Summary: Have you ever wondered what happened to Raven during her 'Gym Class' with Mad Mod? Oneshot, first fic. FLAMES MAKE ME GIGGLE!
"Ughh…what happened to me?" Raven thought aloud, standing up on shaky legs. She rubbed her temples and looked around her, taking in the mangled sight of a modified gymnasium. "And where the heck am I?"
Her question was answered by the eerily magnified voice the great Brit himself, Mad Mod.
"Why, you're in Gym Class, my duckie!" he shouted gleefully, his faint outline visible atop of one of the rafters. He held his cane tightly in his palm and pointed the end directly at Raven. "And believe me, my taciturn friend, you're about to have a run you'll never forget!" His cackling laughter echoed through the gymnasium, and Raven took a step backwards, her hands glowing a familiar black.
"Ah, ah, ah," Mad Mod wagged a bony finger at her, and leapt down from the rafters. "Can't have those nasty super-powers of yours interrupting my class, now can I?"
Raven didn't have time to respond, as the floor of the gymnasium rapidly changed to a football field. "Of course not!" he answered. "So I made everything in this room, including myself, Raven proof! HAHAHAHAHA! HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"Raven proof?" the empath asked, raising an eyebrow. "Now there's an ide-" She interrupted herself as she looked down at her present attire. "What happened to my leotard?" She poked at the 'M A D M O D' muscle shirt and boy shorts she was wearing, and soon noticed the shin guards and cleats. "What do I need these for?" she asked, pointing at the shin guards. She looked up at Mad Mod, who was currently lounging in a king sized Lay-Z-Boy.
"Ha! You'll soon find out!" he laughed, watching intently as a football was thrusted into the dark titan's hands. "RUN, MY DUCKIE!" Mad Mod squealed, choking on his own laughter at the sight.
Raven grasped the football tightly and jumped in pure shock as she saw a bunch of robotic football players running towards her, a cloud of dust protruding from behind them.
"AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Raven let out a scream of shock and bolted for the goal line, never noticing that her cloak was still on, billowing out behind her. One of the robots grunted loudly and lunged for her cloak, its great metal fingers latched onto the material. Raven felt a tight pull at her throat and was suddenly jerked backward, her fingers loosening its grip on the football.
The biggest robot reached forward and snatched the football away backed up quite a distance, and suddenly a jet pack wrenched out of its back. Raven twitched at the sight, the robot blasting into the air with the football and landing right in the goal line.
"Oh yeah," the robot said in it monotonous voice. "You can't touch this. Uh huh." Then he spiked the ball, and all of his teammates cheered in the most uplifting way possible.
Raven glared up at Mad Mod, who was laughing so hard it was difficult to tell if he was alive or not.
"That isn't fair," she said, glaring. "I don't have to pay attention to sports to know that's against the rules."
"If this were the real world, love, I'd agree with you," Mad Mod said curtly, getting off his Lay-Z-Boy and onto the field. He swung his cane around a few times, ('accidentally' hitting Raven in the face twice), gesturing the robots to come over the where he was.
"Here are the rules," he said, stooping down onto one knee as if impersonating a referee. "I am going to say them once, so listen well. The rules are as follows – there are no actual rules. Anything that can happen will happen."
He shoved the leather-skinned football and smirked evilly, stepped back from the field, flashed Raven his classic Austin Powers smile, and said one simple yet devastating word. "Hut."
As if on impulse the robots let out a roar and lunged for the telekinetic, and before she knew it, was knocked to the ground and pummeled with over 500 tons of metal.
"What I tell you?" Mod said, shrugging. "Anything that can happen will."
All the robots eventually piled off of Raven, but it took a moment or so for her to get feeling back into her legs and arms.
"So, Raven, how did you like practice?" Mod asked casually. Raven scowled suggestively, so Mod took it to mean she didn't care for it that much. "Don't be discouraged, love!" he said cheerily. "The game ought to be much more painful and exciting."
"The GAME!" Raven exploded, leering at the twisted old man. "Why of course!" Mod said happily. "Didn't you think all that practice had a meaning?"
"What practice?" Raven spat. "If you think nearly breaking my legs was practice, you have another thing coming pal!" "I'm sure I do," Mod retorted smartly. "But as you can plainly see, you have no choice in the matter."
He flipped a simple switch on his cane, and it magically became a microphone.
"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the first and certainly last football match between The Moddies," A cheer erupted from the bleachers and people who had just magically appeared. "…and the mystical Raven of the Teen Titans!" A chorus of boos and one 'YOU SUCK!' swept through, and Raven could feel the presence of food and trash being thrown on her.
'It's not real,' she told herself. 'It's not real, and it'll all be over soon.'
Mad Mod resumed his place on his Lay-Z-Boy, jabbing his cane at the scoreboard. "ALRIGHT CHUMS, IT'S THE START OF THE FIRST QUARTER, BOTH TEAMS 0-0! I WANT A NICE, CLEAN GAME! NOW OF COURSE YOU ALL KNOW THAT WHEN I SAY NICE AND CLEAN, I DON'T REALLY MEAN IT! PLAY BALL!"
"Wait, isn't that baseba-" poor Raven never got a chance to finish, because the ball was shoved roughly into her hands, and she was tackled yet again. It went on like this for two full quarters, and The Moddies kept scoring again and again. At half time, Raven was pummeled by the fans of her opponents, mostly with verbal harassment and popcorn. What an amazing gym class that turned out to be. I am sorry to say, however, the half time show was worse than Raven could have imagined.
