A/N: Technically a modern family!crossover, but really just an excuse for another 'meet the family' fic. Should be perfectly readable for people unfamiliar w/ the show.

For the kinkmeme prompt: [Arthur's last name is Dunphy. He takes Eames along with him on a visit to his big brother's house so that he can meet the family.]

Eames turned onto his side as a soft tritone ringing filled the air. "Not mine," he mumbled against the cool skin of Arthur's exposed shoulder.

Arthur sighed and propped himself up on one elbow, blinking blearily into the dark room. He listened to the trilling phone for another second before tensing and exhaling a quiet, "Fuck, that's mine."

Eames rolled into the warm spot Arthur had vacated and breathed in the still-fresh scent of laundry and shampoo. "You're sure? That doesn't much sound like your mobile either."

"Personal cell," Arthur grunted from the other side of the room. There was a moment of silence as the ringing cut-off and Arthur answered, sounding more composed than Eames could ever hope to muster so soon after being asleep, with a steady "Hello?"

Arthur rolled his eyes when he noticed his spot had been taken and climbed into Eames' side of the bed, pulling the covers up over his bare legs as a young female voice buzzed audibly in the silence of the room.

[ Heeey, Uncle Arthur! It's, um, Alex? It's been a while so I don't know if you really remember... I'm your niece? ]

Eames perked up from where he had started pressing idle kisses against the jut of Arthur's hipbone.

"Alex, no, god, of course I remember you. How've you been? Everything alright with the family?" And Eames might be the actor, but Arthur was the multi-tasker. It was almost admirable, the way his casual voice belied the serious furrow of his brow as he flipped on the lamp and pulled his laptop from the bedside table, flights to LA already filling the screen.

[ Oh, yeah, no, everything's great. I was just- okay, so... I have this school assignment where I'm supposed to interview a family member about their life. Like, growing up, their career, and any struggles they faced. And I see my mom's side of the family almost everyday so it would almost feel like cheating if I did it on one of them, so I thought maybe you...? ]

By this point Eames had sidled up next to Arthur (with grudging permission), their heads tilted together over the phone.

"That's... really flattering, Alex. I'm not entirely certain that I'll be a much better study though."

[ Oh, god, you're probably really busy so, um, sorry for bothering you. ]

Arthur ran a hand through his hair in a rare show of fluster, "No, hey, I'd love to help. Just let me know what I can do."

[ Really? Thank youthankyou, you're the best uncle ever. I can email you the prompt and- ]

[ Alex! ] Arthur pursed his lips as an older female voice popped up in the background. [ If that's your Uncle Cam, can you tell him that I'm going to need my electric mixer back? ]

[ No, Mom, it's not Uncle Cam. ]

[ Ooookay, well then, can you just ask your Uncle Mitchell to tell him seeing as how they live in the same house? ]

[ No, because it's Uncle Arthur. ]

There was a clash of dishes and the sound of sloshing water.

[ Why... why are you on the phone with your Uncle Arthur? ]

Eames quirked an eyebrow towards Arthur at the undercurrent of fear in her tone, but was distracted by the look of utter fondness that flashed across Arthur's face as a deeper voice joined the conversation.

[ Did someone say Arthur? My Arthur, Arthur? ]

[ Yes, Phil. For some reason our daughter is on the phone with your brother. Would you happen to have any idea why? ]

[ No way, I haven't spoken to my little brother in forever! Alex, put him on speaker. Arthur! ]

"Phil, hey, it's been awhile." The softest smile stayed on Arthur's face and Eames gave in to an impulse, pressing a small kiss to the corner of the upturned lips.

Arthur swatted at his face.

[ Uncle Arthur was just agreeing to help me with my assignment. ]

[ That's great news! And, hey, it's almost Thanksgiving, you should come and spend it with us. ]

[ Phil, don't you think it's a little... rude to invite him with only a week's heads-up? I mean, I'm sure your brother already has other plans. ]

[ Are you kidding me, Claire? Arthur would completely skip Christmas if I didn't leave him twelve days of Christmas carol voicemails every year. Right, lil' bro? ]

Eames' face lit up in glee as he mouthed 'twelve days of Christmas carols'. Arthur flipped him off, but didn't attempt to move the phone out of his hearing. "I don't know Phil, I've already made plans with someone," he lied, "and anyways, I don't think your wife would appreciate having to accommodate an extra mouth on such short notice."

[ Nah, Claire loves having family over. And if you made plans with someone, then bring them too. The more the merrier! Isn't that right, honey? ] There was a telltale moment of silence where Arthur pictured how his sister-in-law's face would pinch together, the way it always did when her careful plans were hijacked. [ Okay, so you can't see it, but she's definitely making her 'I love surprises!' face, right now. ]

"I'm sure. Look, Phi-"

[ Come on Arthur. I could really use a bit of Dunphy representation around here for once. ]

"I just..."

[ I won't take 'no' for an answer. ]

"You're not selling me a house, Philip."

[ Doth I hear a 'yes'? ]

Arthur sighed, "Put me down for a plus one."

[ Okay! I expect you to get here early and now I'm going to hang-up so you can't change your mind. ] There was a burst of staticky cheering and a loud [ The Dunphy Boys are gonna show everyone how it's DONE ] before the line went dead.

Arthur let the phone drop to the bed and pointedly did not look at Eames while clicking through the flights from Heathrow to LAX.

Eames decided to take the initiative and tucked his chin onto Arthur's shoulder. "Darling, am I to presume that your plus one is me?"

Arthur drew Eames' attention to a flight leaving the day after. "It'd be more accurate to say that you'll be accompanying me as my stress ball."

Eames nodded his approval of the flight. He snaked an arm around Arthur's waist in order to reach the keyboard and entered in his passport information of the moment. "Your brother can't possibly be bad enough to drain the Great Arthur's Well of Patience."

"My brother is fine on his own, but throw in his in-laws and I'd be tempted to drop myself into limbo."

Eames carefully moved the laptop onto the nightstand and tugged Arthur back under the covers. "Then let's make the most of our final moments before we plunge into the depths of American suburbia."