I own nothing except some original characters I sometimes bring in. Kelley Armstrong owns The Otherworld and all the wonderful information there.
I would like to thank Ice7 for helping me edit this document and making the story even better.
Oh, my brave little son ~ E.B. White, Stuart Little
I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do. ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird
Courage
I looked at my feet as the office door opened. I stiffened when I caught Nick's scent but I didn't look up. I grasped my elbows and saw his shoes stop beside the row of seats. He turned towards me but before he could speak the secretary called his name. Thankfully he decided to talk to her before reaming me out.
"Mr. Sorrentino, Headmaster Carter is waiting for you if you're ready," she said, and I heard Nick thank her in his flawlessly polite voice. I caught the undercurrent of his anger though and I tensed even more as he followed her across the hard wood floor.
I don't know what they talked about; I could easily have listened to them with my werewolf hearing but I didn't want to hear it. I knew exactly what my Headmaster would tell him and exactly what Nick would think. I tapped my fingers against the arm rest nervously as I waited. Finally they came out and this time Nick strode forward and came to stand directly in front of me. I didn't move or look up until he commanded my attention.
"Noah, let's go," he said. I nodded but still didn't look at him. I couldn't stand to meet his gaze right now and see his disappointment. Besides Dennis, Nick, Tonio and the pack were the first people to believe in me and I hated the fact that I had disappointed him, or any of them. I winced when I stood forcing myself not to show this discomfort to Nick or anyone else. I could easily hide this I figured. I had done it before so it should be easy.
Nick turned and headed towards the door and I followed close behind with my hands jammed in my uniform pockets watching the floor in front of me. Nick said nothing as we walked down the marble hall, down the mahogany stairs case and out the front door to Nick's black Mercedes. Nick and Tonio both had sleek expensive looking Mercedes. Werewolves liked to drive fast and why not? We were thrill seekers by nature and the possibility of us getting hurt was almost 0.
Nick still said nothing as I opened the passenger door and tossed my bag in the back seat. I finally got in and he started the car, driving from the lot a little faster than he normally did. Maybe he was taking out his frustration on the road; it was better than being angry at me. In fact, I much preferred it.
"I want your side," Nick suddenly said surprising me. His tone was controlled but just barely. It reminded me of the time Reese got drunk at a party and almost broke a guy's arm. They were both pissed then and Reese never got that drunk again.
I didn't speak for a moment preferring to look down at my hands instead. What was I supposed to tell him? It was my fault and I did it knowing there would be consequences. I did it not even caring about the consequences.
"Noah," Nick said prompting me to speak with that serious warning tone in his voice. They didn't like it when I didn't answer or when I was disrespectful. This was the first time in my life I had been in such a structured household. The rules were followed and if they weren't we would be in for a big surprise.
"It's true, whatever Carter said is true," I told him now. From the corner of my eye I saw Nick's shoulders slump in disappointment and I was disappointed in turn. I was an idiot to disappoint my pack brother and a man who had truly started to be a stand in for my absent father along with Antonio.
"You started a fight, broke a guy's arm, almost got yourself seriously hurt in the process and got kicked out of school," he said in the same controlled and measured voice. I almost gave in then but I knew what he believed and even what he wanted to believe so there was no point. They would never believe I could be good, never. They had been introduced to me as a juvenile delinquent and a kid who betrayed his grandfather and watched his grisly murder. It didn't matter that they learned afterwards I did not betray my grandfather and was instead coerced against my will. It didn't matter that I was thrown into foster care and abandoned by my mother which was the reason, in part, why I had been in juvie. I truly believed they may never trust me and it made me incredible sad.
"Whatever he said was true," I said again confirming Nick's suspicion as we entered Sorrentino Estate's front gate. We wound through the driveway and I watched the few miles of trees, pines and redwoods, before we rounded the corner and the manor popped into view.
We drove in silence again until we pulled up to the garage. He clicked the door opener opening the door and pulling into the Mercedes parking space. Every car in the Sorrentino garage had a place and believe me there were many vehicles here from cars to motorcycles the Sorrentino's had it all.
Nick turned off the engine and I waited for some kind of command to be issued. I figured I wasn't getting of scot free with this one. I also didn't want to move when I was in this much trouble. I wasn't sure where Nick's frame of mind was. Would he punished me now or wait for Antonio to get home?
