"Camp Wawanakwa, a staple location of the reality TV world today. And home to very vibrant plant and animal life. " Stated the voice of a young man. "Well...it used to be until it was used as a nuclear waste dump...then detoxed. Yeah, almost everything is dead now. But hey, it's toxic waste free! Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot to introduce myself"
The camera turns to a young Caucasian man. He had shaggy black hair, a chin beard, a piercing on his lip and two on his right ear. He was wearing a grey long sleeved shirt with a blue shirt with a ninja face design over it and blue pants. He smiled at the camera.
"Hello, my name is Damian Dillion. And I'll be your new host of Total Drama. As some of you may know, your previous host, Chris MacLean was incarcerated a few months back for allowing minors onto highly radioactive property, along with being unnecessarily cruel to them, unauthorized waste dumping, and countless other crimes. But the producers felt that the show must go on. So here I am. And trust me, with me as host, this show will be returned to its former glory from season 1 in no time." Damian started to pace on the dock. "This season, we'll be bringing 24 new contestants onto Wawanakwa to compete for the grand prize of 1 million dollars! Now you may be asking. 'Damian, what's the theme this time?' Well I'm glad you (probably) asked! The producers and I thought of all sorts of different ideas. From each camper representing a letter of the alphabet, to having all kid contestants, to combining both of those elements together. But then we discarded those ideas because we thought they were stupid. But then we thought of one that would appeal to Total Drama fans from all over. This season, each of our 24 competitors will be from a different nation around the globe! Speaking of which, here comes our first contestant. All the way from Israel, say hello to Yotam!"
A short, skinny, tan-skinned boy walked excitedly walked onto the dock. He had short, curly brown hair, multiple hairs along his jawline, a blue shirt, green pants, and grey shoes.
"Ooh! I'm here, I'm here!" The boy said excitedly with a noticeably thick Israeli accent. "Wait a second…" Yotam walked up to Damian and started patting his face with the palms of his hands.
"Uh...what are you doing?" Damian asked with confusion and annoyance in between light slaps.
"You're not Chris!" Yotam accused.
"Uh, yeah. You couldn't tell? Was it my face, my clothes, or the fact that Chris got arrested last season?"
"Well, I just wanted to make sure. You can never know!"
"Okay then? How about you go over there while I introduce the others." Damian said, pointing at the other side of the dock.
"Alrighty!" Yotam replied as he shuffled quickly to the other end of the dock.
Damian looked back at Yotam and rolled his eyes in an annoyed manner.
"...Anyways. Here comes our next contestant. From Portugal, we have Gloria!"
A chubby tan girl walked onto the dock. She had long dirty-blonde hair and wore a long sleeved black shirt, grey pants, dark red shoes, and an amulet around her neck. She darted her eyes back and forth.
"Uh, everything okay, Gloria?" Damian asked.
"Huh? Oh, of course. It's just….hey, how'd you like to buy a watch?" Gloria suggested, showing Damian a glistening silver wristwatch.
"Wow, this is gorgeous! Where'd you get this?"
Cut to a man driving away from the island on a speed boat, he then noticed that his watch is missing. "That little thief!" The man shouted
"Uh...I've had it for years. How does 200 dollars sound? Canadian currency."
"You know what, what the hell?" Damian pulled out his wallet and gave the girl two bills. She took them with glee and gave Damian the watch.
"Pleasure doing business with you." Gloria snickered.
"Hey, did you steal that watch?" Yotam asked.
"Maybe...Why?" Gloria retorted.
"Because I want one!"
"Sorry kid, I'm all out. Supply and demand. However, I do have all sorts of other items for sale."
"I'll take it! Them! Shut up and take my money!"
The camera cut back to Damian, who was admiring his new watch.
"'Property of Alex Clare'...What the hell?" Damian said as he read an engraving on the watch. "Oh, whoops. Sorry! Our next contestant comes from the mystic land of Japan. Please welcome, Makoto!"
A skinny, young, Asian man dragged his feet onto the dock. He had very pale skin, longish black hair, dark blue pants, a dark red shirt with a green hoodie and black shoes. He had bags under his eyes and a very disgruntled look on his face.
"Hey, Makoto. How does it feel to be on Total Drama?" Damian asked.
"It feels like my IQ is dropping by the second, due to being near such imbecilic individuals…" Makoto replied sharply.
"Wow...uh...okay.. How about-"
"Shut up. I'll be over there." Makoto trudged over to Yotam and Gloria.
"Well, herro there!" Yotam shrieked.
Makoto scowled at the boy.
"Hey there slightly tall, pretty dark, and kinda cute." Gloria said. "How'd you like to buy a pair of shoes?" Gloria took out a pair of brown loafers.
"Those are obviously not yours. You stole them from someone that's even more foolish than you. And it seems you've used your swindling charms on this….thing here and bled him dry of his extra disposable income. Is that true?" Makoto explained coldly.
"Well, I...uh..I-"
"That's what I thought. I'm not gonna buy anything, you disgusting brainless peddler."
Gloria glared at Makoto.
"Next we have a contestant from right here in Canada. Here's Emma!" Damian announced.
A white ginger girl walked onto the dock. She had long orange hair with a red maple leaf clip in it, freckles, and was wearing a white shirt with a pink heart, a pink skirt, a pink wristband and white shoes.
"Hello...um.. Sorry, I don't remember your name." Emma said kindly.
"It's no trouble. I'm Damian." Damian replied.
"Very nice to meet you Damian."
"Likewise, Emma. Now if you could please stand over there with others."
Emma walked over to where Makoto, Yotam, and Gloria were standing.
"Hey, sweetcheeks. Want a pair of shoes?" Gloria asked, showing Emma the loafers.
"Hm, my dad may like these." Emma said, reaching for her wallet.
"Ugh, are all of you really THAT stupid?!" Makoto hissed. "Those shoes are stolen. She's trying to scam you!"
"Damnit, kid!" Gloria snapped.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I can't condone stealing. I'm afraid I won't be buying anything from you unless I know 100% honestly that it isn't stolen." Emma explained, putting her wallet away.
