Titel: The Dog and the Otter
Disclaimer: If Harry Potter was mine, a lot of things would be different and I wouldn't need to write fanfictions about it. The fact that I am writing and posting fanfiction should proof to you that Harry Potter isn't mine but Joanne K. Rowling's.
Synopsis: She knew she was infatuated with him, she knew it was hopeless, but she couldn't help it. In her eyes, he was everything Gryffindor house embodied – daring, nerve, chivalry, bravery at heart. She also knew it was weird, but that was just the way it was. She had, however, promised, to never tell him. Never. Ever. In. Her. Whole. Life.
She couldn't really name the starting point of this. The point that had sealed her fate to become a broken hearted girl because of the very first man she had had true feelings for.
Of course, Hermione had fancied Viktor Krum, but mostly in an "He gives me attention and I'm thrilled because of that" – way and she had felt bad for that. But she couldn't change it, partly because maybe she had already been slightly enchanted by him back then.
Maybe it had been those words he had said to her the first night they had met, right at the moment before he had left on the back of Buckbeak, remarking how she truly was "the smartest witch of her age". It had given her pride, a sense of self-worth she had hardly known beforehand, because it had seemed like finally, finally someone male had recognized her for who she truly was.
Of course the Professors, like Flitwick and Lupin, recognized her brightness and extraordinary knowledge of almost everything and of course, Harry and Ron valued her for the same traits and some others as well, but the way they had treated her that year, the third year, when she had been nothing but right about things or highly concerned for them, still stuck to the bag of her mind, just like Ron calling her a nightmare and remarking how it was really no surprise she didn't have any friends at all. Malfoy insulting her as a "Mudblood" or "ugly" and Snape calling her "an insufferable know-it-all" had not done any good for her confidence either.
Therefore Sirius Black's gaunt face, skulllike and mad, smiling at her and remarking just how bright she was, had been something she only too happily remembered. And it was only shortly after that, at the beginning of the fourth year, that Hermione had started to try and find out as much about Sirius as she could, stealing Harry's photo album to look at the old pictures of him and asking the Fat Lady questions about him. She felt like a stalker and ashamed for it, but her curiosity was just too big. And when she had met Sirius Black againin her fourth year she had felt a rush of adrenaline all over her body. Yes, he was still able to make a girl feel that way, even after twelve years of Azkaban and one year in hiding, eating mostly rats during parts of the last one.
But things got worse after the end of her fourth year at Hogwarts. During the summer holidays, she only spent one week with her family and then moved to Grimmauld Place 12, where she was stuck with Sirius for seven weeks, forced to see him every single day.
It was terribly awkward. She blushed violently everytime he paid her a compliment, she almost always dropped something whenever they touched – which was frequently, either during meal times, passing along bowls or whenever they cleaned out some room of the old house side by side – and she was so very sure everybody knew and was able to read it right of her face. Being the highly logical person she was, she looked past all extranous details and came to the only possible conclusion:
She, Hermione Granger had a terribly huge crush on Sirius Black.
It was embarassing for her, it really was. She had barely no experience with feelings and Sirius was, after all, twenty years older. He had also lost most of the people dearest to him, he was caught in a place he had never wanted to return to, he was an outcast who most people believed to be dangerous, a mass murder and a traitor, he was bitter and angry most of the time and she knew by what she heard at night, when she sometimes couldn't sleep, that he had nightmares almost every nights, screaming himself and almost all of the place awake. He had a lot of demons and the last thing he would want to deal with was the silly infatuation of his grandson's best friend.
But she liked Sirius a lot, she admired him and she cared deeply for him. He was the embodiement of all Gryffindor had ever stood for. She adored his daring, nerve and chivalry. She couldn't help admiring his bravery. He never gave up fighting when he believed in something and he had managed to escape from Azkaban and keep most of his sanity. He was fun to be around most of the times, he got into impressive screaming fights with about anyone he disagreed with and he was protective and ready to die for those he loved. He wasn't someone to be underestimated or fought with if you weren't a hundred percent convinced. The two of them had gotten into more than one heated discussion and she couldn't help but be impressed by how quick his mind worked.
Nonetheless, one of, if not the worst thing about Sirius Black was his smile, that, if it broke over his face, lit up the whole room and make her stomach lurch. She couldn't keep her eyes of it.
She tried to spend time with him, first subconsicously and then more and more knowingly, helping him set dinner or working side by side when they were cleaning. They talked, about everything and nothing and she noticed how good a listener he was. He was curious about her life, asking without prying and commenting if he thought he could.