"Noah, look at me," Nick finally demanded. I stiffened and turned in my seat to look into his trusting, right now frustrated, brown eyes. I saw anger and disappointment and perhaps the worse hurt. He was personally hurt that I had done something wrong and that emotion was the worst one to see in his eyes. It made me feel ten times worse if that were possible.
"Tell me what happened," he said again. I repeated what I had before remembering not to waver from my first story. Nick took a moment to study me before his eyes turned harder. I looked away not being able to bear it.
"Go to your room, now," he commanded. His voice was much harder now and I tensed again. I nodded and got out, closing the door lightly. I headed through the garage door and into the house, making a path to my room as quickly as possible. Antonio was getting home from a business trip tonight and I knew he would be upset at hearing what I had done. The first thing he would hear as soon as he stepped inside the door of his own home after being away for a week would be about how his foster kid messed up. Would he even be surprised? I didn't have enough confidence to say he would be.
When I reached my room I quickly changed from my school uniform and threw my clothes down the laundry chute installed in every room in the house. I pulled on pajamas bottoms and held a t-shirt in my hand but didn't put it on. Instead I rolled my aching shoulder and rubbed it, flinching at my own touch. An ugly bruise clouded the skin around the area and I assumed it was at least fractured but I wouldn't tell them. It would take away from what they wanted to believe about me and then I might have to explain in full what I didn't feel would be believed. I could deal with this and I would. Changing might be hard but I would do it. I always did what I had to do. It's how I survived on my own for such a long time.
I next pulled on the t-shirt carefully and then headed to my washroom to pop some Advil. Roland had managed to smash my shoulder with a wooden board. He also landed a punch on my stomach. The board he was wielding also smacked into my thigh when I hadn't been quick enough to get away.
I finally lay down on my bed rolling onto my good shoulder, which made me face the door and waited. I could imagine any number of things they would do to me including grounding; lines and even letting Clay knock some sense into me. I knew my imaginings wouldn't come to pass but I had also never really been punished for any major infractions in this home before, small ones sure but never anything this big.
In foster care and in juvie I had gotten into plenty of fights and lots of trouble. There they didn't necessarily care about the person they punished so it was easier on them and the punishments were harder on us. Here I knew Nick and Tonio cared about me but I had also never been punished by someone who liked me so this was new to me. I never asked to be born I only asked to be loved and so far in my life, I have only had this requirement fulfilled when Dennis had come into my life. I was not sure what the pack felt about me. I guess they felt they were responsible for me and I knew that at least the Sorrentino's liked me but love me? I don't think that was in their job description. I could not help but be disappointed at this but also relieved. If they loved me that would put more pressure on me to do the right thing, but if they just liked me and felt responsible for me then I wouldn't have to feel as bad. It was a cop-out but there it was.
"Noah?" I heard a knock on the doorway and sat up. I hadn't heard someone coming because I was so lost in my own thoughts. I had started to learn to tell Tonio's voice from Nick's. I also learned to tell apart their footsteps. Antonio's were a bit heavier while Nick was more light-footed. Antonio was at the door now and I wondered when he got back.
"Come in," I greeted and sat up watching him as he came in. He didn't seem to have any particular emotion on his face that I could see. He was good at hiding his emotions when he wanted to though. He looked at me for a moment, studying my face before he spoke.
"Nick and I would like to see you in the living room," he said. This was an order. I nodded to this and stood to follow him. I had learned to differentiate orders from basic instructions or simple conversation. In a world where I was used to being yelled at or having no one care for me, this was still odd.
"Yes sir," I answered. He turned before I could see any expression and walked out with me following him. He didn't look back as we descended the stairs and walked into the living room assuming I would obey. I would, I wasn't stupid after all. Nick was already on the couch and although I could smell Reese's scent I knew he must have been sent away for a bit.
"Have a seat," Nick said but the order was clear. I nodded again and sat across from them, barely able to raise my gaze to meet theirs I was so afraid of seeing their disappointment or worse their rejection. I wasn't sure if I could take it again.
