Raffin leapt gloriously out of bed, crimson sheets gliding off his naked body, and threw open the gold curtains exuberantly.
He heaved open the window and leant out, breathing the clean, morning air (that smelled of donkey shite) in, and he waved down to those in the courtyard.
"Morning!" he cried to Katsa, who was swaddled in leather and chains because she is a badass motherfucker with a teenage fucking attitude.
"FUCK OFF." She screamed up at him before striding away, throwing up her middle finger to his general direction as she did so.
Raffin sighed happily, and just at that moment, the door to his chamber flew open and in walked Randa, one hand on his huge sword that was huge because it compensated for the fact that Randa had a tiny prick.
"Father!" Raffin smiled, swinging his arm towards Randa in a gesture of fondness, his penis following by example. "Good morning to you!"
His father stared at him for a moment, or rather, stared at his son's, erm, groin and replied somewhat jealously, "It was a good one until now."
Bann chose that moment to tumble ungracefully out of Raffin's bed, which unknown to Randa was actually his bed as well, thank you very much now kindly fuck off if you have a fucking problem with that you fucking cunts, onto the bearskin rug on floor (of which he and Raffin had had sex on the previous night).
"Great hills, Raffin." Bann laughed once and strode into Randa's eyeshot. "Last night was absolutely beyond what I was hoping for."
"WHAT?" roared Randa, but he wasn't looking at Bann's fine ass. He was glaring daggers at a servant who had just come in. "THEY'VE RUN OUT OF PINK TEA? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? I'M GOING TO EXECUTE YOU – oh, and homosexuals are disgusting," he directed at Bann, whom Raffin had wrapped the bearskin rug around to preserve his modesty.
Suddenly, a sword thrust itself through Randa's chest. He stared at it cross-eyed and promptly toppled over, revealing a red faced Katsa in his wake.
"YOU PIECE OF SHITE! YOU LACK-WITTED CUR! YOU ARROGANT, SELF-SATISFIED, PIMPLY LITTLE TOAD! You bring VOMIT to my MOUTH!" At this tirade, Katsa had been to dance around Randa's corpse, a fantasy she had long wished to fulfil.
"What?!" she directed at a gawking Raffin and Bann. "I'm on my FUCKING PERIOD! Now FUCKING DEAL WITH IT!"
"I think this fic has run dry," Raffin commented. "Katsa and Father seem to have stolen our nice morning sex that we were just about to have, but seeing as this fic was written by a lesbian, she seems reluctant to go into further detail about of penises."
"Totes," agreed Bann, pulling out his iPod and pressing play on Bullet for my Valentine.