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:The Inspiration:

Your heart is not open So I must go The spell has been broken I loved you so Freedom comes When you learn to let go Creation comes When you learn to say no You were my lesson I had to learn I was your fortress You had to burn.
Pain is the warning That something's wrong I pray to God that it won't be long I want to go higher.
There's nothing left to try There's no place left to hide There's no greater power Then the power of good bye.

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: The Story :

The nagging feeling had come to my heart again as I sat besides my beloved Dagonet, and laughed along with our friends gathered at the dinner table, I rested my hand upon his back softly caressing it. I would pay this feeling no mind; I would not desert the one man who had returned to me time and time again after facing even death. I leaned back in my chair, listening to my beloved Marcus tell wild tales of battle, and I watched bemused as his hands flew in the air, excitedly describing the enemy's face.

"He was nearly six feet tall, blonde hair, and fierce piercing eyes! He was a bloody thirsty bastard, always screaming at the men and eager to kill whomever came to his sword." he described, Dagonet's large hand reached back for my own as he leaned into the table fascinated by the story, and I took it eagerly, entangling my slender fingers with his own large calloused ones. He gave it a short squeeze, I returned the silent affection, and returned my attention to Marcus. "And who came to his sword but yours truly!" he announced, his wife laughed, shaking her head.

"I married an actor, I did." she sighed; I smiled at her, and then returned my eyes to Marcus, slowly loosing focus upon his antics. The feeling would not leave me be and so I allowed it a moment. It was the feeling that had first brought me to Hadrian's Wall, the feeling that had brought me from my father's villa in Italy, and the feeling that had convinced me to leave all the riches I had grown with behind. It was also the feeling that brought me to Dagonet, and the feeling that had found me the love of my life, now it beckoned again.

"The time has come you must move on. There is nothing here left to live.", it gently whispered, yet it irritated me so, and soon was rid of it as Dagonet's beautiful eyes looked back to me, I smiled reassuringly upon him. Marcus' sudden fist upon the table brought his attention from me, and back to the story, I gazed upon Dagonet, merely studying him. I knew each scar that lay upon the man's body, I knew each pain that took shelter in his soul, and I knew each tear that had fallen in his past. These private and personal emotions he had so eagerly shared with me, but I could only give half of myself. There were things about me I wished him never to know, not for fear he would desert me, but for fear he would be dishonored to associate himself with such a wench. I sighed, and leaned into the table, resting my head upon Dagonet's shoulder.

The cobblestone street was mostly deserted except the people departing from the party; Dagonet walked by my side and held my hand tightly, looming over me with his height. The great buildings rose besides us, and cast long shadows by the moon's light.

"Marcus is quite the story teller, isn't he?" Dagonet asked as he looked to me, I kept my eyes upon the people in front, and nodded, smiling.

"He is my love." I agreed, Dagonet pressed his lips against my forehead, and tucked a raven wave behind my ear.

"Something bothers you, my love. Tell me.", he pleaded, I brought my blue eyes to meet his, and I smiled.

"Nothing could bother me when you are besides me.", I swore, a smile lit his face, and he laid his lips upon mine. We walked in silence the rest of the way back to our home, and upon entering; I departed for the bedroom while Dagonet went to write a letter to his old commander Arthur.

"I have not replied to his last letter, and if I do not do it now, I will forget." he had said, and I smiled, wrapping my arms about his waist hugging myself tightly to him. He wrapped his arms about me, and sighed, kissing the top of my head. "I wish you would entrust what bothers you to me, my love. But I will not push it.", he whispered, releasing me, and laying his lips upon mine again. "I will be up soon, but do not wait for me.", he told, I nodded, and left up the stairs, entering our bedchamber. As a slave combed my hair, I stared into the shadows, and allowed the feeling to take over me once more. Last I followed this feeling, my father had died before I could return to him, and I was told his last words were my name, it still brought tears to my eyes. Yet in his death I had found life, and love in Dagonet, a new breath entering my body. The slave soon brought my long hair behind my shoulders, and brought a bowl of water before me, gently washing the make up from my face. The door opened, and an old woman, her black hair now nearly all gray, entered. I smiled upon her, for this face I had known since I was an infant, and it was she who had raised me after my mother's death.

