Author's Note:Well I just had this one-shot that I couldn't get out of my head.So I had to write it down.Anyways...on with the show.
Disclaimer:I own nothing although I wish I owned James Lafferty.He's scrumptious.
Today...today was the day that I would tell Nathan Scott that I loved him.I was anxious and fidgety but I knew it was now or never.I just couldn't keep these feelings bottled up any longer.I loved him.I needed him.
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry
As I walked up those steps my heart quickened its already strong pace.Throwing a chocolate colored lock of hair over my shoulder I took a breath in and opened the door, entering his parent's house.Up the stairs I traveled so many times before his door lingered there like a bad omen.
Every once in a while even though goin on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again i pretend i'm okay but that's not what gets me
I opened the door and eyed him, a smirk playing upon my face."Hey hotshot,"I said in a flirtatious raspy voice I had perfected over the years.
"Brooke..."he said turning from his swivel chair, his hand glued to the mouse.He motioned for me to sit by him.When I did he spoke again,"Come see what Haley sent me."
As those words spilled out of his mouth I felt a pang in my already fragile heart.
"Okay,"I said in a voice softer, less confident.Nathan opened the email the other girl sent him.My hazel eyes scanned the words,those very last words,"I think I might love you."
What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what i was tryin to do
Although those words were shocking the next ones hurt even more as Nathan turned to me,"I think I might love her too," he said in a giddy grin that made me want to cry for not being able to make him that happy.I slumped my shoulders but returned with a weak smile, my facade going up.
"That's great,"I said pulling him into a hug the last touch that I would let myself get away with."I...uh...I have to go," I said with a shrug, feeling the tears lining the rim of my eyelids.
He nodded,'Okay...see ya Brooke."
And with that I exited the house saying my last goodbye in a hushed voice,"I love you too Nathan."By the time I reached my car I let out a muffled moan and cried into the steering wheel, out in the open for everyone to see.
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere i go
But i'm doin it
It's hard to force that smile when i see our old friends and i'm alone
Still harder gettin up, gettin dressed, livin with this regret
But i know if i could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that i saved in my heart that i left unspoken
I drove along the road, still in hysterics.It started to rain.Then it started to pour, tiny droplets coming down in sheets, pelting my car, hiding my tears, coating my heart.I didn't even bother turning the wind shield wipers on since I wouldn't be able to see anyways with the tears coming down in a horrendous rate.My heart ached and yearned, chest pains came up and gripped me, twisting my insides, I felt like I was about to die.Stupid,stupid anxiety attacks I waited all day to tell him how I really felt, but my life was ending...it didn't matter anyways.
What hurts the most, is being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what i was tryin to do
Slowly, yet surely I felt myself losing control of the steering wheel, the car's wheels spinning out of control underneath me.My body was jolted forward and then back as my head hit the head rest, causing me to lose myself deeper.All I could see before I had fully lost myself were those words that came out of Nathan's mouth.Although I could never touch them or taste them like I had yearned for years.For he would never be My Nathan.He was always Deb's Nathan or Dan's Nathan, then Peyton's Nathan and Lucas' Nathan, now he was surely Haley's Nathan.
I'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while even though goin on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again i pretend i'm okay but that's not what gets me
Now I know if I woke up from that hospital bed I would have to face everyone.I was on the verge of death on the In-Between as I'd like to call it.I don't know if I could ever face the blue eyed brunette who had stolen my heart and given his to someone else in return.Death seemed like a good choice but I couldn't do that to Peyton, she was my best friend and she was already going through a lot.So there I was stuck between two decisions that could both easily break me.So I stayed there still unsure of what was to come.
What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
And never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what i was tryin to do
As I entered consciousness I looked around to see all of my friends surrounding me, including Nathan who brought Haley.Although I couldn't be happier to be back, I still felt miserable.It hurt just to look at him, but he didn't even do anything, I never told him that I had kept my love for him a secret all this time.As I looked down I saw his hand intertwined with the lighter brunette, a pang of pain entered me yet again, nevertheless I kept my weak smile.Today was the day I was supposed to tell Nathan Scott I loved him, but I walked away so these feelings I keep locked up inside until the day he becomes My Nathan.