It didn't matter that she had a crush on him, she was still able to see his faults, see how he sometimes misstook Harry for James. When her best friend noticed how Sirius had become sulkier after Harry had gotten off of his trial and was going to go back to Hogwarts after hall, she tried to dismiss his worries, calling Sirius selfish and reminding Harry where his place truly was and that Sirius wouldn't be alone after all since he lived in the Headquarter of the Order. Hermione felt bad for it, though, understanding her friend better than she'd ever admit and maybe just wanting to stay behind a little bit as well.
He congratulated her as she became Prefect, grinning and telling her about how Lily had been a very kickass Prefect during their fifth and sixth year at Hogwarts. They laughed a lot that evening, he tried to talk her into dancing with him and, if she wasn't completly mad and mistaken, flirted a bit with her. It had been a tremendous night, one of her happiest memories from her summer at Grimmauld Place.
Even though she had scolded him and called it unresponsible and reckless, she was happy when Snuffles accompanied them to Platform 9 ¾ since it enabled her to say a proper good bye. Seeing the dog, literally barking mad, chasing the train, made her want to laugh and cry at the same time.
Hermione spent a lot of her time in fifth year pining for Sirius and therefore busying herself with everything she could get her hands on, from Prefect duties (she fulfilled those way too eagerly), making hats (it was a weird way of spending her free time, she knew that), the usual amount of homework and helping Ron and Harry (she was overly correct that year, not only due to her O.W.L.s but also because she wanted to keep her mind away from Grimmauld Place) to the DA (she was madly invested there, she knew, but she wanted to be excellent). She still knew that it was all unrequired, one-sided love anyway, but she couldn't help the excitement she felt everytime Harry got a letter or the two times Sirius showed up in the fire place. It almost killed her when Umbridge, that mean cow, nearly caught him. She had never wanted to hex someone so much.
And then, even though the overall circumstances where horrible and tragic, she was thrilled when she got to go back to the Headquarter. It was completly unexpected, she hadn't counted on seeing Sirius before the end of her sixth year. And she found her best friend's godfather to be in an almost ridicoulusly good mood, singing Christmas carols, decorizing the House and welcoming her with a kiss on the cheek. Hermione had to do her very best to not faint at that particular moment.
The good mood wasn't something that fit for her best friend, however, who had gotten the impression he was posessed by Voldemort and had therefore been hiding and avoiding most of the time. It took a good amount of talking, especially to Ginny, to set things straight again, but then, Christmas was the happiest time of the year. When they got back downstairs after having sorted Harry out, Sirius had grabbed and waltzed her around the kitchen, making a show of them both and bowing when they had finished, complementing her on her exquisite dancing abilities, worthy of everyone's attention.
It had been horrible for Hermione to leave Sirius mostly to himself on Christmas Day, when they visited St. Mungo's. Her conscience had plagued her all the time when they'd been around the hospital, making her want to go back the very next second. She tried not to let anyone pick up on it and was pretty successfull with that. But Sirius had not been to sulky when they had gotten back and therefore everything was good.
But not for too long, however. Molly had cooked up a magnificent Christmas dinner and invited almost the whole Order, turning the whole thing into a rather big Christmas party. And the Weasley twins, who had been a bit glum after the visit with their father, had seen it as the one big opportunity to cause havok and prank someone.
Unfortunatly, they picked Hermione. It wasn't a too mean prank, rather one of the boring sort when it came to the two of them, but it ended in an embarassment for Hermione anyway. Fred and George had thought it witty and funny to poor a bit of fire whiskey into every single glass Hermione drank that evening, starting a long time before dinner and thereby getting her thoroughly sloshed. They clearly only had intended for Hermione, who they'd always felt was a bit stuck up, to loosen and lighten up, but of course they couldn't know of the consequences it would mean for the fifth year student.
The muggle born witch had never touched alcohol before – unless one counted Butterbeer and nobody ever did that – and couldn't handle liquor at all. She had been seated between Sirius and Fred all evening, though, and it was Sirius who first noticed just how drunk she had gotten. He glared daggers at Fred and George who he rightfully suspected behind Hermione's tipsiness and then persuaded her to walk upstairs, drink some water, clear her head and go to sleep.
She had obliged (chanting in her head about how Sirius cared about her) and had managed to get out of the kitchen without needing any help, but when it came to climbing upstairs, Hermione was at a loss. It wasn't that she couldn't do it, she just simply didn't want to any more.
