Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis and all of its characters doesn't belong to me, though I wish it did, it belongs to MGM...
Spoilers: Tag to Season 5, Episode 12 Outsiders
Summary: My take on what happens after McKay & Beckett leave the Infirmary for lunch at the end of the episode and the whole "Who are you interested in?" conversation. McKeller beginnings implied.
A/N: I thought this was so cute at the end of the episode that I felt deserved a little exploration. Hope you enjoy!
A Glimmer of Hope
"So, interested in anyone these days?"
"Me?" the question, like it's subject, caught Dr. Rodney McKay by surprise. "No, I'm, I don't ..."Blue eyes twinkled with the spark of a memory, while nerves overtook his hands and they began fidgeting as he spoke. Present or not, she always had that kind of effect over him.
"You're a terrible liar, Doctor McKay! Tell me, tell me, tell me!" Carson patted him on the back and it was almost patronizing enough to drive him mad.
Rodney stopped dead in the corridor, not more than five feet from the entrance to the Infirmary and her beautiful smile. Turning to face one of his dearest friends, Rodney couldn't hide his defensive tone as he replied, "No one. Really. I'm too busy here saving everyone from themselves that I barely have time to get some real work done. The Jumpers need repairs and upgrades; I'm still trying to find a way to improve the city's shields; still haven't found an endless supply of ZPM's, though I keep looking; and you expect me to be able to find some one to be interested in and miraculously have them be interested in me? Seriously, Carson?" The look on his friend's face was deadpan.
Ha, who's a bad liar now, Carson? he thought smugly, the corners of his mouth twitching as he attempted to hold back a self righteous smile. That oughta show him. Rodney started moving again before Carson could react, putting a few precious feet between himself, Carson Beckett and the doorway to the Infirmary. How much longer could he keep lying to himself? No matter how Rodney felt, he barely had hope that she would notice him over Conan the Barbarian. He just couldn't compete with that.
"Rodney," Beckett had caught up to him during his pity party and they now walked side by side, "You aren't fooling me- C'mon, I know you too well to believe tha', who is she? Some one I know?"
"You know everyone." Crap!
"So, I do know her!"
"That's not- I meant- Look, can we just drop this and enjoy a nice lunch? I'm starving and I have a lot of work to get back to, I don't have time to talk about my failed relationships or lack there of." Despite his attempt to be his usual, snappy self, the heartache and longing rang clear in his voice. Clearing his throat, he kept walking as if to place distance between himself and the current discussion.
They walk to the Commissary continued in silence. As they walked, it seemed as though they passed every happy couple in the city and it only drove home the loneliness and longing that Rodney was feeling inside. Maybe it was because his birthday was looming ever closer. Maybe it was because he was so completely sure that it was his lot in life to be miserable that he indulged the feelings. Every one always advised him to listen to his heart, but to Rodney, his heart spoke in a language that he was unable to understand and seemingly incapable of learning. As they passed another cuddly couple, he broke down and questioned his companion to help take his mind off the emptiness.
"What about you?" he began, "Are you seeing anyone, like, say, that Balaran girl? Novo... are you two..." Letting the question trail off, the word hung heavy with innuendo. Carson's glance toward him was almost whimsical.
"A harmless flirtation, Rodney," he said with a chuckle, "Besides, she's too young to want to waste her time with me! She's indispensable as a nurse, however."
Just as they rounded the corner, Rodney collided with another figure headed in the opposite direction. Both were so distracted by their own thoughts that they hadn't been paying attention as they rounded the corner. Jennifer's eyes lifted to meet Rodney's just in time for her to stumble slightly into his arms. He held his arms out to steady her, and he couldn't help but notice how there was a rosy flush colouring her cheeks that made her face glow. His eyes locked with hers, his hands lingering on her arms a little too long.
"Oh, Rodney, I'm so sorry! I should have been paying more attention, instead of, well- never mind. Thank you," Jennifer babbled as her cheeks turned ever more crimson in colour. He averted his gaze, removing his hands from her arms he began fidgeting with the bottom of his shirt. The uniform was standard issue, and normally fit well, but at this moment it felt constricting, heavy on his chest.
"No, no. Really, the fault is mine. If I – Well, I'm- I'm sorry, Jennifer. I should have been paying more attention," his hands moving rapid fire at his sides now, beating out a rhythm that only he could possibly comprehend. Act natural McKay, you're a genius- you can do this! His eyes shifting upwards to land for a moment on her smile, her lovely smile, then her eyes, and then shifting away again towards Carson.
Rodney didn't need more than a sideways glance to know that he'd given himself away. Carson's expression said it all; it was one of those Beckett faces. Great, not only was he a terrible liar, he could add terrible actor to the list as well! He shoved his hands into his pants pockets, but despite his efforts, they continued to twitch nervously. His gaze returned to Jennifer's face and the soft, genuine smile that formed upon her lips. Her arm stretched out and touched his forearm, his eyes glancing downward at the touch.
"Thank you, Rodney." she intoned, and nodded to each man as she added, "I'll see you two later."
Rodney muttered something incoherent as Jennifer released her gentle hold on his arm and walked away. His eyes couldn't help but follow her as she went, and beyond belief, she looked back at him as she rounded the corner, cheeks holding the flush of colour and lips still smiling softly. Whoa, did she just...? Nah, you're seeing things McKay. He turned his attentions back to Carson, a blush creeping across his own face as an impish grin began to form on his lips.
"Not interested in anyone, eh, Dr. McKay?" Carson let out a low chuckle.
"Oh, shut up- Let's just go eat," Rodney grumbled as he began to walk away, leaving his friend to jog after him. There would be no living this down! It was apparent to Carson and there would be no way he would let this one go.
The feel of her hand on his arm had left him flustered, the place she had touched tingled beneath the fabric of his shirt. Her smile, her touch, the tone of her voice... She dazzled him, whetting his appetite and leaving him wanting more. She was a distraction throughout lunch, his mind dialing back to the moment she began to walk away and what it meant when she'd glanced back at him. The smile on her face, the light in her eyes... He didn't know if he had truly seen it, or if he'd wanted and acknowledgement from her so badly that he'd imagined it. All he knew was that smile had given him hope. Hope that he might not be destined to live out his days as a cantankerous, lonely, and misunderstood astrophysicist.