Anchovies
In the dining room at the Smash Mansion, Link was having some lunch served by Mario. The others had already eaten their lunch, to avoid having to eat Mario's food. Of course, Link couldn't tell the difference either way.
"Hey, this pizza is delicious!" said Link, munching on a frozen sandwich.
"But Link-a, that-a is the sandwich-a!" Mario said, cooking a burnt pizza.
"Hey, I can say what I want, and there's nothing you can do about it!" Link said, standing up and tipping the table over.
"Oh-a yeah?"
"Yeah!"
"I challenge you to a duel of justice! TO THE DEATH!" Mario screamed.
Link stabbed Mario.
Mario died.
"That was easy," said Link, chuckling to himself.
He grabbed the flaming pizza from the oven and started to munch on it.
"Wait a second…" Link said. "This has no anchovies! I ordered anchovies!"
"HOW CAN THERE BE NO ANCHOVIES!" Link screamed at Mario.
Link realised that Mario was dead.
"Oh," he said.
"I guess I'll have to get some anchovies myself!" Link grumbled, walking to the kitchen.
He opened the fridge, only to see Kirby and Yoshi munching on some ham.
"We've been found out! RUN!" Kirby screamed, darting out of the fridge.
"Arararara!" Yoshi screamed.
"Yoshi hup yoshi hup yoshi!" Yoshi exclaimed. "Save the food!"
Yoshi ate the fridge and turned it into an egg.
"Yoshi… you just ate the fridge…" Link said, expressionlessly.
Yoshi poked his tongue out.
"I just wanted some anchovies…" Link mumbled.
Yoshi started to laugh at him.
"RAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" Link screamed, pulling out his sword and chasing Yoshi around.
"Ararararara!" Yoshi wailed, jumping up to a ledge that Link couldn't reach.
"Hi Yoshi!"
Yoshi turned to see Peach there.
"Let's play cordless bungee jumping!" Peach giggled, pushing Yoshi off the cliff.
"Arararararara!" Yoshi screamed, falling down onto Link.
"Yoshi? Yoshi yoshi!" Yoshi laughed. "Huh? Heh, I landed on Link."
Underneath was Link, a crumpled heap.
Yoshi suddenly got an idea. He quickly grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled something on it.
"Yoshi! Yoshi yoshi hup yoshi yoshi hup yoshi!" Yoshi said, pointing to the piece of paper. "Link! Why don't we just buy more anchovies?"
"Good idea!" Link said. "Wait, since when could I understand you?"
Yoshi shrugged.
"Yoshi yoshi yoshi," he said. "I guess everyone's so used to me."
"Yay!" Link cheered.
They went down to the local market.
"Hey, what's this? It says CLOSET," Link said, pointing to a sign.
"Yoshi yoshi yoshi," Yoshi said, smacking his head. "It's closed."
"So you mean we came all the way here just for a closed market!?" Link screamed, hyper-ventilating.
"Yoshi yoshi hup yoshi," Yoshi said. "I think this is the point where I start running."
"Ike, I assure you, you will like staying at the mansion," Master Hand said, walking around the mansion.
"Are you sure?" Ike asked.
"Yes, everyone loves this place!" Master Hand said.
"Okay… are there girls?"
"Yep!"
"Guys with swords to fight with?"
"Yep!"
"Is everyone friendly?"
"Yep!"
Just then, Yoshi ran past, with Link holding up his sword soon to follow.
"Check that," said Master Hand.
Suddenly, Yoshi ran past, screaming.
"Don't worry, I'll save you!" Ike said, diving in the way of Link.
Link swung his sword a lot.
Ike died.
"So much for that," Master Hand said, as Link kept on running. "I'll get a replacement."
Master Hand grabbed Sonic.
"Fight, or else!" Master Hand said, holding a dagger.
Sonic ran.
"Meh."
"Yoshi, yoshi yoshi hup yoshi?" Yoshi said. "Link, what if we just wait till the next day?"
