AN: HI HI! Well, a happening of epic proportions occurred. This semester, I discovered that Shadow Majin attended the same school I transfered too! :o! And after meeting quite a few times, we decided to write a one-shot fanfic! Depending on the story's response, we were thinking about creating a sequel to this fic. (grins) So sit back, relax, enjoy this HUMOR fanfic, and please leave a note at the end. It would be much appreciated. :D
-Takuma
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FAN GIRLS GO WILD!!!
By: Shadow Majin and Takuma :)
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Once upon a time in a lovely little school, a group of teenagers calmly walked through the empty halls. No one was around. It was peaceful... a little TOO peaceful.
"Okay, something's wrong with this picture," a small girl with short black hair said.
"Yeah, no kidding," a slightly taller blonde girl responded. "If there isn't suppose to be school, why didn't anyone tell us?"
"I blame on it on Brains over there," yet another blond said, looking over towards the last member of their group.
The other male, much more conservative than his friend, glanced around suspiciously. "I agree with Videl. Something is wrong." His "saiya-sense" was tingling. He knew something big was going to happen. Something... life changing (epic foreshadowing). The saiyan wasn't sure if it was for better or for worse.
And that's when it happened. It started off as a low hum but slowly grew louder. If the demi-saiyan didn't know any better, he would've said it sounded like screaming...make that prepubescent screaming.
Well, what ever it was, it didn't sound good.
"Videl, Erasa, Sharpner-- I think we need to leaVEEE!!!!!! YAHHHH!"
Lo and Behold, he found himself in a net-like trap. A trap made of hooked staples, paper, bra straps, headphone wires, and duct tape. How did he not see that on the tiled floor???
Hovering over the floor, the young Son stared with wide eyes, receiving the same look from his three friends. "Uh guys," he said as calmly as he could, though slightly panicked, "can you get me down from here?"
The three looked at each, still weirded out from the net. "Why in the world does Brains get caught by a net with bra straps?" Sharpner complained.
Glancing at the cloth straps Gohan tilted his head. "These are bra straps?"
A sweatdrop formed on Videl's head before she shut her eyes and punched Sharpner upside the head. "I think bra straps are the least of our concerns, idiot."
"Seriously," the blond replied, rubbing the back of his head. "Why doesn't that happen to me?"
"Because you're an idiot," uttered Videl as she walked up to her warrior comrade. "Gohan, can't you just disintegrate this... thing with your energy?"
Gohan blinked. Then he blinked again before smiling widely. He awkwardly rubbed the back of his head, "I didn't think of doing that!"
Sharpner scoffed, his ego still bruised, "When it comes to girls and nets, Brains is more clueless than... than..."
"Than your straightening iron?" exclaimed Erasa with excite.
"Yeah! Wait.. WHA-NOO!" A lovely red hue brightened on the male's cheeks.
"Every time I think you can't get more girlish than me, you always prove me wrong," Videl commented. "Okay Gohan, destroy the net so we can get going."
"Don't...you...dare..."
Startled, all four teens turned their heads to find a large crowd of girls, hands on their hips, and their chests sagging slightly. "Destroy that net and you won't live to see another day!"
Videl crossed her arms, her stance strong. "Over my dead body you unfit, plastic whores!"
"Oh? So now we're hurling insults?" asked the leader of the fangirls. "Gohan would never like to date someone who's flat chested, short, and looks like a little boy who hasn't yet reached puberty!"
"Someone is gonna die today," Erasa murmured, seeing the rage quickly building on her friend's face.
"And if you think Gohan wants someone who can't pick up a nickel without breaking a nail, then you've got another thing coming!" Videl bellowed.
"Hey, I don't pick up nickels!" the girl shouted back. "I get boys to do it for me!"
"That isn't any better!"
"Uh Videl..?"
"WHAT??"
Suddenly, Gohan wanted to become smaller. "I can't get out..."
Videl tilted her head to the side, "Did you try those ki blasts or something?"
"I did."
"Why didn't I notice?"
"Because you were too busy showing those girls whose boss--"
"SEE??" shouted Videl turning to the fan girls. "Gohan thinks I'm the BOSS!"
"That's only because boss in the boonies means lesbian!" was the girl's retort.
The hall became deathly quiet. The crickets didn't even chirp. "There's gonna be twenty dead bodies this day," Erasa murmured again.
