Title: Never Say Never
Author: Mindy35
Rating: K+
Disclaimer: Character's aren't mine.
Spoilers: "Mamma Mia", "Into the Crevasse".
Pairing: Jack/Liz.
Summary: Nobody believed it would happen.
-x-x-x-
Tracy thought the idea of her and Jack being…together…in an intimate way was disgusting. So much so that their scenes from the porn movie he made of her life were trimmed from the final cut. Liz didn't mind. She's not sure what possessed her to pen a sex scene between her and her boss anyway. There couldn't be a bigger mismatch. She knew that. They both knew that. Everyone knew that. And if she needed any further proof of it than what she'd already accrued in four years of working together, all she had to do was look at the disgusted faces of the crew who were on set that day.
Which is why she's shocked to walk into Frank's office one afternoon to find him engrossed in what she thought would never see the light of day. The pen drops from her mouth as Frank presses the pause button, freezing her and Jack's counterparts in a state of near undress, bodies and tongues entwined.
"How'd you get that?" she demands quickly.
"Tracy gave it to me," he shrugs, not a hint of remorse or embarrassment.
"Why?"
"I wanted to take a look at it."
"Why?"
"It's porn," Frank replies. "And I like watching weirdo couples makin' out."
"So, you don't find it…?" her voice trails off, her eyes flit to the TV screen and back again.
"Disgusting?" he suggests.
She squirms in her clothes. "Yeah."
"I do," he nods. "It's completely disgusting. And filthy. And so, so wrong."
"Thanks," she smiles tightly.
"But," he adds, lifting his brows under his cap: "what can be wrong in the real world can be hot in the realm of porn."
"So," she takes a little step closer: "is it…hot?"
"Nah, not really." Franks rises, ejects the tape and drops it into the trash. He turns to her, takes the rewrites she's holding. "What've you got for me?"
-x-
Jonathan has been misplacing Jack's messages for Liz. And Jack knows exactly what is behind it. His assistant has never liked him spending time with his highly-strung head writer. He doesn't think Jack should be taking her to important functions and introducing her to important people. He doesn't approve of their closeness and likes to do everything he can to impede it. In the past, Jack has noted this with both curiosity and irritation. But his irritation reaches a new level when Jonathan protests that him taking Liz to a particularly prestigious awards ceremony where he will be personally honoured sends the wrong message.
"And what message is that?" he asks the little pipsqueak.
""Well, you know…" he hints conspiratorially: "You don't want people to think you're…with her. That you're…"
"What, Jonathan?"
"Together," he whispers dramatically: "Think how humiliating that would be for you."
"Humiliating?" he repeats, one brow raised.
Jonathan's eyes go wide. "I just mean…"
Jack tilts his head expectantly. "Yes?"
"Well…she's hardly in your league. Is she, sir?" He lets out a big breath, clasps his hands together: "I mean, you could do so much better."
Jack hands Jonathan the engraved invitation. "Get this to Lemon." He turns to his office door. "Today, Jonathan. Tell her I particularly wish for her to be there."
Jonathan nods. "Yes, Mr Donaghy."
-x-
The first time Jenna had the notion to come on to Jack, Liz made some hasty crack about him liking adolescent Asian girls, which was just a guess at the time and not an accurate one as it turned out. The second time Jenna wanted to seduce Jack, she was trying to get him to cast her in some side project of his. That was when Jack was dating C.C. but it was still a secret and Liz had to disabuse Jenna of the whole idea without spilling the beans about his new relationship.
The third time, they're just at a party and Jenna is just horny and Jack is just drunk. Liz has to haul her aside and repeatedly tell her to quit hitting on their boss.
"Oh, Liz," she sighs, blissfully bombed: "You've got to let go of this whole Jack Donaghy thing. It's so not right for you."
"For the last time," she mutters: "I don't have a thing for Jack."
Jenna shoots her a deeply dubious look. "Look, I know you guys are really close and everything," she says, bopping away to the dance music playing loudly over their conversation: "But it's nothing more than friendship. You've got to let it go, sister! He's not your man, he never was your man!"
Liz shakes her head: "I never said--!"
