Inoriginally wrote this piece to see if I could realistically portray ehat's considered typical abuse in the world of Warriors. Now, let me say that abuse is wrong and I am in no way endorsing it or the consumption of drugs, but these are things that happen in the real world and I have yet to find a story that dealt with abuse aside from the "entire Clan hates protagonist and they get proven wrong!" cliche. Authors work to make it their own and I can absolutely respect that, but often there is no reason for the entire group to hate one cat and some authors don't explain their reasons well enough. It's just there, just a reason to hate someone and aside from being an excuse to bully the protagonist, the reason almost never shows up again. I'm not trying to actively bash the Warriors fandom because everyone has their own ideas and their own style of writing, but I am wondering if there is anyone else who sees this the way I did or if it's all in my head. Either way, I hope you enjoy the story!

Darkkit wasn't the average kit in the nursery but there wasn't really much wrong with her. She kept to herself, an only kit among seven other denmates her age, and her red eyes didn't help. Red eyes were rare in cats, and along with her grey-to-black fur, they didn't help things. That didn't stop Bluekit from coming over and asking her to play. Bluekit, with their six denmates trailing after him.

Five she-cats and one other tom, his brother, Palekit. Bluekit was the star of the Clan, thick blue pelt shining when he stepped out of the nursery. He and Palekit were the leader's sons, and they lapped up the attention like they owned the Clan. But Bluekit stuck around Darkkit for some reason or another, and eventually the other six left them alone entirely, as he asked them to countless times.

Bluekit liked Darkkit. The grey and black she-kit was his favorite among his denmates, closely followed by his littermate, Palekit. She was down-to-earth and kept him grounded when the Clan praised him for every little thing he did. His first steps, first word, first time he pinned his brother to the ground in a game, they were the kings of the nursery, and no one let them forget it.

Except for Darkkit. She didn't care that the other she-kits followed him around or whispered about her "creepy stare." He followed her to the elder's den and together they soaked in stories of the Ancient Clans. They weren't friends, exactly, they didn't know what that meant yet, but they stuck together.

That changed with their apprenticeship. Their mentors were suited to their abilities, and as such, they focused on different things and didn't see much of each other as a result. Somehow, that only made Bluepaw seek his friend out more.

"Hey Darkpaw, how's the prey running?"

"Pretty well, thanks." The black and grey she-cat still had no idea why the leader's kit was talking to her, but it was better than being ignored. No one was outright mean to her, but she wasn't exactly popular among the Clan. Most say she belongs with their enemies in ShadowClan, but she knows there's no way she would last a day with them, let alone the rest of her life.

"I saw your catch earlier." She informed Bluepaw. "You practically restocked the pile all by yourself."

"I heard you made a fantastic leap to catch a sparrow for the queens." Bluepaw meowed enviously. "You're pretty good at that."

"Thanks."

It didn't really get better, but things were no worse than usual. Nowadays, when Darkpaw was having a bad day, she made as much of an effort to seek out Bluepaw as Bluepaw did the same on any other day. She knew what it meant to have a friend now, even if he was the most popular cat in the Clan. He still made sure to touch noses with her or swat at her ears whenever they saw each other. Just like she was always ready with a stinging retort. Even if no one else understood their friendship, they knew it was all in the name of fun.

"Blueheart! Paleclaw! Darkshadow! Blueheart! Paleclaw! Darkshadow!"

Paleclaw grinned at his brother and Darkshadow. After all their training, they were finally warriors. Granted it was leafbare, so the ceremony was over soon and they set up for their vigil. The three of them sat in the center of camp, Paleclaw on one side of Blueheart and Darkshadow on the other. Paleclaw grinned at Darkshadow and she blinked a friendly response. The congratulations passed silently between them and swelled into the night.

Not long after that, a few moons, in fact, Blueheart began to change. He avoided Darkshadow and Paleclaw whenever he could, indulged the female warriors around his age with promises of love and kits and whatever else they wanted. Gone was the Blueheart who rubbed against Darkshadow and flicked his tail over her head, who exchanged jokes with she and Paleclaw, who ignored all the fawning she-cats and their many attempts to get his attention. He hadn't needed them. Being popular hadn't mattered to him then, but now it seemed to have gone to his head. Talking to Volestar about it had done nothing. The aging tom passed off his son's behavior as freedom from repression. The fact that he was letting loose was a good thing.

