::generous::
The waters freeze on my window into ice, and the light hits it and sparkles like a rainbow. It offers a myriad of colours I cannot even imagine. Frosting the glass, and I feel like a crystal statue, delicate and beautiful and breakable. I stretch my fingers, each with enough strength to strangle any human. The movement and knowledge shatters my illusions, for I know I am not breakable. Tentatively, I lean forward and lick the glass.
It is cold, as am I.
Pale silver hair falls against my dark violet eyes. My hand, with its slender, elegent fingers, rests over my heart, which is silent. It has been too long, I say, but there is nothing to be done. Forever is too long to live with a false fascade, and yet I must live this way. I shall enclose myself within my mask.
And yet, I fear I see hairline cracks beginning to form on the edges, and soon it shall crumble away like time. Time...I am told I have eternity, but I shall never find happiness.
It is said I was Jeshikah's happiness. Perhaps this was a gift of the fates, and as her happiness, she never owned me. I was never a pet, an animal of her bidding.
"I shall name you Gabriel, my little archangel, and you shall do my bidding, be my happiness..." It does not matter what she said. She was fond of me, I suppose, but she is dead, and I care not.
I have fallen, and I can no longer repent.
--
"What's your name? I'm Takako. Takako Celes."
I must be dreaming again, I hear her voice.
"Come with me!"
Did she know what she is to me? My only salvation in my damnation, my happiness. She came to me and was gone so fast I wonder if I created her in my long hours of longing. But maybe it's because happiness floats away like coloured ribbons in the wind?
"Is this your mind?"
Why do I feel such pain when I hear that voice? From the first moment I heard those words I knew its speaker felt none of my pain. That voice...its innocence was so foreign to me, I wished with all my heart that it could be mine, but each time I grasped at it, it was gone.
"What brings you to my mind?" I had asked hoarsely. At that time I could not see her; she existed only as a faint ray of light, but I could feel her presence around me, warm and comforting.
She cupped a hand on my cheek. She had short dark hair and large coffee-coloured eyes, and her smile was easy and free. When had I last seen a smile like that? In my dark world of immortals and slaves, smiles were predessores of pain. Such smiles were often given by myself. Even as a human, such a direct display was rare.
"You called me here," she said, and I knew she spoke the truth.
"I..." What words could I find to describe my soul, tired and lonely? Would I become the fool, hoping for a beacon of light to guide me to peace? I was sick of pain, sick of the money, the power...
"I'll stay here as long as I can...and I'll come back if I have to go." She smiled and stood. "But come with me!" She held out a hand to me. I stared at it, and placed my trembling hand in hers.
"Gabriel. My name is Gabriel."
--
"Takako..." I whisper, speaking to the darkness. She has been gone for a long time...saying good-bye without a backward glance, or words.
--
"Why do you love pain?"
"My blood brings the obsession," I said. Jeshickah brought my obsession. Vampiric blood strengthened me, and I laugh as others wimper in the dark.
"Or maybe your loneliness brings your obsession," she replied, and we were both silent for a moment, the only sound being that of the waves crashing on the rocky shores of the beach. I had brought us there with my mind, at her request. It was night, but we had came there before sunset, sitting together in content and quiet.
"It is beautiful," she spoke softly. "The sea, the sky, the earth...they are beautiful. Gabriel is beautiful, as well. The world is beautiful. But the world is lonely, and so is Gabriel. And Gabriel is hurt, deep inside, and he suffers from wounds he thinks will never heal. He doesn't want to be lonely anymore, so he shares his pain with others, to find someone like him." She pause, comtemplative.
The white froth of the ocean flew up in spray and fell on our faces, sometimes in our eyes, like tears waiting to fall. The black rocks that we sit on contrast with white sand and deep blue waters, and it is cold. The moon is silent, and the stars die.
Is this the reason for my pain? Is this the reason for my blood? But no, humans are worthless as anything above chattel, it is the way of the world.
"I am simply of a higher race," I stated, masking my emotions, although I knew she would see through me.
"Gabriel...I hope...I hope you find that it's worth living, just because you have someone to protect. Because people will always return your feelings, and if you protect their happiness, they'll protect yours. And that way, you'll never be lonely." She smiled again, and leaned back against the cold and sharp rock, at ease.
"I'm happy here. With you," I added, hesitant. I was telling the truth, but Hitoe frowned and looked down, sitting up and erect once again. Then, slowly, she fades from my mind and all that's left is the roaring of the ocean.
--
Takako is dead, Jeshickah would have made sure of that. Sometime I imagine myself, elegent and hardly there, like on pouring wine into a suspended glass, but the glass is weak and cannot contain the wine's potency. The wine flows through the glass and hits the ground, splashing. Then a blue and silver butterfly lands on the rim of the glass, breaking any spell that might have been keeping the glass suspended, and the glass falls and shatters on the ground. The pieces of broken glass would number a thousand, and they would cut me deep to my heart.
I just wanted to help Gabriel find a reason to live.
I did, I thought bitterly. I believed in happiness that short time, but my hopes are always left to dust. The satin sheets on my bed are rough, I can feel it through my clothes, and my back aches from my hard, cushioned bed.
I would hate myself forever if I saw Gabriel's heart torn apart by regret.
The words echo in my memory and stratch themselves upon my glass, and a single tear falls down my cheek.
pls read my notes!
::a/n::um, yeah…basically, this is just a spurt of the moment one-shot, but i might expand it a little into a chaptered story, what do you think? gabriel is, of course, from midnight predator, and takako is of my own creation, i hope she didn't come off so mary-sue-ish. the plot's not wonderful, and neither is the composition, but I really ddin't feel like working on it for long.
so anyway, gabriel was a bit ooc, but that's cause i love him so much, (^_^!) but takako was a bit too mary-sue-ish, in my opinion. so you you think I should make this into a chaptered story? i need reviews…i'm feeling depressed.
~amaiko
finished::monday, 2002.9.16 2:53 PM EST
music::polaris.kangta:lovetheme1.moonheejun
mood::tired