"Heyo! Hi! I'm Yotam! You're really pretty!" Yotam said to Emma.
"Why thank you. I'm Emma." Emma replied with a smile.
"Don't mind him." Yotam said, pointing at Makoto, who was now arguing with Gloria. "He's mean. And I've only known him for a bunch of minutes. By a bunch, I mean five or so."
"Sure seems like it. That girl doesn't seem too nice, either. I'm sure they'll come around, though."
"Here comes the next camper! From India, we have Abdi!"
A small, skinny, dark-skinned boy walked onto the dock. He had curly, dark brown hair and wore a grey polo shirt, blue shorts, and black shoes. His eyes were focused on a device in his hands.
"Hey Abdi...Uh...Abdi? Helloooo?" Damian called.
"Huh? Oh yes, hello." Abdi said, not looking up from his tablet. He walked over to the dock with the others.
"Hey kid, want some shoes?" Gloria asked for the third time.
"Don't bother, they're-" Makoto stated before being interrupted by Gloria.
"Shut up! So how about it?"
"Hmm.." Abdi looked at the shoes. "Sure, why not? Do you accept coin? That's all I have on me, right now."
"What the f*** is coin?" Gloria asked, annoyed.
"Never mind."
"Oh great, someone with their face in a brain leaching screen all day. Just what we needed…" Makoto groaned.
"Huh? What was that? I was doing something. By the way, check your phone." Abdi said, looking up with a smug grin.
Makoto pulled out his smartphone and noticed that it was on the fritz. He looked at Abdi in confusion and annoyance. Abdi snickered.
Yotam and Emma approached Abdi.
"You know, that wasn't very nice" Emma stated.
"But it was cool! Are you, like, a spy or something?!" Yotam asked.
"One. I say it was justified. It shut him up, didn't it? And two. No, I'm not a spy. I'm a professional hacker. Hacking into a smartphone is child's play for me. Watch."
Abdi started tapping on the screen of his tablet. After about 30 seconds a small "ping" noise sounded from the device.
"Check your phones."
Both Yotam and Emma checked their phones and saw a little animation of a bouncing smiley face.
"Aw, sick! I hope you're on my team!" Yotam exclaimed.
"That's impressive. You'll only be using that to help others. Correct?" Emma asked.
"Maybe. Maybe not. We'll see what works better for me." Abdi grinned.
A petite blonde girl walked onto the dock. She wore a light blue sweater, a blue skirt, pink knee socks and blue shoes.
"Hello Anna. Welcome to Wawanakwa."
"Hi. Where is the monkey exhibit? My friend Agnes told me that I'm going to a fancy Canadian zoo. I was wondering why I'd wanna go from Sweden to Canada for a zoo. But she told me that it's really cool."
"Uh, no. This is Total Drama Nations. A reality show."
"Oh, okay!" Anna smiled.
"Yeah...Why don't you go over there?"
Anna walked over to the others and was quickly approached by Gloria.
"Hey there. You seem like the kind of girl that could use a pretty necklace" Gloria snickered, showing Anna a shimmering pearl necklace.
"Ooh! It is pretty!" Anna said in awe."How much?"
A sly grin began to form on Gloria's face. "Well, this is a pretty important necklace. It once belonged to...uh...Napoleon! Yeah, Napoleon. He then gave it to his wife before the battle of….uh...France. It's 650 Swedish kronas."
"Ooh, Napoleon! Okay!" Anna pulled out her wallet and gave Gloria the money. Gloria placed the necklace around her neck.
"Pleasure doing business with you." Gloria turned and saw Emma glaring at her.
"Hey, taking advantage of a sweet girl like that isn't nice. Could you please return her money?"
"Yeah, no. That's not gonna happen."
"Besides" Makoto added. "Taking advantage of stupidity is fun. Watch."
Makoto walked over to Anna. "Hey.. Anna was it?"
"Yes, I'm Anna. Who are you?" Anna asked.
"Me?" Makoto grinned. "I'm the emperor of Japan. Emperor Makoto Jaakuno. And as tribute to the emperor, you must give me that lovely pearl necklace."
"But I just bought it from that girl over there. It belonged to Napoleon."
"Do you dare dishonor the emperor?"
"No. Here you go." Anna handed the necklace to Makoto.
"Thank you. You have been giving much honor."
Makoto walked back over to Gloria and Emma.
"It's literally THAT easy." Makoto stated, giving Gloria the necklace. "Here, sell it to some other chump."
Emma glared at the two and walked off. Yotam approached her.
"'S wrong, Emma?" Yotam asked.
"Nothing, it's just… Everyone here seems so mean. I hope I can help them all turn that around."
"I know you can do it! You're super nice!"
"Aw, thanks. You're sweet."
Suddenly both Yotam and Emma's smartphones pinged, they took them out and each saw a small animation of hearts kissing. They turned to Abdi, who was looking at them, giggling.
A tall, dark-skinned man walked onto the dock. He had curly black hair, a chin beard, and wore a pair of square glasses, a black polo shirt with a red shirt underneath, grey pants, dark grey shoes, and necklace with a golden triangle on it.
"Jafari! Welcome to Total Drama Nations!" Damian exclaimed.
"Nice to meet you." Jafari replied. "I have high hopes for this competition."
Jafari walked to the end of the dock, a smile on his face. Gloria soon walked up to him.
"Hey, big boy. You seem like the kind of guy that does a lot of physical work. I have all sorts of sport and survival equipment for sale." Gloria said, showing Jafari a lighter, a hammer, and a pair of cleats
"Eh, no thanks. I may be bulky, but I'm more of a geek." Jafari said. "Do you have any gaming or software magazines?".
"No. Sorry. I have jewelry though. Maybe you have a lady waiting back in….?"
"Egypt. I'm from Egypt. And no. I'm single and not interested in jewelry. Sorry."
"Did I hear you like software, too?" Abdi asked.
"Sure do. I design webpages back home. Heck, my old drill sergeant had me make one for his son's bakery."