She steps closer, puts a hand on Liz's arm. "I'm going to tell you this for your own good, Liz…It's never going to happen between you two."
She blinks. "Wha--?"
Jenna shrugs: "Everyone knows it."
"Really," she replies bluntly. "Everyone knows this."
"Yep! So! Is it okay then?" she asks, smiling excitedly and fluffing her hair: "Do I have your blessing?"
"To do what?"
"To snare Jack."
Liz leans forward, shouting over the climaxing beat: "If he's not mine, then why would you need it?"
"I guess I don't!" she grins, twirling on the spot a few times before dancing her way back to Jack's table.
Liz finds her jacket and purse under a pile of other jackets and purses and leaves the party without another word to anyone.
-x-
Colleen always used to ask him about Liz. Every single phone call, she would ask about her health, her lovelife, her show, even her baby bucket. Jack would also find himself chatting to his mother about his best friend without her prompting. It seemed to be the one subject on which they could converse without major disagreement. When she stops asking about Liz, he wonders why. His updates on her are met with stern silence and non-committal grunts down the phoneline. And when he tells Colleen about Liz's latest dating escapade, she just lets out a long sigh.
"Well," she adds a moment later: "you had your chance, Jackie."
"What're you talking about?"
"She was yours for the taking," she mutters: "You could've had her. And you let her go."
"Are you talking about Liz?"
"Of course I'm talking about Liz!"
"Mother," he tells her in as reasonable a tone as he can muster: "you're wrong about the two of us, you know."
"I realize that," she says with another sigh: "I've given up on the whole idea of you and Liz."
"You have?"
She humphs: "She's obviously far too good for you. You never did know a good thing when you saw it. And you would only screw it up. Liz deserves better than that and you know it."
Now Jack sighs. "Well…thankyou, Mother."
-x-
Kenneth once told Liz Lemon how much he used to enjoy 'Moonlighting'. He also told her how much Mr Donaghy reminded him of Bruce Willis in the show. So handsome and bold and assured. And that she sometimes reminded him of Cybil Sheperd in the show. So uptight and headstrong and feisty. He told her how he'd loved watching the two of them spar and reconcile, work together and slowly fall in love. And how disappointed he was when the two characters caved in to exploring their more prurient impulses, in turn, ruining the show.
What he didn't divulge is that it's for this same reason that he hopes that Mr Donaghy and Ms Lemon never become a couple. The general consensus about the offices of 30 Rock is that it will never happen. It's not meant to happen. The idea of it happening is both disgusting and ridiculous. Which is a relief to Kenneth because they're so much fun to watch. It's like his own live TV show, the way they glance at each other with little smiles, the way Mr Donaghy guides Ms Lemon down corridors or onto elevators, the way they spend half their day wandering the corridors looking for one another. It's so adorable and so addictive that he never, ever wants it to end.
"Kenneth!" Liz gasps, staggering up to his desk. She practically collapses onto it, furious and breathless: "Kenneth. Where is Jack? I need him, right now!"
"Miss Lemon…" he murmurs worriedly: "are you alright?"
"I'm fine--" she pants, red-faced: "Just tell me where I can find Donaghy."
"Would you like some water?" he asks, offering his own bottle from his desk drawer.
She grasps onto his shirt with both hands and yanks him towards her. "Get him," she growls: "Now!"
"Yes, ma'am," he responds, picking up his phone.
Liz gulps down his water as he calls Jonathan. She flicks her sweaty hair out of her face and tries to catch her breath as she watches him with wide, unblinking eyes.
Kenneth covers the phone with his hand: "What is this regarding please?"
Her eyes narrow to slits. "His imminent death! I'm gonna kill him."
"I heard," Jonathan says on the other end of the phone.
Kenneth nods as he replaces the handset: "He'll be right down."
"Great." Liz collapses onto his desktop, her arms limp and her back heaving. She slaps the wood a few times as she continues muttering about murdering her boss, disembowelling him, torturing him. All the various ways she'd like to accomplish this.
Kenneth smiles cheerfully. These two will never get it together. He's sure of it.
This makes him happy.