"I... I'm tired. I'm aaaaaaaaaaaaaall sleepy and heavy. I'm in no mood to walk. I'll happily sleep just... right... here, Siriboy." was her reaction to his requests of her walking upstairs, sitting down on the floor, placing her head on the second step and closing her eyes. The next thing she lost contact with the floor. "Siriboy! What are you doing?!" screeched she, but she knew without hearing his answer. He was carrying her. He was all warm and nice smells and strong and warm. And safety. Mostly he was safety. And niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice smells.
"Well, thank you, Hermione."
"Oh." Hermione blushed violently. "I said that loud, didn't I?"
"Yeah." They had reached the landing on which Hermione's and Ginny's room was and Sirius opened the door to the room. He placed Hermione back in her feet on the floor. "Are you ok?"
Hermione giggled childishly and then locked eyes with Sirius. Her stomach gave a threathing lurch. "I am soooooo drunk." she mumbled, covering her hands with her face. "Gosh. I hate Gred and Forge."
Sirius grinned, then patted her on the head. "You'll be ok. Just get into bed and sleep it off." assured he. His hand rested on her hair.
"Sirius?" Hermione now leaned back at the door frame, her hands crossed behind her back and smiled at her friend's godfather.
"Yeah, 'Mione?" He smiled down at her.
She swallowed, took a deep breath and then asked. "What if I liked you? Like really really liked you? If I cared for you and thought all your strenght was admirable and your smile was gorgeous?" All this came out in a drunken slur and Hermione instantly clapper her hands over her mouth, ashamed that she had actually admitted to liking Sirius.
His lips twisted into a crooked, but somewhat pitiful smile. "Then I would have to tell you now that though I feel very honoured to be liked by a truly admirable which like you, I don't see you that way. And also that you deserve someone younger, less bitter and more socially acceptable." Hermione pouted. He leaned in, sliding his hand from the top of her hair down to her cheek, brushing over it once with his thumb. "You are awesome, Hermione Granger. You are bright and gorgeous and stunning and breathtaking. But you are just way too young for me right now. I won't make a promise here, but maybe, just very very maybe in a few years we can repeat this conversation." With that, he placed his lips on her forehead. She breathed in his musky, unobtrusive scent, closed her eyes and fought down the tears. "And now go to bed and sleep it off." With that, he gave her a last affectionate pat on the head and walked off.
Hermione opened the door to her room, threw herself onto her bed and sobbed quietly. She was heart broken, humiliated and angry at herself and the twins. It didn't take too long, though, until she fell into a deep slumber.
When she woke up the next morning, she did not only have a horrible hangover, but was also plagued by her memories of talking to Sirius and a burning shame. She tried to stay away from Sirius as much as she could for the next few days, hiding in her room, reading or spending time with Harry, Ron and Ginny. That was also why she went to pick Mr. Weasley of from St. Mungo's and was so very shocked to find Snape and Sirius pointing their wands at each other in the kitchen, Harry between them, trying to get them to calm down. When the situation was cleared and peaceful again, Hermione had to violently surpress the urge to ask Sirius what exactly had been going on. She wanted to stop caring so much about him, but she couldn't. Mashing down her feelings all the time hardly made things better. All during dinner that evening she was observing him, trying to guess how he felt, but felt unable to pluck up the courage to express what she thought – that he shouldn't be glum, that Snape was an arse and wrong anyway, that Sirius should lighten up and try to spend some time with Harry before they had to leave the next day.
Good bye the next day was swift, short and painless. She hugged him, he patted her on the head and messed up her hair, then said she should take care of herself and the boys. He also said he was looking forward to seeing her again over the summer. She smiled and said she hoped he'd be alright, that he shouldn't allow Snape to get him down and that she was looking forward to coming back, too. They parted ways as friends.
Back at Hogwarts, Hermione burried herself in work again, especially in school stuff, not only going to insane lenghts with her own homework, but also with the homework of Harry, Ron and sometimes Neville. They were rapidly approaching their O.W.L.s and she was not only doing what they had to do for their various classes but also revising almost everything she had ever learned in every single subject. Harry and Ron thought she was positivly insane, argueing that she'd probably just faint because she was so overworked.
When Snape canceled Harry's Occlumency lessons, she was worried, trying to figure out why he would do that. She didn't believe him for a second when he said he was good enough to work on his own now but she couldn't explain to herself why Snape would cancel them if Dumbledore had asked him to do it. But then her mind was taken off the topic when Harry insisted to break into Umbridge's office to talk to Sirius, even though he wouldn't tell them about what. She'd never ever told him that she wanted to do the same, to just merrily sit her head in a fire and talk to her best friend's godfather who she still crushed on.