"Sharpner," Videl said lowly. "Get...the...net."
"On it," the blond said quickly, moving towards the net.
"Don't you DARE touch that net," one of the girls warned.
Grabbing female-made trap, Sharpner pulled the contraption with all his might, tearing it from the roof. Obviously, Gohan was still trapped the net, crashing in a heap on the ground. "Now what?"
The fan girls' eyes flashed red.
"Now...we..RUN!!!"
"Oh crap!"
Screams from the group of four sounded off as they raced down the hall, Videl and Erasa out front while Sharpner pulled the still net-captured Gohan after him. Finding a classroom door wide open, the teens scrambled into the room, slamming the door behind him.
Releasing the net, Sharpner turned to the door and reached into his hair. When he pulled it out, a roll of duct tape was in his grasp. Quickly, the blond got to work, taping the door until the point it was completely silver and sealed off from the hall.
"We should be safe... for now," Sharpner panted as he placed the duct tape back into his Bermuda Triangle of a head. Only one could wonder if he replaced his brain with random knickknacks.
Videl looked up, glaring. "Moron." She glanced back down to Gohan who silently cried in the net. "What's wrong with you?"
"I can't get out."
"I can see that," stated Videl deadpanned as she quirked an eyebrow, "Why cry over it?"
"I'm scared."
Dead silence, again.
"You've faced monsters that can destroy the world. When you stood against Cell, you smirked. When you stood against Majin Buu, you were like the cockroach that never died! You came back again and again and again! For Kami's sake, you survived the dust bunnies! You barely made it, but you stood tall against that... evil... disgusting...
horrible fiend... But with this fangirl made net, you CRY?"
"...yes?"
"Um, Videl?" Erasa spoke up. "What's this about dust bunnies?"
"...don't...ask..."
Erasa held up her hands in defense, "Wasn't going to."
"Maybe we should get Gohan out of that net," Sharpner suggested.
"Yes, please," Gohan piped.
"No %*$&, Sherlock!" Videl shouted, clearly frustrated. Walking over to the net, the Satan girl soon found out that the contraption would be a lot harder to open than she thought.
"What the hell is that thing made of!" she shouted...again...unable to open the net.
"Well it does have duct tape in it," Sharpner said.
"And bra straps," stated Erasa with a nod. "You know how indestructible those can be. Remember the first time you received a frilly bra for your birthday?"
Videl growled, a bright blush on her face. "Please don't remind me."
"We went to your backyard, tried to burn it in the sandbox, and it survived the fire completely unharmed!"
"I know I know!!!" shouted Videl trying to get away from the subject matter.
Again, dead silence... until a certain someone HAD to open his mouth.
"What did the bra look like?" Sharpner asked Erasa, a little too interested for his own good.
Sharpner was out cold for the rest of the day, via Videl Rush attack.
Breathing heavily as she released her aggression, Videl slowly composed herself before saying "Well that's one problem done with." Turning her attention back to Gohan, the girl began pondering her next course of action to release the scared saiyan.
"Why not use a knife?" suggested Erasa pulling out a tube of lipgloss.
Videl turned her head to her ditzy friend with a sarcastic smile forming on her lips. "I don't know? Why DON'T we use a knife? Oh, I know! Because I don't HAVE ONE!" she shouted. Her face was red as a tomato.
"You don't have to yell," scoffed Erasa, as she began to apply the gloss. "I can hear just fine." The gloss slipped from her fingers and onto the makeshift net.
Trying to regain her temper yet again, Videl focused back on the net, trying to figure out a solution. It was then the Satan girl noticed something peculiar. The portion of the net that Erasa's lip gloss had fallen on looked as if it had been slightly burned. In fact, one of the bra straps appeared to have a tear with singed edges.
Walking to the net, Videl picked up the gloss tube and applied a little more of it to the net. To her surprise, her earlier observation had been proven correct as more of the make-shift trap appeared to rot away, leaving singed markings in its wake.
"Videl! Don't use my lip gloss like that!" Erasa cried out.
Videl couldn't believe her eyes. They were saved!
"Gohan! Use your strength to pull apart the net! It's frayed where the lipgloss was applied. She also attempted to apply the gloss on other parts of the net to give Gohan a little more assistance. Erasa complained the entire time.
