A/N: I have classes again on Tuesday, and a ton of homework that I have not done yet, so I'm writing this to distract myself. Enjoy.
P.S. Sparklyshimmer2010- I hadn't watched BAMSR before I wrote and posted my last fic because I was not in the mood for an episode without Elizabeth in it. But I have seen it now, and you're right, the ending was… interesting.
SGA
It's days like these when Elizabeth wonders if coming to Atlantis was worth it. She wonders if leaving her home behind and traveling to another galaxy with almost no notice didn't put her life on the wrong track. She wonders if the fighting they're doing to remain in Atlantis is worth the deaths of so many.
They finally defeated the three hive ships that had attacked the city today. She had been sure that Atlantis would fall, and the self-destruct had been armed. But, as usual, Rodney came up with a brilliant plan and the city was saved. She imagines that they'll be hearing about that one for a while.
While this is not the first time this has happened, it's the first time that they have lost so many. They haven't even finished counting the dead, and the number of fatalities is slowly but steadily rising with every minute.
John was among those they believed dead. He took a puddle jumper and got into the middle of the battle. He didn't radio them for an entire day, and Elizabeth was a wreck the entire time.
She hates sending all of them to their deaths, and she hates having to watch when they defend Atlantis and lose their lives. She hates that they have to keep doing this, over and over, with no end in sight.
She wonders if being the leader of this great city is worth the sacrifices. He was dead to her an entire day, but she had to go on and pretend like she was fine to keep the city running. She had to put on a brave face when inside she was falling apart. She couldn't even have a private moment, because they constantly needed her in the control room. She isn't sure that sacrificing her emotional well-being is worth the benefits of living here.
John finally radioed them when the battle was over. He was laying low because he couldn't risk going back to Atlantis. The hives had cut him off. To say she was relieved to hear his voice would be an understatement, and she couldn't resist hugging him when they were alone for a brief moment.
The breakdown she should have had hours ago has finally caught up with her. She stands on their balcony, overlooking the ocean. Tears roll down her face, and she lets them fall.
She is so caught up in her thoughts that she doesn't notice John come up behind her. His hand gently placed on her shoulder has her jumping and spinning away from him, in a futile effort to hide her tears.
But it's too late. He saw them.
"It's okay, Elizabeth," he whispers to her, gently turning her back around to face him. "You don't have to be so strong all the time. No one would think any less of you. I wouldn't think any less of you." He wipes some of her tears away, and pulls her into a hug.
When she went out on the balcony, she wasn't sure if the expedition was worth the price they had to pay. But in his arms, she knows it is. Not just for her, but for all of the expedition. John is a shining example of how they are different from the wraith; they care about each other. He's here for her, and he wants to comfort her. She knows that they can't know what will come, but, with him by her side, she thinks it will be all right.