Too Old, Too Poor, Too Dangerous

By: Susan

Disclaimer: It's a shame I don't own anything at all related to Harry Potter.

Summary: "And the meaning of Tonks's Patronus and her mouse-colored hair, and the reason she had come running to find Dumbledore when she had heard a rumor someone had been attacked by Greyback, all suddenly became clear to Harry; it had not been Sirius that Tonks had fallen in love with after all."

The night before the full moon, Remus believes he hears an intruder outside his flat and is confronted with what he believes are his last moments. Though he understands the threat that he and all in the Order live with daily, Remus is reluctant to allow himself to be drawn to the magnetism of Nymphadora Tonks, who he believes deserves more than he can give her, but it takes him quite a while to realize that she likes her men old, poor, and dangerous. The progression of RL/NT throughout HBP. Please R&R!

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A spray of water from the window sent a chill that seemed to pervade Remus Lupin's whole body. It was raining like mad outside. The torrents of water streaming from the sky and slamming violently on the roof were bleak reminders that autumn and following it, winter, were on their way. Every once in awhile, more water would enter from the window, but Remus was too tired to get up to shut it.

He was alone for the night. Remus was used to being alone; he'd been left alone for almost fifteen years. But Sirius' reappearance in his life more than two years ago left him feeling as if there was someone looking out for him. Someone had taken pity on the werewolf and gave him back a friend.

But June had shattered thoughts like those, shattered them like a piece of glass hitting the floor. Or a teacup dropped by Nymphadora Tonks.

Remus had long tried to brush his pain away, and many times he thought he'd succeeded in doing so. However, he'd catch a fleeting look of pity given by Tonks or Molly Weasley's urges to eat more because he was looking so thin, and the pain would gallop back towards him as if he had been hit with a Stunning Spell. It seemed like once a month he began to feel better about himself, about Sirius, about life, but the point came inopportunely. He'd start feeling again, and suddenly remember that the next night was the full moon. The depression would seep through his sagging, pitiful robes to his pale skin.

He settled himself on his bed, pulling away the lumpy flannel sheets and countless torn pillows. With the potion Severus concocted for him monthly, he underwent the same transformation, keeping his mind intact. Unfortunately, at times he could not control the strong urges to bite or scratch, leaving much of the bedding in his room in tatters.

Remus sunk down onto the bed, flipping the torn pillow over and laying his head on it. A gust of wind slithered into the room, accompanied by another stream of water, and Remus sat up straight in the bed. What was his reasoning behind leaving the bloody window open on a rainy night? He stood up, slammed it shut (almost catching a finger in it), and sat back down on the bed, trying to keep his eyes from wandering to the window to see the phase of the moon, even though he already knew what it was. Gibbous. Tomorrow would be the full moon.

He settled down on the bed once more, closing his eyes as his head hit a pillow. Order duty had been hell this week, and he needed one good night's worth of sleep since tomorrow he knew he wouldn't be getting any. As he lay, he heard the sound of the strengthening of the rain outside. He thanked himself silently for shutting the window a moment ago, as it sounded like the beginnings of a storm.

Crash. For a split second he thought the sound was thunder, and that he was correct in predicting the approaching storm. But he realized a second later that it sounded much more like someone throwing something (or perhaps launching a curse or a hex) at the outside wall of the house. Remus opened one eye, hoping that he had imagined it.

Crash. He opened the other eye, knowing he hadn't, and sincerely unhappy about it. He stood up slowly, picked up his wand and grasped it firmly.

Crash. Hell, was that really coming from outside? He opened his bedroom door slowly, ignoring the shiver down his spine. Was someone outside his flat? Had Voldemort decided to finish off the last of the Marauders?

Remus struggled against the sinking feeling in his stomach, trying to remember where everyone was. Molly and Arthur were at the Burrow. Nymphadora, Kinglsey, and Alastor were at work or at their own homes. Fred and George were in Diagon Alley. Albus, Severus, and Minerva were at Hogwarts. He was alone. He was used to being alone, but being used to it did not make the situation any less frightening.

Crash.

He took a deep breath. Think, Remus, think. You might be dying tonight, if outside is indeed what you suspect. Is there anything you must do before you die? He bit his lip and slowly made his way through the hallway towards the front window.