"You're wasting my lipgloss! N-no! Stop! Videl,you owe me a new one!!!"
The female crime fighter gave her friend a strange look. "Do you know how corrosive this lip crap is? Look!" she exclaimed motioning towards the net. "It's melting away like peanut butter applied to gum!"
That was when all three conscious teens heard a loud crash. Whipping their heads towards the door, they nearly soiled their pants as they say the once wooden door corroding before their eyes. If it hadn't been for the duct tape, there wouldn't have been anything left to act as a barrier between them and the insane fangirls, who coincidentally held their own tubes of lip gloss.
"Wow, Sharpner actually did something right," Videl commented amazed. Turning to look back at the captured Gohan, she nearly jumped in the air when she noticed the saiyan standing right next to her, net-free, and watching the corroding door.
"I...I think I see what you meant about the lip gloss," Erasa stuttered. "We have to get out of here!"
Thinking fast, Gohan slung Erasa onto his back-- piggy-back style-- and carried Videl bridal style in one arm before making a mad dash to a nearby window. "Hold tight!" the saiyan warned as ki formed in his strong fist.
The window never stood a chance.
Nor did the duct taped covered window... poor duct tape.
Nor did Sharpner. Kami bless his soul.
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Landing on the street, Gohan looked at the large dome building in front of him. Setting Videl on her feet and feeling Erasa slide off his back, the demi-saiyan couldn't help take in a deep breath of relief as he saw the recognizable logo of Capsule Corp. If there was any place on Earth he and his friends could hide, this was the place.
And if it wasn't...well then they were royally screwed.
"Capsule Corporation?" questioned Erasa and Videl in unison.
Gohan nodded as he began nearing the entrance to the huge corporation.
"Wait, wait wait," stated Erasa as she grabbed the saiyan's arm. "You're... you're going in there?"
"Yep."
"W-why?"
"Because Bulma and Vegeta can protect us."
"Who are they?" asked the blonde.
"You'll soon find out," uttered Videl, half dreading coming face to face with the banshee of a human scientist and a half-mad, raving saiyan warrior.
With the two girls trailing him, Gohan went straight up to the door and rung the doorbell.
No one answered.
Giving it a few seconds, Gohan rung the bell again.
Again, no one answered.
Giving it another few seconds, Gohan rung the bell again.
Once again, no one answered.
"Oh, that's it," Videl said as she pushed her way passed the demi-saiyan and opened the surprisingly unlocked door. "We don't have time to waste on proper building etiquet here."
Gohan laughed as a sweatdrop fell from the side of his head. He allowed the two women to enter the building before he trailed behind. One of the first to greet the trio was no other than Trunks. He was clad in training clothes, and a towel was slung around his sweaty neck.
"Hi Gohan!" exclaimed the young saiyan with a smile, "Did you come to train with me and dad?"
Gohan rubbed the back of his head, "Not exactly... I needed to talk to your mother. Or your father. Whoever is the closest."
"Oh," Trunks replied, sounding slightly disappointed. "Dad should be in the gravity room, like always."
"Thanks Trunks," Gohan said as he headed for the room, Videl and Erasa following behind. Upon reaching the room, the door slid open, revealing the saiyan prince in all of his sweaty glory. "Hmm, Gohan?" Vegeta said, "what are you doing here?"
"I need your help."
The saiyan prince raised an eyebrow, then a smirk crossed his lips. "So, you finally come crawling to me?"
Bowing his head, Gohan replied "Yeah, there's just no one else I can turn to. You see, I went to school today and was attacked by fangirls. My friends and I barely escaped and came here for--"
"You WHAT?" Vegeta roared. "You've led fangirls all the way here? Are you mad? Get out before they show up!"
To say the three teens were shocked would be an understatement. "But...but Vegeta," Gohan pleaded. "There isn't anywhere else to go."
"I don't care! Just leave!"
This caused Videl's eyes to narrow. "Tell me Vegeta, are you afraid of fangirls?"
Vegeta's eyes narrowed even more. His form towered over the small human. "Who in their right mind wouldn't be afraid?! Those insane fangirls would give Freeza and Cell a run for their money!"
Erasa blinked.
Turning to look at her dark haired companions, the blonde asked "Who's this Frieza guy? Does he own some kind of refrigerator store or something?"
"Not right now," Videl replied, her attention fully on Vegeta. "I'm gonna guess you also had an encounter with fangirls, right?"