-x-
Jack understands that Pete Hornberger has known Liz Lemon a little longer than he has. He knows she views him like a sometimes annoying big brother. In fact, before Jack came along, Pete was Lemon's go-to guy, probably her closest friend. That has changed in recent years. But Jack imagines that – next to himself – Pete is still the person who knows Liz Lemon the best. He hears about her lovelife, her work life, he knows her hopes for the future and all her dirty secrets.
Well, perhaps not all. And they may not be that dirty.
"Just…wanted to mention one more thing," Pete says as he is leaving Jack's office.
"Can you make it quick?" Jack replies from behind his desk.
"Ah, okay," Pete nods, putting his feet together and standing at attention. "Listen…I know you and Liz have become buddies over the years…"
Jack puts down his pen and fixes Pete with one of his iciest looks.
Pete laughs nervously: "Now…I dunno, maybe this is none of my business…"
"Possibly," Jack agrees calmly.
"Ye-ah…" Pete pauses, takes a breath: "I'm just looking out for her, I don't want her to get hurt, you know?"
"What makes you think I have any intention of hurting Liz?" Jack asks.
"Oh, no!" Pete protests suddenly: "I don't think you have any intention– no. I just…I'm afraid it might happen anyway…is the thing."
"I see." Jack rises from his seat. "I think I know what this is about."
"What is it about?" Pete asks warily, watching him approach.
"She told you that we…kissed."
Pete looks shocked. "No. She didn't…actually."
"Huh," Jack comments.
"You guys…" Pete tries not to pull a face: "kissed? Why would you do that? Why would you kiss her?"
Jack stands a little taller. "She kissed me, in fact."
"Liz did that?" he murmurs. His gaze drops to the floor, worried: "That's so unlike her."
"She was drunk," Jack says: "It was a mistake."
"I'll say," Pete agrees: "When was this?"
Jack turns away. "A few weeks ago," he answers lightly: "It hasn't happened since."
"At the party a few weeks ago?" he asks: "Everyone thought you went home with Jenna, everyone's been talking about it. She's practically changed her last name to yours, monogrammed her towels."
"I did not go home with anyone," Jack informs him, pouring himself a drink from his stash but leaving it on the bureau. "I happened to be leaving at the same time as Lemon. We both happened to be a little tipsy. And she happened to grab my tie and kiss me. Once."
"I hope you--"
"What?"
"Well…" Pete shrugs: "told her what a bad idea it was. I mean, you two…together--"
"What?"
He scoffs. "That's never gonna work, right? It's a disaster waiting to happen."
Jack takes a slow sip of his drink. "Pete, I appreciate your concern for Liz." He gives a single nod: "But I assure you it's completely unnecessary."
"Okay, good…" Pete backs towards the door, nodding: "I'm just her friend, you know…I….worry about her."
Jack smiles tightly. "I understand."
"Good, good," Pete slips gratefully out the door: "Well, I'll see ya later."
Jack sighs and takes another sip of his drink.
-x-
Cerie has never cared too much about Liz's private life. Actually, Cerie has never really cared that much about her work life either. Anything Liz has told her in the past has pretty much gone in one ear and out the other. In this case, that could either be a good thing or a bad thing. She has been debating whether to have this conversation for weeks. Cerie hasn't said anything to her about it. But the point is, she doesn't want Cerie to say anything to anyone about her accidentally kissing Jack.
Cerie shuts the door to her office and sits down. "Is this about what I'm wearing?"
"No…" she says, trying to hide the slight nervousness in her voice: "It's about…the party a few weeks ago."
"Right, the party…" Cerie plays with her hair as she nods: "I don't remember much about that."
"Okay…" Liz sighs: "Do you remember, by any chance, seeing me, sort of…kiss…Mr Donaghy?"
"Yes!" Cerie answers bouncily, as if she's won a quiz.
"Okay…" she sighs again, runs a hand over her face. "Have you told anyone about it?"
"No," Cerie murmurs, her unlined face creased with concern: "No. I would never. You're like my boss."
"I am your boss," she points out.
"Exactly," she nods: "It would be a total breach of trust. Like telling the writers where your real candy drawer is."
"You found it?"