"Uh huh...Well, I'm a hacker. Give me any device, and I can hack into it."
"Hm. Let's test this. Hack my gaming system."
Abdi began tapping on his tablet.
"Alright. Check it out."
Jafari pulled out his gaming system and noticed the main character running around like a maniac, shooting basic enemies out of his face.
"Wow! Impressive work!" Jafari smiled.
"Thank you. I'm glad somebody appreciated it for what it is." Abdi said, looking at Emma.
Emma soon walked up to Jafari.
"Hello there, I'm Emma." Emma said with a smile.
"Hello, Emma. My name is Jafari." Jafari replied. "Where are you from?"
"I myself am from Canada. And you?"
"Egypt."
"Hey, shush your faces." Damian interrupted. "The next contestant is arriving. From the dangerous land down under, known as Australia, here's Olivia!"
A medium-height white girl ran onto the dock. She had light brown hair in a ponytail, a light brown hat, tan jacket with a shirt and tie underneath, tan skirt, and greyish brown hiking boots. She was hopping up and down, beaming with excitement.
"WOW! I'm actually here! This is so cool! I can't wait to explore the island and see all the cool mutant creatures! This is awesome!" Olivia shouted.
"Uh, Olivia. The island is detoxed. It's pretty empty." Damian explained.
"...Oh...Still, I can't wait to explore the island!
Olivia ran over to the others.
"Hello! I'm Olivia! I'm excited! Are you excited?!"
She was met with silence, confused looks, and scowls, when suddenly Yotam jumped up and started shouting.
"I'm excited!" Yotam screeched.
"Yeah! This guy gets it! I'm excited!"
"Yeah!"
Makoto groaned and rolled his eyes.
Gloria looked at the two, in an annoyed manner.
"Who else is excited!?" Olivia shouted.
"I kinda am!" Anna said.
"Yeah! Ready for adventure?! Journeys?! More adventure?!" Olivia exclaimed.
"Oh that's what we're doing? I thought we were gonna be on a tv show. Did that guy over there lie to me again?"
Abdi facepalmed.
"Alright then. Next we have Hans, from Germany!"
A medium-height white guy stepped onto the dock. He had styled blonde hair and wore a dark green jacket, greyish blue pants, and green shoes. He started looking at each of the teens on the other side.
("Let's see, if I'm gonna switch this game up, I'm gonna have to start an alliance right away. But who…. Hmmm…") Hans looked at each contestant. ("Her!") Hans thought, looking directly at Anna. He started walking towards her.
"Hey, Hans." Damian greeted. "Welcome to" Hans walked right past Damian. "..Um..okay"
Hans soon approached Anna and smiled.
"Why hello there." Hans said slyly. "My name is Hans. Yours?"
"I'm Anna." Anna replied with a smile.
"Nice to meet you. So…" Hans began to whisper. "How'd you like to join an alliance with me?"
"Ooh, what's that?"
Hans grinned maliciously. "Oh, it's where you vote with me and do what I say. And in return, you'll get super far in the game and get lots of fans."
"Sounds fun! But I heard there's gonna be money if you win."
"No no. There's no money. Hans fibbed. "Just admiration. And if you join my alliance, you'll definitely get the most. What do you say? Are you in?"
"Sure!" Anna said, shaking Hans's hand.
"Hehehe. Good…"
The rest of the contestants looked at him, either confused or creeped out.
"What?" Hans asked.
A dark-skinned girl was the next one on the dock. She had curly dark brown hair with a red headband and blue flower in it. She wore a purple choker and tube top, purple booty shorts and red pumps.
"Here's our Brazilian player, Débora." Damian announced.
"Hello, Damian." Débora said flirtatiously. "Hey, if I were to 'spend some time with you' off camera, would I be given any special advantages? Because I'm going to tell you, you wouldn't need to give me any."
"Yeah, no. You're hot and all, but I'm not gonna get with any of my contestants. I heard Chris tried to do that. And that's just plain creepy."
"Hm. Alright. I see plenty of fresh meat over there, anyways. But if you change your mind…"
Débora walked towards the others, sashaying her butt. She walked up to Jafari.
"My, my. Well aren't you a tall, strong guy." She said with a wink.
"Uh, I guess…." Jafari replied.
"Hey, after all this stuff is settled, how'd you like to have some fun with me?"
"Well, uh...I um…"
"Nervous, huh? That's adorable. I'll let you think about it." Débora blew a kiss to Jafari and walked over to Makoto.
"Hi the-"
"Don't even bother, bimbo." Makoto spat.
Débora simply glared and walked over to Yotam.
"Well aren't you a cutie." Débora said seductively.
"Aw, thanks, lady!"
"How would you like to-"
"He will not be doing so, ma'am." Emma butted in.
"What are you, his girlfriend?" Débora asked, annoyed.
"No, I just don't want him giving into such lewd acts."
"Pff! Prude…" The flirtatious woman walked off.
"What just happened?" Yotam asked.
"Never you mind." Said Emma.
Débora then walked up to Hans, who was talking to Anna.
"Hey there. I'm Débora." She said.
"Well, hello. I'm Hans. How would you like to be part of my alliance?" Hans asked.
"Hm...Does it involve 'aligning' with you?"
"Uh…. I guess. It's strategic. I could use you in my alliance."
"Oh please do use me." Débora giggled.
"...I meant you could be my bait. Lure some guys here. Then you, Anna, and I could make the final 3."
"Does any of this involve f***ing of any kind? Or is this just boring stuff?"
"I guess the latter?"
"Then I'm not interested." Débora walked off.
"What about a final 3?" Anna asked.
"Nothing, nothing." Hans responded.
Finally, Débora walked up to Abdi, who was still on his tablet.
"Well hey there cutie. How would you like to-"
"Nope." Abdi said.
"But-"
"No thanks."
Débora stood within the crowd, pouting.
A speed boat pulled up. The boat had a speaker that was blasting rock music. Dancing in the boat was a mid-height, built, white guy. He had blonde hair and wore a pair of sunglasses, a red tank-top, rolled up jeans, and sandals.