"After all his time in the dark, with you, it's about time he came into the light, had some fun."

Darkshadow stalked off with a confused Paleclaw in tow.

The next time she went in search of Blueheart, Darkshadow found him surrounded by their previous five denmates, all purring and rubbing against him in ways she'd never seen before. They'd always been friendly, sure, but these she-cats were everywhere! Granted they were in the middle of the forest, in a clearing he'd shown to her as an apprentice on their first night allowed out of camp. It was their spot, a place for her to come and think and vent her feelings to the sky and for him to yowl about how strange it was that all the she-cats were paying him so much attention. Now, though, now all five of their former female denmates were draped all over Blueheart, and the blue tom had a lazy smirk on his face.

"Come and join us?" He called over the purrs that rumbled through the clearing. Darkshadow rolled her eyes and stalked off. If this was what her only friend had turned into then she never really had friends to begin with, did she?

Blueheart's phase lasted exactly two moons, and Darkshadow is surprised that he didn't have any kits by the time it was over.

Blueheart came to her after his phase was over. He'd ditched the she-cats, for some reason, and was back to following her around. Darkshadow had no idea why, but she wanted nothing to do with him if he was going to ask what she thought he was.

It took him half a moon of following her around for Darkshadow to get tired of seeing him everywhere she went, tail low and face pleading. A moon after he ended his phase, they were in their meadow and she snarled at him.

"What?!" She roared. "What reason could you possibly have to keep following me around like someone ate your fresh-kill when you've been out of your mind these past two moons?" She sneered.

He pressed against her and slumped to the ground, tears running down his cheeks.

"Remember the days right after we got our names, and I got sick? It was just a cold, but Juniperheart gave me catmint for good measure. I… it turned out that I didn't need it, but Stars, did it taste good! I told Featherscar that I would go out and collect catmint for him for two moons as long as he didn't ask why. So I did, and he didn't ask why, and it was working. It felt so good, Darkie, like walking on clouds. And then the she-cats came and were all pining like they usually do, but I was floating, remember, and I couldn't get past it like I normally did. So… I said yes."

"To every single one of them?" Darkshadow scoffed. "Nice going, Blue. What made you come down?"

"I needed more than just the catmint, Darkie, and there wasn't anything more. Featherscar found out why I was acting so strangely when I tore apart his den, made me clean it all up, too."

"So that's why he was yelling when the medicine den was a wreck? He was yowling so loud we thought rats and maggots had gotten to it all!"

"Well, they might as well have. He forced me out of the medicine den, said he would have to treat me somewhere else because I couldn't be trusted alone. So that's why I've been following you. I was trying to get the last of it out of my system. And now I have. It's a lot harder to stop than it is to start, to be honest, and now that I think about it? I don't think I need the catmint anymore. I mean, I'm here with you and I feel just as happy as I did on the catmint."

"So why not come to me when you first started on the herbs?"

"I was a wreck, Darkshadow, and I didn't want you to see me that way. But we're still friends, right?"

"Always. I was just waiting for you to get your head on straight, silly furball."

"Good. Now, I want to ask you something. Please don't run, Darkie. I think I'll need you now more than ever."

"Okay… what is it?"

"I think the catmint might have messed with my head a bit more than I thought it would. The reason I broke it off with our denmates is because I went from liking them to wanting them dead in the span of a few heartbeats. I can't be around other cats if I'm like that, and I definitely can't live in ThunderClan."

"What are you going to do, leave?"

"I don't want to, not when you and Paleclaw and Volestar are here and everyone looks up to me. But if I can't control myself then I'll have no choice. I want to try and stay, but I'll need someone to keep me grounded. I was hoping it could be you."

"Blueheart…"

"I also like you, a lot. And I was hoping we could be mates for real."

"Blueheart… wow. You're serious about this, aren't you?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way. You're the only cat I can truly depend on and I've loved you since we were kits. So… will you be my mate? Can you keep me grounded?"

"I can't promise I'll be good at either, but I'll do my best."

"Thank you so much! I'll make it up to you, Darkshadow, I swear!" Blueheart purred.

