Gone But Not Forgotten
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI: NY, Mac Taylor, Claire Conrad Taylor, Peyton Driscoll or Ground Zero. Nor do I own any other characters mentioned in this story. No copyright infringement intended here; I'm just following the muse and not making any money for it.
A/N: On this sixth anniversary of September 11th, many people are still, and forever, profoundly affected by the horrible terrorist attacks of that day. I am no different. This story is dedicated to all those that were affected directly, or indirectly by that horrible day that is forever burned into our hearts and memories. September 11, 2001. We will never forget. We will never forget where we were when we got the news. We will never forget the horror of realizing we were being terrorized. We will never forget the loving spirit and brotherhood of New Yorkers and Americans and, the world over.
A/N 2: I would like to give an extra special thanks to DKM for the beta on this! I know this is a touchy subject for a lot of people, and I really thank her for believing in this idea as being worthwhile to write, from it's conception, to it's birth! Thanks chica!
Six years. It had already been six years, and Mac Taylor could remember that beautiful September morning, just as clearly as he recalled the way to work. The day started off innocently enough. He kissed his wife of five years, Claire, goodbye and headed off to his office at the New York Crime Lab, while Claire headed off to her job at The World Trade Center.
"If only I had known; I would have awoken earlier to watch you sleep." Mac spoke softly to the picture in his hand as he stood at the fence surrounding Ground Zero. He smiled at the memories of waking up before Claire, just so he could watch her sleep.
"Sweetheart, I'm leaving!" He called from the foyer.
Coming out of the kitchen, dressed in her blue 'power suit' as she liked to call it, Claire confidently strutted up to her husband and adjusted his tie, before smoothing the lapels of his jacket and kissing him.
"Be careful today, honey! Remember, it's not up to you to save the world." She said, following the routine that she'd done every morning of their marriage.
"I will and I know. It may not be up to me, but it never hurts to make a difference, does it?" he replied grinning at his wife.
"You always make a difference."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
And with one final kiss, he was out the door. Little did he know that in just a few short hours, his life would never be the same.
"I still remember that day you know." Mac continued talking to the picture, oblivious to the other mourners and spectators around him. "You looked so great in your suit, with you hair pulled back, and those gold earrings I got you for your birthday. I forgot to tell you how beautiful you looked that day. I'm sorry. I was planning on calling you and asking you on a lunch date when I heard the news. I even remember the look on Stella's face when she said it and the tone of her voice." He explained, heading off into another reverie.
Mac was in his office going over the numerous reports that littered his desk, when his friend and co-worker, Stella Bonasera, ran into his office.
"A plane just hit the one of the Towers!" She said in one breath, with barely controlled panic.
"What? Which tower?"
"Tower A."
"Claire works in Tower B. I better call her and see what's going on."
With that, Mac flipped his cell phone open, and speed dialed his wife's number.
"Mac?" She sounded scared.
"Claire? Honey, are you okay? What's happening over there?"
"I…I'm okay. A plane hit the other building. The P.A. systems are telling us not to leave the building…that everything is under control. I'm not so sure."
"Okay, listen to me. Ignore the P.A. system and get out of there if you feel like you need to, okay?"
"Okay. People are saying it was a big plane, Mac. A jetliner, not one of those little commuter deals."
"That doesn't sound right. Jetliners have specific flight plans, air traffic controllers telling them where they need to go at what altitude. An air traffic controller wouldn't steer a jet into a building. You need to get out of there and get to a safe place. Okay?" He stated as calmly as possible, though his heart was racing like a thoroughbred's gallop.
"I'm going to hang up now. I'll call you back when I get outside."
"No! Claire, I need you to stay on the phone with me, tell me what's happening. Don't hang up."
"Honey, I'll be fine. I'm on the 78th floor. Other people are starting to go down the stairs as a precaution, so I won't be alone. I'll call you back soon. I love you."
"Be careful, and call me as soon as you get outside. I love you too."
With that, the line went dead. Mac Taylor had just talked to his wife for the last time.
"If I'd only known that would be the last time I talked to you Claire, I swear, I never would have let you hang up and die alone! I hope you know that. You were the most important thing in my life, and I would give anything to change that day, but I can't. What is, is. There are so many things I never got to tell you. So many experiences we never got to have. Gosh, I wish I could have had more time with you. We had our whole lives ahead of us, and then just like that, in the blink of an eye, it was all gone. You were gone, and I had to find a way to move on and keep living. As much as I wanted to give up, and just hide from the world, I had so many other people that depended on me. And that depend on me now. Stella, Danny, Aiden, Flack and you. I still had a duty to you, and I still have a duty to you." The tears were rolling down his cheeks in earnest now, as he kept talking.
