They're Out To Get Me
Ulquiorra had just left one of Aizen's meetings. He was totally unimpressed. All they talked about the entire time were how good their bodies looked. What a bunch of conceited assholes. It was bad enough that he had to see them every day of his life!
Before he left the argument turned to "I wonder what Ulqui-chan's body looks like?" He left before the conversation got really awkward. They didn't need to see his body! What was the purpose of that? He mozied back to his room to get a break from the idiots. He lay peacefully on his bed until a hand reached over and touched his right shoulder.
He reacted with a small shrieking noise and pounced into the air. He had been caught completely off guard. Out from under his bed slithered Nnoitora. Overall it was creepy, but he didn't see how the very tall fifth espada could fit under there in the first place.
"What the hell are you doing in my room?!" he exclaimed in his always emotionless tone.
"Oh you know. I just came in for a bit of anal sex," Nnoitora said with a long grin on his face.
Ulquiorra gawked at him. He had never been in such a situation before.
"Hell no!" he said.
"You know you want to," Nnoitora teased.
"No! I don't!" he hissed, his face turning red. The mere thought of it made him blush.
"You are just too cute," the fifth espada laughed touching Ulquoirra's nose with his forefinger. "I'll see you later then."
Ulquiorra shuddered as he exited the room. That was the first time Nnoitora had ever demanded such a request from him. He had a stirring suspicion it was because of the conversation Aizen-sama's meeting hall.
Later that day Haribel came into his room. She paused in his doorway in a seductive way. She was curved in all the right places. The only problem was that she never came to see him. That was strange behavior for her to just come in on him like that.
His eyes narrowed toward her. He wondered what she wanted form him.
"Hi Ulqui-san," she waved cutely.
"Why are you here?" he asked super suspicious.
Haribel came up and sat on his lap. She looked at him cheerfully. "I'm here for you," she smiled.
"What?" he gawked, his face going red again.
Haribel pushed him onto the bed. She kissed him upon the lips, hard. "I want you!" She said, lustfully.
Ulquiorra's eyes widened. She wanted him? This was a new revelation.
"Come on Ulquiorra. Lets do it," she announced, beginning to unzip his shirt.
For a small moment he had been seduced by Haribel's sexiness, but he remembered something. Actually it was more like an instinctive feeling. It was the same feeling he had when Nnoitora came. It was all just a rouse to see his body.
Quickly he pushed her off. He panted slightly, on the brink of erection. He appeared startled.
"Um…I don't want you right now," he lied.
"Hmph," Haribel pouted. "Fine. You'll never get another chance with me again though." She stormed from his room.
Ulquiorra sighed. That was the first time any woman ever made a pass at him and he had to reject her. He wished he could have done it with her.
To make his spirits higher he left to go clean. For some reason he had quite a knack for cleaning. All the espadas were slobs, so he was the only one who did it. He was on his way to go clean some of the arrancars' rooms (like a maid) when Szyael came up out of nowhere. He grabbed his arm.
"Heeey Ulquiorra," he said acting all chummy with him, "Wanna go do something fun with me?"
Ulquiorra's thoughts immediately went back to Haribel and Nnoitora. Don't tell me he wants to have sex with me too! He thought, freaking out. He just stared at the pink haired espada, not speaking a word.
"Come skinny dipping with me," Szyael began to pull him toward outside.
"Szyael stop!" Ulquorra growled. "I don't want to go skinny dipping with you. There isn't even any water in Hueco Mundo!"
"I know, but we could skinny dip in the sand, "Szyael announced giddily.
"Go skinny dip by yourself," Ulquiorra informed coldly, relieving the man's grip on his arm. He walked away to go finish his cleaning in the bathrooms.
After cleaning the last bathroom, Ulquiorra decided to take a shower. By now he knew the other espada's were out to get him. All the activities they wanted to do involved the removal of clothing. He wondered why they wanted to see his body that badly.
Now he was naked, but alone and in the shower. He was glad that Aizen-sama imported water into Las Noches. It was nice and relaxing being able to shower. This was the most relaxed he'd been all day. He sighed, hoping for no more mishaps.
Unexpectedly the shower curtain flung open. Aaroniero was standing there. In his high-pitched voice he sung the theme music to "Psycho", (LOL shower scene) "Dunt dunt dunt dunt". On the last note he sung in his lower voice, "duh!"
