Turning Tables.
Prologue.
Every year, overamillion people in the world suffer from depression. Every month, overtwo-hundredthousand people are murdered. Every day, aminimumoftwentythousand people die. Everysecond,someonetakesawaytheirownlife.
Those are the facts. Those are the words that are printed. Right there, in black and white, we see what the world has come to. But isn't there a line to be drawn? Should there not be a story to be told? Everyone has a story. Not everything is plain, simple, black and white. Cold, hard facts don't define what's between the lines, what's behind closed doors.
When you look at the numbers and you realise, all those people are gone, why am I still here? How am I so lucky to be alive? Here is the answer… you're not. You're not lucky. If anything, you're unlucky. You have to sit there, day after day and watch those numbers rise.
We're all unlucky, to be put in a world where we can do nothing but look at the facts, the black and white. Where all we can do is hope for a better day… But do they ever come? Are you ever going to find yourself truly happy? Without a doubt or a scary thought haunting you? Clouding up the back of your mind? I'll answer that – no.
You will never be happy. Because happinessisalie. There it is. In black and white. Is that what the world needs? To see it in front of their eyes? Is that what it will take? You see, when you lay in bed at night, just thinking… those thoughts you want to forget creep up on you. They dance on your skin, they play around in you head. What do you do? You probably close your eyes and let yourself drift away. You shouldn't. you've let them win.
You need to prove to be better than that. Better than the statistics, the numbers, the black and white. Because once you've got the courage to put an end to your own torture, the black and white will mean nothing to you. Nothing but a bunch of numbers. The billions of people wanting help will mean nothing. And soon enough, you'll find it.
Like I almost found it, and once you feel it… promise me you won't let it go. Wait, don't. Because we're people. We have to protect ourselves, our hearts and when you've found it, someone who can truly make you happy, let them go. Because there is someone, just one person out of the six-hundred-billion people out there, that needs that one person more.
"Honey, wake up…" I heard my mums voice. Groaning I turned over onto my side, facing the wall.
"What time is it?" I whispered, squinting as the light hit my eyes.
"Noon, you've slept the day away, sweetheart." My mother said softly, I nodded slowly.
"Okay, I'm up." I said turning over onto my back.
"That a girl." She whispered. "You're leaving today." She said, reminding me why I spent all day in bed.
"Where to?" I asked, pretending not to remember. I wish I really had forgotten though.
"You're staying with your Grandpa for the summer, remember?" She asked.
I sat up, "Almost forgot… yeah, I remember." I said pushing the covers off of me.
"It's a free hour drive, be ready in an hour." Mum said leaving the room.
After brushing my teeth, I stepped into the shower. I'd only ever met my Grandpa twice. Once at my sisters wedding and another at my Grandma's funeral. Needless to say, I didn't know him too well. I knew my Grandma better than anyone, though. I loved her. When she died, I fell apart. She was there for me through all my milestones. My first steps, first words, first day of preschool, middle school and high school, first crush and then she passed away.
One of the billions of people who died without a reason. But I know that she loved Grandpa more than anything. They were divorced, after being married for forty years, they ended it. But they stayed close friends. If you asked me, they never ended anything. She died two years after the divorce, Grandpa cried and cried. And now, Grandpa has cancer. And they don't think his going to make it.
He said before he died, he wanted to get to know his grandchildren better. He to see me be the young woman everyone believed I was. And that's how I came to be spending the summer in Florida.
Looking over my outfit, I smiled. I was wearing a large, one shoulder, grey jumper with a tank top underneath. And black skinny jeans. My hair was curled to perfection and on one side. I wasn't wearing any make up because, well, it was just Grandpa. And black flats lay on my feet.
"I'm ready." I said slinging my bag full of clothes onto my shoulder. The rest of my stuff were already in mums car. I made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen.
"Great, I made breakfast." Mum said pushing a plate of pancakes towards me.
"I'm not that hungry." I said eyeing the plate doubtfully.
"Eat." She said firmly. I rolled my eyes diving into one of the pancakes. "God, where is your little brother?" Mum screamed, running her hands through her short brown hair.
"He went to Bradley's house." I sad referring to his best friend. "I thought he told you that." I recalled.
"Gosh, no." Mum said. "We'll have to pick him up on the way." She muttered.
I pushed the plate away, happy I found an excuse to stop eating. "Let's go then."
"Car keys, car keys…" Mum muttered tapping her pockets. "Where did I put them?" She asked herself.
"On the counter." I said opening the front door for her. She smiled picking them up and walking over to the door, she stopped and smiled at me.
"What would I do without you darlin'?" She said kissing my cheeks.
"Let's hit the road." I muttered.