"Noah, I would like you to tell us exactly what happened," Antonio said calmly. I raised my eyes to look at him now. Quickly I looked away, submissive, and then my gaze went to the glass topped coffee table. In the middle was Antonio's briefcase still un-opened. My gaze next went to the chair beside him. Slumped over it was his trench coat with droplets of rain dotting the tanned fabric. So he had just gotten home not too long ago.
"Everything Headmaster Carter said was true," I told them. Looking at Nick and then Antonio, I waited for their reaction. If they kicked me out, would Jeremy take me in? Maybe I had formed enough of a relationship with Elena that she would take pity on me. If not would I have to go into foster care again? No, I would run away before that happened. I would never willingly go there again.
"No, I want to hear from you exactly what happened," Antonio said in a bit more of a demanding voice. He was getting tired of my deflective answers. I couldn't blame him but maybe they would give up soon and leave me to my punishments. I was not in the least convinced that one punishment would be enough for what I had done.
"Carter..." I was about to say but Nick interrupted growling in frustration. I jumped a little surprised and scared. Was it coming now? Would he finally lose his temper with me and just get up and pound on me? Or would he have a more sadistic plan in mind? I had been living with the Sorrentino's for a few months now and although I saw only kindness, I knew deep in the human heart lived malevolence. This could be turned on and off in seconds even in the nicest people. I had witnessed this first hand, initially by being kicked out by my mother and then by getting in with the wrong crowd, then by going to juvie and finally by being betrayed by the mutt pack in Alaska. I had paid for that one when I was forced to watch them torture and kill my grandfather. I stiffened at the memory but I didn't say anything or let myself be drawn in by the thought. I needed to focus on the here and now.
"Noah, we want to know what you have to say. I don't give a fuck what your headmaster said or what the kid down the street says; what do you have to say about it?" Nick pressed in that hard voice. I tensed again. Should I stick with the headmaster's version or tell the truth? Would they believe a kid had come at me...No, I shut down the thought immediately because I doubted they would believe it at all.
"What's my punishment?" I asked instead of answering their questions. Nick sighed and threw up his hands in frustration sitting back in his seat. Antonio kept a steady eye on me gauging me and watching for emotions and reactions. I looked away with my cheeks heating. I hated being watched like this.
"It's hard to punish you, Noah, when we don't know exactly what you did and why. You're a smart kid and you would have had a good reason to get into a fight," Tonio said. He saw right through me but I should have expected this. He was good at seeing through people. Usually Nick was too but when Nick got frustrated or angry, it clouded his judgment so he wasn't seeing the same thing his father was.
"I fought at school and broke a guy's arm even though I knew it was forbidden by Jeremy, even though I knew I was much stronger than him," I managed now without looking up. If I looked up they would see the fear and anxiety in my gaze which would only make this worse. What I said was as close to the truth as I could get without telling the truth. I did fight at school and I did break the guy's arm.
"Do not lie to me," Antonio suddenly growled. Startled, I jumped a bit and looked up at him. He usually never raised his voice in anger and it scared the shit out of me.
"I'm not lying to you," I yelled back, frustrated. I had lost my temper with him both out of fear of him and anger at myself.
"I'm sorry guys but suppers ready," Reese's voice came from the doorway. I hadn't even heard him come in.
"Thank you Reese," Nick said immediately and smiled at him. All his anger and frustration displaced for the moment. Reese flashed an easy grin back and left the doorway knowing we would want privacy. Reese was good like that, stubborn as hell sometimes but good at picking up on social cues.
"We will continue this after supper and I would suggest you think through this a little more and be ready to give us real answers young man," Tonio said in a hard voice and I nodded looking down at the floor. I was desperately hungry but with what I did I couldn't expect to be fed tonight. I had gone days without food before and I could do it again, just not as easily now that I was used to eating.
"And Noah," Antonio said before I got the chance to get up. I looked up at the two much more powerful and muscular men and almost gulped.
"Don't ever yell at me or raise your voice to me again, understand?" he said and I nodded immediately.
"Yes sir," I said following my nod. I hadn't meant to yell, I was just so frustrated at myself and at the situation.
"Let's go," Nick said now. I sighed and stood. He walked over to me and reached out putting an arm around my good shoulder and leading me into the hallway. As soon as we reached the stairs I started to veer off but me kept his grip tight. Luckily it was my good shoulder or I would have cried out in pain.
