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A/N: First ever Loveless fic. This is told from Soubi's POV (Still in the third person.) A songfic to Fleetwood Mac's song The Chain. Read and enjoy, please.
The chain
Listen to the wind blow
Watch the sunrise
Run in the shadows
Damn your love
Damn your lies
There's pain first. Before there's movement, knife slicing, blood flow, there's pain. It's proof of their bond.
The initial pain is not physical. It dawns from realization- that's he's never been wanted, never been loved. Until now.
"Would you like it to hurt?"
He didn't move though, he just stayed there and took it, rip shred, rip shred, rip shred, rip shred-sickening-but that's exactly how he liked it.
There's pain, there's beauty, there's hopelessness that's all it ever was, suffocating, constricting, binding and the chain tightened again.
He would never break the chain.
This is what he knew; Seimei was cruel, heartless, insane—and also his master. His everything. He didn't love him.
So when Seimei carves the rough letters into him he knows not to think he's loved. He knows not to mistake it for kindness. No, kindness came from domination.
This was different. This is branding.
He likes the pain. He'll take it—take it and imprint into his memories never forget it because it's all he has. All he'll ever have.
These words, these scars.
He'll remember the warmth he felt that day, not from affection, not from the sticky heat that made clothes unbearable, but from his blood, the life that flowed out of him.
He'll remember the knife, the letters inscribed on it, the one who used it.
He'll remember the conversation, the spell spoken, the butterfly that fluttered its wings. He'll remember, he'll remember—
Because that's his chain. The cold memories from the past.
Ritsu-sensei is, to say bluntly, horrified at the markings on his student's body. When he sees him, he demands to know. But he already knows the answer. Seimei.
Seimei, Seimei, Seimei—always and forever.
Soubi chooses to remain silent about it.
The first time Ritsuka is hurt, the first time his mark bleeds, he smiles to the pain. Because it's his proof, his bond. He smiles and tells Ritsuka everything is okay, doesn't tell him it was Seimei, doesn't tell him it makes him happy. Ritsuka wouldn't understand.
He likes this pain. It shows him the chain is firmly in place.
Love-he knows the word, says the word, repeats it, over and over. He doesn't really understand it.
He only knew the love of those around him. Seimei's was twisted, Ritsu's obsessive, Ritsuka's confused. His love, he doesn't know. He's only known the love of the ones he's been controlled by.
He doesn't believe in love, but he'll say it, many, many times over. As much as he needs to.
He listens to the gale force wind, feels its force, breathes it in, likes it. Its cold bite reminds him of pain, and pain is good for him, because he knows nothing else.
It reminds him of who he was, who he is, who he always will be. He stays outside that night, doesn't go into his apartment, he doesn't want to, doesn't feel like it.
Kio comes around about six, talks to him, eats with him, sits with him.
For once, there is a companionable silence, and Kio stays quiet until he notices Soubi's hand.
Another scar. Another lecture.
He ignores Kio for the most part, until he feels the cool sting of alcohol pouring over his wounds, it hurts then, it hurts, painfully—and he decides he likes it.
So Soubi shows him another wound, more scars and Kio graciously cleans his wounds. It's not the type of pain he's used to though, but he likes it.
He didn't want love, didn't need it, but this was fine. What Kio called 'caring' was just fine.
Soubi though, was a liar. Lies were something he didn't like. But he could tell them just fine.
Now, though, he didn't know what to think of his bond. Ritsuka was just as battered as he was, and he wanted to protect him.
But his bond with Seimei hurt Ritsuka. No, Seimei's mere existence hurt Ritsuka. And that was something he couldn't stand.
He had two masters, brothers, both extremely different. So he damned his love—
Ritsuka's eyes back then had been so full of hurt.
Damned his own lies. He's a liar, he's a sinner.
And then he damned Seimei's.
And if you don't love me now
You will never love me again
I can still hear you saying
You would never break the chain
He damned it all.
Soubi knew he hadn't been loved by Seimei. Not by him, not by Ritsu. But somehow, he felt it from Ritsuka. Love was something he didn't understand—and yet, he wanted to protect him anyway.
But the chain held him back. Once loved, now hated.
Listen to the wind blow
Down comes the night
It's nightfall and Kio's still with him, done applying bandages. They watch the stars and Kio shivers, then.
With a quick explanation, Kio goes inside because he has his keys, his own gateway to Soubi's house. He comes out a second later, wraps the blanket around them both.
"Because it's warmer," Kio explains. And Soubi stores it in his memory so he can one day say it to Ritsuka. The nights cold, the winds cold, but inside the blanket it's warm.
Run in the shadows
Damn your love
Damn your lies
It's midnight now, Kio's got beer and he's got a cigarette. It's perfect this way, a balanced harmony.
He watches as the shadows become more blended as it gets darker. It's hard to see anything now. And then he almost wants to run and disappear in them.
Break the silence
Damn the dark
Damn the light
Soubi wants to scream. It reminds him of what he is, what his role is. Soubi is light—Nisei is dark. He damns them both.
All his life he's only had a few things to go off of. He didn't have a normal upbringing; not after his parents died.
Ritsu was a twisted man. And for a while, he had belonged to him. Until Seimei went and overwrote that.
Ritsuka though, he didn't brand him or force ideas into his head. Yes, he got mad at him, but he was different, he was kind—to kind.
And if you don't love me now
You will never love me again
I can still hear you saying
You would never break the chain
At first, he'd liked the chain, his proof, his evidence. And now, now—
Ritsuka was hurting because of him.
Seimei still had control, Ritsuka had control, sometimes it was too much. Control, control, control, a chain.
Once loved, now hated.
And he now he damned the chain.
Phew! That was so serious. Oh well. Like it? Hate it? Thanks for reading and please review.