one who brought her bacon, egg and cheese biscuits for breakfast and healthy lunches he packed from home. He was the one she would talk to about broken relationships and why it seemed no one with this job could maintain a significant other. He was the one who knew about the man she was in love with but would never admit to it to anyone else, including the man. Her partner.

Breathing heavily, she finished the first 200 compressions. "199...200."

Fin immediately took over. Since they had no defibrillator or epi, he decided he should give him two short breaths to see if that would help him to start breathing. He did this and then began the chest compressions again.

"1...2...3..." He looked up at Olivia, silently praying that there would be some kind of response from their captain or that the EMTs would hurry and arrive. Somewhere in the background of the silence, he heard the familiar voice of his colleague.

"Out of the way! Move! Come on! Get out of the way!" Elliot elbowed, pushed and shouted his way through the curious crowd.

In his hands was a defibrillator. He had noticed it in the bank next door to the precinct last week. It caught his attention because they had just taken that new CPR class. When he heard Olivia cry out for help and realized that Don most likely had suffered a heart attack, he tore off for the bank.

Paddles in hand, Elliot knelt on the opposite side as Fin pulled Captain Cragen's shirt and tie further to each side and moved away from him just enough that Elliot could shock him. His body jumped and Fin began the compressions once again. Olivia was cradling the Captain's head and murmuring to him.

"Come on, Don! Breathe! Please, just breathe! Come on, Cap! You can do it!" She begged. She had been talking to him the whole time Fin was doing the compressions.

Seconds after Elliot gave him the shock, Donald Cragen took a loud gasp of air. Color slowly reappeared on his cheeks and lips. The relief in the room was palpable as the detectives looked around at each other. Munch and Elliot giving each other a high five, as they stood. Fin continued the compressions as Olivia leaned over and kissed the Captain on the forehead, wiping tears from her eyes with one hand. He did not regain consciousness, but he was alive. Alive. That was all that mattered right now.

Minutes later EMS arrived, assessed the Captain, hooked him to an IV, oxygen and strapped him to a stretcher and wheeled him out of the precinct. Olivia rode with him.

New York Presbyterian Hospital རER Waiting Room རTuesday Evening, August, 12th

Hours later, the double door to the waiting area opened and a white coated woman with a stethoscope around her neck and a chart in her hand appeared.

"Cragen family?" She called out to the room.

Olivia lifted her head, stood up and walked to meet the doctor half way, Elliot, Munch and Fin trailing behind her.

"How is he? Did it do much damage? Is he going to be okay? Is he awake? Can we see him?" The words rushed from her mouth.

"I'm Dr. Collins. How are you related?" The doctor looked around at the diversified group.

"We're not...and he doesn't have any family..." Munch started.

"Yes, he does! We're his family. The only family that counts. We're detectives for the NYPD and he's our Captain. Please, tell us how he is!" Olivia's voice was higher than normal, her distress becoming evident.

Elliot moved closer to her and put his hand on her shoulder. She leaned into him. Just a little. Just enough for him to feel her do it. Just enough that she gained the comfort and strength she needed from him.

The doctor eyed her closely as if trying to decide if she were trustworthy. "He's resting. You can see him, but just for a little bit. Obviously, you know he suffered a heart attack. There was a little damage to the heart, but he is extremely fortunate that someone was there to perform CPR and that the defibrillator was available. Otherwise, I doubt we would be discussing this right now." Dr. Collins explained.

Olivia looked at Elliot and the others, the same thought passing through all of their minds...what would they do without Don Cragen around to bark orders and keep them in line?

The doctor continued. "The catheterization showed three blockages...one at 90 the other two at 75 and 60. We have him scheduled for triple by-pass surgery tomorrow morning."

"Heart surgery?" Fin seemed incredulous that this was happening.

"How dangerous is the surgery?" Olivia asked, nervously twisted her watch around and around on her wrist.

"Not as dangerous as him living with the blockages...the next heart attack would most likely be fatal." Dr. Collins looked around at them as her words sunk in.

"How long will it take for him to recuperate?" Elliot asked.

"Other than this heart problem, he is in excellent physical condition, so I would say his complete recovery with no restrictions, should be ten to twelve weeks. Of course, that is contingent on there being no complications." Doctor Collins looked around at the group.

"Can we see him?" Olivia asked her.

"Of course...but just for a minute...he needs to rest." The doctor smiled and headed back through the double doors.

The Captain was lying just barely raised up in the bed, his eyes closed. One arm was draped across his waist, the other down by his side had an I.V. running into it and an oxygen monitor glowing red on his index finger. He had on one of those thin, generic hospital gowns and it was falling nearly completely off his left shoulder.