"F*** yeah!" The boy said as the song ended. He jumped onto the dock and ended up slipping.
"...Everyone. This is Jacob." Damian explained. "He's from-"
"Let me guess." Makoto interrupted. "Let's see, white, blonde, ridiculous beach clothing, reeks of body spray, arrogance and stupidity. He's American."
"Right on the money, pasty!" Jacob said, getting up. "Jacob here! And I'm in it to win it. By the looks of these guys, I'm obviously the coolest one here. Dude, why don't you just give me the cash right now?"
"Just go over there, Jacob." Damian replied, pointing to the others.
Jacob swaggered over to the other competitors.
"'Sup, everyone. I just thought you should get a good look at this season's winner!" As he looks at the contestants around him, he notices Débora.
"Well hello, hot stuff."
"Hi there." Débora said, looking at Jacob with bedroom eyes. "Tell me, is it true what you Americans say? Everything is bigger in Texas?"
"Hell if I know, I'm from Cali- oh wait. I mean. Yes. Yes it is"
"Ooh, I think I'm gonna like you."
"Right back at you babe."
"Okay, enough. Here comes our next camper."
The next contestant to arrive was a small Asian girl. She had shaggy black hair with green tips and wore a purple shirt, blue pants, white shoes, and a heart necklace. She held a purple notebook in her hands.
"Hihi! Everyone! The names Eun! I'm from Korea! This is gonna be so fun!" The girl said loudly.
"There we go! Here's someone who's pumped!" Olivia shouted happily.
"I can't wait to write so much fan fiction of all of you! I already have fan fics written for every Total Drama competitor so far. My most popular one is a fight between Justin and Alejandro!"
"I think I'm gonna like you!" Olivia yelled.
"Yay!" Eun yelled back.
Abdi and Makoto groaned at the two loud girls.
"Let's see...Ooh! You two would be perfect for smut practice!" Eun said to Débora and Jacob, who were making out on the dock.
"Sure, whatevs. Just be sure to capture my awesomeness and cut physique with the power of writing!" Jacob said confidently.
"Please do. I've never starred in erotica. Sounds fun." Débora giggled.
Eun walked up to Anna and Hans. Hans was still talking strategy to Anna.
"Aww! Are you two a couple? You'll make a great ship fic!"
"No. We're in an alliance. Speaking of which, would you like to join?" Hans said.
"No thankies. I'm gonna see where the wind takes me in this game. Don't wanna be biased when writing fanfics, do I?"
"Hm. Alright. Then go away."
"Can do! Just watch, you two will be the cutest couple of the season. I know it! So many shipping stories!" Eun ran off.
"Why did she keep talking about ship stories? Sailing can't be THAT exciting, can it?"
"Ugh. Just, don't talk to her. Okay?" Hans replied.
"Why?"
"Because...um...She wanted to take your soul. So you better stay away from her."
"Oh no. I wouldn't want my soul stolen. Alright, I'll keep my distance from her."
A very tall, very muscular white man walked onto the dock. He had neat brown hair, and stubble along his chin and lower jaw. He wore a grey jacket, red pants, and black shoes.
"Hey Dmitri. What's up?" Damian greeted.
"Hello new host man." The large man bellowed back in a deep voice with a thick Russian accent. "I am looking forward to first challenge. It will show that I am valuable to team." Dmitri walked over to the other competitors.
"Hey, tiny!" Gloria called. "How'd you like to buy a pair of shoes?"
"No. These shoes are too small." Dmitri replied. "Besides, I have no money."
"Woah! You're so tall! I should probably plan a ship fic of you with one of the shorter girls here. That's always so cute!" Eun said, running up to Dmitri.
Dmitri looked at her, confused. "What is this fic of ship?" Dmitri asked.
Before Eun could answer Makoto started to groan in annoyance.
"Ugh! Your awful speech pattern makes my brain want to vomit! The rest of us can speak English. Why can't you? Right when I saw you, I knew you'd just be dumb muscle."
"Hey, I grew up with poor family, I could barely afford learning of English. Besides, that's not what matters. Is challenges that matter."
"Newsflash, beet head. Brute strength isn't gonna get you through this whole game. You need brains. Which nobody else here has! Especially you!"
Dmitri glared at Makoto and turned to Jafari.
"Hello. I am Dmitri." He said.
"Hey. I'm Jafari." Jafari replied "Yeah…."
"Emma, what do you think of that big guy? He seems coolio." Yotam said, bouncing up and down.
"He seems okay." Emma said to the boy. "It's that Makoto boy who just rubs me the wrong way. He's so rude to everyone."
"Yeah, he really is. Maybe he'll get his come up whatever soon."
"Here's hoping…"
Next to arrive was a tan-skinned girl. All that could be seen about her was that she was mid-height, wore a solid black hijab, and black shoes. She had a determined look on her face.
"Hello Sadaf. Welcome to Total Drama Nations!" Damian stated.
"What's up, Damian? It's great to be here. I can feel that million dollars in my hand already!" Sadaf replied in a confident manner.
"Wow, you're the first person to actually know who I am."
"Oh yeah. You know that failed sitcom you were in? It's all the rage back home in Iran."
"Oh really? Huh. That's pretty cool."
"What's up, everyone?" Sadaf greeted. "Who here is ready to lose?"
"Ooh! Ooh! I am!" Olivia yelled excitedly. "...Wait…"
"Glad to hear."
"Hm. She seems like she's got spunk." Hans said to Anna. "We could use her in our alliance."
"But she's got one of those things on her head. My pen pal Lisa says that people like that are nothing but trouble." Anna said, with a hint of concern.
"Well your pen pal Lisa is stupid. I'm inviting her."
Hans walked up to Sadaf and tapped her on the shoulder.
"What do you want?" Sadaf asked, snarkily.
"You wanna stay safe in this game, right? How about you join my alliance?"
"Tss! Like I'm gonna need your help to stay safe in this game, boy!" Sadaf hissed. "Besides, even when I do put an alliance together. It's gonna be with people that can actually do stuff. Not like your little string bean ass and that little pixie you're aligned with."