Crash. Remus took another step. Is there anything you must do before you die? An answer piped up at him from the depths of his mind, where reasoning wasn't often used. Tell her. He shook it off and took another step down the hallway. Voldemort was indeed brilliant; he chose to come at a time that no one would be visiting Remus for days. No one would dare come see him during the course of the full moon, but he'd bet the Order would come looking for him after it; Nymphadora always brought him some food and other things in the nights after his transformation.

Crash. Maybe he should put it in a note, leave it on the table where she could find it. Although he knew in his heart that leaving a note to Nymphadora Tonks before he died would not suffice. Nymphadora Tonks was not the kind of woman he wanted to leave a note telling her of the feelings he had for her before his death.

They'd toed a thin line between friendship and more this summer, Remus reminded himself. Their whispers about Sirius were joined by pitying, tearful hugs and nights without sleep, instead spent sitting together and talking. He was glad even through the pain he'd had someone to share this with. Fifteen years prior, he'd lost James, Sirius, and Peter all in one night, and he was completely and utterly alone and defenseless to the emotions that attacked him. Sirius had meant the same to Nymphadora. He was only part of her family she'd ever been accepted by, and he was one of the only friends Remus had ever had.

Crash. He took a detour to the kitchen, grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill, and scribbled quickly, writing only a couple of words. He needn't make it heartfelt; she'd have to be stupid to not know, between the blushing and stammering that overtook him when she glanced his way. And he was certain she was not stupid. But he assumed that if she knew and disregarded it, it was certainly because her feelings were elsewhere, probably for a more handsome, younger man. One that didn't have the hazard of turning into a beast when the full moon rose.

Yet there was always a small part of him that wondered about the reason she'd come into his life…Obviously because they were part of the Order of the Phoenix, but perhaps for something more…But other times, he thought it was nonsense to even imagine things like that…Sirius and James had come into his life, and they'd been snatched away from him. Perhaps that was her purpose as well…To once again remind him that he would always be alone while he longed to be in someone's company.

Crash. He left it on the table, knowing that it was rash and it was stupid, and if he lived, he'd snatch that parchment back up as quick as could be. What good would it do? Wouldn't it be better if a secret like this was left alone? Remus took another couple of steps, leaving the kitchen, crouching on the floor. He was five feet before the door, and the crashing was louder than he could imagine.

Crash. He unclasped the bolts; his hand was inches from the doorknob, his other hand gripping his wand so hard his fingers began to turn white. He flung the door open, raised his wand, ready to scream a curse, and saw a soaking wet Nymphadora Tonks.

He lowered his wand, fighting back the urges to either pounce on her or hit her straight across the face. What kind of a person would stand outside, throwing things against the door in the middle of the storm?

"Thank goodness, Remus, I thought you'd never open the door! I didn't know what I was going to do!"

Remus stared in shock as she bounded past him, a purple blur, and tossed her wet cloak onto the floor. The robes beneath her cloak were just as wet, and half of him felt stupid and apologetic that he had made her wait outside while writing a note in case he died. The morbidity of the thoughts he held lately was overtaking him. Remus took a deep breath, the other half of him urging himself not to scream. She'd simply scared him out of his mind, no lasting harm done.

"What in the world was that crashing, Nymphadora?"

"Tonks, Remus. Tonks. I was banging on the door for at least ten minutes. I was afraid you'd gotten hurt or something. It'd be a spanking good time for Voldemort to come for you, since nobody will be here tomorrow night." He felt a distinct swell of pride that dissolved more than half of his anger at her. She cared enough for him to stand outside for ten minutes in the rain to make sure he was all right.

"Well, here I am, fit as a fiddle," Remus said quietly, a slight blush creeping up into his cheeks. He silently cursed himself for use of the expression "fit as a fiddle." If it didn't reveal his inner (and outer) old bat, then he wasn't a werewolf.

She smiled at him, making his stomach dance a lively jig. "Do you have an extra set of robes? I'm soaked through."

She galloped towards his kitchen, knocking over a chair in an attempt to get to the countertop so she could drop her bag. "Did you leave a note here, Remus?" she asked, picking up the parchment off the counter, "Did someone come by?"

He followed her quickly, not stopping to pick the chair back up in fear that she'd read the note before he got there. He grabbed it from her hands before she had the chance to look it over.

"Don't worry, just a note from Molly. She owled me earlier to make sure I was all right. Don't bother, I'll get you a dry set of robes," he said in one breath, and she nodded, still looking curiously at the note in his hand.

"Did I interrupt something?" Tonks asked, looking around. "You're always by yourself lately, and I thought you'd be interested in talking. You seem lonely."

