Summer Nights
[TWs: homophobia, homophobic language/slurs]
The summer night is hot, humid, and makes them feel sick to their stomachs as always. The sunset had occurred hours ago, and the pair now sat under the stars to point out constellations- or what they pretended were constellations. Neither really knew which stars made what constellation. Not even the Big Dipper, really. Even though where they lived offered perfect circumstances for constellation viewing.
A small town deep in rural North Carolina, not really on the map. Dead center in the heart of southern heat, and swarming with bigoted assholes. Being gay was unheard of here. If you ever were outed you were expected to move out the next day, or make an effort at the very least to keep your public visibility to a minimum. Word traveled so fast around here, and you'd be lucky if it didn't get to the wrong people.
But, no one in the town was lucky.
Not even them.
"My uh... my folks found out."
Nick looked over at his best friend of many years, and boyfriend of roughly 4 months. They sit in the back of Luke's old pickup truck, both a little buzzed from the scattered bottles of beer Nick had pillaged from his Father's endless collection of refrigerated alcohol. Neither is too keen on the idea of gathering them up underneath the sheet next to them, though they know full well the outcome if they're caught drinking. Neither is above the legal drinking age, and neither are above the influence at this point.
They lay back, staring at the stars, hoping that tomorrow won't come.
"About us?"
"Yeah."
Nick inhales shakily and then exhales. This is what they've been dreading. Their secret to get out and spread like a disease in town. The worst part about about this? They can't legally skip town.
Nick is 16 and Luke is 17 going on 18 in five months. Luke could leave and hide somewhere until he turns 18. But both know if he did there would be consequences. Luke can't leave his parents house until late December, and it was only July. This is the worst outcome.
"What... happened?" Nick dares to venture. He hears Luke suck in air and then laugh nervously.
"Well, it sure wasn't good, I can say."
"Christ..."
"My uh... old man was pissed." Luke tries to make it sound like a joke. Say it with a smile, like it wasn't the worst thing to happen in his life. Nick knows it's bullshit. "Told me that his only son ain't a faggot." He laughed again. "Guess what I told him."
"Luke..."
"Just guess, Nick!"
"Luke, I'm not gonna guess." Nick groaned. "Just tell me it, please..."
"Alright, alright." Luke always had this weird radiance to his voice. Like sunshine on a winter day. It couldn't warm their heavy hearts up enough tonight. "So I told him his only son ain't a fag. 'Cuz his only son ain't gay." He chuckled. "He's Bi."
"Luke.." Nick closes his eyes shut tight. He knows what happens next, but he's stupid enough to ask. "What'd he do after that?"
Luke is quiet for a moment, and Nick is almost scared that he's stopped breathing altogether. "He punched me."
"God, fuck.."
"Told me... told me... told me i'm gonna rot in hell if I don't change." Luke's voice loses the laughter. Luke's voice loses the joke. Luke's voice loses the light. He sounds hollow now. "Told me I'm gonna burn forever for indulgin' in my immoral desires."
Nick is frozen in fear and disgust and pain. He sits up to look down at Luke. He's staring at the stars, his black eye swollen slightly. His good eye is glassy with tears.
"And... I told him..." Luke's lower lip quivered. "I can't change, Pa. I can't... I can't..." He's fighting to hold back his sobs, to hold back the tidal wave of hurt.
Nick rests his hand on Luke's. And then it all comes out.
Luke's cries sound almost like a hurt dog's cries. The elder shifts to lay his head in Nick's lap, shaking slightly with his sobs. The cries stab Nick in the gut, and he can only offer the reassurance of his presence a warm hand laces in his hair to calm him.
This is the worst.
This is the worst.
This is the worst.
Eventually, the cries begin to calm, and Luke can talk again.
"Nick, I don't think I can stay in this town." He shakes out. "I.. They're gonna take me downtown to get converted."
Nick straightens in fear. "Converted?!" His voice is raised. "You're fuckin' with me. They wouldn't do that. They wouldn't..."
"It's already scheduled. I have... 3 days." His voice sounds devoid of emotion. He sounds so defeated. So... tired. "They're gonna try to cure me, Nick." His eyelids grew heavy. "I can't... Nick, I don't think I could handle that."
"Ohh my God..." Nick looked down, panic rising in his chest. "Fuck. Fuck.."
"I can handle a lot. A lot. But... not this." Luke's lips curl in grief. "I don't wanna do this... I don't wanna do this..."