Instead of trying to tower even more over the girl, Vegeta gave in. His lip remained curled in disgust. "Yes, I ran into them once. It was the most horrible experience in my life, and that includes all of the bondage I suffered at the hands of Frieza."
Erasa's eyes widen. "You were handcuffed and whipped during sex?"
The saiyan's faces dropped faster than Sharpner tripping and falling from an aircraft thousands of miles above the earth. The horrified expression on Vegeta and Gohan's face said all. Gohan suddenly covered his face with his bulky hands before shaking his head many, many times.
"Bad images! Bad images!"
Words couldn't describe Vegeta. "DON'T YOU EVER SUGGEST SOMETHING LIKE THAT AGAIN!!!" shouted Vegeta rushing Erasa and grabbing the scruff of her... tube top shirt...
All the while, Videl just stared at the saiyan drama before her. Things had gotten waaay off the original topic, something she needed to correct before anything about Cell wearing a thong was mentioned.
"Okay, seriously, we need a place to hide, and Gohan said you and Bulma could protect us."
"The woman!" Vegeta cried out, a lightbulb appearing over his head. "She can protect us all!"
"The owner of Capsule Corporation?" questioned the blonde tilting her head again.
Vegeta glared at the human. "No. It's the person who sells me my spandex."
"You mean there are two Bulmas? Woooow."
The dark headed people of the group couldn't help but sweatdrop. They knew Erasa wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed but this was a bit too much.
"So do you know where Bulma is?" Gohan asked.
There was a loud noise coming from outside. Gohan's face instantly paled as did Vegeta's. Videl turned around and readied herself in a fighting stance while Erasa, well, Erasa just stood there screaming her little lungs off. Even though she was not the one the fangirls were after, she still screamed. As for what she was screaming about? Nobody knows.
"Shut her up!" hissed Vegeta as he pointed to Erasa. "She'll give our position awa--"
"Oh... Goooooooooohhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn!!!" chorused many sugar coated voices from beyond a closed door.
What ever nerves the Son boy had failed him as he went into all-out panic mode. "RUN!" Turning away from the closed door, Gohan ran right into a wall, breaking right through it as an imprint of his body was left behind.
Not caring in the slightest, Vegeta, Videl, and Erasa follwed the runaway saiyan; running through the body-like hole.
Seconds later, an angry woman stomped down the hall as she tore her oil-stained gloves off her hands. "I swear Vegeta!!!" threatened Bulma as she shoved the gloves into her work apron, "If you've terrorized my employees again, I will be sure to turn off the GR perm--!!!"
She paused and looked around.
Where was Vegeta?
She noticed light from the corner of her eye and turned her head. She saw red. "TRUNKS! I swear! If this is some sort of prank I will--!!!"
"Oh, GOOOOOOHHHHAAAANNNNN!!!!"
One could have sworn Bulma started breathing fire. Her head snapped towards the opposite door faster than the speed of light. She stomped to the entrance and ripped the door off of its hinges.
There before her was an army of teenage girls, a few of them holding torches. Many of them crowded by a door on the opposite side of the room.
"What in the name of Kami are you doing in my house!" Bulma roared, thoroughly pissed. Usually she didn't have to deal with this sort of thing but her security system, i.e. Vegeta, didn't appear to be working. She'd deal with him later though. She had some intruders to deal with.
"We're looking for Gohan!" one of the girls answered her, not catching the dangerous tone of the blue-haired scientist.
"And why would you be looking for a boy here? He doesn't even live here!" Bulma shouted at them.
"We saw him running here, so we followed him," another girl said.
Well, that explained a few things. These girls were invading her house for Gohan, though it didn't explain why Vegeta hadn't destroyed them yet.
Wait a moment.
It was then she realized her husband's own encounter with fangirls.
Bulma deeply sighed and ran a hand over her face. This was absolutely ridiculous. She noticed the girls were trying to push their way through her home in hopes of finding a certain demi saiyan. And it was really pissing her off.
Wait a second.
An idea popped into her head.
An EVIL idea.
With a wide smirk on her lips, she pulled out her cellphone and dialed a number. "Don't worry girls. I'll make sure to bring Gohan back to you-- that is only if you leave Capsule Corporation for good."