He cocked an eyebrow at her. "I was actually planning on a goodnight sleep, but I daresay that won't be happening." He crumpled the note, stuffed it in the pocket of his tattered robes and walked from the kitchen to the hall closet.

"Anything of Molly's in there? I know she tries to come by sometimes, does she ever leave robes? You don't think she'll mind if I borrow them, do you? I don't think she likes me much…"

"I'm sure she wouldn't mind lending you robes, but she only leaves one set, and that's only now and again, and anyway, she's gone and taken them home for washing." Tonks groaned, then squeezed some water out of her robes. "The question is," Remus said, sticking his head back into the kitchen, "Would you find it uncomfortable to wear something of mine?"

"Everything about you makes me uncomfortable," Tonks said with a grin. "Give me anything, you fool. I'm soaked to the skin." Remus smiled, feeling a blush creep softly into his cheeks, went into his room, grabbed a set of robes with the least patches, and went back into the kitchen.

"There isn't a drying spell we could use?" he asked as he handed them to her.

"Not unless you want my robes to get all dry and crunchy. And then they'll smell oddly too. You know that feeling, after something air dries?"

Remus smiled at her discursive way of interjecting random facts into daily conversation. He quite enjoyed that about her. "No, I expect I don't."

Tonks rolled her eyes. "Get out while I change, will you? You'll make me blush."

"I'll be in my room, Nymphadora," he said with a smile. He exited the kitchen, sat down on his bed and grinned in spite of himself. Regardless of the fact that he'd be up all night tomorrow, he obviously didn't mind that Tonks had come to see him. It flattered him that she had even taken the time to come, considering it was nearing midnight.

When he talked to her, he seemed to feel slightly more alive; he forgot his pain and sorrow, he forgot that he was a werewolf. Forgetting those things wasn't easy, and yet when she smiled at him…all his problems seemed to evaporate.

"Remus, I think I'll treat you to a new pair of robes for Christmas," Tonks said, making her way into his bedroom and pleasantly interrupting his thoughts. His robes were long and didn't fit her short, slim frame well, but they showed an almost tantalizing bit of skin above her breasts that Remus had to actively keep his eyes from perusing. "Merlin knows you need them." Tonks jumped on the bed beside him, moving a pillow over to inch closer. He tried not to notice her hand resting gently on his knee. "Well, this is comfortable, isn't it?"

"It's comfortable enough." They were silent for a moment. Remus looked over at Tonks, who was looking around his room with interest. In all her visits they hadn't strayed far from his tiny kitchen or sitting room. He flushed suddenly. Was it too forward to have brought her into his room? He leaned on a pillow that had some stuffing missing, studying her expression of curiosity and decided that it was not.

"So, Nymphadora, what brings you here tonight?" Remus asked, breaking the silence. Part of him hoped she wouldn't think anything of sitting on his bed, and the other part of him, admittedly, the more senseless part, had a fleeting hope that she would turn towards him and snog him senseless.

"I just wanted to see how you were, Remus."

"And did you intend to stay long?"

"Long enough for my clothes to dry," she told him with a smirk. "Although if you hadn't left me outside for so long…" she let the end of her sentence linger, and he grinned at her.

"And just out of curiosity, where did you leave those clothes?"

"I left them to rot on the floor," Tonks said with a small smile.

"And I'm not picking up after you," Remus assured her.

"Well then, I'm sure Molly will enjoy cleaning that next time she comes by. I suppose then she'll dislike me even more," Tonks said flatly. She took Remus' blanket and covered herself with it, lying back on a pillow.

"Do make yourself comfortable, Nymphadora," Remus said, watching her with a small smile. Only Nymphadora Tonks would make herself comfortable in someone else's bed. But he too huddled beside her underneath the thick blanket.

"I'll do so. But tell me how you're feeling. I haven't seen you in at least two weeks."

"I'm all right. I've been looking for work for the past few days and tomorrow night I'll be…er…" He trailed off and Tonks turned to look the other way. Remus looked down at himself. All the confidence that had built up from her visit and her sharing his bed suddenly vanished. He reminded himself he was, after all, a werewolf, hardly handsome, poor, and more than ten years her senior.

"Is it painful?" Tonks asked quietly, sitting up to meet his eye. Remus turned to look at her.

"Is what painful?" Remus asked, sitting up as well, but he already knew what she had meant.