She'd only been a single mum for three months. Dad had only left three months ago. But not before telling me I was useless, and that no one would ever want me. That's when it started.
The cutting.
I remember that Daniel wanted to start shaving, so Mum went out and bought him razors. I remember laughing at him and telling him that he was going to hurt himself because he had no facial hair. I remember him telling me to help him, and me cutting his top lip by mistake, and him crying and mum screaming and me getting grounded.
It was that night. I ran to the bathroom, and there the razor was, just laying there. Daniel's blood was still on it. And I did it. I cut the pain away. It hurt. It fucking hurt like hell, so bad. And I told myself it was stupid to put myself through pain for something I had no control over.
I remember the second time I did it. My sister got in a fight with her husband, and I was her shoulder to cry on. I didn't have a shoulder to cry on, I was hurting too… but no one cared. So I did it again, this time it didn't hurt so much.
I got past the pain, and the stingingand thebloodand I felt it. I felt it. I felt the bliss; the puresensationand amazementof having release. A release of all my problems. I ran out of space on my arms last week. It hurt. It hurt a lot when I did it on my stomach, it wouldn't stop bleeding. I thought I was going to die. But I cleaned the cut. Stopped the bleeding and went to bed.
When I woke up, there was blood on my sheets. Daniel had found the blood and told mum. She asked me about it. I told her it was a period stain and cleaned the sheets. I've learnt to use dark coloured sheets now.
I watched as we made our way through the city, and into the rich side of town. Mum pulled up at the huge house, as I pulled out my phone and texted my brother to come outside.
"Hey." Daniel said getting into the car.
"Hey Danno." I muttered.
Daniel, or Danno as I call him, had just turned fourteen and started high school. At first it was embarrassing, with him being a freshman and me being a sophomore. It was hard to believe that there was only a year between us, I was so short and he was practically six feet.
"Bradley is so sad that we're going away for the summer." Daniel said. "He wanted to say goodbye to you… properly." He added wiggling his eyebrows down at me.
"Ew." I said. If you haven't noticed by now, Daniel is my best friend. He acts like my big brother even though his my little one. His a heart throb, ladies love him. He thinks his like – Mick Jagger, and his a total dick about it, but a 'hot' one – ew. "Bradley's like twelve." I muttered.
"Didn't stop you from kissing him last year." Danno teased.
"He kissed me! And it was for a play." I said.
We spent the rest of the ride shooting comments at each other, I leaned my head on his shoulder, falling asleep.
In my dreams the same thing happened. when people ask you, what did you dream about? Some people reply with things like 'being famous', 'meeting prince charming' or even 'becoming rich'. My dreams were none existent. I saw pitch black everyday. Nothing ever changed.
"Miles, wake up.." I heard Danno's voice.
"Leave her to sleep." I heard mum say. "Take the bags inside, then come back out for her." Mum said as she knocked on the door.
"Lisa!" I heard my Grandpa's voice say… or at least I thought it was him.
"Oh Dad." Mum said. And then I heard silence, I'm guessing they were hugging.
"Is this little Daniel?" Grandpa said.
"Not so little anymore, huh Grandpa?" Daniel said in his deep voice. That was him, charming his way through life.
"Come give your old Grandpa a hug." I heard Grandpa's voice. Oh no, Daniel does not like to be touched. At all. Sometimes, he even cringes when his teachers touch him.
I was surprised when I heard mum say, "Aww… Miley's sleeping in the car, poor girls not felt well at all today." I heard her explain my absence.
"Let me drop these bags, then I'll bring her in." Daniel said.
"Good lad." I heard Grandpa's gruff voice say.
"Miles, I'm going to take you inside okay?" I heard Daniel said, and then his arms were around my waist and I was on his hip, like a little girl. He lifted me with ease.
I loved it when he picked me up, it made me feel careless, like I was a little girl again. But I never told him that.
"Mmmm." I muttered.
"She's gorgeous, just like her mother." I heard Grandpa's voice say. "There's a room upstairs, sorry guys, I usually live on my own. I hope you two don't mind sharing." He said.
"It's okay." Daniel said walking up the stairs. He opened the door. And placed me onto a bed. He turned to leave.
I sighed as I heard the door close.
Six hundred billion people in the world. And I still felt so alone.
A girl I follow on twitter tweeted that she wanted to die. She uploaded pictures of her scarred wrists and she was crying. I told her that she was beautiful and that no one deserves the terrible suffering she was going through. I want to inspire people, and make a stop to self-harm and depression. One person at a time. Please. I don't even care about reviews on this story.
Because honestly, as long as people are reading this. And understanding how serious depression is and how so many people, including myself, suffer from it and don't understand how serious it is. Just take some time, out of your life, to read and review. I really want to send this message across.
Jasmine.