"You sure? Words like that could get you booted on the spot. I can save you."
"Yeah, trust me. I don't need your help."
"Fine. Your funeral, b****..." Hans groaned as Sadaf walked away.
"She's not helping us?"
"No. She's an idiot."
Olivia then ran up to Sadaf. "Hey there!" Olivia said to Sadaf. "Are you excited to explore Wawanakwa?!"
"Nah. What I am excited for is winning. So you better be ready. Oh wait, you already said you are." Sadaf boasted.
"You know, you're not very nice."
"Meh. Who said I was?"
Another contestant walked onto the dock. He was a chubby, dark-skinned young man with short brown hair and glasses. He wore a dark blue shirt, black shorts, along with black and white shoes.
"Hola, amigos! Andres is the name! Fun and games is my game! Ooh, there's a joke in there somewhere." The man said happily.
"Great to have you here, Andres." Damian greeted.
"Great to be here! Dang, it's a lot colder here than in Mexico. It's so cold, my teeth are chattering!" Andres said, pulling out a pair of wind-up teeth. His joke was responded with awkward chuckles, aggravated groans, and silence. "Hm. Tough crowd."
Andres walked over to the others.
"Hey, everybody!" He greeted.
"Hi! You're really funny! I haven't written a comedy based fic in a while. You're perfect for that!" Eun shouted.
"Well thanks" Andres then notices Débora and Jacob making out. "Hey, I've got a joke for you, two."
The two look up at Andres, as he quickly takes out a book and clears his throat.
"Hey have you ever done it while camping?" Andres asks, reading from the book. "I've heard it's f***ing 'in-tents'."
"Hey, that was pretty good." Jacob chuckled.
"I don't know about you, but that sounds pretty fun." Débora cooed as the two continued kissing.
A mid-height white girl was the next one on the dock. She had big, dark brown hair and wore a black ensemble of a long sleeved shirt, scarf, skirt, stockings, and shoes. She approached Damian with a very bored expression.
"Here's our 'giocatore italiano'! Say hello to Rosa!" Damian presented.
"Hi." Rosa said with a yawn. "What's up?"
"Not much. How do you feel about being on Total Drama, Rosa?"
"Eh, can't complain. I don't know. Pretty good. Whatever…"
Rosa walked over to the other contestants.
"Hey, what's wrong? You don't seem excited." Olivia said with a concerned tone.
"I don't know. I kinda am. A little bit. I guess." Rosa shrugged.
"Well, uh...That's the spirit!"
"Hey, you seem like the kind of girl who likes jewelry." Gloria said, approaching Rosa. "How would you like to buy some?"
Rosa took a look at the jewels, beads, and accessories Gloria had to offer.
"Hm...Nah, I'm good." Rosa said.
"You sure?" Gloria asked. "I could make you a great offer."
"Yeah, I'm fine. Whatevs. Thanks though."
"Anna! You see her?" Hans said to his alliance member, pointing to Rosa.
"Uh huh. What about her?" Anna questioned.
"Look how bored she looks. Bored people always wanna join alliances."
"Really?"
"For sure." Hans said as he walked up to Rosa, Anna following him. "Excuse me, miss. How would you like to join my alliance?"
"Nah. I'm good." Rosa replied.
"Huh? Why?"
"Eh, I don't really wanna take sides. Too much stress. Thanks anyways, though."
"...Alright. But if you change your mind, you can always find me."
"Sure, whatever." Rosa shrugged.
Hans walked back to Anna, frustrated. "Damn. What's with these people?"
"Did she wanna join?" Anna asked.
"No, but she'll come around. Sooner or later, she'll be begging to join us." Hans snickered.
"Here comes our Chinese contestant, Da!" Damian announced.
A short, skinny Asian boy walked onto the dock. He had short, spiky black hair and wore a green shirt, blue pants, and grey shoes.
"Hey Da. How do you feel about being on Total Drama?" Damian asked.
"Okay...I guess." The boy replied meekly.
"Oh hell no!" Makoto shouted. "You are not letting a spineless chinaman into this game! I thought you people were dumb enough already! Now you pull this s***?! Get out of here, chinaman!
"Y-yes sir!" Da stumbled as he headed for the already leaving speed boat, only to be stopped by Damian.
"Now, now. It'll be alright, dude. Just go over there with the others." Damian said calmly.
"O-okay…" Da slowly walked over to the others, only to be given a death glare by Makoto. Da looked way in a frightened manner.
"Okay." Hans said to Anna. "This guy has got to join our alliance!" Hans walked up to Da. "Hey kid. You're joining my alliance. Got it?"
"Okay. Wh-whatever you say!" Da shrieked.
Hans grinned maliciously. "Now, if you'll follow me." He turned, only to see that Da was gone.
Hans looked around and saw that Da was quickly taking money out of his wallet and giving it to Gloria.
"Pleasure doing business with you." Gloria grinned, taking the money and tossing a pair of shoes at Da.
"Hey! What are you doing? He's in MY alliance!" Hans barked.
"I wasn't doing that. I was just selling my valuable goods."
As Hans and Gloria began to argue, Emma came up to them.
"Now, now, you two. What you're doing isn't okay. You're taking advantage of this poor boy. He won't be joining any alliance. And I expect you give him his money back. Is that alright?"
The two looked at eachother, then Emma, then began to burst out laughing.
"Hey, hey. Can you please stop that? That isn't very nice."
As Emma was trying to negotiate with Hans and Gloria, Yotam pulled Da away from them.
"Hey, little buddy." Yotam said. "You should stay away from blondie and money hippo. They're no good. Emma said so."
"Alright. I can do that…" Da replied.
"I'm afraid those two may be a lost cause." Emma said, frustrated. "Listen, Da was it? You need to stay away from those two, okay? They're only going to use you. I'd recommend staying away from Makoto as well. Stick with Yotam and I and you'll be fine. By the way, I'm Emma. Nice to meet you." Emma said calmly, smiling.
"Y-yes ma'am….Nice to meet you.." Da mumbled, looking at the ground.