Cerie shrugs.
"Listen, Cerie," Liz murmurs: "I really need for you to keep this to yourself, okay? It was…a giant mistake."
"I know," Cerie replies lightly. "I assumed you were just rebounding from that guy you were dating…what was his name?"
"I'm not rebounding, Cerie."
Her eyes widen. " I mean,I kissed so many inappropriate guys when Aris and I broke up. I even kissed Josh! But it doesn't mean anything. It never means anything, right?"
"You guys broke up?" Liz asks.
"Oh my God, only like seven times." Cerie smiles brightly: "We're back together now though."
"That's awesome."
"I know."
"Alright then…" Liz waves her away. "I think we're done here. Thanks, Cerie."
"Okay," Cerie sings and heads to the door: "And don't worry," she whispers: "Your shameful secret is safe with me!"
Liz watches the door close behind her. "Fantastic."
-x-
Jack has never been sure whether Howard was petrified of women in general or just the women in his life. From the beginning of their mentor/mentee relationship, Jorgenson had a nervous streak that could annoy Jack no end. This was exacerbated by the fact that he always happened to be present whenever some woman of Jack's was having a meltdown. For the most part, they have managed to control Howard's more nervous behaviour – the stammering, the fidgeting – with drugs from Dr Spaceman. At least to the point that he can do his job.
They have just completed another meeting when Lemon blows through the door in a fury:
"What is it with people? Why do they think they know all about your life, when they know nothing about your life? And why do they think they can just tell you stuff when you don't want to know what they think, you don't give a monkey's do-do what they think? And where do they get off telling you what you should want or shouldn't want or what's good for you or bad for you or meant to happen or not meant to happen? Why can't they just back the hell off and let a person think? Is that too much to ask? To let a person think? To let someone make up their own mind? To let them want whatever they want to want and like what ever they actually like and kiss whomever the hell they wanna kiss? I mean, it's a free country, right?! Why doesn't it feel like a free country? Why can't I kiss you if a damn well like, Jack? Why can't I just kiss you--"
"Liz." Jack's eyes move to Howard, cowering on the couch.
She turns.
"Hi, L-liz," Howard murmurs.
She turns back to Jack. Jack bites his lip.
"Aaaaugh!" she cries before racing back out the door.
After she does, there's a long silence, which is eventually broken by Jorgenson.
"Well! That's a…handful of a woman right there."
"You have no idea," Jack answers under his breath.
He rises from the couch, shuffling towards the door. "But you two aren't…? Right? You're not…? Is that…none of my business?"
Jack takes a deep breath. "Howard, I assume I can trust you not to repeat any of what you just heard."
"Of course, Jack, of course." He turns to the door, adding off-handedly: "I'd probably stand to lose a good deal of money if I did."
Jack steps forward. "I'm sorry?"
Howard's face turns redder as he faces Jack. "Oh. Ah…well. Some of the guys, see….they've sort of got a little pool going."
"Have they?"
"Quite a big pool actually."
Jack bobs his head a few times. "There are people actually…betting that Lemon and I will…will--?"
"More against it," Howard says.
"What are the odds?" Jack asks.
Howard looks surprised. "The odds?"
Jack tilts his head. "What odds are they giving?"
Howard gulps. "Fifty to one."
"Fifty to one?"
"A hundred to one you'll get together but won't make it."
"I see." Jack is silent for a moment, eyes cast to one side. "Well, Jorgenson, you can tell everyone to put their money back in their low interest checking accounts."
"You…want me to shut it down?" he murmurs, wincing slightly.
"I do, yes," Jack nods. "Not only is it a waste of company time, it's juvenile and utterly unprofessional."
"Absolutely." Howard chuckles awkwardly as he moves to the door. "See? I knew it, I knew you'd never…I remember, you had that rule. About the people you mentor. Not getting too involved."
"I did," Jack replies. "I mean, I do."
Jorgenson smiles, lingering by the door. "Guess it was a pretty easy rule to follow til you started to mentor a woman."
Jack grits his jaw, then turns to his desk without another word, allowing Howard to escape out the door unscathed. Relatively.