"NOOOOO, I CANNOT WAIT, I MUST HAVE ANCHOVIES!" Link screamed.
"Yoshi yoshi yoshi!" Yoshi said. "Then let's catch some ourselves!"
"Okay," Link said.
They went to the nearest dock.
"Can we ride on that boat?" Link asked, pointing to a boat coming in.
"Sorry, the boat's a full. You'll have to wait," said a paratroopa at the desk.
Yoshi did a cute sad face.
"We're just wanting to see our father!" Link wailed, fake crying.
"Aren't you Link and Yoshi from-"
"SHUT UP!" Link screamed, grabbing some tickets and running.
"Hopefully no-one saw that," Link said.
Everyone stared at Link.
"It wasn't me… it was… him!" Link said, pointing to Luigi.
"Ah… what a nice way to spend time away from society," Luigi said, staring dreamily at the ocean.
A giant mob mauled him to death.
Yoshi prodded the body.
"Are you sure he's dead?" said a spectator.
Link dropped a 16 tonne weight onto the body.
"Yep."
Everyone partied.
The ship came and stopped at the dock.
"Let's get in!" Link said.
"Yoshi!"
They went up to the boat.
"I think we're on this ship," Link said, holding out some tickets.
"Sorry, but those are for the next boat," said a koopa.
"Oh yeah!?" Link said, grabbing a guy out of the ship.
Link took his tickets.
"Happy now!?" Link screamed.
"That's one ticket. I'm afraid the dinosaur can't go," said the koopa.
Yoshi ate him.
"Wow, the service here is great!" Link said. "Now where are the anchovies?"
Yoshi pointed to the fridge.
"Good idea!" Link said.
There wasn't anything there.
"So we're on a ship… with no anchovies?"
Link destroyed half of the things in the ship.
"H-here! Take these!" a koopa screamed, giving a pack of anchovies to Link.
"Hm… I need more," Link said.
"Yoshi yoshi hup yoshi?" Yoshi suggested. "Why don't you just look for them in the ocean?"
"Good idea!" Link said.
Yoshi got out a drill and started to make a hole in the floor.
"Don't do that! You'll sink this boat!" a Hylian screamed.
"I guess they do say a small leak can sink a great ship," Link said.
"Yoshi yoshi yoshi?" Yoshi said. "Wanna make a bet?"
"You're on!"
Yoshi drilled a hole in the ship.
It sank.
Later… At the hospital in the Smash Mansion…
"Yoshi… yoshi hup… yoshi," Yoshi said, lying down on a hospital bed. "You owe me ten bucks."
"Whatever," Link said, handing Yoshi the sum of money.
"Hey guys! I'm your doctor!" said Doctor Mario said, stepping in front of them and smiling evilly.
The two screamed in unison.
"Don't worry, I'm here to help!" the doctor said, taking out a saw.
Link sliced Doctor Mario to bits.
"That should do it," Link said.
"Hey-a! Why-a did you do that-a!?" Mario screamed, jumping in front of them.
"Explain how you had two clones of yourself then!" Link said.
"Uh… genetic-a engineering!" Mario said.
"And why don't you have a medical degree?" Link asked.
"Uh…" Mario said.
Yoshi pushed Mario out of the nearest window.
Mario died.
"Hey Yoshi, it's almost like we're on a homicidal rant for anchovies and we're killing everyone who gets in our way in the process!" Link said, scratching his head.
"Yoshi!? Yoshi yoshi!" Yoshi said, sticking out his tongue. "WE? I never wanted anchovies!"
"Does that mean I can kill you?" Link asked.
"Yoshi yoshi yoshi," Yoshi said. "First explain how Mario died twice."
…
"OMG PLOTHOLE!" Link screamed.
Yoshi ran.
Link chased him.
"If I can't have anchovies, I'll have Yoshi meat! RAAAARGH!" Link screamed.