Even worse was the moment after their History of Magic exams when Harry told them Sirius had been caught in the Ministry of Magic and was tortured by Voldemort to get him something. Hermione had felt like vomiting, fainting and crying at the same time, but the logical part of her brain took over, trying to find out what was going on, trying to persuade Harry into being just as rational as she herself was. There was no way Sirius could be in the Ministry with Voldemort, there just could not be a way, there wasn't, he wasn't there, was he? And in that very short moment of doubt, her emotional side decided to take control and get her to agree to help Harry floo to Grimmauld Place to find out wether Sirius was there or not.
She blamed herself when Umbridge, Bulstrode and Malfoy overpowered her and Harry, but again it was her mind that worked quick enough to get them out of the situation just as Umbridge had decided that using the Cruciatus Curse was an appropiate measure to question her best friend. She lied her ass off, talking about Dumbledore and a weapon, improvised and lead them into the Forbidden Forest. She didn't think of Grawp that moment, it was the kind of "plan as you go"- thing she wasn't used to, but it worked out better than expected when Umbridge was abducted by centaurs she had insulted. She thought she was going to die when they threatened her and Harry but again they somehow magically got out of it.
The worst thing, she thought, was the Thestral-part. She hated flying anyway, she had a ridicoulus fear of heights and flying on something she couldn't even see was the worst so far. Again she felt like vomiting when they arrived in London, but it was overruled by her excitement and need to get in and save Sirius. The moment they had stepped into the telephone box, Hermione grabbed her wand and didn't let go again.
From that moment on, things became blurry. She remembered the circular room, drawing 'X's on the doors, the mysterious veil and the empty room of prophecies just as well as the one that had Harry's name on it. Sirius wasn't there and a surge of relief flooded her.
But somebody was there and in no time, she was in her first wizarding duel ever, cursing and hexing as fast as she could, trying to protect herself, trying to protect her friends, fighting alongside Neville and Harry. The boys were skilled, she noticed, but she was dead worried about Ron, Ginny and Luna. Then they heard them shouting their names and ran off to find them, but met two Death Eaters and started dueling again and even though they were more, the Death Eaters were more skilled, more experienced and crueler and then the one she had silenced just seconds ago mad a weird move with his wand and a purple flame thing hit her square in the chest and there was pain, hot, burning pane all over her body and then there was nothing but blackness.
When she woke up again, she was in the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts, Ginny and Ron in the beds beside her, Ginny deeply sleeping on a chair next to her brother's bed, her head placed just next to his chest. Ron was awake, though, he looked at her intently. She was thrilled, they seemed to be okay...but where was Harry, he coulnd't... it wasn't... Harry couldn't be dead, it was just impossible, Harry was too strong to have died, there was no way that was true.
Then she locked eyes with Ron and he shook his head. "He's up with Dumbledore. He's a bit bruised, but alright. How are you?" Hermione tried to speak, but as she opened her mouth, pain flitted thorugh her chest and she managed nothing but a strangeled noise. "You'll be alright again." assured Ron. "You were truly awesome in there, you know? It was impressive... almost frightning. Though I almost freaked when I saw Neville carrying you, I thought you..."
She smiled at him, not able to get herself to speak to say thank you, but there was this question pondering her mind and it wouldn't just go away, she had to ask it and so she made herself speak, ignoring the burning in her chest. "A... any fata...li..ties?" croaked the brunette. She didn't need to hear Ron's answer, the way he looked said everything. Someone had died in the Department of Mysteries, she knew that. Hopefully not Neville. But Ron had said that he had carried her, so he couldn't be... so it was Luna, lovely Loony Lovegood. "Lu...na?" She fought the tears dwelling up. She hadn't known the blonde for too long, but she had started to like her so much, she was such a kind person.
"No, no, no! Luna's fine, just like Neville, nothing happened to either of them." He swallowed. "Actually, it was... it was Sirius."
Hermione clasper her hands over her mouth, trying to stiffle the cry inside her troath and just letting the tears spill over, completly ignoring the physcial pain it caused and succumbing to the psychological pain instead. Sirius was dead. Sirius Black was dead. She would never see him again. There was no possinility of "very very maybe in a few years" anymore.
Then someone pulled her into a hug, someone strong and friendly and well-known. Ron had limped over from his bed and embraced her tenderly, allowing her to cry against his shoulder.
And when she first kissed Ron during the Battle of Hogwarts, she thought back to the moment in the Infirmary, where he had held her and allowed her to cry to him over her lost first love and she realised that maybe this huge comfort he had given her back then had been the starting point of her second big love.