Tired

(Set during the massacre.)


There's blood all over him. I think the people bleed just for him, and their wounds become his, become mine.

It's almost physical, how much it hurts when I see him in the doorway sometimes, after I've dozed off. I blink through tears to look at him, and when I find him I accept the want to cry. I let it all out.

And he bleeds their blood.

Fugaku, he's so young. This isn't what I wanted for my son. This can't be what you wanted. This isn't my baby. He was never yours, but now he's not mine either.

But there's Sasuke. There's Sasuke, too, and he belongs to both of us. And most of the time, he's enough. Most of the time, when I'm tired, I can trick myself into thinking that I only have one son. He doesn't have to have a name. He just has to look like Itachi, our first.

Sasuke is our baby.

But he's growing up so quickly. He's slipping away from us, honey, and I'm scared. More than ever before. I'm so scared, Fugaku.

And I confess my fears to you, during the night, when I'm tired. When I'm really…tired. I tell you.

But you just say, "It's history."

I'm supposed to believe you. Good wives listen to their husbands. I'm supposed to wrap my arms around you and trust that what you've said is true, that it won't happen again. (That we won't ruin Sasuke's life like we did Itachi's.) I'm supposed to have faith.

But I'm tired.

And I'm out of faith, because I put all of it into him, and we ruined him.

I'm tired.

And history repeats itself.

So I'm scared.

(But there's Sasuke. There's Sasuke, too, Fugaku, and maybe he can save us. Forgive us. Maybe he'll be enough for Itachi, like he is for us sometimes. Maybe he'll be enough, and Itachi won't kill us. Maybe we'll live.)

But maybe we won't.

And you're scared too.

And he's bleeding. The people around us are bleeding, and he's so young and we're so old next to him and we've ruined him.

And we deserve it.

And he kills you and I'm scared. And then his sword comes down, and—and I'm not scared anymore.

Just like that, I'm not scared.

Because there's still Sasuke.

(And he's enough.)

Fin.