"Ararararara!" Yoshi wailed.
"Stop, Link! Listen to your princess! This is wrong!" Zelda said, stepping in the way of Link.
"Why?" Link sneered.
"I am your princess, and I order you to stop!" Zelda said.
"You know, I'm probably better than you because I always save you, you always get in some bad position, you are dumb and ignorant, and your name is in the series title and you aren't even a playable character!" Link screamed.
"But… I… it… can't…"
Zelda had an emotional breakdown, forcing Master Hand to send her to solitary confinement.
"That should fix things up!" Master Hand said.
"Hey, where was I?"
"Chasing Yoshi so you could eat him in a pizza."
"Oh, yeah."
Link started to chase Yoshi again.
"Yoshi!" Yoshi said, throwing a big pack of anchovies to Link.
"Yay! Who had them? Were they in the fridge?" Link asked.
Yoshi shook his head and then pointed to Ganondorf.
"Ganondorf!? My sworn enemy!?" Link gasped.
"Yoshi yoshi, yoshi," said Yoshi. "Get over it, loser."
"So he's like, 'Die!' And I'm like, 'Hey man, no soap!'" Ganondorf said.
No one laughed.
"Laugh, or die!" Ganondorf said.
Bowser laughed.
"Mewtwo, why aren't you laughing?"
"You do realise that I could throw you off a cliff with my psychic abilities?" Mewtwo said telepathically.
"Okay," Ganondorf said. "And why is Young Link here?"
"It's because I hate my grown up form and I want to be evil!" Young Link said.
"First you'll have to go off the sugar diet," Bowser said.
Young Link threw all the sugar in the mansion out the window.
"Okay, you're now evil! Now who's your sworn enemy?" Ganondorf asked.
"Link!" Young Link said.
"Doesn't that mean you hate yourself?" Ganondorf said, curious.
"Meh."
They partied.
Suddenly, Link burst through the door.
"Ganondorf, I have come to claim the anchovies you posses!" Link said in a brave manner.
"Take 'em, it was just for some ad on TV," Ganondorf said.
"No way! I'm gonna kill you, Link!" Young Link said, taking out his sword.
"Not if I kill you first!" Link said.
"But then you can't exist!"
"And then you'll grow up to be no-one!"
"But I still want to badly injure you!"
"Not if I do first!"
"Then you might be scarred for life!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
A light bulb appeared above Link's head.
"I know! I'll use a police box as a paradox machine!" Link said.
"Firstly, you don't have a police box. Secondly, I'm pretty sure that they don't exist anymore. Thirdly, that implies this is a crossover," Young Link said.
"Shut up!" Link screamed, kicking Young Link in the face.
"Of course, I could imagine a police box is here and I can call in the LINKOID!!!" Link said.
The LINKOID appeared.
"WOO!" Link cheered.
He pressed a few buttons.
"Now, it is a paradox machine!" Link laughed evilly.
"That means I can also kill you! MWAHAHAHA!" Young Link laughed.
Link slashed wildly at Young Link.
Young Link kicked Link's shin.
"Sucker!" he said.
"AAAAGH!" Link said, stabbing Young Link.
He died.
"WOO!" Link said. "Can I have my anchovies now?"
"Link, I don't think that was ne-"
"Hey, I can do what I want, and there's nothing you can do about it!" Link screamed.
Ganondorf handed Link the anchovies.
"But Link, what if the LINKOID blows up? Then you won't exist!" Ganondorf said.
"The chances of that are one in a million!"
"Hm… I have all these explosives, but nothing to use it on!" Peach said, in thought.
"I know! I'll blow up that room with that funny looking box inside it!"
"So, what now?" Link asked.
An explosion was heard.
Link died.
"WOOHOO! ALL THE PEOPLE WE HATE ARE DEAD!" everyone cheered.
"What about Peach?" Ness asked.
"Meh."
THE END!