Written for "The Men of Tortall" forum's JoGeNuDoNaRo challenge. Prompt: Fallen
Disclaimer: Nawat, Aly, and the Copper Isles are the creation of the talented Tamora Pierce, so I do not own them.
The Fear to Fly
When Nawat was young, he had stared up at the sky every day, watched his parents fly through the clouds with wonder. He had dreamed of flying for hours, had spent days imagining what it would feel like. The wind in his feathers, the sun in his eyes. Catching drafts in his wings so they lifted him above the clouds. He wanted so badly to join his flockmates, to leave the crowded nest with his cawing loud siblings and their silly wants. Food! Who would want food when you could fly? Parents! Why did you need parents when you could soar without their help? Why would you want to sleep unless you dreamed of flying?
When Nawat was a bit older, he got up the nerve to try to fly. He had clambered around and over his siblings to the edge of the nest, and perched there. He preened his feathers and opened his wings, ignoring the jeers and warnings from the others in the nest. He'd taken a deep breath, screwed up his courage, and jumped.
When Nawat woke up, his head hurt like nothing he'd ever experienced. His mother's face swam in and out of his vision, hushing his siblings and then telling him what had happened. He'd tried to fly, and he'd fallen. Now he knew why you needed food-to get your strength back up and heal your almost-broken wing. Now he knew why you needed parents-to carry you back to the nest when you fell. Now his dreams were nightmares of hurtling towards the ground from far above the trees with no one and nothing to catch his fall.
When Nawat was old enough, his parents taught him and his siblings how to fly. His mother demonstrated the proper technique while his father waited on the ground to catch them if they fell. But Nawat was afraid of falling again. He waited until all the others had tried, but he still didn't want to go. Finally his mother pushed him from the nest, and in a panic he opened his wings at the last second. He didn't fall. He did love to fly.
When Nawat met Aly, his whole world changed. Suddenly the sky wasn't the most beautiful thing he had ever seen-she was. Suddenly talking to her was more enjoyable than flying on a cloudless, not too sunny day. And just seeing her, just talking too her wasn't enough. He didn't know if it could ever be enough.
So he changed for her. He had never been more afraid. He was worried that Aly wouldn't accept him as a human-or worse, wouldn't accept him at all. Then he would have gone through everything, the change and the practice and his family's taunts, for nothing.
He had never been more wrong. Aly did want him near, did accept him. And he was happy, until they left Tanair. Rajmuat was a much bigger nest then Tanair. There were more people, always hustling, always bustling. And suddenly Nawat was part of a rebellion, caught up in the middle of a revolution not knowing quite how he'd gotten there. He was pretty sure it started the first time he kissed Aly.
In Rajmuat, it was all about respect. It was a new concept for him, as crows didn't have anything like respect. They tended to just listen to their elders. But that's not how respect worked for humans. Ulasim and Ochubu were equally respected, though they were a generation apart. And Aly was respected too, by almost everyone, even though she was the youngest of all.
Nawat was respected by no one-not even by Aly.
He had seen singing birds in cages, bought as pets to sit in windows. He wasn't caged, he could go where he like, but he felt like Aly's pretty crow-pet, just meant to sit in the window, indifferent to some, a nuisance to others.
Tongkang was a much smaller nest than Rajmuat, and Nawat wanted to go there. He didn't want to leave Aly but he wanted to prove that he could. He was not caged, he could do as he pleased. And maybe when he returned they would respect him.
Nawat returned to crying eyes and black armbands, and though his heart grieved for all his friends, inside it soared for Aly. It would always soar for Aly
She understood everything about him except his fear of falling. No one could really understand this. All Aly knew was a fear of failing, though she rarely did.
Years later, he watched his daughter on the branch. To Nawat, it was obviously Rose, even in crow form, though Aly couldn't distinguish her youngest daughter until she could see her unnatural green eyes. She balanced on the branch, which swayed slightly in the wind, her wings firmly shut.
Don't be nervous. Nawat called in crow-speak.
If it were possible for a crow to glare, Rose did. Easy for you to say. You never fell.
I did.
Rose was silent for a moment.
But I won't let you fall, Nawat reminded her, and finally she opened her wings and let the wind catch her.
She didn't fall.
So there you have it. Like I said, this was written for "The Men of Tortall" forum's monthly JoGeNuDoNaRo challenge. If you're interested in participating next month, pop on over to the forum and check it out.
If you want to read more about Rose, check out my story "Lone Rose".
Special thanks to Kate of Carlay for beta-reading this. Please leave a review and let me know what you think!