Though they tried to be quiet, when there are four people doing anything at the same time, there is bound to be some noise. Cragen opened his eyes and looked toward the door as they shuffled into his room. A slow grin started across his face as his eyes fell shut again.

Olivia made her way to his bedside first. She took his right hand in her left and pulled the gown up over his shoulder with her right, tucking it between him and the pillow. "Hey, Don." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "You sure gave us a scare."

Elliot came up beside her. "Yea...what was all that about? Some kind of test to see if we really learned all the CPR stuff from that class?"

Cragen actually laughed at Elliot's stab at humor. "Apparently, you passed...because I am still here."

"How about a written test or some kind of double spaced thousand word report instead of hands on for the next class." Munch quipped smartly.

"Yea...and next time you want some time off...just take it, man...I mean, Cap'n...Sir." Fin quickly corrected himself.

"It has been awhile, hasn't it?" Cragen looked around at his crew.

"Captain, I hope you are okay...Elliot ran to the bank to get their defibrillator and Olivia and Fin did chest compressions until the EMS got there. You really did scare the crap out of us...Sir." Munch explained the details of what had gone on.

Cragen just smiled at the four of them. They truly were his family. This unit. An odd one, but a family, nonetheless. He was the father figure, always on the look out for his kids. Munch was the older brother that kept everyone somewhat in line being the steadiest of the men. Elliot was the hot headed one...ready to throw a punch at anyone that got in his way. Fin, quiet, keeping to himself, but loyal and always there when he was needed. They were all like brothers to Olivia, protecting her...as if she needed protection...taking up for her, teasing her, making snide remarks about her dates...doing what brothers do to their sisters.

Yes, they were her brothers...except Elliot...he was more like the jealous boyfriend or lover...though he had no right to be. Cragen shook his head, thinking about when Elliot was separated from Kathy. He just knew he would have made a move on Olivia. It was clear to everyone except them, that they were made for each other. There were times he wanted to smack Elliot upside the head and ask him what was wrong with him that he could not see that his partner was head over heels in love with him. He heard that Kathy and Elliot were calling it quits again. Rumors. But there always seemed to be some element of truth in any rumor. Maybe this time Elliot would have better sense and ask Olivia out.

"We better head on...you need rest...take it easy, okay, Captain?" Olivia leaned over him, hugging him and kissing his cheek again.

"We'll see you tomorrow, Cap." Munch told him.

They all said their goodbyes and headed out of the room.

NY Presbyterian Hospital རSurgery Prep Room རWednesday Morning, August, 13th

Arriving right at five o'clock in the morning, Olivia had seen the Captain before he was prepped for surgery. She spent some time just talking with him about nothing and everything, even joking some. He surprised her by turning the talk serious when he began reminding her about where to find his legal papers and his wishes for a funeral and memorial service.

Cragen had no close family and about two years ago he had asked Olivia if she would come for dinner because he had some things to discuss with her. After they ate, he handed her copies of his insurance, will, plans for his funeral service and showed her where the key to his security box was so she would have access to other important documents, such as his 401K, stocks, bonds, the deed to his home and a rental apartment, title for the car, etc. She clearly did not want to discuss any of this and was upset at being made to consider his death. He was the father she had never had and after all these years, she could not imagine her life without him. Yet, here he was forcing her to face that one day, more than likely, she would experience just that reality. That he planned to leave nearly everything to her, made her that much more ill at ease.

Now, before his surgery, he brought it up once again. "Captain...I don't want to talk about these things...do you really think now is the time..." She was extremely uncomfortable.

"Well...yes...I could die on the table or from complications. So, yes, Olivia, I think now would be the time to discuss this. You haven't wanted to discuss it anytime I have brought it up." He pointed out.

"Don...you are going to be fine. I just don't want to talk about..." She trailed off. She had started to say 'your death' but caught herself. She shook her head back and forth.

He held out his hand to her. She went to him and took it. "Olivia, you are like a daughter to me. I have no other family...just a niece and nephew that I have not seen in nearly twenty years...I know you; you've been a part of my life for nearly a decade. I love you like a daughter and I want to take care of you like a father would, should...when I'm gone. So, just listen. You remember where the key is?"

"Yes..." She nodded, tears beginning to pool in her eyes.

"Okay...all the necessary papers are in the security box. I put the extra set of keys to the house, apartment and my car in there, too. You still have copies of the initial papers you will need, should anything happen to me?"