Next on the dock was a medium-height, tan skinned girl. She had light brown hair and wore a small red tanktop, golden earrings, red pants, and red sandals.
"Carmen! Welcome to Total Drama Nations!" Damian greeted.
"Hello, Damian." Carmen said with a grin. "I hope to represent my home country of Spain well in this competition. Along with showing everyone here how you're supposed to play this game."
Carmen walked along the dock, eyeing the other contestants.
"(Just keep to yourself. Figure out who's a threat, who's a throwaway, and who's a possible alliance member.)" Carmen thought to herself.
"Howdy!" Olivia shouted to Carmen. "Are you excited for this game?!"
"You bet I am." Carmen said, flashing a fake grin. "(Stay on her good side. Possible pawn.)"
Carmen continued to look around at the various contestants.
"(Let's see here…)" Carmen thought. She focused on Dmitri, Jafari, Olivia and Jacob, who was still kissing Débora."(They seem like obvious challenge threats, so if they're on my team, it would be good to get on their good side.)" She then turned her attention to Yotam, Emma, and Da. Then Hans and Anna. "(Hm. Two alliances already? Well that won't do at all. I'll have to wait for the rest of the competitors to show up and the teams are decided before I start alliance planning, though.)" Carmen focused her attention on Sadaf, who was arguing with Makoto. "(Hm...Those two seem fiery. I'll have to figure out how to use that.)" Carmen then generally looked around. "(Hm. The rest just seem like simple cannon fodder, maybe I should keep an eye on that kid with the tablet, though. Something doesn't seem right about him.)"
Abdi looked up from his tablet to see Carmen staring at him. Carmen quickly turned away.
"...Weirdo…" Abdi said, returning his attention to his tablet.
A medium-height, tan skinned boy walked onto the dock. He had brown hair, which was covered by a white keffiyeh, along with stubble and a beard on his face. He wore a white long sleeved shirt, beige pants with a grey belt and brown shoes. He looked around in a very nervous and uncertain manner.
"Welcome to Wawanakwa, Khalid!" Damian said. "How have you been liking Canada so far?"
"Well, uh...it's certainly colder than Saudi Arabia." Khalid replied.
"Right? I thought the people here were warm and friendly!" Andres said jokingly. He was met with silence.
"Uh...huh...By the way, your therapist told me about your 'condition'. Just be sure to keep your temper under control, okay?" Damian said, hushing his voice a bit.
"Well, I'll try. I don't know how successful I'll be, though…" Khalid replied with a semi-hopeless tone.
"That's the spirit! Now go stand over there with the others."
Khalid dragged his feet over to the others, looking away from them the entire time. Once he reached the crowd, he sunk into it and sat down on the dock. As he did so, he was approached by Eun.
"Hi! I'm Eun!" She said, beaming.
"Oh, uh...hi..Khalid." The boy replied.
"I heard Damian say that there's something wrong with you. What's wrong? Chronic nightmares? Tourettes? MPD, like Mike? Ooh, that'd be interesting! I've written fan fiction about every single one of Mike's personalities! So do you have MPD?"
"No. But I'd rather not talk about it."
"Aw, why not?"
"It's embarrassing…"
"C'mon, please?"
"No." Khalid's voice started to take on a stern tone.
"Pleeeease?"
"No!"
"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"
"I SAID NO, DAMMIT!" Khalid snapped, getting up and storming away from Eun. He sat on the edge of the dock, grinding his teeth in rage. Suddenly, he was approached by Emma, Yotam, and Da.
"Hey, are you okay? You wanna talk about it? Emma asked, concerned.
"If you three aren't way from me in five seconds, I'll bash your freaking skulls in!" Khalid barked at the three, mainly at Emma. The girl and the two boys left. Khalid soon put his face in his palms, on the verge of tears.
"(Hm. He seems unpredictable with that temper of his. I'll have to look into him more.)" Carmen thought to herself.
Next to arrive was a short white girl. She had orange hair with a streak of blue dyed in the front and wore big round glasses. She wore a brown shirt, denim jacket, blue pants with a belt, and blue shoes.
"From jolly ol' England, say hello to Lacey!" Damian presented.
"Hello, Damian." Lacey smiled. "I wouldn't say jolly. Most people from England are pretty rotten. Maybe it's a reverberation of the crash of the British Empire's vast amount of colonies throughout the centuries."
"You seem to love history."
"I do. I just hope the subject comes up fairly often throughout the game. I'd love to educate the audience at home. Plus, you know, it would help me get farther." Lacey chuckled, walking over to the others.
"Hello, everyone." Lacey said with a smile.
She was met with scowls, waves, and a few "hello"s back.
"Hey, you said you like history, right?" Andres said.
"Indeed."
"I've got a great line up of history jokes, if you'd wanna hear one."
"Sure. Let's hear one."
Andres took out his joke book and began reading from it. "How was the Roman Empire cut in half? With a pair of Caesars!"
"That was pretty good." Lacey giggled. "The Roman Empire has always been an interesting subject to me. But my strongest suit is the European Renaissance."
"I have to happen a have a whole assortment of old artifacts from back home Portugal." Gloria stated, pushing Andres out of the way. She showed Lacey the various jewels she had on her person. "So...interested?"
"Hm...Well, you're wrong about the old part. All of these pieces of jewelry look like they've been made in the past 20 years. Very modern." Lacey stated. She then noticed a glimmering golden ring."But this ring is just delightful! How much?"
"Since I'm feeling generous. How about...70 pounds."
"Hm. A bit steep, but seems reasonable. You've got a deal.:
Lacey took out some money, gave the bills to Gloria, who in return gave her the ring.
"Thank you very much." The bespectacled girl smiled.
"My pleasure. Gloria grinned.
"Next, from Turkey. We have Mustafa!" Damian announced.
A tall, built, tan-skinned man walked onto the dock. He had neat black hair, along with a mustache and goatee. He wore a greyish brown shirt, blue pants, and brown boots. He also seemed to have multiple hilts and holders on his person.
"Hello, new host!" The man said happily.
