I sit on this little porch swing facing the sun. I close my eyes, feeling the sun kiss my eyes, like you used to. I try not to think about what we had. But it's so hard when everything I do reminds me of you. Like the way the sun leaves a warm sensation across my arms, as it dances across me skin.. kinda like the way you used to. Sitting here takes me back to thathot summer night, laying next to you in that field behind your house, letting our hands,and mouth's do the talking for us. Both of us dripping in sweat from the heat of the day,but more from the heat of the moment. I'm brought back into reality by the sun fading in the distance further blinding my eyes more than they already are. It takes everything in me to get up and walk into the small house, which we used to share. I walk up the old wooden stairs, the creaking grows louder by day. Yet I wont fix them. Sadly enough the sound helps. I almost can see you running up the stairs again, trying to beat me to the shower, but in the end not having to worry about who got there first, we just showered together. I make it to the room and open the closet door, and pull out you old worn out t- shirt, that I would never let you wear. As I pull it over my head, your faint smell begins to take me under. I wonder how long it will continue to linger there. I crawl under the sheets and try to get comfy, even though I know it's useless, I haven't been getting much sleep these days. In the begging our friends helped me threw it, but as time went on they gave up, leaving me as a lost cause. I still haven't talked to my family since the day I left them for you. I sometimes wonder if I made the wrong decision, but as I glance over to the side of the bed were you used to sleep I know it was worth it. Even now that my vision is so blurred with the tears that come every night when I think about you I know it was worth it. Worth the numbness that has taken over the stabbing pain that once hurt my heart. Because when I think back on all the times we had I know I wouldn't trade it for anything. Like the time you came home from work, and I showed you that little pink cross, that would change everything. We laughed and celebrated all night, thinking of all the possibilities that lay ahead. That thought always makes me think of that day, the day I lost you. You told me to meet you there you had to work late. As the hours grew longer the nurse grew more impatient. But I kept telling her I didn't want to know until you got there. That's when I heard it the noise that will forever be burned in my mind forever. The sirens grew louder as the EMT wheeled in a mangled blood covered body, that had your face on it. I hadn't noticed that I was screaming until the Nurse began to hold me. Everything went black when they told me there was nothing they could do. The driver of the car had been drunk and hit you head on. I look down now and see that bump that is formed under the sheets, growing bigger everyday. That little miracle is the only thing that keeps me going. But seeing there face for the first time will remind me of why you aren't there to share it with me. I know I have to be strong for our child, but I know it will only get harder, as I watch our child grow. While I'm at every sports game, or graduation, even there wedding, I will be filled with sadness knowing that you aren't there to share it with me. So as I lay here trying to cry myself to sleep I'm taken back from all the memories that flood in my head each one reminding me of you. What hurts me the most is knowing that memories is all I have left of you…all I will ever have.