-x-
Liz has never had a normal girlfriend. Never. Not even her male friends make good girlfriends. And it's times like this a girl needs a good girlfriend. Someone warm and supportive and wise and caring. Someone to pat her back and give her a hug (without commenting on its ethnicity) and tell her that everything will be okay if she just follows her heart. She's not sure she'd actually believe advice that sounded like it came right out of Lifetime movie but she'd appreciate the sentiment anyway.
Liz has no such friend.
When she is truly upset she prefers to be alone. Preferably in a bathroom or eating area where no one can disturb her. But she is not alone. After she splashes cold water over her heated face, she straightens to see in the mirror that behind her is Kathy Geiss. Her shriek echoes off the tiles as she practically jumps out of her jeans.
After she recovers from her shock she turns to face the other woman lurking partly inside one of the toilet stalls. "Hey…there." She always feels like she's talking to a child when she talks to Kathy. A mute child, because she hardly ever talks back.
Kathy eagerly digs out a tattered piece of cardboard from the woven bag slung over her body and hands it to her. There's a picture of Liz pasted onto it. And a picture of Jack. Scans from the Internet, from articles on the two of them. The same clippings hang over the food station outside the studio. Only Kathy would think to combine them. With a love heart. And some glitter. And a unicorn. And a…leprechaun?
But then, everyone knows she's crazy.
Liz smiles at the valentine, which Kathy presumably has been carrying around since February. Inside is a scrawled poem she's composed -- either a love letter to herself, Marky Mark or a passionate ode on her and Jack's enduring love. She's not sure she really wants to know. But neither does she wish to burst her bonkers little bubble.
"It's really pretty," Liz says as she holds the card out to her.
Kathy walks to the door silently.
"Don't you want this?" she asks her as she opens the door.
Kathy glances back at the valentine still in Liz's hand. "I have more."
Kathy leaves. Liz smiles to herself.
-x-
Milton saw it the first day he came to 30 Rock. The very first day.
He once had a friend like Liz Lemon. A smart gal, a funny pal, a real friend. An absolute gem of a woman. Everyone thought they were the best of friends. And they were. But no one knew how deep their affection really ran. No one thought they were a good match. No one thought they could be more, no one thought they should be more. No one ever thought it would last if they were.
And they never found out. Because they never tried. They never even spoke the idea out loud. They believed everyone else, instead of themselves. They lived their logic, instead of their own. He still thinks about her sometimes, though they've long since lost touch.
He should've married that girl.
He should've at least kissed her. He never did though. Not even once.
"Jack," he says to his son one day when he's visiting the TGS set. "Why don't you marry that girl?"
Jack looks surprised, shoots a look at Liz's retreating back. "Marry…Liz?"
"At least kiss her," Milton smiles: "Give it a shot."
"I can't do that," Jack scoffs: "I can't do that."
"Why not?"
Jack looks around, gestures to the crew and cast buzzing round the set: "You could ask any person here, any person in this building and they could give you half a dozen good reasons why not."
"But it's not up to them, is it?" Milton asks: "It's up to you. You and Liz."
Jack is silent, his forehead creased with sadness.
He puts a hand on his shoulder. "Everything will be fine, Jack, if you just follow your heart."
"I think I saw that movie on Lifetime," Jack comments.
Milton chuckles: "Look, it doesn't matter what I think. It doesn't matter what they think. It doesn't even matter what you think."
"It doesn't?"
"It matters how you feel, Jack. " He pats him on the chest: "In here."
Something on Jack's face registers, something in his eyes lights up. Milton watches him turn on his heel. Stride across the studio floor. He supposes he will take Liz aside or say a few words to her, perhaps ask her out. Instead, he taps her shoulder. And when she turns, he kisses her. Sudden and hard, dipping her to one side. Arms wrapped around her and eyes closed tight. Milton is pretty sure she's kissing him back.
There is an immediate, immense reaction from the company on set. Some people protest verbally, some people shake their heads, some people laugh. Some people look away. Some people pretend to vomit. Some people throw scripts, food wrappers, water bottles. Some people just gape. A lean, blond boy actually starts to weep.
Milton, for one, just smiles.
END.