The lump in her throat imprisoned any further words at that moment, so she simply nodded.

Taking her hand, he pulled her down to him and hugged her tightly. She began to cry and he smoothed her hair and patted her back. "It's okay, honey. I'll be okay...we just need to be prepared, that's all."

There was aknock at the door and Casey, Munch, Fin and Elliot came in. They gathered around him, all talking, joking, laughing. Olivia quickly composed herself and stepped to the side where she just watched them, burning the scene into her memory. The captain was grinning, bantering with his former ADA and detectives. No. She could not envision her life without Donald Cragen there to keep her in line and lend a shoulder to cry on.

"Mr. Cragen...we need to get you up to the OR." A male nurse had entered the room with an aid behind him.

Everyone fell silent. Casey hugged him as did Munch. Fin shook hands with him. Elliot grabbed his hand and covered it with his other and then hugged him, too. Everyone had said goodbye except Olivia. The Captain looked over at her and nodded his head. She came to him and leaned over, hugging him tightly. She kissed his cheek. "I love you, Captain...you are going to be fine. You hear me, Don? You're going to be fine."

"Love you, too, Liv." He whispered and let her go.

Cragen smiled at the nurse and technician. "Okay...let's get his show on the road, people!"

NY Presbyterian Hospital རCardiac Waiting Room རWednesday Morning, August, 13th

The doctor had explained everything she would be doing and that the surgery should last about four hours, but not to be alarmed if it took longer. Someone would keep them posted about every hour and a half to two hours. It was just before six a.m. when they took the Captain to surgery. Two hours later a nurse in full scrubs stepped into the waiting room and announced that everything was going smoothly and his vitals were excellent. Olivia and Munch breathed a sigh of relief.

Munch opened his cell and called the precinct to let them know. Fin and Elliot had taken a call about a home invasion where the woman and her daughter had been raped and were now manning the phones and catching up on paperwork. Casey was tying up some loose ends concerning the sale of her condo. Two and half more hours passed with no update and Olivia was beginning to worry.

"Think I should go ask what's going on?" She nervously twisted a ring on her finger as she eyed the nurses' station that could be partially seen through the doorway of the waiting room.

"You know what they say... 'No news is good news'. Let's give it a bit longer." He peered up over his glasses, the paper he was reading rustling as he dropped it down to his lap.

Munch was the steadfast, easy going one of the crew. Rarely, was anything able to rattle him, but even he was beginning to feel the anxiety kick up a notch, not that he would ever admit that to Olivia.

Though the nod she gave him seemed to indicate she agreed, she stood, stretched and sighed deeply as she ran her hands through her hair. Then the pacing began. Ten steps to her right, twelve to her left and back again. Over and over and over. All the while chewing on her bottom lip and sighing every few steps.

"Olivia, could you..." Munch began but was interrupted by a voice.

"Cragen family?" A man dressed in surgical scrubs filled the doorway.

Olivia lifted her head and was standing in front of the man, before Munch could even stand up. "Yes! How is he doing?" She quickly asked, trying to read the doctor's face.

He smiled at her. That's a good thing, she thought. Smiling, yes. That's a good thing. He took her by the arm and motioned to a small room off of the waiting area. "Here, this will be more private."

His need for privacy alarmed her. "He is okay, right?" A frown creased her brows. Munch put a hand on her shoulder.

"Oh...yes. Yes, he is fine...I'm sorry...uh...these days with the privacy act and all...I just would rather discuss my patients away from prying eyes and itchy ears." He looked from her to Munch and back. "You're detectives, right? I'm Dr. Winfield. " They nodded. "He came through with flying colors. No problems during surgery, vitals remained strong at all times. Dr. Collins explained about the recovery process, right?"

"Yes...when can we see him?" Olivia wanted to know.

He looked at his watch. "He should be in recovery for about two hours before you can see him. He will be in the ICU overnight, visitation is limited and he most likely will not be awake tonight...at least not fully. He should be in a regular room by this time tomorrow. Do you have any questions?"

Olivia looked at Munch and then back to the doctor. "No." She smiled. "Thank you, doctor."

He stood, shook their hands and left. Knowing that Captain Cragen was fine, Munch suggested they go get some lunch. When they returned they were able to see him for a minute, though he was still sedated. Olivia kissed his forehead, wishing she could at least hear his voice to assure her that he really was fine as the doctor had said. After seeing him like he had been yesterday and knowing just how close he had come to dying, how close she had come to losing the man she looked to as a father, she simply could not shake off the heaviness of worry that settled upon her.