"Hey Mustafa. So I see you've got a lot of weapons on you. You plan to use those for...well, non-painful reasons, correct?"
"Of course. I may not even use these. I just love weapons. From guns, to knives, to swords. Like this" Mustafa took a sword out of the sheath strapped to his back. "16th century Italian Schianova basket-hilted broadsword! You see, it became popular for military use-"
"During the 17th century. Many armies who traded with Italy found them as a great weapon for heavy cavalry. They were also a popular weapon choice among nobles and wealthy civilians." Lacey added.
"That's right!" Mustafa exclaimed. "You know about weapons, too?"
"Not specifically weapons, but I know a considerable amount of history. And that includes wars and old military strategies."
"Like the Blitzkrieg strategy used by Germany in World War 2? The use of those war planes was phenomenal from a military standpoint!"
"Exactly. Germany may have done terrible things during that era, but they sure had will!"
"For sure. By the way, I'm Mustafa."
"Lacey. I'm Lacey."
Mustafa smiled warmly, Lacey started to blush slightly.
"You said you like weapons, right? Well I just so happen to have an authentic Turkish dagger for sale!" Gloria said, barging her way in between the two and pulling out the large, curved knife. Mustafa took the dagger and examined it.
"Yeah, no. This is a fake. I'm not gonna buy this."
"What? Why not?"
"The design is all off. And you claim this is a dagger, but it looks more like a machete. This is obviously a knockoff made in China or the Phillipines or something. I'm sorry. I'm not gonna buy this." Mustafa handed Gloria the knife back and turned back to Lacey.
"Ooh, you know who else has great for a good chunk of history?"
"Who?" Lacey asked.
"The Ottomans. They had fantastic military weapons."
"I love the Ottoman Empire!"
As the two continued to talk, the camera turned back to Damian.
"Hm? OH! Next, from France, we have Clara!" Damian said as a short white girl walked onto the dock. She had longish brown hair and wore a purple hoodie, greyish purple shorts, red shoes, and a maroon headband.
"Bonjour, Damian." Clara said. "I trust we'll be having plenty of physical challenges this season?"
"Eh, probably. Chef and I still need to figure out the last few challenges." Damian shrugged.
"I see…" Clara walked over to the other contestants, when she noticed Gloria trying to sell a hammer to Andres. "Hey! You two!" She shouted at the two.
Both Andres and Gloria turned to her.
"Yeah?" Gloria asked, annoyed.
"I want both of you to drop and give me 20, right now! I'm gonna trim the fat on this show to make it to the top! And I mean that both metaphorically and literally. So I'm gonna start with you two fatties! Now drop! 20 pushups!"
"Hm. I do seem to come up with the funniest jokes while exercising. I guess that's why I've been booed off stage so often!" Andres chuckled.
"Fine, I'll do your stupid pushups. If I receive payment. You can't get something for nothing, you know." Gloria snickered.
"Do either of you think I'm joking? Get your fat asses on the dock and start giving me pushups! NOW!"
Andres flinched and started struggling to do pushups. Gloria stood there, glaring at Clara. Soon, Andres collapsed, exhausted.
"Both of you make me sick! I'm not helping you when your cardiac arrests kick in, you bloated pieces of s***!" Clara snapped. Gloria then took out the hammer she had on her and prepared to toss it at Clara, but her arm was caught before she could do so. She turned to see Jafari clutching her arm.
"I don't think that's the best option. Maybe you should be the bigger person here." He said calmly. Gloria snarled and angrily threw the hammer behind her. It landed right in front of Abdi.
"Hey! Watch it, b****! You almost broke my tablet!" Abdi shouted.
"Next, from Jamaica, we have Isaiah!" Damian said.
A tall, muscular, black man stepped onto the dock. He had dark brown dreadlocks and a soul patch. He wore a black muscle shirt, red shorts, and black running shoes.
"To be honest, man." The man said. "You shoulda made us have to swim here. Hard work like that pays off, big time. Alright! I'm Isaiah! Who here is ready to work hard."
He was met with Olivia and Clara cheering.
"Yeah! Adventure!" Olivia shouted.
"Now here's someone who knows what I'm talking about!" Clara said, triumphantly.
"Well they get it." Isaiah said. "I guess the rest of you will hafta be taught the hard way! Trust me, hard work is key!"
"Tss, like that'll do you any good." Sadaf sneered.
"What was that?"
"You can be as hotheaded and determined as you want, but need to got to have a good head on your shoulders, too. Sure seems like you don't."
As Isaiah was about to snap at Sadaf, another camper walked onto the dock.
"Here we have our final contestant! From Ghana, here's Thema!" Damian presented.
A tall black girl stomped onto the dock. She had dark brown hair in a buzz cut and wore a green cargo shirt, black shorts and combat boots. She looked very displeased.
"Hey, Thema. Welcome to-GAH!" Damian said, before being punched in the stomach by Thema. The girl stormed over to the others.
"Let's get one thing settled. I want all of you to stay away from me! No questions asked, just keep your f***ing distance! Got it?!"
"Just who the hell do you think you are?" Sadaf shouted back.
"I think I'm the one who's gonna kick your ass if you don't just your mouth!"
"Oh yeah? Bring it then." Sadaf spat.
"She's scary…" Da said to Yotam and Emma.
"Hang on, I'll try to fix this." Emma said, walking up to the two girls. "Now, now girls. I'm sure there's a civil way we can handle this issue. We don't need to resort to violence."
"SHUT UP!" Both girls screamed.
"HEY! That's enough." Damian shouted. The two girls glared at each other and Emma walked back over to Yotam and Da. "That's better. Now if you'll all follow me, we'll get the explanations out of the way and move on to your first challenge."
Damian and the 24 contestants headed to the campfire area.
"Here, as usual. Is where we will be holding elimination ceremonies." Damian stated. "If your team loses, your team will be sent here that night and you'll have to vote one of your fellow players off.
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Damian: And remember. The outhouse confessional is always open if you want to tell the audience something or simply blow off some steam."