Ulquiorra screamed and flailed out of the shower, he did a dodge roll and reached for his towel. Before the ninth espada could see anything he wrapped the towel all over his body so it couldn't be seen naked.
"Ah you're no fun," Aaroniero pouted in his high voice again. "I didn't get to see anything."
"Get out of here you pervert!" Ulquiorra yelled.
"No," the strange arrancar announced crossing his arms.
"I'll make you leave then!" Ulquiorra hissed, dropping a towel in the still running shower. He pulled it back out all soaking wet.
"What are you gonna do with that? Aaroniero asked in his deep voice.
"This," Ulquiorra said twisting it up. He then thrust it like a whip at the espada with a snap!
"Yipe!" Aaroniero cried in pain. Ulquiorra hit him in the ass with the wet towel. He did it again and again until he left him alone.
Ulquiorra dress himself once alone. He then went back out to face the world. He was cautious though because he didn't know what the next attempt would be.
It was obvious the exact moment he left the bathroom though. He stood there shocked. Everyone was waiting out there for him wearing nothing but their hollow masks. His face went red, staring at all the completely nude espada standing before him.
"Join the party Ulquiorra," Grimmjow called from the front.
"Take it all off!" Zommari called.
Ulquiorra was so alarmed. Even Staark was lying there naked and asleep. It was very awkward seeing everyone like that. Barragon and Yammy should have kept their clothes on.
As he peered through the crowed he noticed two non-arrancar individuals. Gin and Aizen were also standing there in the nude.
"What the hell?!" Ulquiorra screamed.
"Everyone's curious how you look naked," Gin informed, smiling.
"Yeah, we all want to see if you still white in the nether regions," Szyael grinned.
Ulquiorra was beet red now. "No!" He yelled. He raced back to his room and locked the door. The espadas came pleading for his nudity. He was beginning to lose his temper with these idiots. He now officially hated them.
Later, all the espada sat and ate a group dinner. Everyone was silent, but Ulquiorra would see them giving him disapproving stares. Every once on a while someone would fake cough "Take it off".
Finally, after Yammy decided to fake cough Ulquiorra stood up and slammed his hands against the table. That was his final straw.
"That's it!!" he yelled, climbing onto the table. He began madly taking his clothes off. "You all wanna see me naked here!" He was now standing on the table completely naked.
Everyone was suddenly in awe at his nudity. They didn't seen to be disappointed that he was the same pale white color all the way through. They were more occupied with something else.
"Wow!" Exclaimed Haribel, "Its so big and long!"
They were all so shocked and amazed at how long a certain appendage was.
"To scale size that's even bigger than Yammy's!" Szyael announced.
"Anyone to scale is bigger than Yammy," Grimmjow teased.
"Hey!" Yammy yelled disgruntled.
"It's so beautiful!" Nnoitora drooled.
"Can I touch it?" Aaroniero peeped in the low voice.
Ulquiorra quickly gathered up his clothes. His face was now pure red he was blushing so bad. He was so embarrassed.
"No you can't touch it!" He retorted, hopping off the table. He began to walk out of the meeting room once more.
As he laughed he heard Aizen butt in. "That's the second time I've seen it," he announced, proudly.
Ulquiorra face palmed and quickened his pace. Right before he exited someone pinched his left cheek. He turned around and his blood ran cold. It was Gin. He and Staark (who was finally awake) stood there. Rapidly before poor ulqui could escape Staark took out a camera and took a snapshot of the fourth espada in his birthday suit. After that embarrassment he ran away to his room and clothed himself once more. He shouldn't have given them what they wanted.
Within a week the picture of naked Ulquiorra was posted on each wall in Las Noches. It was horrifying because now he got whistled at when he passed someone. It took him a whole other week to take down all the pictures.
"I swear that I'm going to get all of them back for this," he growled, throwing the last of the papers away. Oh how he was going to get sweet, sweet revenge on their assess.
The End(Well there it is. The all saw poor Ulqui naked. I'll probably make a sequel one-shot to this. It'll most likely be titled Ulquiorra's revenge. I hope you all enjoyed my brief one-shot. Thank you for reading. ^_^)