"Transforming," Tonks said simply.

Remus sighed. "Why, yes, I suppose it is. The Wolfsbane potion stops it from hurting as much," Remus' voice was very quiet. "But it can still be painful." He held up a ripped pillow as evidence. "But since the invention of that potion, it seems that things like this are probably the worst to come out of it, other than lack of a respectable career and the repulsion and distrust from most human beings." Tonks looked at him with an unreadable expression.

"Not all humans are like that, Remus."

"That is true. But from those I've met aware of my lycanthropy, most are."

"I'm not like that," Tonks said quietly, putting a comforting hand on his. His hand tingled with excitement, and his confidence came zooming back towards him as if it were riding a Firebolt.

"I know," said Remus softly, feeling his cheeks burn from the contact. "That's one of the reasons I like you so much, I suppose."

Tonks grinned at him. "I like you too, Remus." She squeezed his hand a little tighter, and he turned away to keep himself from staring at her. Purple hair and bright eyes that didn't seem to need a smile to look happy. She was, of course, unusual looking, and yet he liked that about her. He couldn't help but think she was by far one of the prettiest women he'd ever seen, even when she changed her nose to look like a pig's. He was smitten, he told himself privately, if he was attracted to a woman who could change her nose to a pig's snout at will. And she was brave and intelligent, no question about it. He sighed. What he wouldn't give to be with her. He looked so plain and old sitting beside her.

Remus cleared his throat. "Well, I must say that you gave me a fright before. I assumed you were a Death Eater who'd come to finish me off."

"What, with all the slamming on the door?" She shrugged, as if an impending Death Eater attack was completely unlikely. "I'm just glad you were awake. Slightly shocked to see a wand pointed inches from my nose when the door opened…Not what I call a warm welcome…Though I suppose letting me kip here for the night could make it all worth it." She inched closer until she was able to lean her head against his shoulder, and he was slightly shocked when the wet tips of her purple hair grazed his cheek.

"In my bed?" Remus asked, visibly stunned. He swallowed and took a deep breath, touching his cheek in disbelief where the wet spikes of hair had swept across it. She wanted to share his bed. It was what she had implied. He swallowed again, trying to prevent himself from blushing.

"Well, it is considered proper for a man to offer up his bed for a woman, Remus," said Tonks, looking at him curiously. A part of him sighed with relief. She only wanted him to give his bed up to her. The other part of him was disappointed that she had clarified the thought, and that part of him took temporary control of his mouth and began to speak.

"Nymphadora, I would gladly offer you the couch. I must say, I think you have something else in mind."

Before he could stop them, the words were out. His cheeks were burning now. He bit his lip, cursing himself silently. What in hell had he meant by that? Tonks yanked her head up from his shoulder and stared him straight in the eyes.

He took this expression as the correct time for an immediate apology.

"I-" She put a finger on his lips to keep him from continuing. He tried to shake her finger off, but she held tight, staring at him with wide eyes, as if daring him to say more.

"Whatever do you mean, Remus?" Tonks asked innocently, positioning her arms around his neck so that when she lowered herself to the bed below them, she took him down with her. Lying across the bed, she placed their heads on the largest pillow, and kept her face inches from his. Remus was stunned that she could be so audacious, but pleased all the same. "Do explain before I choose a different man's bed to sleep in."

His face was burning. She had her arms around his neck; her lips were inches from his own. He took a deep breath, willing himself to stay calm. Perhaps she was only playing with his mind.

"You might be more comfortable doing so, as I don't know if there's enough space in this one," Remus said with a lopsided smile. He nudged her slightly closer to the edge of the bed. She grabbed his arm, suppressing a laugh, and lightly stroked the hair on the nape of his neck.

"There's enough space if we sleep very close together," Tonks said playfully. Remus almost pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. "And who knows, perhaps I don't like the choice of men in the other beds," she whispered mischievously, causing Remus to raise an eyebrow.

He was more shocked than ever that she could be so bold in a situation that scared him as much as the thought of an intruder at his flat. He swallowed and studied her face for a second. Judging from her smile and the way her body felt so close to his, she was enjoying this as much as he was. He knew that it would be clever to continue the conversation they were having.

Remus put his mouth very close to Tonks' ear, so close, in fact, that his lips were just skimming her smooth skin. "Do elaborate," he whispered, putting his hand on hers and stroking it lightly. Her eyes widened, and for a moment he thought he'd said something wrong, but he realized a second later that it had happened out of shock that he had responded in pleasure to her boldness.