As soon as the call disconnected, Mac looked up at Stella, both their faces ashen.
"Is she…?" The question hung in the air.
"She's heading outside. She says she'll call me as soon as she gets outside. She said there's already talk of it being a jetliner that hit the building and not a small plane."
"I think she's right. What the T.V. showed looked too severe to be a commuter or Cessna."
"Where is everyone?" He asked, concern for his team automatically kicking in.
"Everyone is here and accounted for. They're all in the break room keeping tabs on the news. Do you want to…"
"Yeah, let's gather with everyone else."
A few minutes later, Mac and Stella walked into the break room where Mac took a seat next to Dr. Sheldon Hawkes.
"Claire?" Sheldon asked immediately.
"I just talked to her. She's in the south tower and evacuating right now."
"She'll be fine." Danny spoke up, trying to remain optimistic, despite the sinking feeling in his stomach.
While everyone watched the television in silence for a few more minutes, out of no where, a second plane appeared, and quickly exploded into a fireball, in the south tower.
"I just knew. The plane hit the tower, and I knew you were dead. I tried to keep it together until I could be alone, and that's when it hit me. You were dead, Claire, and I would never get to see you again. No more walks in Central Park. I would never watch you sleep again. I would never hear you hum in the shower in the morning. All that was gone. All I had left, was your possessions and hope that we'd find your body." He still talked as his tears slowed.
"We never did find your body; but I like to think that you're everywhere. In the trees, the air, the noise of the city, sounds of children playing on the playground. Even though we never found you, you're still everywhere."
Mac stopped to gather his thoughts, when he saw a familiar face from a couple hundred yards away watching him. Smiling at him. Respecting his need for the time and privacy to say what he needed. It was her face; the face of his future.
"It took a really long time Claire, but things have started to move forward again. It's been going on around me the whole time, but then one of our M.E.'s said that life either goes on while you watch, or it goes on with you. Things at the lab have changed quite a bit since you were last there. Take that M.E. for example. His name is Sid Hammerback. He's pretty quirky, and sometimes just down right weird, but he does make a good point every now and then. He's not the only change at the lab. We have a new building now. Sheldon Hawkes is now a field investigator instead of an M.E. and Aiden, well, Aiden…she's not with us anymore. See, two years ago, I had to fire her in the best interest of the lab; and eight months later, she was killed by a suspect she had been investigating. We all still miss her. But the girl that took her position, she's great. Her name is Lindsay Monroe. She's from Montana. And guess what? She and Danny are together now."
"Oh, and Reed. Your son Claire. I met him this past year. Really a great kid. He reminds me of you. You'd be proud of him. College student and everything."
Mac took a deep breath, and looked back at the smiling face, before continuing to talk to the picture.
"But the biggest change has to be Peyton Driscoll. She's our other M.E. We've been together for a year now, and I think I love her. I know you'd want me to go on with my life and live it to the fullest. Remember that one day Claire? It was the day that I had said I was tired from my week and wanted to stay in bed all weekend and sleep. You told me that when we're born, the only certainty we get in life, is that we're going to die. We don't know when. We don't know how. We know it's going to happen though, so while we have the time, we need to make the most of it. Time is the most precious thing we have. You taught me that. Time to live, and time to love. That's why I'm telling you about her. Like I said, before, I think I love her…no, scratch that, I know I love her, and it's time for me to move on."
Taking a deep breath, Mac continued to reconcile the past and prepare to face his future, head on.
"I'll still come back and visit you. You'll always be right here." He said tapping the area over his heart. "Before I go, I want to thank you Claire. You showed me how to love, and that life is such a precious gift, not to be taken for granted. I need to go now, but I just want to say, I love you, and I'll see you soon. I love you, Claire Conrad Taylor."
Finally having reconciled his past, Mac walked towards the woman that was to be his future, the smile on her face causing one to erupt on his own.
"Hey," Peyton greeted softly as Mac took her hand.
"Hey. You ready?"
"Yeah. You okay?"
"I am. I'm ready to move forward with my life."
"I'm glad to hear that." She said, placing a kiss on his cheek.
"It's such a nice day out, why don't we go for a walk?" Mac proposed, much to Peyton's surprise.
"That sounds like a lovely idea!"
Hand-in-hand, Mac and Peyton walked away from Ground Zero, the past, and towards their future…together. Claire would remain in a special place in Mac's heart, but with her there, he knew that, no matter what, he wasn't moving forward alone.
The End