I do not own Storm Hawks!
On with the story, with the WARNING that this is meant to be FUNNY!
The day was going fairly nicely fro Dark Ace. He had avoided the other commanders who seem to think that his recent defeats meant he was on their level and managed to get his paper work done. Now he was on his way back to his room to take care of some personal business.
The package with its simple brown paper and twine did not tell Dark Ace that it had anything other than the oil he wanted to put a new edge on his blade.
Fighting Aerrow for the past few weeks had rather dulled the edge, and Dark Ace was a soldier, his weapon needed to perform as well as he did.
He ignored the smart comment Ravess launched at him over breakfast when the package was delivered.
Now in his room, he began to unwrap the package. Once open, he stopped. A horrified expression fell over his face.
….,
"MAS-ter Cyclonis!" Cyclonis turned to her right hand man.
"What is it, Dark Ace?" She remained calm and aloof, but inside she was seething. Dark Ace never talked to her like that, as though he needed her imminent and complete attention.
"There was a mistake in the post office. I assume that they sent me something you ordered by mistake. Do you have a jar of weapons-grade oil?"
"Over there on the table." Cyclonis indicated. Dark Ace made no move to the table, conforming with his eyes that the jar was on the table.
"Dark Ace." His eyes flicked back to Master Cyclonis.
"What is this?" She accentuated the 'this' by flipping the hot pink unmentionable around her finger by one of the strings.
"I assumed Ravess had ordered that for you for your birthday."
Cyclonis stilled. Well, she was already standing still, as Dark Ace had interrupted her work at the Crystal converter, but now she seemed to be drawing herself taller.
"Talon! Tell Ravess to come here, now!" She barked.
Dark Ace felt his eyebrows go up.
"But isn't it your size?"
Fwap. The hot pink lingerie landed on his face.
"NO! I would never wear silk! It bunches up when I move!" Red faced, Cyclonis turned back to her work to put it on hold.
Ravess walked into the Throne Room and stopped.
Master Cyclonis was red faced, and Dark Ace was holding a pair of hot pink….
"Dark ACE!" She shrieked. "Give me that." She reached over and snatched the offending garment from him.
"I am so sorry Master Cyclonis. I can explain to him that going through a woman's personal belongings is a crime on most Terras." She rushed through her explanation, assuming that Master Cyclonis had called her to haul Dark Ace to the curb, as a squabble between commanders was nowhere near as serious as a fight between a commander and Master Cyclonis.
"Wait." Cyclonis held up her hand.
"You mean you didn't send them to me?" Cyclonis rested her chin in her hand in a pensive expression.
"Ravess, how do you think that those," Dark Ace waved at her hand, "where addressed in a package to me when they're in Master Cyclonis size?"
"They're not hers?" Ravess rubbed the silk. "Too bad. These aren't even just silk. They have a bow and lace too."
Ravess proceeded to display the lingerie, and Dark Ace nailed his eyes to a point over Master Cyclonis shoulder rather than watch the silk lingerie be examined.
This was embarrassing enough.
"I don't know anyone else who could do this. At first, Dark Ace thinks it's a simple mistake of Ravess ordering me a birthday present and getting the address confused- this is the first time you've seen them, yes, Ravess?"
Ravess scrutinized the lingerie for another moment.
"Ah, yes, Master Cyclonis. Although, I can hazard a few guesses as to which catalogue they were ordered from."
Dark Ace subtly moves to the table and secures his bottle of oil. When women started talking about shopping, he knew that escaping was his better plan to keep the day to himself. "Well, unless the store clerk labeled the package, perhaps we can do a hand writing analyses." He waved his own handwriting addressing the package to himself at them. For some reason, Master Cyclonis had already opened the package, and then checked who it was addressed to.
He made a mental note to put the Talons handling the post office through the Wasteland training for endangering Master Cyclonis. If she assumed the package was safe and it exploded on her… how was he to save her?
Cyclonis pulled the package that contained the searing pink lingerie off of her table and scrutinized the handwriting.
"It looks familiar, but I'm always going through reports from all of my commanders. Dark Ace?"
"I saw the handwriting and thought of Ravess."
Ravess politely stole the package from Master Cyclonis and glowered at Dark Ace before glancing down.
She paled.
Staggering to sit down, she put her head between her knees and proceeded to inhale deeply.
"Ravess?" Cyclonis refrained from touching her commander in a comforting way. She can't have her commanders going soft. "Do you know who sent this?"
Ravess nodded.
"Get Snipe in here."
…
Snipe strolled into the Throne Room, and glanced at the disgruntled Dark Ace, his pale sister, and Master Cyclonis, who seemed on the surface to be unruffled.
"Did the Storm Hawks do something that is being kept from the gossipers, or what?" He cracked. The atmosphere could be cut by his mace it was so thick and palpable.
"Commander Snipe. Do you know where this package is from?" Cyclonis held up the package with his handwriting and the brown paper.
"Uh, the post office."
His sister visibly started to draw herself up.
"What Master Cyclonis means, is where did you order it from?"
"Uh… a catalogue."
"Snipe." Dark Ace rubbed his eyes, before looking at the burly man again.
"What are you doing with women's underwear?"
"Huh? Women's? I wear that stuff. I need to cause my pants are too tight for briefs."
There was silence.
"Guys?"
"Don't ever label your personal artifacts to Dark Ace again." Cyclonis hissed, and put the box into Snipe's hands.
"Go."
Snipe left.
"Gah! My eyes!" Cyclonis rubbed her eyes furiously. "That image is burned into my retinas."
Ravess whimpered, curled up into a ball. She felt her brain melting out of her ears.
Meanwhile, in Dark Ace's head, he wondered if making the switch would mean he would have a better range of movement when fighting.
"Dark Ace- I forbid you from wearing that." Master Cyclonis was glaring at him.
"Yes, Master. I'll find another way to bring you victory over the Storm Hawks for your birthday."
Cyclonis nodded, and dismissed him. She had the violinist take Ravess to the Nursing Ward and schedule her six months of therapy.
Then she drowned herself in work.
A/N: A cautionary tale of why you don't study past midnight for an exam.