Mad Mod had abandoned his beloved chair and had gone into the locker rooms to 'retrieve something,' but as it turned out he came back onto the field wearing a red and white cheerleading costume with 'THE MODDIES' written clearly across the top. He had red and white pom-poms in his hands, and white socks that were too big for his scrawny legs. On his feet were clunky cheerleading shoes, and as for the clothing, it was a red and white skirt and shirt.
"ALRIGHT EVERY BODY! GIVE ME A T-H-E!"
The crowd responded. "T-H-E!"
"GIMME AN M-O-D!"
"M-O-D!"
"GIMME A D-I-E-S!"
"D-I-E-S!"
"PUT IT ALL TOGETHER AND WHAT DOES IT SPELL?"
"THE MODDIES! WHOOOOOOOO MODDIES!"
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"
Mad Mod looked over at Raven, who was on the bench staring into space with a look of complete terror on her face.
"'Ello, my duckie!" he said cheerily. "Perhaps you would like to give this cheerleading thing a try! It really is quite fun!"
Raven glared at him for a couple minutes and shook her head slowly. "I wouldn't impersonate one of those dreadfully perky excuses for happiness if I were choking on some of Beast Boy's Italian style tofu."
Mad Mod stroked his chin thoughtfully. "You know, I could arrange that…"
Raven scowled at him, but on the inside, she was laughing. Italian tofu wasn't that bad.
The deranged Brit shrugged. "Ah well. Cheerleading it is."
"WHAT!" Raven shrieked. She thought she was going to have tofu shoved down her throat! She didn't want to dress up like one of those evil preppy…things!
"I am NOT putting that on," she said stubbornly, crossing her arms like a spoiled child. Suddenly, she felt the cold sting of steel on the back of her neck as one of the robots picked her up by the back of her jersey and hoisted her into the locker room.
It set her down rather painfully as another robot took its place, and it seemed to be the cheerleading coach. "Now you listen to me you little cretin," it growled, jabbing a metallic finger at her face. "Either you put that thing on and go do some cheers, or I'll make sure Mod has some extra-painful games for you afterward."
Raven was tired and didn't feel like arguing, so she obediently slipped her cheerleading attire on over her game clothes and picked up her pom-poms, not exactly ready to go onto the field.
As soon as she was out there…the chaos began.
"HEY GIRLIE! NICE SKIRT! HA!" screamed one of guys mockingly. Raven glared at the guy and resisted the urge to hit him with one of her pom-poms.
'Let's see…' she thoughts. 'What is one of those stupid cheers I've heard when we went to that football game last month?'
"Uhh…be…aggressive. B-e aggressive," she said, not bothering so speak up or move her pom-poms. "B-e-a-g-g-r-e-" "Now dearie, you're doing it all wrong!" Mod interrupted. "You have to be LOUDER! You have to put FEELING into it!
Raven cocked an eyebrow. "I don't do feeling. And I can be as loud as I want," she said. Mod shrugged. "Very well," he said. "You'll regret it later, though."
Raven groaned. She really didn't want to do this…
"BE…AGGRESSIVE! B-E AGGRESSIVE! B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E! I'm done."
The crows burst out in peals of laughter as Raven sprinted back to the locker room and pulled off her cheerleading gear. She pulled off her cape and tucked it under her arm and grabbed one of the helmets so she had a lower chance of getting a concussion, and ran out onto the field again, where the 3rd quarter was just beginning.
2 more quarters later…
"AAAAND THE FINAL SCORE," Mod read off the scoreboard. "THE MODDIES 126, RAVEN OF THE TEEN TITANS NOTHING! SEE YOU ALL NEXT TIME!"
He waved goodbye to all of the people who had come to see the game and stepped onto the field, kneeling down next to Raven, who was lying face down in the dirt.
"Quite a show love, quite a show!" he said happily. "You know, you really need to be careful when you're playing hard like that. You've earned yourself a D+."
Raven lifted her head out of the ground and glared at Mad Mod as he rambled on. "Luckily," he said. "You'll have a chance to redeem yourself when we play lacrosse in a few minutes! Won't that be fun?"
Raven pulled herself up from the ground and bared her teeth together, looking Mad Mod right in the eye. "Oh, you bet it'll be fun," she hissed, drawing her fist back to punch him. Mod expression didn't change. Instead, he acted more like a broken record.
"Won't that be fun? Won't that be fun? Won't that be…" Mod suddenly disappeared into thin air, cane and all, and the features of the football field and the game evanesced as well.
Raven felt the anger and the stupidity boiling up inside her, and let out a long scream of anguish. "HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID?" she screamed at herself. Then she noticed the door at the corner of the white room. "Hey, an exit."
She fetched her cloak from the ground and slipped it over her head, careful to hide the mud stains on her face. She exited her prison and soon met up with Cyborg, and the pair eventually found the other titans (after almost blowing them to pieces).
Each of them began to describe their traumatic experience in Mad Mod's school of disaster.
"This place is driving me crazy!" Robin exclaimed. Cyborg nodded in agreement. "Tell me about it! Mad Mod's whacked out computer lab nearly crashed my hard drive." Starfire looked in Raven's direction. "Where did out captor send you?" she asked. Raven spread out her arms, revealing her game attire, and uttered one simple word.
"Gym."
And that's a wrap! I'd like to that my little brother for helping me with this fic…a little. See, I don't know the first thing about football, and he plays football, so he helped with all the terms and stuff. Well, my mom had to force the answers out of him first, because he really didn't want to help me in the first place.
PLEASE REVIEW!