"Where do you think you're going, its supper time? You're not getting out of eating with us because you're upset" Nick said as he pushed me ahead of him towards the dining room. I turned my head back to him confused.
"You're letting me have supper?" I asked which stopped both men in their tracks and made them look at me. Confusion mixed with anger is what I saw now and I knew I had messed up again.
"When have we ever denied you food?" Antonio asked now in a harsher voice. He must have felt as if I was accusing him and I knew I needed to backtrack quickly and explain myself. I didn't want them thinking I was a liar on top of everything else.
"No, not you guys but...when I used to get into trouble they always made no supper part of my punishment, I can go without for a few days if you want to incorporate that," I told them now. They looked at one another and back at me with twin incredulous expressions.
"Noah that is a barbaric punishment we would never enforce, you don't deny people food especially werewolves and I'm sorry you ever had to endure that but here you will always be fed, clothed and treated like a human being got it," Tonio asked and I nodded. Here I saw the first sign that this man actually did care for me. Maybe for some people the clothes, electronics and entertainment items he bought me, the expensive school he was sending me too or the mounds of time he was spending with me would indicate this. I had seen this before though and it would take a lot more than that to convince me he actually wanted me around. To convince me I wasn't just a burden forced upon him by the alpha.
"Yes," I answered. He nodded as we continued onto the dining room. I sat in my usual place beside Reese. Nick sat across from us and Antonio sat at the head of the table. Once a long time ago the Sorrentino house had human servants but when it was suddenly just Nick and Tonio, they had gotten rid of them. Two men, even with the addition of two teen kids, did not equal needing servants. Plus, having humans in the house made everyone edgy. I personally had never had servants before so maybe it would have been nice.
Dinner was quiet with no one willing to speak much and everyone seemingly in bad moods, except for Reese of course who tried to keep up a cheerful chatter. Eventually he stopped putting his head in one hand and eating with the others looking mopey. Reese rarely looked mopey but even this he pulled off with a confident air. If I could just bottle Reese's confidence, I would be set.
"Reese I know you cooked tonight but could you do clean up too? Noah will be doing it for the next little while to make up for it but we still need to talk to him," Nick asked Reese after dinner. Reese immediately perked up and nodded grinning. Reese was a good guy and I liked him a lot even if he did kick my ass in everything we did from video games to play fighting.
"Sure guys," Reese said. I knew he would have preferred the talkative and happy Sorrentinos because that was the kind of guy he was. Also, knowing the kind of guy he was, he would probably leave ASAP and go into town for some happier company.
"Noah..." Nick started to say when the doorbell rang throughout the manor. We all froze for a second tensed. We always tensed a bit when the doorbell rang and we were not expecting someone. It's a werewolf thing.
"I got it," Reese said. He bounded up to answer the door racing from the room. That guy was filled with boundless energy.
Nick next informed me that we would be going back to the living room and staying there until the truth came out of me. I mentally sighed and decided to change tactics hoping if I told them what they wanted to hear I could just get this over with. I was about to follow them from the dining room when Reese called out.
"Uncle Nick and Uncle Antonio, door," Reese called. When dealing with humans Reese and I always pretended to be Tonio and Nick's nephews and Reese always swallowed his Australian accent.
When I reached the dining room doorway and looked down the hallway I was surprised to see a familiar face. Trevor was a friend from school. He was also the other part of the equation in the fight today. My heart was suddenly hammering through my throat and I felt like my feet were lead weights. Could this get any worse?
"Mr. Sorrentino, my name is Bethany Higgins and this is my son Trevor. Our children go to school together," she introduced, and Tonio and Nick shook hands with her and turned on the charm like pros. They were experts at deceiving looks and charming humans. They had to be.
Trevor waved at me and I nodded nervously. What would he tell them? Would I be in even more trouble?
"I just wanted to come and thank your son for what he did for Trevor today. You've raised a very moral and remarkable boy," she smiled at me. I ducked my head embarrassed. No, this was not going to go well. I shuffled my feet on the marble hallway tiles waiting for this to be over with.
"Noah is our nephew actually, but what events are you referring to? All we have been able to get out of him is that he was in a fight at school," Antonio said. I stopped suddenly, now hoping for the floor to open up and swallow me instead. This house was a few hundred years old, it could happen right?