Blueheart had been right about the change. While he was able to control himself around other cats, able to act like the cat he'd always been, it was different when they were alone or if he was only with two or three others. Cats avoided him, then. The she-cats that made up their former denmates snubbed him altogether, and no one wanted anything to do with him. The favorite son had fallen out of favor, and he was more than alright with that. Volestar was furious when he heard about his son's antics. Paleclaw was ecstatic to have his brother back to some semblance of normal. That changed too, after the first time Blueheart snapped and drove his brother away in one of his fits. He was a Clan secret now. No more Gatherings or border patrols, he wasn't even allowed to walk near the border. Volestar appointed Darkshadow in charge of making sure no cat outside of ThunderClan saw a hint of his devolvement. That was fine by her. She was already handling him anyway.

He snapped at her the most. The other cats called it battle practice, called her crazy for putting up with him. Snorted when they saw her licking her wounds and applying cobwebs as she'd learned to do long before the catmint had ever been a thing. She might not have been bullied, but being ignored was just as painful. Featherscar was always her favorite cat.

She knew she was being mouse-brained, going down the exact same path that Blueheart had gone, but his episodes got worse as the days went on. Sometimes they would yell, sometimes he would rake his claws down her side, all of it hurt and poppyseeds were good for pain.

"Do you have anything stronger than poppyseeds?" She asked Featherscar one day. The medicine cat's eyes widened, and he shook his head.

"Any further could do irreparable damage to your body. It's bad enough I've been giving you poppyseeds as often as I have. You've developed a tolerance, Lightstorm, and that's not healthy considering just a pawful of these can knock a cat out."

"You best guard your herbs, then, because I need to not feel and until now, that's exactly what I've been doing."

"I will."

She'd never gone against the medicine cat before this. Most times it felt like he was the only one who really knew what Blueheart was like. He'd taken her under his wing ever since he found her in his den one day, staring at the herb pile. He proceeded to rattle them off by name, and she then told him exactly what he was missing and exactly where it could be found. She'd been into the forest before, had scented the herbs as well as any piece of prey, but Darkpaw couldn't be a medicine cat. She was too good at sneaking around to be confined to a den, too good at observing to be stuck reciting herbs. She helped Featherscar as often as her other duties would allow. Her mentor, Lionstrike, was fair and she had done well enough that she was able to balance her wants with what she was required to do.

She was with kits earlier in the moon, and for some reason, the snapping stopped. No more baffle practice, no more yelling, he was just as he had been when they were apprentices, only more affectionate, if that was possible. Blueheart yowled his joy to the stars, prancing around camp and telling every cat he came into contact with when she gave him the news. Apparently him having something to focus on overrode his attacks and she was safe, for now. He hadn't done anything other than rub against her and purr for the entire length of her pregnancy.

That changed almost as soon as the kits were born. They were walking a few days after and he told her that his control was slipping again. Darkshadow nodded. She'd been ready for this, the idea that his happiness couldn't last forever. But she steeled herself and gave as much as she got. So it was back to the poppyseeds for her. It was a wonder her two kits didn't turn out damaged, her precious Greykit and Silentkit, but that could be because another she-cat had volunteered to feed them. She would not let Blueheart hurt them. They deserved to be kits for as long as they could.

"Greypaw! Silentpaw!" Once again, history seemed to repeat itself as Greypaw was apprenticed to Stripepelt and Silentpaw was shoved on Lilacfur, one of their former denmates. She didn't know enough about the pale she-cat's mentoring skills to be able to guess how her smaller, shyer kit would fare, but Darkshadow could only hope that her daughter's mentor was as fair as Lionstrike had been to her.

Featherscar was right about the poppyseeds taking a toll. Now, alongside Blueheart's battle practice and being a regular warrior, she shivered and itched constantly. She sought her mate out more often than she would have were she in her right mind, because she needed something to take her mind off the pain. Blueheart had something to brag about, either way. His mate was the best warrior in the forest, to be able to take him on. She spent less time with her kits, she would notice later on. That would haunt her to her dying day, that she'd been so damaged, so extremely broken that she'd left her precious gems at the mercy of their father's issues. She saw them with the scars she bore at the beginning and snapped. She raced for the warriors' den and dragged Blueheart out by his tail, the grey tom snarling and thrashing in her grip. He chased her to their meadow.

"You fox-heart! I told you not to go near them when you were like that. I told you! You swore!"

"Those kits are mine to do as I please, and you've been putting up too much of a fight recently. It's no fun for me when you fight back." Her mate scowled.

