'But I will say this: When the scientists of the future show up at my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientists to screw off, because I do not want to see a world without him.' – The Fault in Our Stars, John Green
The morning was always the hardest time. A lot of the time I couldn't tell if I was awake or not; purely because I couldn't see a thing but darkness; It usually took a nudge from my wife to make me actually realise that yes I was awake and that I should probably get my ass out of bed. Yes I am blind, your point? I wasn't always blind though. I had lost my eye sight due to cancer back in my teens. I fully recovered from the cancer, but I wouldn't see again. Yeah it was suckish, but after about 20 years of living that way- you kind of get used to it.
I quickly slide out of my bed and attempt to work my way around my room, Sam (my wife) helps whenever needed, she makes sure I don't wear things that'll make me look like a total asshole. Especially today because I have my doctor's appointment for some unknown reason. Doc called last night saying that they had important news and I had to get in ASAP, hence the random doctor's appointment at the hospital at 3 in the afternoon, not helpful when you have kids at school. Hazel and Augustus were going to be picked up by my mum to go to hers whilst the appointment happened. Thinking about my kids always led me to think about my two best friends from my teen years who never made it to adulthood. I can't say I remember where I met Augustus, but Gus would always be that hilarious guy who made me egg my ex-girlfriend's house after she had dumped me because I had become blind. He had this thing for metaphors and a crazy obsession over his girlfriend Hazel. I met Hazel just before I became blind in the 'heart of Jesus' during a cancer support group. Yes we all had cancer. I had it in my eyes, Gus in his legs and Hazel had thyroid and a flood going on in her lungs. Hazel also met Gus there and made him even more sappy and metaphorical than before. We chilled literally in the heart of Jesus – a room in the middle of a church which always made us laugh or at Gus' house. I was getting over Monica the bitch and Hazel was getting closer to Gus. It wasn't until they got back from Amsterdam everything went downhill. Gus had been in remission but soon found out that his PET scan 'lit up like a Christmas tree'. That guy was insane though, he made me and Hazel-Grace read out our eulogies so he would hear what he had to say. Heck, he edited mine!
A few days after that, he passed away. Hazel and I hung out after that, playing video games where you speak to the game to tell it what to do (since I was blind by then) and Hazel started getting worse. She lasted about 6 months after Gus' death before she joined him in the land of somewhere. I think they were the two people to impact my life the most since they made me feel normal. Like being blind didn't make me a total defect, which meant I actually had the courage to get together with Sam.
"Honey, I love you and all but get your cute ass down here so we can find out what the hell the doctor wants." Sam shouted from downstairs making me get up and slip on the trainers and stumble down the stairs to where I heard her voice. She held onto my hand as she pulled us along to the hospital down the road.
I quickly could tell the transition between the outside and the hospital because as soon as we entered the building I could smell the chemicals and hear the crazy noises of the people. I imagined the hospital from when I could see with its crazy white walls and posters about washing your hands as Sam lead me through the rooms until we got to the department where my long time Doc was going to meet us.
Doc had been there since the beginning and didn't understand my humour. When I made the joke about the fact I would rather be deaf than blind – well he thought I was serious. I could hear the Docs footsteps before his stupid voice appearing in front of me.
"Isaac, it's been a long time." I think he was wearing his stupid fake smile which all doctors seemed to have. The type you just want to punch off their faces because it was so polite and fake. I ended up shaking his hand, well he shook mine before I had a choice, before leading Sam and I to his little dingy office down the hall. I could hear someone else in the room.
"Isaac, this is . She is a leading researcher in blindness and the eyes." I held out my hand for her to shake. Her hands were dainty and soft, but nowhere near as nice as Sam's which was a bit weird to think about. I think I just had a Sam-fetish.
"Isaac, I am assuming you're wondering why I've called you in after such a long time."
"Yeah, kind of been wondering that." I answered blandly, although I was ultra-curious, but like I would admit that to him.
"Well here has been doing research in how to cure blindness…"
"I wouldn't call it a cure sir, just trying to give sight back." butted in, Doc didn't falter though.
"And she has found a way…" Wait what?!
"Hold on a sec, you're saying you've found a way to give me my eye sight back, like are you fucking serious?!" Okay, I hadn't expected this at all. I thought it was going to be some kind of routine check-up that had been put in place or something wrong with my file. I would have put the Doc wanting to bring me in because he was a vampire and wanted to suck my blood over this possibility.
"We have come up with a way we can give you your eyesight back. We have managed to mimic the muscle motion your human eyes use to link up to camera systems, kind of like robot eyes really, but they will act as if you have your old eyes back. You will be able to see! They've been in the works for a while now and tested out before we gave the option, but it just has been proved successful. So we thought we would like to give you the opportunity to have them." I clung onto Sam's hand. Wow, this was intense, I could see again. But do I want to see again?
My last memory of my sight was when I was chilling with Gus and Hazel in his house playing on his game. It had been permanently etched into my brain because of the amounts of times I've analysed the scene for everything. Do I really want to risk losing that?
"Can I talk to Sam alone for a second?" I spoke quietly. The sounds of it they all left the room. She moved her chair to be in front of me and held both of my hands.
"What is going on in that crazy head of yours?" She spoke softly.
"Will you still love me if I chose to stay blind?" I almost whispered at her. I worried she was going to do a Monica, leave me because of my blindness- but in a different way because I was possibly choosing to stay blind.
"Honey, I'll love you whatever you choose. If you choose the robot eyes its fine, if you don't that is also fine." She kissed my lips quickly. "The kids and I will love you no matter what."
The Doc and scientist walked back into the room and sat down again breathing in as if they were nervous, what the heck do they have to worry about?
"So Isaac, have you made your decision?"
"I don't want them." I sat there waiting for their reaction.
"Why wouldn't you want them Isaac, you would be able to see again!" Doc exclaimed.
"You guys can screw off; I don't want your robot eyes." I smiled softly realising what I was about to say next and laughed. "I don't want to see a world without them." I got up and left with Sam holding my hand and thought of Gus and Hazel as we walked. I imagined their laughing at my idiocy of not picking sight. But I wouldn't regret it, blind me was me now. Not the old seeing me, the world was way better without sight. It also meant I would always be able to see them.