"Raissa.", I greeted out stretching my hand to her, and she took it, kissing it gently.

"Lord Dagonet told me he thought something bothered you and I can see it now in your eyes. What is it my child?", she asked, seating herself besides me, and taking the cloth from the slave, rinsing it in the bowl before bringing it to my skin again.

"Remember how I told you when I returned from Britain that I had no choice in going?" I questioned, she nodded, her eyes studying my own and her hand wiping the make up from my lips. "The feeling is here again, it's calling me away from Rome." I sighed, she stopped.

"Away from Rome? But you only just returned." she demanded, I nodded.

"I know. I have been trying to ignore it for days, yet it always returns. It came to me tonight as I stood besides Dagonet, and having him besides me was the only thing that refused it. I do not know how much longer I can ignore it.", I breathed, looking to her anxiously. She held my face within her hands.

"Livia. You can ignore it, it is merely a feeling, and does not your love for Dagonet overrule it?" she asked, and I lowered my eyes, tears pooling within them.

"I do not know. If I stay, I may never be happy again, and I do not want to have to pretend that I am happy with Dagonet. He is too kind a man for that." I told and she kissed my forehead.

"My dear child, I see the way you look upon Dagonet, I see the way he looks upon you, and there is no possible way you could ever not be happy with him. You two shall be parents to a great lineage, and your names shall pass down to your children, to their children. If you leave, you will never have this love again, and your name shall fade to the mists of time." she warned, and I gazed at her, remembering her warnings when I was a child. Always were they right, and never did they lead me astray. On the night of my departure, it was only she of the household that did not hold me back, and it was she that told me there was something beautiful awaiting me where I then traveled.

"Meda..", I sighed, uttering a name I had given her when I was but four, and she held me in her arms as I cried. Soon I heard Dagonet's boots upon the stairs, I brought my face from her shoulder, and she quickly wiped my eyes, rising with the bowl of water in hand. As she reached the door, Dagonet opened it, and smiled upon her.

"Good night, Lady Raissa.", he warmly spoke, and she smiled, passing him.

"Good night Lord Dagonet.", she replied, and Dagonet's eyes then turned upon me, I smiled at him. When we first had met, I had teased him of his height, yet now it was something I greatly cherished, I rose to my feet. He shut the door, striding to me, and took me up by the waist, kissing me passionately.

"I love you, my little noble." he whispered as our foreheads leaned together, a smile lit my face as I gazed upon his lips.

"I love you my little knight." I answered, and we kissed once more. "Tonight, will you just hold me?" I asked, looking to his eyes, and he studied me, I knew he wished more. He nodded though.

"Of course, my love." he agreed, and I went to the bed, lying down. He removed his boots, cloak and tunic, sliding in the bed besides me. He wrapped his arms about my waist, pulling me close to him, and kissing my neck. I could feel his yearning pulsating against my back, but he did not demand of me anything, just held me. I fell asleep in this wonderful embrace, and drifted off to dreams of our children.

I rose early morning, Dagonet still slept soundly, and I brought my cloak about my shoulders, pulling the hood over my head. I gazed upon him; I reached a hand out, and stroked his face lovingly. Quickly, I turned upon my heel and left the room, knowing if I lingered longer I would never leave. I made my way down the stairs quietly, slipping out into the cool morning air, and finding the carriage I had requested awaiting me. I stepped inside, but heard the front door open. As I sat back in the cushioned seat, I saw Raissa's knowing eyes staring upon me, and they spoke it all.

"I have to do this Lady Raissa. Take care of Dagonet for me." I pleaded, and as I turned my eyes forward, she quickly left the doorway. As the carriage traveled down the still dark street, I heard our door being thrown open again.

"Livia!" Dagonet shouted, and I closed my eyes, tears stinging them. "Livia! Don't do this to me! Livia!", he bellowed, I looked out the back of the carriage, and saw him stumbling down the street, sleep still biting at his eyes.

"Go home, Dagonet. Go home. I am no longer here." I whispered, bringing my eyes to the front of the carriage once more and soon departed from Rome, from the one love I had thought eternal.