I fucking hate him. I hate his tub of lard ass; I hate his perky girlfriend and I hate that he's a sweaty sack of potatoes in bed. It was because of him that I'm out to the entire school. As if it wasn't bad enough that he yelled I was gay in the halls, now some stupid ass politician who's running against Coach Sylvester made a tape that not only outs me to the entire school, but to the entire fucking country.
My parents don't know I'm a lesbian. I haven't told them yet. But because of stupid Tubbo and his stupid fat ass mouth, they'll know and I don't know what I'm gonna do.
My parents aren't nice. I told him my grandmother insulted me when I was a girl, but the truth is, my entire family insulted me. I've never told anyone this before, but…I was abused as a kid. That's why I'm so tough. That's why I insult everyone. It's a way of fucking survival.
If I don't insult people, I'm vulnerable. I'm vulnerable and they can take advantage of me. Use my weakness to further their own gains.
But you know what? I'm not ashamed. I may be from Lima Heights Adjacent and I may be a total and complete bitch, but at least I own that. I can stand up and proudly say "hey, McKinley High Schoolers. I'm a bad ass, mother fucking bitch and I don't give a shit. You all can suck it."
But being a lesbian is something I can't own up to. Not yet. I haven't accepted it about myself and I'm still struggling. The only thing that makes it bearable is Britt. She's the good part of me. She's everything to me. I know she loves me, but…I'm not sure if it's in the same way.
What if it's not the same way? What if it's not love like the kind of love I feel for her?
Holy Hell.
My world's crashing down around me.
And I can't stop it.