The fangirls cheered like a crowd at a football game. Each had forming hearts in their eyes as they waved their torches around like excited cheerleaders with pom-poms.
"Hello?" answered a voice on the other line.
"Hi Krillin, this is Bulma. Yes... I just wanted to let the master know some... girls are here to see him." Bulma's lip curled into a vicious smirk as she turned around from the cheering females. "Yes, thank you. Buh-bye."
Three.
Two.
One--
Girls began screaming from the back of the crowd. "Got'cha," whispered the genius.
"Well lookie here!" a voice older than dirt said. "Look at all the pretty girls. I just knew my charm would attract you sooner or later!"
"Ewww, get away!" many of the fangirls simultaneously shouted as they tried to put as much distance between then and the old man.
"Hey, you don't have to push too hard," Roshi leered. "There's plenty of Roshi to go around!"
A loud, shrill shriek echoed throughout the Capsule Corp. building, followed by a massive stampede of teenage girls running for the hills. All in all, only a few died during the mass exodus.
"Must be going to freshin' up," the turtle hermit commented.
Bulma smirked as she placed her phone back into her pocket. Right on time. "Thanks for coming over on such short notice Master Roshi."
The old martial arts master adjusted his bright rimmed sunglasses as a laugh escaped his lips. "The pleasure is all mine!" the old hermit began turning back towards the casualties.
Bulma blinked in surprise. "That's it? No sly remark and trying to grab my boobs?"
The old man chuckled, "You've given me enough butts and boobs to grab!" He began to sling the dead women over his shoulder. The blue haired woman's face dropped. Now she was most definitely scarred for life. "Say, Bulma," slyly questioned the old man, "You wouldn't happen to have the Dragon Radar near by, would you?"
Covering her eyes with her hand, she shakily pulled the device from a compartment in her apron-- it was the invention she was tweaking before investigating stomping noises from below the complex.
"Just promise me one thing," Bulma said. "Don't tell me what you intend to wish for. That should stay between you...and the cadaver."
"Oh? Is my pretty Bulma getting jealous?" Roshi said. "Don't worry, we can have a threesome if you want."
Bulma's rage quickly returned as steam shot out of her ears. "You dirty old man!" she roared as she swung a mighty kick, sending the perverted hermit flying into the sky, without the radar and his prized body.
"That's the last time I ever try to help him find a girl," Bulma seethed before storming back to her lab.
...bodies still lay on the ground.
Slowly, Gohan, Videl, Erasa, Trunks, and Vegeta peaked their heads in from where the body-shaped hole in the wall was made.
"I think the coast is clear," whispered Gohan looking from side to side.
"Why don't you go check," Videl whispered back.
"Huh? Why me?" Gohan replied.
"Because the wench told you to," Vegeta said, pushing the boy through the hole.
Stumbling, Gohan caught his balance, freezing in place. He didn't know if there was a fangirl nearby or not, but why take the chance in moving, insuring that they'd catch sight of him? Slowly moving his eyes around, all the Son boy saw was a messy room along with some dead bodies.
What a second, where did the dead bodies come from?
Deciding to chance moving around, Gohan approached one of the bodies and examined it, finding it to be one of the many terrifying fangirls. It was pretty evident that she had been trampled to death, especially from the footprints on the back of her shirt.
"I think we're safe," uttered Gohan feeling no pulse. He turned his head to the group. "She has no heart beat."
Many sighs of relief came forth as the group came through the hole in the wall. Videl crossed her arms and began to kick one of the bodies. "I'm glad that's over."
"Me too," nodded Erasa.
"I second that," agreed Vegeta.
Everyone turned to the saiyan prince, eyes wide.
"You actually agreed with Gohan and I?" quickly asked Videl raising an eyebrow. "Oh, this is rich."
The saiyan prince scoffed. "Fangirls should be dead, for the better of this world."
Gohan nodded as he stood and turned away from the cadaver. He missed the movement from the "dead" fangirl's hand.
"So now what?" Erasa asked.
"You can all go home," Vegeta responded. "I don't want anymore trouble out of you brats."
That was when Gohan suddenly let out a scream. Turning to look at the boy, the girls and Vegeta gasped in horror as they saw the hand of the formerly dead fangirl gripping the Son boy's ankle. "Goooooooooooooooohaaaaaaaaaaan," the zombie fangirl moaned.
Poor saiyans. They never get a break.