Ok, just to start off, I LOVE this film. Best superhero origin story to date. I've watched this almost a thousands times at least. So much so, I wanted to make my own version of it, as you will soon read it's DEFINITIVELY not one in the same. I hope you appreciate my humor to it, I'm a parody NUT when it comes to films like these... But in the end, everything will fall into place...I think... for the Batman, or Bruce Wayne, we all know... at least I think so... You'll have to determine that. Alright, enough chit-chat, strap yourselves in and prepare for the most hilariously serious ride known to bat-man!(haha)... And PLEASE give any comments on this, I don't want my hero left in the dark...(haha, again) Enjoy!
...
This is...
BRUCE WAYNE BEGINS!
( Batman theme plays in the background… Bat logo appears… A storm of bats flash by thus revealing…)
Young Bruce Wayne dashed through the garden, chasing a girl who had stolen something... property of which did not belong to her…
"Rachel! Rachel! Let me see!" (The boy followes girl into a garden house looking back and forth frantically. A small hand under a table yanks his arm down).
WHACK!
The boy's head hits the table as he falls upon the ground unconscious. The girl quickly stands up, looking down at the body in horror.
"Oh crock! Bruce! BRUCE?"
"What have you done?" There was a crash. The girl whirled her head around to see an old, pale faced butler who had just dropped a whole tray of tea and crumpets, staring at the limp form. Her eyes widened.
"M-Mr. Alfred!"
"What have you done?" The old man staggered forward, wringing his hands in the air, pain written completely on his face.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"
"I…I…" the girl spluttered, shaking as she did so. Something then dropped from her hand and landed near the small boys face. An arrow head.
Bruce peaked through his shut eyelids and honed down upon it. Without warning, he leapt up, ensuing a scream from the girl and a "great scott" from the butler, and grabbed his treasure.
"Finders keepers!" He grinned broadly as he pushed the old man into a cart of flower pots. Another crash was heard. The girl ran after him.
"That wasn't very nice!" she yelled out.
"YOU LITTLE BRAT! IF YOU WERE MY KID I'D BEAT YOU ALL THE WAY FROM HERE TO WORCHESTER!" The butler screeched.
The girl, Rachel, stood in the middle of the garden, taking a sweep around, looking for her tormentor.
Bruce hid behind a rock wall, his heart pumping as he loaded his BB gun and thus aiming at the backside of the unexpected victim.
"Bruce?" She called again, almost innocently. She was like a sitting duck, and she was all his…
CRASH!
(Almost in slow motion, young Bruce falls down an old well that was concealed beneath him and now gave way.)
"OW!"
"Bruce?" Rachel peered down the well. Bruce shook his fist.
"My mommy and daddy will sue you for this!" in his high British accent he cried out. He was almost to tears.
"I'll get help!"
"You better!"
"Leave him…", the loud grumpy voice of the butler off yonder said, "the world would be a better place…"
"My daddy will have you flogged for that kind of talk servant!"
"I could beat you right now if I wanted to chappy... and no one would here you scream." His voice was dark.
"MOMMAY! DADDAY!" Bruce wailed.
Rachel ran out of the garden and up the stairs of Wayne Manor. The butler looked about, seeing that he was alone. He slowly peered down at Master Bruce and grinned his yellow teeth.
"Now that we're here…" he reached inside his hidden jacket pocket. "I've been saving this for you…" He pulled out a small vile.
"Get away from me you crazy baboon! MOMMAY! DADDAY!" The butler quickly looked around.
"This is nitro glycerin you little twerp! Shut you up for good this time!" He dropped the bottle and ran like heck.
"MOMMAY-DADDAY-THE-SERVANTS-TRYING-TO-KILL-ME!"
BOOOOOOOOM!
Older Bruce Wayne wakes with a start. Sweat pouring from his bearded face. He looks over to see an even older Asian dude examining him.
"You have dream?" He said in broken English. Bruce turned his head towards the ceiling, breathing hard.
"A Nightmare."
"Worse than this?" He didn't respond. They were both in a cramped, dank cell in the midst of a Chinese campground. Bruce sat up to ponder this.
"Yep, muuuch worse. You can count on it." He then caught sight of a huge, beefy kinda guy giving him the stink eye. Bruce drummed his fingers together, attempting to look anywhere but him. Trying to ignore him so he might just go away. Didn't work...
He thought some more for a moment, then stood up. The Asian dude, desperate in fear, tried to set him back down.
"Hey ugly!" He pointed at the huge man. The old guy slumped down with his head in his hands. The big guys eyes widened.
"You got some attitude? You can swing it around all you want at breakfast tomorrow! I'd like to see you waddle out of that mud pit... again! HA!" The man jumped to his feet, still locking his dirty glare. The old man shook his head.
"Tomorrow... you will die."