Love and hate are very cruel emotions. However, only one is more painful than the other.
LOVE.
Love consumes you. Love enslaves you. Love can burn you. Love can kill you. Yet, for the one we hold closest to our hearts, we overlook these facts and skip straight to the blindness. We allow ourselves to get wrapped up in our fantasies that we create, only to deter away from our common sense. Once you fall, you fall hard. You crash and burn, leaving endless pain and confused turmoil.
Hate is real though. Hate is truth and honesty of ones' self. Hate shows us how people really are, and how messed up we allowed ourselves to become. Hate is the clarity we give ourselves when dealing with inner desires. Hate may be cruel, but it is better than love.
Loving someone with everything you could possibly have, to ending up hating them in seconds, is something that nobody ever wants to deal with. You agonize over what went wrong, or how you failed. Eventually, your love fades away to hate, forcing us to think the worst from then on. We no longer trust such an emotion, and even go as far as avoiding it. We promise to never feel it again.
However, when that person comes back into your life, and you had already pushed love away, what do you do? Do you fight hate? Do you fight love?
Neither.
You push them both away, and allow yourself to think freely and decide. We slowly push them away, and work our way up to bringing one back.
So, when he came back into my life after 10 years, and when I had constantly pushed him away due to hatred...I stopped. Once I forced every feeling away, and focused solely on him, little by little did I fight hatred and welcome love. It was long and painful, almost tiring and not worth the effort, but as I look back and remember the day I finally said "I Love You", I realize that hatred, only covers up the light that is waiting for you.