"If we go back to how we were, will you stay away from them?"

"If I have no interest then there's no point in being around, is there? Besides, you've been doing pretty well in other aspects. I'm going to miss this new side of you."

"Alright, then. I'll stop fighting."

She'd been feeling more normal by the day, anyhow. It had been a moon since Featherscar cut her off, and she might as well be back to normal. Now she had to work on staying that way.

Silentpaw didn't improve like Darkshadow thought she would. In fact, it seemed like her little kit was regressing by the day. A dressing down of Lilacfur and a sharp interview with Blueheart later revealed that neither of them were to blame or, for that matter, knew why the female apprentice was the way she was. So she consulted Featherscar and continued to watch. She tracked her daughter's day-to-day movements with the stealth that only she was known for, and one day, she found the problem.

"She's been seeing someone outside the Clan. I don't know if it's a rogue, a loner, or another Clan cat, because they always meet outside the territory and he's got no scent I can pick up. I think they're going to run away."

She informed Featherscar one afternoon.

"Let them do what they're doing. If you can, get her to run sooner rather than later."

"But I don't want her to leave!" Darkshadow wailed.

"It's not about what you want. It's about what's best for her. She can't be as strong as you are, Lightstorm. She's not cut out for this life. And if she stays here then her father will eat her alive in all the ways he never got to you. You have to let her go, Light… or you'll lose her before you know it."

"How did I not see what was right in front of me?" She asked desperately.

"You were busy keeping Blueheart at bay, that's why. How that tom manages to keep on the way he does is beyond me, but he does it." Featherscar snorted. Darkshadow sighed and thanked the medicine cat. She knew what she had to do now, even if it killed her. Her daughter would not be trapped in the life she chose to lead.

"Greyshadow! Silentheart!" It would seem that even now, her past was being shoved in her face, Darkshadow mused. They cheered louder for her son than her was scheduled to meet her tom tomorrow night, and Darkshadow intended to see that through. She would confront them and tell them to leave, go to his Clan, his barn, his wherever, and stay there. ThunderClan was not for outsiders like them, something she could attest to herself.

"What's your name, tom?" She asked when she dropped down from the trees to meet their shocked gazes.

"Torrentpelt." He stuttered out. "I live in ShadowClan."

Perfect.

"Go home, Torrentpelt of ShadowClan, and take my daughter with you. Treat her well, or you'll feel my claws before you see the light of day."

"Of course, Darkshadow."

He dipped his head and the couple was gone.

She saw her daughter a few moons later, at her first Gathering as a ShadowClan cat. Silentheart looked better than she had in moons, and after interviewing several ShadowClanners, Darkshadow decided that her little kit had found where she belonged. In any case, she now had a Clan full of warriors ready to defend her. Of their own free will, no less.

Blueheart led her to the meadow the next morning and licked every scar he saw, eyes unreadable.

"I love you." He said. She hadn't heard him say that in a while. Not since their kits were made warriors and he told her how proud he was of all three of them. She'd always known to assume. Messed up or not, Blueheart was a cat. He had a heart, and he chose to share it with her. No amount of battle practice or snarling would make her go away. Not when they'd gotten this far.

"I know." She purred. This felt good, his tongue smoothing down her fur. Normal.

"I don't see how." He snorted. "I've been nothing short of a tyrant the entire time. I'm not surprised Silentheart ran when she had the chance." Here, he stopped and stared straight at her.

"I'm stuck on why you haven't tried the same."

"You need me."

"Fox-dung to that, you mouse-brain! You haven't even tried! The only time you even dared to fight back was when our kits were involved because the rest of the time you were too busy stuffing poppyseeds down your throat!" He snarled. "There is literally nothing keeping you here, Darkshadow. What reason could you possibly have to stay?"

"You're my mate and Greyshadow is my kit. I'm used to you. We're living our lives. Greyshadow needs role models and he's already got enough of you. You're right. There's nothing stopping me from walking through the gorse tunnel, except maybe Featherscar, but even he'd want me to go. I stay because I can, and because you need me. Someone's got to keep you in check."

Blueheart snorted and rolled his eyes. They sat, tails gained and leaning into each other as they watched the sun rise.

For the first time in a while, Darkshadow felt more than numb, more than pain. She thought, perhaps, this was what happiness meant.