Um, So This is My Team
Dear Diary,
So all of the sudden our contracts states we have to write some stupid diary of our life on some stupid ass island. We can't even show this on camera so what's the use? If I have to then I guess I will.
So on our shitty ride to the dead lands, pink Snow White wanted to make show tunes, then some weird poofy haired jukebox wanted to freakin' sing too. I asked my slave to switch spots with me only to realize that I must've brought another slave with me. Because some creepy tall black chick was staring down at me. Probably trying to look for my purse and a whip. She wanted to know if we were going to have problems, but I have 99 already and SHE isn't one. So then Mr. Ass Chin blew up or flight and plunged us into the sky and gave us ugly ass parachutes. I jumped off hoping that my alpha slave would just die in there but turns out she got a fucking parachute too. Great. Then Ass Chin comes back saying we have to build our own home. Yeah, let the dark girl finish the work us WHITE people will enjoy our stay while she gets the tree. Don't even tell me she's australian, I know already, but I'd like to think of her as my beta slave. Hopefully our colonial tree house will function as a good home for the laborers.
I Love You, Grease Pig
Dear Diary,
Is there a rule stating that your slave can't talk back to you? Freakin' Alpha Slave is trying to peg the blame at me. Fucking disgrace. I hope that her and blackie get along well, because I've got a hose and a fire hydrant and they got nothing. Let's hope that Alpha Slave redeems herself before Beta Slave decides to take her spot, because I ain't letting some black bitch touch anything I own
Twinning Isn't Everything
Dear Diary,
Yeah make me write a wrap-up on the episode I was booted off on, thanks McClean. So I make Alpha Slave go out and pick berries for the rest of the crew when she bashes her scrawny ass onto my ego. Like what the hell? If I hadn't told her about that then we'd all be eating shit black berries form that black bitch. I was honestly distraught and saddened. Mostly because the berries I was eating was from that blackie, but I was still sad. I scolded Alpha Slave that she'd move down one peg if she didn't fucking make-up for it and the blackie comes in saying all this great shit about Alpha Slave. When the hell did anyone give two shits about Alpha Slave? It's probably some weird slave shit that I don't wanna know about. So Alpha Slave lost us the game when SHE popped the balloon. Not me. I got everyone in to vote her out. Also remind me to never let Alpha Slave give me food because she fucking shoved an apple down my throat and made me get eliminated as a stand-in "Samey" so what the fuck is a "Samey"? So I was blasted off a cannon and burnt all of Alpha Slaves belongings at home. Although I still wasn't satisfied, I wanted Alpha Slave home so I can torture her until she begged me. She is coming home at some point.
A Blast from the Past
Dear Diary,
So I came back to the island disguised as McCleans mom on karaoke night, when freakin' Daryl Dixon starts dressing himself up as an even more homeless bum. I went around all day looking for Alpha Slave only to figure out that she went out to water to get wet with everyone. I attack her as she fights back. She bombed it for her team and I knew she was gonna go bye-bye. What I DIDN'T know was that I had to go back too. Really? Damn you McClean, Ass Chin, WHATEVER. Who needs money when you've got a slave to do things for you, am I right?