"I know, oh fuck..." Nick tries to think of a solution. Anything. "Maybe... maybe you can stay in my house?"
"And get y'all jail time for housin' a runaway?" Luke closed his eyes. "Hell no. I can't do that to you, Nick."
"I don't care about jail time. Fuck that." Nick grits his teeth. "I care about you. You know I'd take a bullet for you any day, Luke."
"And that's stupid." Luke sighs. "You can't just lay your life out for me."
"And why can't I?" Nick challenges. "You're the best thing in my life. Without you, what is there left for me?" He looks away. "I'd take the jail time if it meant you being okay."
Luke sits up then. "Nick, fuck man, your life is yours." The emotion in his voice is intense, eyes warm yet stern as he looked over at Nick. "I am flattered, God I am, but you can't just... light yourself on fire just to keep me warm. Understand?"
Nick looks mad, but it's more or less frustration. He hides his face away from Luke.
"Nick."
Nick doesn't answer.
"Nick, man, look at me."
And Nick snaps his head back to face Luke. Now he's the one crying.
"Luke, I can't just sit by and watch them slowly kill you." His eyes are burning with the same fire Luke has. "Fuck that. Fuck tryna save my life for me, you are my life." His breathing is heavy, looking over at Luke with pained eyes. "When I say I'd die for you, I fuckin' mean it. I'm a pussy, a coward, a fuckin'... I'm not a real man at heart." The younger shakes his head. "But when it comes to you, I would do anythin' to make sure you're okay."
Luke sits there, dumbstruck. His eyes are widened, and then soft. He stared for just a moment, trying to figure out what to say to that. Before he can speak, though, Nick pulls him into a soft kiss.
Luke is shocked at first, but he's quick to melt against the other's lips. Tonight, Nick tastes like cheap beer and a hint of sweetness. On other nights, when they're sober, Nick has his own indescribable yet distinct taste.
Luke, on the other hand, tastes entirely of cinnamon and mint. It's almost like he never even drank, Nick thinks. Luke tastes warm and cool at the same time, and it's a taste that brings Nick into his own little heaven.
There's a warmth in their cheek and childish fluttering in their guts that makes them feel the slightest bit okay again. In this frigid town- where the people are acidic and bitter, and quick to pull the trigger- their love is all that keeps their hearts from freezing over entirely.
When they pull away, they linger just a little bit apart from each other. It hurts to separate. It hurts to be apart. Nick wraps his arms around Luke, burying his face into the other's shoulder.
"I love you, Luke." Nick breaths out. "You're the world to me. You're everythin' to me, man."
Luke pulls him closer, letting himself bury his face into Nick's hair. He smells faintly of old spice, and a little bit of sweat. He smells like home. He tastes like home. Their fingers intertwining with each other feels like home.
Nick is his home.
They hold each other for a moment before Nick starts to shiver with his own heavy sobs. They pull tight against each other's chests, Luke hand rubbing his lover's back.
"Shh..." Luke's voice is soft and small. "I love you you too... I love you so much."
"Please.. Please, fuck man, let me help..."
Luke closed his eyes, adjusting himself so that they both now laid back. His hand still rubbed slow circles into Nick's back.
"I... I'll see if I can stay with you." Luke finally decided. "I don't think my folks will be too keen on it."
"Then don't tell them." Nick breathed. "Just... stay in my attic until December rolls around. You can wear my shirts and I'll get you what you need until you can leave safely."
Luke laughs softly. It sounds so simple. So clean. So easy. Like Luke's parents wouldn't be on Nick's doorstep with the police in a week's time.
He pushed the thought away, wrapping his arms snug around Nick. He lets himself take in the other's being, just for now. Let's himself soak in Nick's presence while he can.
"I like it." Luke gives in. He doesn't normally give in to Nick's ideas, it's usually Nick who follows the elder around. But, for tonight, Luke will offer Nick that same blind trust. "Alright... I'll... I'll stay with you."
"Okay.." There's relief in his voice. A held breath released as he finally relaxed. "Okay... it's a deal then."
The summer night is hot, humid, and makes them feel sick to their stomachs as always. They'll never get used to the southern heat waves in conservative North Carolina. They'll never get used to the secretive nature of the old fashioned small towns they were raised in. They'll never get used to the cold people harbored in triple digit weather.
But, they'll always be used to the closeness and safety that came with being in each other's arms.