"Oh, may we come in and talk then?" Mrs. Higgins asked and I chanced a glance at them hoping Antonio would say no but he didn't. Of course he didn't. That would be rude and cause suspicion and we could never cause suspicion. Sometimes I got tired of the games we had to play, but I had not decided to stay with the pack forever yet, so it might just be a few more years I would need to endure it.
"By all means, the living room is over here," Nick said as he led them in displaying pure Italian charm. I looked at Tonio now who looked at me confused but gestured for me to go on. I sighed and stepped forward walking into the living room but did not meet anyone's gaze.
I took the lazy boy seat in between the two tanned leather couches while Tonio and Nick sat on the opposite couch facing Trevor and his mother. I leaned forward and clasped my hands in front of me looking intently at the floor. Come on worm hole, there seriously could not be a better time.
"Noah saved my life today or at least made it easier," Trevor grinned. I mentally groaned and looked at him. I quickly noticed everyone was looking at me. I looked away embarrassed and fidgeting. Did the devil still accept soul selling deals? Maybe this was a good time to find out.
"Trevor was being bullied at school because he has epilepsy. Today Trevor has a seizure and afterwards when he was on his feet again this boy, Roland, started to pick on him. Noah saw what was happening and stepped up to them both..." Mrs. Higgins began and I blushed staring at the floor again. Would this day never end? I hated major attention like this. It wasn't even a big deal.
"He told me to leave and he stood up to the guy and even told him he didn't want to fight. When we were leaving the guy came at Noah with a broken piece of fence board so he didn't have any choice but to defend himself," Trevor finished. I looked down at my hands then. Was I in worse trouble now or less? Would this go over well with the pack or not? Would defending myself be a good enough excuse for a fight? I wished I knew the pack well enough to know the answers to these questions.
"You were hurt," Antonio said a soon as Trevor finished and I shrugged and winced. Immediately Tonio got up and came over to me, gesturing for me to stand. The frustration in his eyes was replaced by concern and it caught me off guard. He seemed really concerned about me. Maybe I was more than just an obligation to them after all.
"It's fine," I said but he shook his head and gestured for me to lift my shirt. I didn't want to show my bruises, plus my puny body to them, let alone complete strangers, so I refrained, embarrassed. I glared at the floor shamefully.
"Show me," he said in a voice no one would dare disobey. I sighed as Nick took care of Trevor and his mother, accepting their thanks again and walking them to the front door. As soon as they were gone, I lifted my shirt up and over my head, wincing. Nick came back just in time to see my swelling bruise that had gotten worse in the last hour.
"Ouch," Nick said looking at the bruise, which I noticed had crawled across my collar bone a bit. Maybe it was worse than I thought.
"Call Jeremy," Tonio told Nick who nodded and grabbed his cell phone. Tonio gently felt around the wound until I hissed and pulled back in pain. I bit my lip to keep from making any more painful noises. It was embarrassing enough to be bruised and battered in front of them. I couldn't act like a wimp too.
"Feels like its fractured," he told Jeremy in the phone minutes later. Jeremy had been telling him what to look for and what to do about it. In minutes, they had my shoulder and collar bone iced up and bound. They also gave me more pain killers. They then examined the hits to my stomach and thigh next, which were no big deal. They hadn't even bruised so I wasn't worried about them.
Jeremy promised to be out tomorrow to look at my injury and make sure it wasn't worse than we thought but until then I would have to be content with ice packs and pain pills.
"Why didn't you tell us you were defending another kid?" Tonio asked when the commotion died down again and I was allowed to sit. I didn't answer for a moment, looking at the floor to gather my thoughts.
"I didn't think it mattered what I was doing; if I was fighting I would be in trouble, so what was the difference?" I asked them, honestly wondering. I adjusted my grip on the ice pack I was holding on my shoulder. The rule was no fighting so it didn't matter why or how you broke that rule.
"The difference is that we thought you started a fight and hurt a kid on purpose but now we know you were just standing up for a friend and even tried to get out of the fight," Nick answered. I looked up and saw admiration in his eyes now and pride. He was proud of me? That was a new feeling and one I liked a lot.