She promptly moved her face even closer to his, the scent of mint tingling in his nose. He was instantly thankful he'd brushed his teeth right before she had arrived, and not right after he had eaten earlier that night. It had been many years since he'd had feelings like this for someone, and despite his lack of experience in the field, he was almost certain that she wouldn't pull away if he kissed her now. But it would have to be at the perfect time…

"Well, seeing I particularly enjoy the company of the man in this one, it seems silly to leave, don't you think? But, if you insist…Perhaps I'll see if Kingsley's home…He's brilliantly handsome, don't you think, Remus?" She sat up straight and made like she was getting up. He grabbed her arm.

"Don't," he said seriously. His voice was suddenly hoarse and forlorn. A second of fear seemed to flicker through him, but it vanished the moment she spoke.

"Give me a reason," Tonks said in a singsong voice, but she leaned over him anyway.

"Gladly," Remus told her. He was certain that now was the time. He pulled her on top of him, took her face in his hands and let his lips brush her own. They parted after a second and Tonks smiled down at him.

"You've convinced me," she said, leaning down to kiss him again, pleasantly surprising him with a bit more zeal. He wrapped his arms around her waist while she ran her hands along his cheeks. "Finally, Remus," she breathed, "I'll have you know I've liked you for ages."

He couldn't help but smile. "I take it you knew?"

She shrugged. "Everyone's said things, but I've never believed it. Not until tonight, I suppose," she added as an afterthought. "You're very hard to read, Remus. So you certainly gave me a bit of a shocker with that first comment about having something else in mind."

"I had no control over it, Nymphadora," Remus said innocently. "It just flew straight out of my mouth." She winked at him.

"I'm glad it did," she whispered, beaming down at him. He smiled back at her, enjoying the feeling of her hands traveling across his cheeks. They were silent for a moment.

"Remus, dear, you need a shave," Tonks said, breaking the silence and running her hands through the stubble.

"Is it me, or have you been entirely too critical about everything tonight, from my robes to my beard?"

"It's not a beard yet, but if you keep it up…And it'll look dreadful, I can promise you that."

Remus shook her head in his hands and pulled her lips down to meet his once again, taking delight in the shiver of passion he felt fly through him. Tonks lay down beside him and placed a hand on his chest.

"Do you have work tomorrow?" he asked quietly.

She groaned. "Always the responsible one, aren't you?"

"I'll have you know I was thinking of something slightly less responsible in asking that question, Nymphadora," Remus said defensively, his cheeks flushing once again.

Tonks began to laugh and let her lips travel across the parts of his neck and chest that were exposed. He closed his eyes, enjoying the way her warm lips felt on his skin. If someone had told him that this would be happening that morning, he would have considered taking them to St. Mungo's to be checked for a head injury. And here he was; the kisses she was planting on his body were warming him like a hot fire.

"Why do you call me Nymphadora?" she whispered, closing her own eyes and laying her head on his chest.

"The same reason you call me Remus. It's your name."

"And what if I ask you nicely to stop doing so?"

"I shall tell you nicely that I will not."

Tonks shook her head in mock sadness. "I thought you'd be so enamored with me that you'd agree to stop…"

"How about Nymphie as a nickname? I feel quite sure we could make arrangements," Remus said with a smile.

"Never," she said dangerously.

"I thought so. Dora?"

"Absolutely not…If you try it, I'll get right out of this bed and-"

"Am I correct in saying that you're all too enamored to make your way out of this bed?" Remus said wryly, stroking her cheeks.

"Kiss me again and I'll let you know," Tonks said playfully, smoothing the hair that was clinging to his forehead with one hand, and running her other over his stubbly cheek. He let his lips meet her own for what he hoped wouldn't be the last time, letting the flourish from when they touched wash over him like scalding hot water.

Remus slipped his hand into the pocket of his robes in the midst of kissing her. He fingered the crumpled note he had left on the counter, thanking whoever was watching over him with every inch of his body. He had believed he was moments from death less than an hour ago, and here he was, alive with Nymphadora Tonks in his arms, feeling remarkable. He was incredibly glad that he hadn't needed that note to tell her how he felt. He was certain that the words, "I think you know how I've been feeling, Nymphadora," did not do justice to his emotions at the moment. He was elated. And as he kissed her again, he was glad that even without telling her how he felt, she knew.

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To be continued…