Yo! I don't own Batman or Disney. Otherwise, there'd be releases of crossovers by now. Now that you know, please, uh, no suing.
The Joker: Welcome back home, Batsy! Hope you're warm and cozy in our best valued coats. Wouldn't want you shivering from these chilling temperatures.
(Batman, strapped down on a chair in a straight jacket, stares down The Joker with his Bat Glare)
Batman: Whatever ploy you're plotting at this moment, Joker, it's not going to be successful.
The Joker: But I'm not pulling any tricks, honest! Sure, I had to clean this house up of lab-coats and badges to make this impressionable, but that's besides the point! I just wanted to see you, 'tis all. It's been a while since we last seen each other, and you know how giddy I can get to return to our regular routine.
Batman: You released every inmate and took hostage of all the guards and doctors, that is if they're still alive. You can't play dumb with me, Joker. I know there are bigger plans at work here.
The Joker: Broody and moody as ever, Bats. Can't even take your good pal's words to heart. Why so serious? Yeesh, if someone told you the sun is going to be beaming all day, you won't even trust that sun, thinking it's a death ray. Hahahahaha, what a hoot! I invited you home. Plain and simple! I know how much you love it here, practically where you belong.
Batman: So far, hardly amused.
The Joker: Hehehehe. Well, guess I should get started as your fantastic host for this evening. I'm betting to give you the most jolly dining of your life right here at Arkham Asylum. With the help of some longtime friends of ours.
(All the lights turn off; nothing but darkness for a short moment. Dimmer lighting slowly emerge, but all the illumination is upon a long table that appeared in front of Batman out of nowhere. On the other end of the table is Joker in the spotlight, wearing a hat and holding a cane)
The Joker:
Be our guest!
Be our guest!
Lend an ear to hear our jest
Tie this noose around your neck, Batsy
If you wanna give life a rest
LSD
THC
These drugs are our cup of tea!
Try the Venom
Tastes like champagne
Don't believe me? Ask big, bad Bane
We're crazy, we're rotten
After all, this is Arkham
And the madness here is never second best! Hahaha!
Come on and join the dark side
All aboard the joyride
Be our guest
Be our guest
Be our guest!
Arkham Inmates:
Dynamite!
Shock Buzzers!
Laughing gas and gun powder!
The Joker:
Some switchblades and lit grenades
Don't forget your faithful crowbar!
Lethal loons
Everywhere
Ghouls like Scarecrow here to scare!
No one's brooding or unchaining
While Mad Hatter's entertaining
We tell jokes! I do tricks!
Harley's quite swell at slapstick
Arkham Inmates:
And it's all to take vengeance
Upon your head
Endure these injuries
You earn the misery
To be our guest
The Joker:
If you're stressed
Kick those birds out, I suggest!
Arkham Inmates:
Be our guest! Be our guest! Be our guest!
(The lighting immediately turns blue. The Joker stretches his cane out to catch and tug The Penguin up to where he is. Now, with an irritated Penguin on top of the table as well, The Joker places a hand on his shoulder to bring his feathery friend to his side)
The Penguin:
Hey, unhand me!
The Joker:
Life can be so shady
When he doesn't think he's crazy!
The Penguin:
Because I'm not!
The Joker:
Beak held high like he is better than us all...
The Penguin:
Well, of course I'm better.
The Joker:
Ah, once a kingpin who owned an ice lounge...
The Penguin:
Those are proud memories...
The Joker:
...Suddenly lack of flight caused his fall
The Penguin:
How dare you-Waugh!
(The Joker shoves The Penguin off the table after singing his line to clearly demonstrate The Penguin's "fall")
The Joker:
Each day gets more boring
Growing tired of Pyg's snorting
Things are better out on the streets where it's fun
Most days we play poker in the nut house
Ten, ace, king, jack, and queen
A royal flush! You're move, Eddie!
(The lighting changes to green on cue. The spotlight leaves The Joker, moving forward to beam on The Riddler who's right next to Batman)
The Riddler:
He's a guest! He's a guest!
One for my new riddle test! (Places a piece of paper in front of Batman)
Stakes are drawn, my dumb bat pawn
That you will struggle in your quest
With puzzles, two or three
And Dark Knight that's fine with me
As you fail each time you're guessing
I'll be jeering, I'll be boasting
Let's check in on your plight (Picks paper back up)
Heaven's sakes! You got it right?!
Just because your IQ's high, I'd be impressed?
I've got more up my sleeve
We have all night, you see
For you're our guest!
(The entire room lights up in multicolor, shimmering upon Batman and all the Arkham Inmates)
Arkham Inmates:
He's our guest!
The Riddler:
He's our guest!
Arkham Inmates:
He's our guest!
Harley Quinn:
Be our guest! Be our guest!
Please attend Mistah J's fest
Scarecrow:
I've been concocting atrocious fear toxins
That you'll ingest
Mad Hatter:
We could go for a stroll
Then drop down the rabbit hole
Bane:
Or instead I can crush your bones
Like I did a long time ago
Professor Pyg:
Pyg shall fix bat defects
Pyg makes sure you'll be perfect!
Arkham Inmates:
We'll drain whatever sanity you have left
Tonight you'll make memories
With your rogues gallery
Be our guest!
Be our guest!
Be our guest!
PLEASE, BE OUR GUEEEEEEESSSSSSSSTTT!
THE END
Wassup Guys; I'm back from da dead! Sorry for the hiatus (tomatoes out of nowhere are thrown at the-CHELO) Hey, hey, take it easy! I have a lot of things on my plate! Honestly, though, my apologies. I'm gonna be more considerate about my page this time around. You just wait and see. Anyways, what you guys think about the parody this time around? I know, these things are pretty weird. You can tell I really like Beauty and The Beast. Though I have many more Disney-themed one-shots that I'll be posting soon. If any new reader enjoys this one, you should give Kill The Clown and Back In Arkham Again a go. Leave a review, positive or negative. Thanks for reading!