-|-|-|- End Confessional-|-|-|-
"Oh, and speaking of teams. Chef?"
A large, muscular black man in a chef's uniform walked over to Damian.
"Yeah?" The man asked in a gruff voice.
"Mr. Hatchet, could you please go get the team banners?" Damian asked.
"Sure. Damn, you're already nicer than Chris."
Chef left the area and soon came back with two rolled up banners. One red, one blue.
"Now then. Abdi, Anna, Clara, Da, Dmitri, Emma, Eun, Hans, Khalid, Makoto, Olivia, and Rosa. Please stand over there." Damian said, pointing to the left.
The 12 campers walked over to the left-hand side of Damian.
"You guys are now officially…" Chef tossed the red banner to Dmitri, it unfurled to reveal a land mass sigil. "The Majestic Mesopotamia!"
The announcement was met with cheers, groans, and silence.
"Okay. Andres, Carmen, Débora, Gloria, Isaiah, Jacob, Jafari, Lacey, Mustafa, Sadaf, Thema, and Yotam. Please stand over there." Damian said, this time pointing to his right.
The other 12 campers walked over to the right-hand side of Damian.
"And you guys are…" Chef tossed the blue banner to Carmen, it unfurled to reveal a river sigil. "The Noble Nile!"
The announcement was met with the same reaction as the other team.
"Now, before we start our first challenge, how about you all give our audience a message via confessional?"
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Abdi: Heh, seems like I've got this. I can hack into just about any device on this island. Even the cameras. (Adbi taps on tablet and the cameras view becoming vertically mirrored) This game is so mine.
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Andres: A lot of people here don't seem too eager for jokes. Hopefully I'll be able to change that. I'm bringing the comedy this season! And who knows, maybe it will take me far. It worked for Owen, didn't it?
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Anna: So I guess I'm on a tv show, now. And I'm working with Hans. He seems nice, though. I hope I can win that admiration like he said!
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Carmen: Alright. My team seems decent. Hopefully I can form an alliance soon, Alliances is a major strategic point in this game. And I plan to win with strategy and strategy alone.
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Clara: Well, s***. Both of the tubbos are on the other team. Oh well, I'm sure the Jamaican guy will whip them into shape. I'll focus on making sure my team doesn't slack off.
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Da: Well, I'm just gonna lay low and do what others say. Maybe I won't be seen as a target.
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Débora: Well, I see plenty of hot guys here. Especially that American boy. Damn, he can kiss. I wonder if he's good with kissing more than one pair of lips. Hehe.
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Dmitri: I will try and carry team all the way to merge. Then, I will just get lots of immunity and win. Is that simple.
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Emma: While it's unfortunate that I'm not on the same team as Yotam, I'm thankful that I'm with Da. The poor boy needs help. I just hope I can be the one that gives him that help. Along with being a civil source of morality in this game. It doesn't seem like most of these players are all that nice.
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Eun: Ooooh! I'm so excited! I can't wait to get started on my fanfics! I've already started planning for one with those two blonde kids! It's gonna be so cute!
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Gloria: Hehehe. I've already made over a hundred euros. These guys may not be as big of sheep as I thought. But I'm sure they'll all be tossing me their cash soon enough.
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Hans: This is great. I've already got an alliance going. The dumbest and most spineless contestant are both voting with me. I'll just have to get that ginger girl out of the way. But that should be easy. See, this is why I plan on switching my schemes up. This game is practically mine, already!
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Isaiah: I plan on working my team as hard as possible. Hard work is the only way to prosper. For example, my uncle was the standard Jamaican stereotype. He'd sit around all day smoking weed. Then, he moved up to heavier drugs, which lead to fights with his dealer. Do you know what the last thing that lazy pitiful man ate was? Jerked lead.
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Jacob: First day and I've already hooked up with a hot chick! I'm so gonna be everyone's favorite contestant. And just watch. Every girl in this game is gonna want some of this! (Jacob starts flexing)
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Jafari: This whole cast seems a little...odd. I mean, the only ones that I could probably even talk to are Eun and Abdi. But they're both on the other team. Idunno. I guess I'll have to use my athleticism and book-smarts and just play the game for right now. I'm sure I'll make a friend, eventually.
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Khalid: F***! (Khalid starts sobbing) I already let my temper get the best of me! I should just give up right now…(Khalid forcefully kicks the wall in frustration)
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Lacey: Well, I have hopes that my knowledge will takeme far in this game. I'm also pretty glad I'm on the same team as Mustafa. He seems nice. I feel like we have a lot in common. (Lacey starts blushing)
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Makoto: UGH! Of course I had to put on the same team as the f***ing Chinaman! Whatever, he'll be the first one gone, that's for damn sure! After that, I'll just take out these other ignoramuses. One. By. One!
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Mustafa: I can already tell this game is gonna be fun. To be honest, I'm surprised that I'm allowed to use my weapons. Then again, I've seen knives, lighters, and num-yos be used before. I'm just glad I get to keep talking to Lacey. Seems like her and I share some similar interests.
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Olivia: YEAH! I'm so ready go exploring Wawanakwa! This is gonna be GREAT!
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Rosa: Hm. Idunno. I'm sure I could probably win. If not, whatever.
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Sadaf: Of course I'm on the same team as that African b****... Although, I think I should probably make things cool with the Jamaican guy, though. He seems like the kind of guy that would make it far in this game. Maybe I could form an alliance with him.
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Thema: Ugh...I will make sure that everyone on my f***ing team knows how much I hate them! Especially that sassy b*** in the hijab! Trust me, I'm gonna power through all of these fools and come out on top!
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Yotam: Aw man. Emma and I aren't on the same team. Oh well, I'll make more friends. And besides, with Emma's niceness and my...thingamajigness, I'm positive we'll both make the merge! YEAH! Tattle Dram!
-|-|-|-End Confessional-|-|-|-
"And there you have our 24 new contestants." Damian said. "What will be the first challenge I have in store for them? Will our teams get along? Or just argue like brats, like they do every season? And who will be the first one voted off? Find out next time on Total. Drama. Nations!