"So? I'm still kicked out of school and Jeremy will still be pissed," I said but Antonio now shook his head. The anger had also left his eyes to be replaced by the same emotions as Nick. I almost grinned in spite of myself. It seemed I was not in as much trouble as I thought. It seemed there were exceptions to even werewolf rules.
"No, kid Jeremy won't be upset, you tried to get out of the fight and afterwards you tried not to hurt him. I'm really proud of you," Antonio said, which started a warm feeling of pride inside me I soon extinguished. I couldn't let this continue. If I had to leave here tomorrow I would only be disappointed that I had almost had it all. No, even if they were proud of me it didn't change that fact that this might not be permanent and I might just end up getting hurt again. These were my secret fears that I had not even confessed to Reese yet.
"Why didn't you tell us?" Nick asked again and I sighed. This was the hard part. I hated having to tell them how I felt. I felt it was not a worthwhile task. No one had ever cared about my feelings before besides Dennis so what was the point?
"Because you'll believe what you want to believe about me, sometimes it just feels like you waiting for me to screw up and you don't want to believe I can be good and do good things. You're just waiting for the messed up kid whose been to juvie and robbed stores and done drugs to do it again," I said angrily. I hadn't realized my anger about this had been boiling right below the surface and I was ready to explode.
"If we've given you the impression that we don't believe in you, Noah, we're sorry. We certainly did not mean too. We do believe in you and we know you're a good kid who just needs some structure, but you've got to be honest with us. Talk to us about what's going on so we can sort this stuff out, okay?" Tonio said and I hesitated. I wasn't sure if I was ready to trust them yet.
"If I tell you something, you'll believe my version the first time?" I asked and Nick laughed. This startled me almost as much as when he roared. I sat back in my chair a bit looking at him confused.
"Of course Noah, we trust you to tell us the truth because you know lying in the pack is forbidden," he said and I nodded immediately. That did not mean I would never lie but I would try my hardest not too.
"I know and I wouldn't..."I said stopping short at Antonio's look. I bit my lip and looked away now as the mood became serous again. What had I screwed up now?
"Except you did today," he said and my head shot. I am sure I had an incredulous look on my face. When? When had I lied? I hadn't said a word about the fight at all, too lie to them or tell them what happened.
"I never lied," I protested, now angry again. I sat up in my chair once more propelled by my anger. This was totally unfair. They could not accuse me of this when I didn't. I clenched my fist as I raged inside my head. I am sure they saw the anger in my eyes.
"You lied by omission which is the same as lying," Nick supplied and I sighed not realizing they would consider that lying too. Really, I did not consider it lying and why should it be? I just didn't get it sometimes.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to lie to you and I really didn't mean to get kicked out of school," I apologized. I was sorry for the school bit but not for the lying bit. I still did not believe I had lied. I looked at them both meeting both of their brown eyes. The anger and concern was now replaced by a half pride and half determined expression. It still amazed me how much they looked alike sometimes and how much their expressions and thoughts seemed to be on par with one another.
"We know and tomorrow we'll talk to the Headmaster about getting you back in," Tonio said and I nodded. I did want to go back to school. I didn't love it there but I didn't hate it like I hated all my previous schools. I actually had some friends here and I was starting to fit in more and more.
"And hopefully getting the other guy kicked out," Nick said and I smiled. That would be awesome. Roland was an idiot who threw his weight around just because his father was rich. Well my new family was rich too so they could go head to head.
The next day Antonio went to the school to do battle. It turned out it was a short fight. Trevor's mom had also showed up at school demanding the expulsion of Roland. When Antonio turned up on her heels the school had no choice but to kick Roland out and reinstate me. Even if Roland's father owned a good portion of the town, the Sorrentino's owned the rest.
Jeremy came over to assess my injuries and declared I did have a fractured collar bone. Luckily being a werewolf it would heal twice as fast as a human's would. He also sat me down for a long talk about lying, school, fighting, etc. He told me that while he would not condone fighting he was proud I had stood up for someone weaker than me. He also said something that amazed me. He was surprised at how well I was doing and how well I fit in with the pack. He was truly happy to have me here. This made me smile of course and for the first time I really felt as if I belonged. Maybe I had just been waiting for the alpha's acceptance all along. Maybe I had had it all along and just didn't realize it.